


Heart of Gold

by ssa_rtune



Category: Rizzoli & Isles
Genre: Drama & Romance, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-30
Updated: 2014-06-30
Packaged: 2018-02-06 20:30:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 42
Words: 152,219
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1871430
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ssa_rtune/pseuds/ssa_rtune
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Heart of Gold<br/>By: ssa-rtune</p><p>Relationships, whether with family, friends, or lovers - need trust. Security. Most of all, love. Sometimes life throws out a tragedy that threatens even the strongest person, but within that tragedy, you can also find love and a future. </p><p>Eventual Rizzles.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter one

**Author's Note:**

> This is another story I first posted on Fanfiction Net. Again, due to the decision to not allow any kind of downloads on stories over there - I am posting this across to here to allow people that option should they like to read it offline.  
> This is a complete story and will be posted as I get time.  
> Any mistakes are mine. They always seem to creep in, pesky little blighters. 
> 
> Disclaimer:Tess G, TNT, Warner and a whole host of others own the rights. I am a mere poor fan, who is using this opportunity to have a little fun using their characters. I make no claim on them... so please, don't sue me (apart from anything I'm flat broke), but allow me to have my fun. Pretty please? Thank you!
> 
> I’d also like to take this chance to thank Honorcpt who has helped beta this, and since I’m a Brit - give advice on some US stuff that otherwise would have been guesswork (and lots of use of google) on my part. It’s also allowed me to pitch some ideas back and forth - Thanks darlin’ - you’ve made writing a whole lot more stress free for me.

Heart of gold.

 

**Chapter one**

It was a glimpse in her peripheral vision of a vehicle that first alerted Jane something was wrong, but in the split second her brain took to process the information, it was assaulted with the sound and movement of it hitting her own car. Jane had automatically turned the steering wheel to try and put her own car in a controlled skid, in a desperate attempt to stop the collision, but it was useless. Her unmarked police cruiser was no match for the large SUV that had cannoned into the passenger side. It was flipped over in seconds, like a matchstick would have been tossed around at sea, and then spun around on its roof; part of the A frame giving way crumpling in towards her head, sliding along the asphalt road surface for what seemed an inordinate amount of time.

The ripping sound of metal on metal or metal on the road had only been disturbed by the noise as airbags went off around her, hitting her in the face with a ferocity that surprised Jane. She immediately felt blood coming from her nose, and she wondered if it was broken.

As the movement of the car slowed, the momentum stopped as the car finally came to rest against the curb, Jane could then also feel the seat belt cutting in to her torso and shoulder as it effectively held her upside down. The car still swung like a pendulum, tipping back and forth, but eventually, the swaying stopped and Jane fought back the bile that had hit the back of her throat. Dust and debris swirled around her, making her eyes smart, and hitting the back of her throat mixing with the bile she’d only just fought down, making her want to gag; somehow she managed to avoid the mortification of throwing up and her stomach finally seemed to settle.

It was then she could smell the gasoline. That in itself wouldn’t have panicked her, but combined with the smell of burning that it mingled with was enough for her to fumble with her seat belt release mechanism. She’d been a cop long enough to see what any kind of spark and gasoline mixing in an auto accident could do to a person.

She looked to her right, and saw the woman in passenger seat was out cold, long blond hair fanning out, blocking her face, and there was no way Jane could help unless she got out of the car herself. Finally, her fumbling fingers found the release button on her belt, and bracing out with one arm so she didn’t fall since she was suspended, she pressed down.

The belt gave way, and despite a jolt that seemed to send her body into painful spasms, she was pleased that she’d managed that much. She was able to roll across on to her side, hissing in more pain as it pulled on her ribs. She knew from experience that she’d most likely cracked a couple.

Looking around, she tried to see if she could open her door, but it was mangled so badly, there was no way she was getting out that route. She twisted around again, and bracing against the seat as best she could, she began to kick out the windshield, which she noticed was partly damaged already by the roof collapse, so she hoped was weakened. It held for what seemed like an eternity, but finally gave way, popping out onto the wrecked metal and road. Jane was then aware of people milling around the vehicle, but no-one seemed as if they were going to approach and help.

She also began to hear other noise around her, but it all seemed distant, muffled as if her brain had suddenly switched her ears back on as if they were speakers, but they weren’t tuned in correctly and were picking up static.

“We need help here.” Jane’s voice sounded weak even to her, and it was the first time she realized there was blood streaming down her face and in to her eyes from some kind of head wound. Using her jacket sleeve, she wiped what she could away. Still people seemed rooted to whatever spot they were standing in, not moving forward to help. Jane finally pulled herself out of the car, catching herself on shards of metal and glass as she went but not caring. As she fell down on to the ground, jarring knees and the palms of her hands, she tried to stand up, determined to help the woman in the front passenger seat who was still unconscious.

It seemed as if every bone, every muscle cried out in protest as she attempted to straighten her legs and her knees gave way. Her collapsing a second time outside the vehicle seemed to prompt some people to come forward, and she heard a voice somewhere close to her.

“Hey, are you all right? Listen, help’s on the way.”

Jane heard the words, and wanted to answer, but before she could, darkness swept over her. Her last thought was she wasn’t sure if it was welcomed or not.

* * *

 

Maura came rushing in to the emergency room waiting area, for once looking flustered. Korsak was already there, and she ran right to him.

“What’s happening? Why wouldn’t you talk to me over the phone other than to tell me Jane had been in a car accident.” Maura demanded to know, looking agitated. “Is Jane all right? I heard over the scanner her car was totaled and it was amazing anyone got out.”

Putting his hands out to calm the distraught woman, Korsak took a deep breath. “Jane should be fine. I’m waiting to hear from the doctors attending her. She’s got some cuts and bruises, and a concussion, but it all looks okay. Yeah, she’s banged up, but it could be a lot worse....” Korsak lowered his voice. “Sue...she wasn’t as lucky. 

Maura looked at Korsak confused. “Sue? Who’s Sue?”

Korsak looked horrified at the question. “You didn’t know.” was all he could say.

“Didn’t know what Vince?” Maura was looking increasingly upset. “Who’s Sue?”

“Shit. Doc, I thought you knew, being Jane’s best friend an’ all.” Korsak ran a hand through his hair, and with his other hand, grabbed Maura and pulled them over to some hard plastic chairs, pushing Maura down in to one, as he sat down in the other.

“For goodness sake Vince, who is Sue?” Maura was getting annoyed at having to repeat the question. “Surely it can’t be that hard to give me an answer.” she added.

“Jane’s girlfriend.” Vince finally spoke up, quietly.

“What?” Maura wasn’t sure if she’d heard correctly. Surely Korsak was talking about a friend, just as she was, even though Maura knew that thought was illogical when she compared it to the information, however sparse, that Vince had given her.

“Sue..... She and Jane, they’ve been seeing each other for a while now. God Doc, if I knew she hadn’t told you......” Korsak’s voice trailed off.

Still trying to make sense of what was being said, Maura then picked up Korsak hadn’t said how Sue was, except to infer it wasn’t good. “You said Sue hadn’t been as lucky as Jane. What did you mean?”

“Crap. This is gonna kill Jane.....” Korsak looked right at Maura, and she could see the lightest of tears in his eyes. “Sue was DOA. They couldn’t save her.”

“Oh.” Maura sat back, shocked not only about finding out Jane had been in a relationship, but also in one Maura had no inkling about her. To add to the mix, to find out Sue hadn’t made it, Maura knew Jane would be devastated.

“Does Jane know?” Maura questioned.

“No. I was hoping you could tell her....” Korsak looked apologetic. “That was until I found out you didn’t know about them. I can’t expect you to......”

Maura put a hand out and clasped Korsak’s arm. “I’ll let Jane know.” she said softly, wanting to be there for Jane when the news was given to her.

Korsak let out a breath he didn’t even realize he’d been holding in. “Thank you. You don’t have to do this, but I appreciate you offering. I really do.” His face mirrored his words of appreciation.

“I’ll ask to do the autopsy as well.” Maura added as an afterthought. “I know Jane wouldn’t want a stranger doing it.”

Korsak smiled, amazed at the way Maura could offer to do something like that, despite the circumstances. “Jane will appreciate it. Thanks Doc.”

“It’s the least I can do.” Maura replied, almost in a whisper. They’re attention was brought sharply back to what had happened as a doctor walked in to the waiting room, calling out Jane’s name. They both stood up quickly and walked towards him.

“Jane Rizzoli’s family.” He queried.

“Friends, her family are on the way, but they will be some time since they were out of state.” Maura explained quickly, “But I’m named as her advanced directive.”

The doctor nodded and Korsak didn’t look surprised to hear Maura saying she was Jane’s advanced directive. Korsak knew after the shooting at the precinct, that Jane afterwards had asked Maura, knowing she could make the right choices over her medical care, should, god forbid, the need ever arise again. The doctor looked down at his notes before looking back at them both.

“Although we don’t need permission on treatments as yet, since you’re her advanced directive, I’ll allow you some information in the unlikely case her condition changes. Jane is currently under sedation so we could do a scan of her head injury. She appears to be fine, and has had a grade two concussion. Her other injuries are lacerations, some in her torso and leg requiring stitches, and plenty of bruising, some pretty deep in the tissue and bone, although I don’t envisage it causing any problem. She has a couple of fractured ribs, but they are small and cleanly broken, so should heal with minimal problems. I will allow one visitor for now until her own family arrive since I feel in this instance it’ll be beneficial for her to have someone she knows with her.”

Korsak looked at Maura and gave her a slight nudge. “You should go see her Doc. I’ll wait here for Angela, Tommy and Frankie.”

“Of course, they were in New York visiting relatives.” Maura said, unsure if Korsak knew that titbit of information. “Thank you Vince, and I’ll see you soon.”

The doctor nodded towards them both, and without another word, led Maura through some doors and to a room where Jane was lying. Maura gave him a quiet thank you before pushing the room door open and walking in slowly.

Maura approached the bed, and although it didn’t appear like it to the outsider, Maura could see immediately that Jane was awake. She moved in closer, not wanting to touch, for fear of making Jane jump. Once she was sure Jane knew she was close, Maura put a hand out and rested it on Jane’s closest shoulder, offering silent support. She could feel the tension of Jane’s muscles underneath her fingertips and to know Jane was so tightly wound up was something that worried Maura. Suddenly, Jane spoke up, her voice lower and raspier than usual.

“Sue?” Was all Jane asked, as her eyes darted to the side, so she could see Maura properly, her eyes bloodshot caused by irritation from the powder emitted from the airbag, even though they had rinsed her eyes out. She didn’t need to hear the words, knowing by the look Maura gave meant devastating news.

“She was dead on arrival.” Maura said softly, needing to be sure Jane was under no misconceptions. “I’m so sorry.”

Without realizing it, Maura’s hand moved and brushed some hair away from Jane’s cheek, very aware of the cuts, grazes and bruising that was there. The tender touch was all that was needed for it to break through Jane’s defenses, and the tears began, before it turned in to racking sobbing.

By that point, Maura had moved in closer and pulled Jane as carefully as she dared so she could offer support in the form of a hug, resting Jane’s head against her shoulder; keenly aware of Jane’s injuries so Maura was twisting uncomfortably, but Jane wouldn’t be. While it was an awkward position for Maura to be in, her primary focus was on helping Jane with the agony of losing a friend. She whispered heartfelt assurances, unsure if they were penetrating Jane’s consciousness or not, but it seemed to be helping as slowly Jane’s sobs turned to sniffles.

Eventually, Jane pulled away, wiping what remained of the tears from her face, her sinuses feeling sore and her eyes red and swollen accentuating the bruising that was beginning to show. She took the tissues that Maura pulled out of the purse she’d arrived with with a slight nod of thanks, winching slightly as she blew her nose, which had been broken and reset.

“I’ll be doing her autopsy.” Maura said after a few minutes allowing Jane to compose herself. Jane looked surprised.

“But you didn’t know her.” Jane then said, sounding guilty over the admission.

“I might not have known her Jane, but she was important to you, so I don’t want a stranger doing this. I’m not on call tonight, but I’ll go in and do it as soon as I can so you can have answers as quickly as possible.”

“Thank you.” The words were little more than a whisper, and a few fresh tears rolled down Jane’s face, which she quickly wiped away.

“Do you want to talk about her?” Maura prodded gently. She knew she was asking the question, partly because she wanted some answers, but also to try and draw Jane out of the depression she was so obviously, and understandably, in.

“I don’t know if I can.” Jane admitted, fighting back the waves of emotion.

“How about you tell me how you met?” Maura kept her voice low as she asked.

“It was a complete fluke.” Jane admitted, a smile gracing her features for the first time since Maura had arrived as she remembered the first meeting she had with Sue. “I knew her older brother, but they moved away before I really got to know Sue, since she was still just a toddler. She moved back here about a year ago to get away from an abusive relationship. She was hooking up with some old family friends, I was hooking up with the same old friends. When we realized I knew her brother, we just started talking....” Jane voice drifted off, as the smile faltered. “We just clicked.” Jane finally managed to say between fresh sobs.

“Oh Jane, why didn’t you feel you could tell me?” Maura asked, once Jane had composed herself again.

“It wasn’t deliberate. It’s just to begin with, it’s like you and me, ya know. We’d go out, have a coffee, grab some lunch or dinner when you and I couldn’t. Talk about stuff. Then one night, we had a bit too much to drink, and she leaned in and kissed me. I can tell you, I freaked!” Jane gave out a short self deprecating laugh at the memory. “Sue then freaked, thinking she’d ruined our friendship, but once I’d had chance to get over the shock..... I realized it felt..... right. We talked, and decided to give us a chance..... to see where it went.”

“That still doesn’t explain why you felt you couldn’t tell me.” Maura kept her voice light, wanting Jane to be absolutely aware she was in no way criticizing or chastising her. “I knew you were meeting up at times with an old friend, but you never gave me more detail.”

“I just.... every time I went to tell you, something would come up. As time went on, I dunno. It’s as if it didn’t feel as important, that somehow the time would be right and I’d get around to introducing you. I didn’t even imagine that our paths wouldn’t cross at some point. Guess I got that wrong, huh.”

“Unfortunately, yes.” Maura’s comment wasn’t a rebuke, and Jane could tell as much, even though it still hit her hard that Maura would be hurt not knowing.

“Listen, Maura.” Jane began, trying to explain it without upsetting her further. “It wasn’t that I didn’t trust you, or that I thought you’d freak out I was seeing another woman.” Maura cocked an eyebrow to convey the message I would hope not. Jane smiled at Maura’s facial response recognizing it for what it was. “If it’s any consolation, Ma, Frankie or Tommy don’t know. The only one who does is Korsak, and that’s only because he caught us kissing one night after we came out from The Dirty Robber.”

“Oh.” Maura was surprised to find that only Korsak knew, even though she understood why Jane wouldn’t want her mother to know, somehow she was surprised Jane hadn’t told either of her brothers.

“Yeah, so I didn’t keep her away from you. If we’d arranged to meet up for a drink, and Sue was free as well, I’d have brought her along...... allowed her and you to get to know each other.... I wanted you to get to know each other .......it just never happened that way..... You would have liked each other....... She was a bit like you......” Jane was beginning to fight the fatigue of the sedation, painkillers and just general battering the day had given her. Maura could see she was struggling to keep her eyes open. She moved in closer, and kissed Jane’s forehead lightly before pulling away again.

“You need to rest. I’ll make sure they send your Mother, Frankie and Tommy in once they arrive. In the meantime, I’ll go and find Sue. To begin....” Maura didn’t elaborate. “Unless of course, you want me to be here to act as a buffer when the family do arrive.”

Jane was torn. On one hand she would love nothing more than Maura to be there, so she didn’t have to deal with her Mother. On the other hand, she desperately wanted Sue to be sorted. For her to be laid to rest with the minimal of fuss, and Maura could start that process. “Go, do what you have to do.” Jane made the decision, as she closed her eyes, allowing the tiredness to win the battle.

Maura bent down again, giving Jane another light kiss on her forehead, and gently ran her fingers through Jane’s hair, watching until she was certain Jane had finally fallen asleep again. Maura then left, and found Korsak where she had left him in the ER waiting room. He jumped up out of his chair when he saw her arriving.

“How is she?”

“Doing as well as can be expected. I don’t think it’s fully hit home yet though. She’s going to need all our support over the coming weeks.” Maura said, then sighed, looking at her watch, noting she would be in for a long night. “I’m about to make arrangements for Sue to be transported to our morgue. Do you have any idea of her next of kin?”

“No.” Korsak shrugged. “I didn’t know a lot, other than she and Jane had been seeing each other for a while, first as friends and only more recently as girlfriends, but had known each others family since they were kids. I don’t know if any of the family still live in Boston.”

“I’ll see what I can find out when we pick her body up. I should warn you, no one other than you, and now me, know about Sue. I would suggest nothing is said about her relationship beyond them being close friends when Angela, Frankie or Tommy arrive. Jane needs to be in a better state of mind and be able to tell them about it herself.”

Korsak nodded. “Yeah, of course. I wouldn’t have told you only I just assumed, ya know.”

“It’s understandable. I’ll call you later once I’ve done the autopsy.” With that, Maura left, leaving Korsak looking worried and slightly nervous at having to deal with Angela once she arrived.


	2. Chapter two

**Chapter two.**

 

Jane had fallen back to sleep again, having been woken up by her Mother literally barging into the room, flustered, and understandably upset. It had taken Tommy and Frankie ages to get her to stop fussing, and with apologetic looks towards their sister, they had also eventually pulled her out of the room, saying Jane needed her rest. Jane though couldn’t rest, at least not well. As soon as she closed her eyes and drifted to sleep, the nightmare of the accident returned full force, as she realized her last memory of Sue had been inside the car. Each time, she jolted awake, tears running down her face, partly from the pain her body movement caused, partly from knowing she’d lost the one person she thought she’d unexpectedly, but finally found love with. It was a long slow night for her, as she watched through the room window as dawn began to break over the city. It would have have been beautiful any other time Jane thought to herself as she once again closed her eyes to try and at least rest.

* * *

Maura walked out into the morgue, where Sue’s body had been brought in a short time ago, and laid out by one of her assistants. She was already in her customary black scrubs, and it took very little time to put a gown on, and ready the face mask, before pulling the clip board with the paperwork she would fill in as she went along towards her. Once she had filled in the initial personal information that had been supplied by the hospital, Maura pulled the large clear face mask in place, and began her dictation and examination. While it had been difficult, Maura had pushed her own emotion to the side, and for once, her nickname, Queen of the Dead was as accurate as it had ever been. Jane would have questions, and while Maura knew she couldn’t give answers regarding the accident as a whole, she could at least provide her friend with some answers she would undoubtedly have regarding Sue.

Finally, Maura sat back, her own voice in her ears as she typed up her dictated notes from the night before. She couldn’t help but be struck at how beautiful Sue must have been. She had been a little over five feet six inches in height, with wonderfully natural blond hair, blue eyes, on the verge of being gray. She had a slim build, but was noticeably athletic. There was no doubt in Maura’s mind, Sue worked out, and often. Maura couldn’t help but wonder if she was also a runner, or if she just used a gym. Sighing, Maura turned her attention back to her words, and pressed play, her fingers hovering over the computer keyboard. While most notes would be typed up by her secretary, and Maura would only read and sign them off, on special occasions, like this, Maura did all the paperwork. She internally flinched at her own dictation as it came to a certain point.

“... signs of previous body injury. This includes healed fractures on both arms, on the right Radius, Ulna and Humerus, and on the left, the Ulna and Humerus show signs of repaired fractures. There is also evidence of healed fractures on both Scapulas. Unless a profession or hobby accounts for these injuries, they are also consistent with some kind of abuse, over a period of time of several years. Scarring covering the back and shoulders is consistent with untreated wounds most likely caused by a sharp implement such as a knife, and it looks like cigarette burns. Her legs.....”   

Maura paused again, as she thought back to Jane telling her Sue had been in a previous abusive relationship. She shivered as the evidence showed, the abuse seemed to be horrific and painful. Maura then smiled in the knowledge that, for a short time at least, Jane would have offered protection and safety, something that she had no doubt Sue hadn’t been given for a long time previously. Maura knew first hand how safe Jane could make you feel. She was glad another person was given the chance to experience it, instead of hurt.

She reflected that Jane was sure she and Sue would have got on, and somehow, Maura felt had they been given the chance, she would have admired this young woman. It took strength of character to move on from such a tragic period of her life, to not allow it to beat her down and become a typical victim. Although Maura was always amazed at the resilience of the human spirit. Jane herself had fought her own demons, most notably with Hoyt and survived. Not only had Jane survived, but she, like it appeared Sue had done, thrived.

* * *

 

Frost stretched out, watching Korsak out of the corner of his eye. He’d heard about Jane’s accident this morning when he’d first come in, and was now going through some traffic cam footage to see if they could work out what had happened. Traffic had been more than happy to hand it across to them since the SUV hadn’t stopped at the scene. They had no idea if the driver of the other vehicle had simply panicked, but knowing an off duty police detective had been involved was enough cause for them to treat it as suspicious. Korsak meanwhile was trying desperately to track down Sue’s next of kin, mumbling her parents or siblings weren’t noted on the forms, only someone she was in a relationship with was and they were currently unavailable. Nor were they suspects. Frost didn’t know why it was so important they were working this so hard, other than Korsak saying Jane was good friends with her..... and he knew, there was more to this story than he was currently privy to.

Barry sat down alongside Korsak’s desk. Korsak just looked up over his glasses at the younger detective.

“You wanted something? Have something to tell me?” Korsak queried, sounding impatient.

“What aren’t you telling me about this accident.” Frost asked, keeping his voice low, not wanting to be overheard.

“Nothing.” Korsak moved to carry on reading the information he had in front of him. Frost shook his head.

“I don’t buy it.” Frost refused to let it drop. “There is something you’re not telling me. Listen, I get that Sue was a friend of Jane’s. By all accounts, an old family friend. Means they would have been close. I get all that. I get that there are suspicious circumstances around the accident. I get that the Doc would want to do the autopsy. I do get all of this.....” Frost paused for a second to make his point, before pointing a finger at Korsak’s chest for emphasis. “What I don’t get is the feeling that you are keeping something from me.”

“You know, you’re a better detective than I sometimes give you credit for...”

Korsak was disrupted  by Frost’s “I knew it.” Korsak glared at the interruption.

“Shut up and listen.” Korsak’s sharp words were enough for Frost to shut up, and straighten up. “You are a good detective. Hell, you put up with Jane’s crap, and if you repeat this I will kill you, but you work well together. But there are some times when you see something that isn’t there. Ignoring the fact our friend and colleague was involved, this is personal and important to Jane, which makes it personal and important for us. That’s all there is to it.”

Frost shook his head. “Nope, I’m still not buying it, but I guess you’ll tell me when you’re ready. I just hoped you would trust me enough with it, ya know.”

Korsak sat back in his chair with a sigh. “Listen kid, this isn’t about trust. This is about there are some things only a certain person should tell people. If there is more to this....” Korsak put a hand up to stop Frost saying anything. “If there is more to this, then it’s not my story to tell. You get me.”

Finally understanding the message Korsak was conveying, Frost nodded. “Yeah. I guess Jane will tell me when she can.”

Korsak smiled at the young detective. “If there is something to tell, I’m sure Jane will when she feels she can. In the meantime, we’ve got to find out what the hell happened, and who was behind all this. I’ve got a gut feeling this was no random accident.”

* * *

 

Maura walked in to Jane’s room, and was pleased to find she was sitting up, and despite the bruising looking worse, overall she was far more alert than she had been the evening before. Maura had just been told Jane was free to leave as soon as the paperwork was ready although she’d been warned that could take a little while yet to complete, and Maura was pleased she’d had the forethought to stop at Jane’s apartment to pick up some fresh clothes. Jane spied the duffel bag seconds after Maura arrived, and her eye’s lit up.

“Please tell me you have fresh clothes in there.” Jane began to slowly swing her legs off the bed, wincing as she moved. “I’m getting out of here as soon as possible and I need clothes.”

“Indeed there are fresh clothes in the bag.” Maura moved forward with a smile, and Jane didn’t argue when she offered a hand to help Jane shimmy down off the bed.

As Jane’s feet hit the ground and she steadied herself, she looked in to Maura’s eyes, her expression suddenly serious. “Did you......” Her words faltered.

“I have finished with Sue, yes.” Maura didn’t need to say more, knowing it was what Jane was trying to ask.

“Did she suffer?” Jane always thought that question seemed strange to her when she’d dealt with relatives who’d lost someone close to them. Why would you want to know such details? Now it seemed the most natural question in the world for her to ask. At least Jane knew Maura couldn’t lie to her, that she would give her the facts, not wrap in around some sort of bullshit.

“No.” Maura sighed, ensuring she gave out the information without too much science, that Jane would just want a brief and basic outline of her findings. “She suffered a massive head injury, and would have been unconscious almost immediately. She undoubtedly died long before they got her free of the wreckage despite trying to revive her at the scene.”

“I don’t know if I feel better for knowing that or not.” Jane admitted, fighting back fresh tears. .

“You’ll work through it and I’m here if ever you need help.” Maura answered in her usual pragmatic manner. Jane simply nodded, and grabbed the bag before heading to the small bathroom attached to her room with faltering steps. Maura appraised her movements, and could tell Jane would find it difficult to be alone for a few days at least. She waited, listening out in case Jane called for help, although Maura knew Jane would have to practically be on the floor before she would admit she wasn’t coping with something. Maura was surprised to hear Jane calling for her.

“Can I come in.” Maura asked hesitating at the door. She heard Jane snort.

“I wouldn’t have called you if I didn’t want you to come in.” Jane replied, and she watched with an amused expression as Maura pushed the door open and squeezed in to the small room. “I just need....” Jane indicated she was struggling to untie her gown, and turned her back so Maura could reach the middle ties that were ones causing her the problem.

Maura deftly began to undo the gown, noting Jane was thinking of a shower by the way she had placed some wash items and a towel to use. “I don’t think a shower is a good idea, because of your sutures. If you get them wet, they can disintegrate.” Maura spoke up.

“God, not you as well.” Jane whined. “I’ve got crap all over me, especially in my hair and I’ve tried brushing and it isn’t working.” She gestured with a hand to her currently untamed hair. Maura gave it some thought for a minute as she looked at the shower set up the room had and was pleased to see it wasn’t a fixed shower head.

“How about, you sit on one of the chairs from by your bed as close to the shower as you can get, and I use the shower head to wash your head. If you can tip you’re body forward that is. The sutures for your head injury are far enough forward to be out of your hairline and with care, I think I can wash it without getting them too wet.”

Jane gave it some thought, her eyes looking at the shower, and she bent forward slightly, testing how far she could go without her ribs screaming in protest. “Yeah, that’ll work.” Jane decided, flashing Maura a smile.

Maura reappeared a few seconds later, plastic chair in hand, which she put down so Jane could lean across the entrance of the shower. Maura then reached in and grabbed the shower head, before turning the shower on, and waited for it to reach the right temperature. Jane was already holding a small bottle of shampoo Maura had packed in a wash bag she’d also picked up from Jane’s that morning.

“Ready?” Maura asked.

“As I’ll ever be.” Jane said, sucking in as the pain from her ribs hit as she lent forward, but determination won and she couldn’t stop the sigh as the first cascade of water hit her hair watching in rapt fascination as the water went from clear to a nasty shade of gray as dirt began to wash out, even before the shampoo had been applied, and then spinning down the plughole in the shower tray.

As Jane sat on her bed resting, waiting for the discharge papers to be finalized, she ran her fingers through her now damp, but clean hair, a wide smile of appreciation aimed in Maura’s direction. “Thanks for doing this. It really means a lot to me.”

“It was the least I can do.” Maura was sitting back on the one dry chair alongside the bed. “I was thinking, why not come and stay with me for a few days.” Maura decided now was the time to broach the subject.

Jane looked nervous. “I....” She faltered, not wanting to impose.

“Jo is already being looked after by Vince. You need some help still.” Maura had her argument already planned in her head, “and I can’t imagine what you’re going through right now, but I would have thought going back to your apartment, to the memories you have of the time you and Sue shared there, would be emotionally difficult.” Maura didn’t say anything more as she watched the pain ripping across Jane’s face as the realization of Maura’s words began to hit home. Feeling guilty for making Jane face the thoughts, Maura got up, and grasped one of Jane’s hands. Her other hand came up, and the thumb brushed the tears that had fallen across both Jane’s cheeks.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make you cry.” Maura admitted, her own voice hitching in her throat.

“No,” Jane swallowed hard. “You’re right. I hadn’t even thought about it, but I don’t know if I can go back home. At least not yet. Sue and I, we left clothes and other personal items over at each others, for when either one of us stayed over, you know.”

“Of course.” Maura shifted position, and pulled Jane into a light hug. “So, do I have a house guest for a few days, or as long as you need?”

Maura felt Jane nod, and she finally relaxed, pleased Jane had accepted the help without a fight.

* * *

 

Korsak put the phone down, and looked across at Frost who was still looking at the camera footage around the accident site.

“Anything?” Korsak asked as he walked over, plopping himself down on a chair opposite where Frost was sitting, biting in to his meatball sub, managing to avoid sauce falling out all over his tie or shirt.

“Not a lot.” Frost sounded frustrated. “The SUV had bars though, you know the grille bars?  Anyway, it helped protect it when it hit Jane’s car. The plates show it was stolen a week ago, and the owner swears he had no modifications on the vehicle so the bars have been added since it was stolen. Pictures taken at a recent family trip out support that. They’re clean. So far, no sign of the SUV by patrol. How about you?”

“Finally got hold of Sue’s parents. They are flying in this evening with her brother. They sounded devastated. They wanted to know if it was Sue’s ex. Turns out this ex is a woman, and by all accounts a nasty piece of work and drove Sue away from the family and back to Boston.” Korsak rolled his neck, trying to work the kinks out before chomping down on his rapidly disappearing sub. “Man I hate domestic abuse cases.”

“So, it’s looking more and more like this was no accident, and the suspect list not only now includes perps  that Jane has put away, or their family wanting revenge, but a psycho ex of Jane’s friend. Man, just when you think it couldn’t get any worse.” Frost looked angry. “Did Sue have any restraining orders on the ex?”

“A whole stack of them by all accounts, I’ve asked for copies.” Korsak confirmed. “Not that it apparently stopped her. Trouble was, they could never prove for the police or courts it was the ex involved in several incidents, and that was when Sue fled, and came back here.”

“So, nasty piece of work, and she knows the system.”

“That just about sums it up.” Korsak finished eating, balled his paper napkin up and threw it into the trash can before standing up.

“Great!” Frost shook his head. Just at that moment, something pinged on Frost’s computer, and he sat up suddenly. “Our luck might have just changed.” He said quickly, hitting some keys.

“Yeah?” Kordak who was just beginning to walk away turned back around, and looked expectantly across the desk.

“We’ve just got a hit on the SUV, patrol found it in a parking lot for a block of apartments. Apparently someone in the block realized it didn’t belong to anyone living there and called it in. It’s being towed in now.” Frost’s face split in to a wide grin, which matched Korsak’s.

“Let’s get down there, see if we can’t find something.” Korsak turned and went back to his own desk where he pulled on the jacket that he’d left on the back of his chair before following Frost out of the room.

* * *

Jane sunk down in to Maura’s sofa, grateful to be finally out of the hospital. Maura moved in to the kitchen area, having placed her purse and house keys in their place she had for them in the small entrance hallway.

“Coffee?” Maura asked, knowing Jane wouldn’t have been given any at the hospital.

“God, please.” Jane asked, trying not to show her discomfort, knowing Maura would insist she go and rest in the guest bedroom. She’d had enough of lying down to last a lifetime.

Maura quickly made the coffee, having already set the machine up before she’d left that morning. She handed the mug over to Jane, before settling down on the other end of the sofa. Taking a sip of her own drink, Maura decided to try and find out more about Sue. “What did Sue do?” Maura already knew the answer, having been given the information from the hospital, but felt it was a safe topic to try and get Jane talking.

“A nurse.” Jane sighed loudly. “Ironically, in the same ER I landed up in. They would have known her.”

“I didn’t know.” Maura admitted, having only been given the information she was a nurse, not where she worked. Her heart went out to the brunette, who looked so sad and broken. “I’m assuming she enjoyed her work?”

“She loved it, and by accounts was good at it. She wanted to help others.” Jane admitted. “She felt she could at least make a difference, even if she couldn’t save everyone.”

“Like you saved her.” Maura replied softly, as Jane’s head snapped around to look at Maura with piercing eyes.

“What do you mean?”

“There were signs of prolonged physical abuse that I saw while doing the autopsy Jane. It tallies with the reason you told me for her being back in Boston.”

Jane shifted her gaze, and fixed it to a spot around the fireplace. “It took a long time for her to tell me what she’d been through and I’m sure there was more to tell had we been given the chance. I knew something had happened in her past, because she’d flinch if you reached out and touched her when she wasn’t expecting it. Or when she’d stay over some nights before we got intimate, she would be plagued by nightmares. It didn’t take long for me to put it together.” 

“Did they ever arrest and charge the man who did that to her?” Maura questioned.

“Her. Her abuser was a woman,” Jane corrected, earning a look of shock from Maura. “and no, she got away with it despite various attempts to get her charged. I can’t tell you how angry that made me feel. I don’t know why it should, but somehow to know another woman could be so cruel, even though I’ve seen some heinous, abhorrent acts of violence committed by women, it got to me. Really badly. Sue though, she never allowed what she went through make her bitter about life or be angry about it. She would tell me it made her stronger; that she could be more grateful for the little good things that she might have happen. That if she hadn’t moved because of it, we would have never met. She made it easy for me to lose the anger and hatred I had. Sue truly had a heart of gold.”


	3. Chapter three

**Chapter three**

Frost took a look at the SUV, and was amazed it had survived as well as it had from the accident. There was no doubt, the homemade bars on the front had protected it from the worst of the impact, but having seen the mangled wreckage of the cruiser Jane had been driving, he was amazed that anyone got out alive. From either vehicle. Pushing down the anger he was beginning to feel, he pulled on the latex gloves, and joined the crime scene technician who was already pulling the vehicle apart.

There was black fingerprint powder covering most surfaces, and although some good prints had been pulled; they all knew the likelihood was they would come back to the owners family and friends who’d used the vehicle, rather than the person who stole it and caused the accident. This was further confirmed when areas like the steering wheel and interior mirror had been obviously wiped clean of any prints, with not even smudges showing.

Korsak had gone back to the precinct to meet up with Sue’s parents when they arrived later, with instructions that Frost should call him the second he had any information. Frost was brought out of his thoughts when the technician called him over. Pulling out his notepad and a pen, just to jot down any relevant information, tucking his tie into his shirt to stop it falling forward, Frost crouched down by the front of the vehicle.

“We know these bars are homemade.” The technician began, pointing to the box steel that had been used to construct them. “The welding though effective, is also very crude. I’d say it’s someone who has had the chance to use a welding torch, but doesn’t do enough to be practiced at it. They also knew enough about cars to weld the bars in to the chassis at the front. Like I say, crude, but damned effective. What I am hoping for is some sort of print on the metalwork. If we get lucky they might not have used gloves at some point while handling it, perhaps when they were buying it. Alternatively, there might be a print from someone who handled it when it was supplied. If there is, and they are in the system, it might at least give us an idea where the metal was bought.”

“We’d have to be lucky.” Frost straightened up. “Too lucky. We need solid evidence, not just flukes. There’s no doubt though, this was done to be deliberate. Rizzoli’s car was targeted. You don’t steal a vehicle, keep it a week, spend time and money beefing it up like this, just to randomly go play demolition derby with someone.”

“Can’t disagree with that. The only other area we might get lucky on is the seat belt. It’s been sent for DNA testing, because there is a chance when the impact occurred and the belt tightened, it would have pulled around the top of the shoulder and neck area. If the neck wasn’t covered, there might be skin left on the belts webbing, even if it’s from dead skin cells that sloughed off. We checked the cruiser earlier, nothing there other to where we’ll be able to confirm this was the vehicle to hit it from transfer.” The technician said, taking a minute to change out his latex gloves which were now greasy.

Frost nodded his understanding and agreement over the statement with a sigh. The technician then lay down on a creeper to get underneath, and disappeared from view, only his overall clad legs now showing. Frost continued to walk around the SUV, carefully looking at things, trying to see if something seemed out of place or if he could try and reconstruct what happened in his head, desperate to get something to report back to Korsak and Jane with.

* * *

 

Maura had left Jane at home, to come in to the morgue to meet with Sue’s family so they could view and formally identify her body. Maura had to fight Jane over staying at home, telling her she would have plenty of time to meet Sue’s family, but that right now she needed to rest and this was not the occasion to meet them. Shaking the thought of the near argument it had caused, Maura straightened her spine as she heard the elevator doors ping open, followed by a number of different footsteps.

Her eye’s drifted down to the sheet covering Sue for the moment, and she closed them briefly, always hating this moment in her job, where she shattered a family with the reality of having lost someone. While it made Maura even more determined to find answers, it was still the one aspect of her job that pulled at her psyche without fail.

A few seconds later, there was a light tap on the large window separating Maura and the family. Knowing it was Korsak giving her warning they were ready, Maura lent forward and pulled the curtain across, giving the family the first glimpse of what was about to happen. Maura was immediately struck by how much Sue looked like her Mother, who while showing some signs of gray around her temples, had the same long blond hair, and the same blue, fading to a gray eyes. The difference being, these eyes were alive and piercing, looking back at Maura with a steely determination.

A tall man stood alongside the woman, and was apparently Sue’s father. He was lanky in frame, with darker hair, also peppered with gray. He gave the appearance of someone who perhaps taught since Maura was reminded of a professor she once had. Standing a little way to the side was Sue’s brother. Where Sue was the splitting image of her Mother, he undoubtedly took after his Father, the only difference being while his Father stood around six feet in height, he had another couple of inches advantage, if not slightly more.

Watching for non-verbal cues from Korsak or the family, Maura saw Sue’s Mother give an almost imperceptible nod. Maura’s hand moved, and slowly drew the sheet back, far enough to give a good view, but not so far as to show the damage her autopsy had inflicted. She watched as the Father practically collapsed against his wife, tears running down his cheeks unchecked. Sue’s brother took a step back, but his eyes remained dry and steadfastly glued on his sister’s body. Sue’s Mother swallowed hard, pulling her husband in closer for a few minutes, before turning around and without a word, marching back towards the elevator, husband and son following automatically. 

Maura placed the sheet back, watching as Korsak scrambled to catch up with the family. She pulled the window curtain back across, before getting ready to go home again. An air of infinite sadness surrounded the morgue, and Maura desperately needed to get away; to get home and forget what she had just witnessed. The pieces of a shattered family wouldn’t be as easy to put back together again.

Maura arrived back home, to find Jane pacing, albeit with a pronounced limp, up and down between the island in the kitchen and the sofa. Jane looked up when Maura approached, and there was anger pouring out of Jane’s eyes, so much so, it actually frightened Maura for a split second having never seen her friend as angry as this that she could remember. Taking a deep breath, Maura approached.

“The bastards.” Jane spat; her pacing not stopping, despite the approach of Maura cutting down her space. “Those fucking bastards.” Jane then swung a fist out, slamming it down on the island counter top, making Maura run forward, putting her own hand down on Jane’s to prevent herself from injuring any more of her body. Jane looked at Maura, her face contorting in rage, her eyes no longer a deep brown, but almost black.

“Jane, whatever has happened?” Maura asked, finally able to guide Jane around and on to the sofa.

“Sue’s bastard parents, that’s what’s happened.” Jane pinched the bridge of her nose automatically, and then jumped slightly as it hurt, forgetting it had been broken. “Ow, son of a bitch.”

Maura rose, and quickly grabbed an ice pack from her freezer, which she handed down to Jane before sitting back on the sofa with her, watching as Jane gave Maura a look of thanks before she placed it across her nose with a sigh. “What’s happened with Sue’s parents? They have only just arrived and identified her body.” Maura asked, looking confused, trying to work out what had happened in such a short space of time to get Jane so riled up.

“Oh, I had a phone call on my cell. Apparently Korsak told them Sue was with her girlfriend when the accident occurred. Sue’s mother asked to talk to me, so Korsak phoned. Next thing I know, she’s reading me the riot act, about how our lifestyles were disgusting, unnatural. How our lifestyle has lead to Sue’s death, that I was to blame for leading her astray. How she would pray for my poor soul for redemption. Can you believe the nerve of the woman?”

Jane sprung back up from the sofa again, and immediately regretted it as her body rebelled. She sat back down, almost as quickly, trying to catch her breath as her ribs protested. Jane threw the ice pack down on to the floor, and Maura fought back the urge to pick it up. Tears finally began to fall as Jane’s defences crumbled. “She’s forbidden me to go anywhere near Sue’s body. That I would not be welcome at the funeral.” The tears began in earnest, and Jane moved and fell in to Maura’s arms, her whole body shaking.

“Can she do that.....” Jane asked her words faltering between her sobs. “Can she keep me away?”

“Unfortunately, yes.” Maura’s heart went out to her friend, saddened to see her hurting so much, and wondering how, with what little she’d heard about Sue, she seemed so different to the family she had come from. “Because you weren’t married or had any paperwork..... the state doesn’t recognize......” Maura’s voice drifted off, as Jane clung even tighter to her, grabbing hold of her blouse and fisting it tightly, so tightly that Maura was expecting to hear threads ripping apart soon. “Jane, I don’t know what to say other than; I’m so, so, sorry.” Even to Maura, her words felt hollow.

* * *

 

Korsak had arranged for Sue’s family to be driven back to their hotel, reeling from the events of the phone call to Jane, and the subsequent verbal lashing he had received when he’d tried to defend Jane. He was trying to make sense of the last twenty four hours, and failing. It felt like this whole mess had been going on a lot longer and he was already bone tired. Grabbing his phone, he placed a call to Frost and they agreed to meet up at The Dirty Robber.

“God I need a drink.” Korsak mumbled as he ended the call, only for his phone to ring again. “Korsak.”

“Vince, it’s Maura. I’ve just got Jane to bed with a sedative. Please tell me Sue’s parents weren’t as bad as it seems?” Maura didn’t know what had prompted her to make the call, but she was so shocked at what had happened, she needed clarification.

“Doc, I wish I could.” Korsak began to walk out of the precinct as he spoke. “The mother, she just completely lost it.” Korsak inwardly flinched at the memory. “Going on about how Sue was a good catholic girl, how she’d been brain washed by infidels. How Jane was the devil incarnate. How I was the devil incarnate for sticking up for Jane! That Jane was strictly forbidden to go anywhere near Sue again. That if there was even a hint that someone targeted Jane, and Sue got killed as a result, they were holding Jane personally responsible and would take her to court in an instant.” Korsak closed his eye’s briefly as he stepped outside, taking a moment to savor the fresh air. “It wasn’t pleasant.”

“Is there anything I can do?” Maura asked, sounding shocked.

“Be there for Jane. She’s gonna need you more than ever now. Tell her, I’m thinking of her.” Korsak asked, in a rare display of affection he would give Jane showing just how much the events of the last day had affected him, before he resumed his walk, eager to get to his destination and to try and drink away some of the shit from the day.

“Of course.” Maura glanced towards her guest bedroom, hoping the sedative she’d administered would be strong enough to keep Jane asleep for a while yet, to allow her some recovery time, if not mentally, then physically. “I’ll be in tomorrow morning, but I’ve arranged to come in a little later than usual, to make sure Jane is settled. Angela is coming around at lunch time to keep Jane company for the afternoon. I’ll be going around to her apartment as well to make sure she’s got plenty of clothes and other items she might need here.”

Korsak laughed, “Jane’s gonna love that. A whole afternoon of her Ma fussing around her.” He stopped on the sidewalk, as he spotted Frost jogging towards him. “Listen, I’ve gotta go, Frosts just turned up and I want to see if he’s got any news. If there is anything to report, I’ll get back to you.”

Maura sighed, wishing she was there, able to help, but also knowing she was in the best place possible right now. “Thank you Vince, and tell Barry I said hello.”

“Will do Doc. You look out for Jane. I’ll be in touch.” Korsak ended the call once he heard Maura’s soft goodbye, as Frost finally got up alongside him, slightly breathless. “Inside. Drink.” Was all Korsak said, as he strode on and headed to the bar, where once inside he ordered a beer with a whiskey chaser.

Frost ordered a beer and followed Korsak in to a corner booth towards the back, where it was relatively quiet. He sat across from him, taking a sip of his beer. After a few minutes of silence, Frost just raised his eyebrows. “So, want to tell me what this is all about?”

Korsak sighed, “I can’t. Remember when I said, it ain’t my story to tell. Well, it’s linked to that, and you’re gonna have to ask Jane first. I will tell you, yes there was something, but it really is down to Jane to fill you in. I’ve already told you more than I should.”

Frost nodded thoughtfully. “Okay, I can accept that. My news is, the SUV was pretty clean. They are testing the seat belt webbing for possible DNA trace. Other than that, it was wiped fucking clean as a whistle. Whoever did this, knew how to clear up after themselves. I’ve also had a list of possible suspects from Jane’s past...... and as we knew it was going to be, its a damned long list.” Frost looked and sounded frustrated at the lack of progress he had to report.

“Any way we can narrow the list down?” Korsak questioned as he finished his drinks, and signalled for some more to be brought over. He looked at Frost who shook his head, content with what he had for now.

“I’ll look, see if anyone has a history of car jacking. See who has been the more recent on her arrest sheet. Although this has taken some planning to do, I doubt it’s someone from too far back. I’ll start at this last year first and we can take it from there. We’ve also got to look at the possibility of someone who perhaps got off, and the victim’s family wanted some kind of revenge. Blame us for not doing the job right.”

“Still a shit long list. If it’s a victims family wanting revenge, it’ll be against the both of you, so just watch out for yourself, just in case. Gotta admit, I don’t think that fits somehow. I dunno, it just doesn’t feel right for that, but we can’t discount it.” Korsak accepted fresh drinks, and his head snapped up as he caught sight of Frankie walking in. “Great, just what I don’t need.”

Frost twisted around in his seat, and waved the younger Rizzoli over, a little surprised at Korsak’s reaction, but deciding not to call him on it. Frankie grabbed a beer from the bar before walking across. He slumped down in the seat alongside Frost, taking a long pull on his drink.

“Ma is driving us nuts!” Frankie finally spoke up. “She wants to go and fuss around Jane, even though Maura is looking after her. I had to threaten to arrest her last night at the hospital if she didn’t leave. I’ve left Tommy babysitting her now. I had to get away before I did something stupid.”

Korsak and Frost both gave him looks of sympathy. “How is Jane?” Frost then asked, wondering if they had seen her since her release from hospital.

“Popped in for a quick visit this afternoon when she got back from the hospital. She’s banged up good. I saw the car this morning in our compound, and I still don’t know how the hell she managed to get out of there without.....” his voice faltered for a second. “We knew Sue’s family. They are going to be devastated. Ma’s talking about going to see them when they get here. Pay her respects, ya know.”

“Yeah, they flew in this evening.” Frost said, surprised to see Korsak’s eyes widening and him shaking his head, before putting his head in his hands. “ID’ed the body a while back. You didn’t say how they were Korsak.”

Lifting his head, Korsak looked at the two younger men opposite him, hoping to god he could say something without giving away Jane’s true relationship with Sue. He was going to have to talk to Jane first thing, because there was no way they were going to contain this much longer. “Try and keep Angela away for a little while longer,” Korsak said quickly. “They were real torn up.I don’t think they will be up to seeing anyone for a bit, and don’t take this the wrong way, but they might resent Jane.”

Frankie and Frost both looked shocked. “Resent Jane, why in the hell would they resent Jane?” Frankie asked.

“Because she walked away and their daughter didn’t.” Korsak knew he wasn’t lying outright, but he hated he wasn’t able to give them all the facts.

Frost looked down at the table, suddenly feeling very sombre. “Yeah, you’re right.” He admitted, before glancing across to Frankie. “I know how I’d feel if it was the other way round. Guess it would be easy to be angry, until it sunk in.”

“Listen, I’m not saying don’t do it at all.” Korsak clarified, although he knew, once the truth of today came out, Angela would undoubtedly be going around to Sue’s parents to defend Jane rather than pay her respects, and there was no way he wanted to be around when that happened, “Just, leave it a bit, yeah.”

Frankie chewed at the corner of a thumbnail. “You’re right. God as if I haven’t got enough trouble keeping Ma away from Jane! Now I’ve gotta keep her away from Sue’s family as well! Shit!”


	4. Chapter four

**Chapter four**

Maura got up and pulling on a robe over her silk pajamas, padded through to the kitchen, and was surprised to find Jane was already up, and Korsak was with her in the sitting room, both with coffee in hand.

“Morning Doc. Hope I didn’t wake you” Korsak said, sounding apologetic.

Maura checked her watch, “No, you didn’t.” She admitted. “I’m just a little surprised to find you here, and so early.” She then moved across to the coffee machine and poured her own mug out, before settling down in a chair set to the side of the sofa.

“Yeah, well I needed to see Jane.”

“Something from the case?” Jane asked, still not entirely sure why Korsak had called her on her cell so early asking to meet up and having no time to talk to him yet, since he’d only been there long enough to offer coffee.

“No, sorry, but I saw Frankie last night at The Robber. He said Angela was thinking of going around to see Sue’s parents to pay her respects.”

“Oh.” Maura’s gasp mirrored Jane’s look of shock.

“Shit.” Jane closed her eyes for a second, “She’s going have to be told.”

“I managed to convince him to keep Angela away for a day at least, told him her parents might be feeling angry because you survived and their daughter didn’t.” Korsak winched as he watched Jane’s face darken in anger. “ Listen, Jane, I think you’re gonna have to let Frost know as well.” Korsak admitted. “The kid ain’t stupid. He already knows something isn’t being said, and once Angela knows.....”

“The whole fucking world gets to know, and then some.”

“Jane, language.” Maura admonished, her eyes narrowing.

“Maura, really? C’mon give me a break with the language shit, just for a day, please!” Jane whined, looking at Maura, who actually felt her resolve falter.

“One day.” Maura said firmly, ignoring the eye roll Jane did that accompanied her words. “Honestly, its like having a recalcitrant child in the house with you around.”

“Hey.” Jane protested, glaring at a smirking Korsak. “Are you saying I’m stubborn misbehaving kid?”

“That’s exactly what I’m saying.” Maura said as she stood up, and took her now empty coffee mug into the kitchen, having plucked the empty mugs out of Jane’s and Korsak hands as she went.

“Great, I get sideswiped by SUV, lose the love of my life, have her family call me evil and refuse to let me see her, and I’m getting shit from my best friend.” Jane tried to sound angry, but as her words went on, her anger faltered. “Can it get any worse?” 

“Your mother could walk in.” Korsak said with a grin. 

“Oh gee, thanks for that. By the way, Maur.... you and I are going to be having words later about that damned sedative you slipped me somehow last night.” Jane looked around and stared pointedly at her friend, who was trying to act in nonchalant manner around the kitchen counters and refused to meet Jane’s gaze, “I don’t appreciate being knocked out like that! Especially when I’ve not agreed to it. Makes me feel like shit the next morning for a start!” Jane added, standing up slowly as her body was still trying to unwind and loosen up. “I’m going for a shower.”

“What are you going to do about telling people?” Korsak called out after Jane, and her reply was to put her hand out to flip him off.

“Jane has never been a morning person, and I guess that means she’ll talk to those who she needs to later.” Maura said, sitting back down in the chair readjusting her robe to make sure it didn’t loosen at all with her moving around.

“How are you holding up Doc?” Korsak asked.

His question surprised Maura, and it showed in her face. “Why wouldn’t I be holding up?”

“Come on Doc,” Korsak kept his voice low, “You’ve gotta admit, it seems weird Jane didn’t let you know about Sue. Gotta hurt you a little since you’re her best friend an’ all. Then she gets in to this accident, you’re having to pick up the pieces physically and mentally for Jane. You can’t tell me you ain’t going to be affected.”

“I would be lying if I didn’t admit it’s been....” Maura paused slightly, “challenging. I’m certain, Jane has her reasons for not letting us know about her relationship with Sue, and I’m certainly not about to pry since it would be rather uncouth to do so. She’s vulnerable enough as it is.”

“You’re not in the least bit curious?” Korsak pushed.

“Whether I’m curious or not is irrelevant at the moment.” Maura replied, keeping her voice level. “That’s not what I’m saying at all.”

“Hhhmm.” Korsak sat back in his chair with a thoughtful expression. “Well, if you need to talk, you know where I am.”

“I do appreciate that Vince.” Maura smiled lightly, “Rest assured that should I need to talk to someone, I will seek you out. Right now though, I am truly fine. Upset, of course, because I hate to see Jane hurting in any way, and I wish there was more I could do to relieve that, but I know Jane, and she’ll talk to me when she’s ready.”

“If you want my advice, I’d say make sure you’re in a position to get back this afternoon on a moments notice.” Korsak stood up, getting ready to leave. “When Jane tells Angela, I get the feeling she’s gonna need you.”

Maura stood up and began to show Korsak to the door. “I think that might be wise. I’ve grown to become quite fond of Angela since she moved in to the guesthouse and we’ve spent a lot of time together . However, I also know how overprotective she can sometimes become over her children. It might be prudent to make sure I’m around to intervene if it gets too much later.”

“You do that Doc.” Korsak had opened the door, and stepped outside, before a quick last look back. “We’ll call you as soon as we get any news.”

“Thank you.” Maura closed the door on a retreating Korsak, before leaning back against it. She could hear the sounds of the guest bedroom shower faintly in the background, and suddenly remembered that Jane shouldn’t be getting her sutures wet. Sighing, Maura knew it was too late to stop it now, and just hoped she wouldn’t have to either drag Jane back to the hospital, or knowing Jane, have to do some running repairs at the house. Maura mentally ran through her home first aid kit, and couldn’t remember if she had the items to allow her to do sutures. She resolved to check before she left for work, just in case she needed to bring anything home with her later.

Maura finally headed back to her own room, and once there, she sat on the end of the bed in thought. Jane had talked about how she and Sue had items they left at one and other’s apartments. Yet, it suddenly dawned on Maura, she and Jane also had items at one and others places for possible overnight stays. Admittedly, only one change of clothes, but still..... Maura couldn’t help but be struck once again at the similarities to Sue.

Was it coincidence? How did Sue feel, knowing there was another woman’s set of clothing in her girlfriends apartment? Maura sincerely hoped her friendship hadn’t caused any form of tension between the two women. She was brought out of her thoughts as she heard Jane now walking around the house. She looked at her watch, and knew she had to make a move otherwise she would be late, something she most certainly didn’t want to be.

* * *

Frost walked in to the detective bullpen, and wasn’t at all surprised to see Korsak was already there, despite the early hour. He sat down on the chair alongside Korsak’s desk.

“Any news?”

Korsak shook his head. “Feels like we’re spinning our wheels.” He winced at his own words. “Perhaps not the best way to describe it all, considering.”

“You got that right.” Frost teased lightly, “It’s just so damned frustrating.” he then added.

“I hate to say this, but unless this was directed at Jane and there is another attempt, I think whoever did this is gonna get away with it.” Korsak then admitted. “I can’t see where we’re gonna get the evidence from. The SUV is a bust, the car is a bust, the tapes are a bust. Jane can hardly remember the accident, and certainly couldn’t give any descriptions. No other witnesses have come forward. I just can’t see where we’re gonna look next. Unless crime scene comes up with something like DNA or an unknown witness comes forward. Perhaps where the SUV has been stashed for a week. Someone might have seen it and ring in with the tip.”

Frost scratched his head, “I know what you mean.” He was loathe to agree with Korsak’s assessment, but equally, couldn’t find a chink in the argument.

“By the way, heads up....” Korsak then added, “Jane’s gonna want to talk to you sometime.”

“Oh, why?” Frost looked surprised by the admission.

“Something she wants you to know, is all.”

Frowning at Korsak’s rather cryptic response, Frost stood up and moved over to his own desk. “Guess I better try and see whether we can find a suspect.” He said, clicking open his own computer. “Time to find out if anyone Jane has put away lately is in line for doing this.”

* * *

“Ma, for the love of god, will you please.....” Jane’s head slammed back in to the sofa where she was sitting, and she immediately cussed under her breath as it aggravated her wounds, neck and upper back muscles.

“I’m only looking out for you.” Angela replied, with a frown, as she moved in closer to Jane, seeing her flinch in pain. “Are you okay?”

Jane lifted her head much more slowly this time, and jumped when she almost head butted Angela. “Ma.” Jane then exclaimed, putting her hands out, to grab Angela’s shoulders, pushing her back a little. “Jesus, a little personal space, please.”

“Janie, I’m worried about you.” Angela said, tutting as she tried to straighten the cushions around Jane instead. Jane’s hands once again shot out, and she grabbed Angela’s arms, holding them firmly to her side.

“Ma, please, can you just sit down, I’ve got something to say.”

Looking surprised, it was enough to make Angela stop what she was doing, and she lowered herself down on to sofa, twisting to look at Jane. She raised her eyebrows when Jane faltered.

“Look, it’s about Sue.” Jane began, wishing not for the first time Maura was at hand.

“Poor Sue. You should have told me she was back. I would have invited her for Gnocchi night.” Angela scolded her daughter. “A year, she’s been back a year and I have to find out because of the accident, and now it’s too late. Sometimes I have to wonder about you Janie. I’m gonna have to go and see her parents, give my respects and admit I didn’t know she was here, so I wasn’t able to look out for her.” 

“Dammit, Ma!” Jane fought back the tears, and Angela was surprised enough seeing them spring up to shut up. “Ma, Sue and I..... we were.... more than just friends.”

“Well of course you were. It sounds like you were best friends, just like you and Maura.”

“No, Jesus.” Jane pinched the bridge of her nose, very gingerly, “Ma, Sue and I, we were more than best friends. Like, as in girlfriends.”

“Oh,” Angela responded, before her eye’s widened even more. “OH!” she exclaimed even more loudly.

“Yeah, oh.” Jane spoke softly, unsure how Angela was yet going to react.

“How long?” Angela asked, staring at Jane intently.

“How long what?” Jane looked confused.

“Were you and Sue.....” Angela faltered, unable to actually say more.

“Ah,” Jane shut her eyes briefly, before opening them again, wanting to at least look her mother in the eye. “About two months.” Jane finally admitted.

“Two months!” Angela jumped off the sofa, and turned looking at Jane with a frown. “You’ve been with someone two months, and I only find out because she’s dead! Did Maura know?”

“Ma, please, and no, Maura didn’t know. It wasn’t....... I don’t know, it never seemed the right time to bring it up.” Jane tried to reason, but couldn’t find any words that could suitably argue a case for keeping the relationship quiet from not only the family, but Maura as well.

“What, you’d think I’d disown you or something? My own flesh and blood!” Angela asked, still towering above Jane, her anger not dissipating.

“Yeah, no....” Jane fumbled for words, “I didn’t know how you were gonna to react, and it was new for me as well. I never looked at a woman before Sue came along, and.....” Jane paused. “It seemed so right when it happened, I didn’t want to jinx it in any way, not that its done me a lot of good.” Jane finally began crying, and seeing the tears was enough for Angela to react, sitting down quickly and pulling Jane in to a motherly hug.

“Oh sweetheart, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have yelled. I was just so surprised.” Angela murmured, her hand rubbing light circles on Jane’s back, as she comforted her. “Listen to me, love is love. I’m not saying it wouldn’t have been a shock, because it has been, and it might have taken me a little while getting used to seeing you with a woman...... but if she made you happy. I could never interfere with love.”

“You’ve tried enough times with the dates you’ve set me up on.” Jane said, between the sobs, but in a light tone and a slight smile on her face.

“Hey, I only ever wanted to see you happy.” Angela said, her own smile slowly emerging. “If I’d known you were more in to girls, I’d have set you up with Brenda Steed’s daughter, you know who used to live just down the road from us. Mary, I think her name is.....”

Jane pulled away from her mother, with a look of mock horror. “No! Whatever you’re planning, forget it. Anyway, I’m not a lesbian.” Jane stated firmly.

“I never said you were.” Angela replied, “so this makes you what? Bisexual?”

“What, seriously Ma? C’mon. No, it doesn’t. Sue has been the one and only time...” Jane looked horrified at the way her mother’s eyebrows rose as she spoke, recognizing the signs. “So no setting me up with Mary, Martin or anyone else you might think of. Besides, I’ve got to get over Sue......” Jane reminded her with a point of her finger.

“Janie, I would never set you up when you’re grieving.” Angela once again enveloped Jane in a hug and it was enough for Jane’s resolve to break and more tears were shed.

Angela waited for Jane to compose herself again. “I’ll have to go pay my respects to Sue’s parents. Do you know where they are staying?”

Oh shit Jane thought, how in the hell am I going to explain this one and stop world war three between parents breaking out.

“Ma, that wouldn’t be a good idea.”

“Why on earth not. I agreed with Frankie when he suggested I give them a little time to get used to having lost their daughter, but it’s only right I go see them, offer my condolences. Even more so now I know you were seeing each other.”

“Because,” Jane paused for a second. “They didn’t agree with Sue and I being together, and I don’t think they would take kindly to seeing you because of it.”

“Did they cause you any trouble?” Angela demanded to know. “Cos if they did.....”

“No, Ma, they’ve not caused me any trouble,” Jane didn’t dare say about the phone conversation she’d had. “remember how religious they were? It’s cos of that. So please, Ma, for me.”

Jane knew she had her mother the second she added the last three words. She didn’t like using any kind of emotional blackmail, but knew it would be the only way to stop her mother from going. Even then, she hadn’t been one hundred percent convinced it would have been enough.

“For you; I’ll not go.” Angela finally agreed. She stood up and headed towards the kitchen. “Now, let’s see what food Maura has in this kitchen, I’m sure it’s better stocked than your place ever is. I’ll cook us all a nice dinner for when she gets home.”

Jane finally relaxed as she watched Angela bustling around the kitchen. She knew she’d just dodged one bullet. Now, at some point, she knew she and Maura would also need to sit down and talk. She just hoped it wasn’t any time too soon, and she looked at her watch, seeing it would be a little while yet before Maura was home. She decided to go and get some rest, letting her Mother know she was going to lie down, before disappearing in to the guest bedroom.

* * *

 

Maura, having eaten the dinner Angela had prepared, was lazing on her sofa, the TV on the discovery channel. Angela had long disappeared, and Jane had once again gone back to her room, citing the need for more sleep, that the painkillers were making her drowsy. Pleased to see Jane taking time to rest, Maura had insisted she go and lie down, and not to feel any obligation to stay up just to keep her company.

Neither Jane nor Angela had said anything about the afternoons conversation, so Maura could only assume one of two things. Either Sue’s relationship had yet to be discussed, or it had been, and there was nothing more for them to say on the matter. While Maura wanted to know the situation, she had dared not ask while Angela was around, in case Jane hadn’t yet broached the subject, and then Jane had needed the rest. Maura would just have to be patient, and ask another time.

Maura then listened carefully when she picked up noise that seemed to be coming from Jane’s room. Getting up, Maura moved to the doorway where she peeked in. She could easily see, even with just the nightlight that Jane had once again resorted to using, a well known expression on her friends face. One Maura had seen less often since Hoyt’s death, but now seemed to be back with a vengeance. Moving slowly, so as not to startle Jane in any way, Maura moved in closer, Jane’s tortured expression across her face clearly showing that she was trapped in some kind of pain, despite being asleep. Once at Jane’s bedside, Maura spoke her name softly, knowing from experience she had to wake Jane as gently as possible.

“Jane, honey. Wake up,” Maura urged again, as she moved her hand to rest on the tense shoulder closest to her.

Brown eyes shot open, sweat settling across Jane’s forehead, and trickling down past her temples and cheeks. It was obvious for a split second, Jane was struggling to comprehend where she was.

“Maura?” Jane’s spoke up with confusion in her voice. “I thought you were Sue..... but she’s not coming back is she?”

“No, she’s not, but I’m here.” Maura murmured, her hand moving from Jane’s shoulder to grasp one of Jane’s now shaking hands. Jane turned and faced Maura, her eye’s tearing up.

“She’s gone, Sue’s really gone.” Jane’s voice was hoarse with grief and pain as once again the realization of what had happened to her hit home, as the swirling images of the nightmare she’d been woken from intermingled with her own memory of the crash.

“I’m sorry.” Maura once again offered the words that held little comfort, her own eyes now full with tears, as Jane began to sob. Maura hated that right now, words were not sufficient to end Jane’s torment, and not for the first time, she could only hope that her empathy to Jane’s plight would bring some sort of comfort.

Maura moved to be in the bed alongside Jane, before pulling her in to a tender embrace, lending silent support, fighting back her own tears in the process. Jane for the love she had lost, Maura because she hated seeing Jane in such pain and anguish. Finally, they both were able to stop crying, Maura long before Jane, who though, couldn’t stop the occasional tear from falling.

“I don’t think I’ll ever stop crying.” Jane finally spoke, wiping her eyes for what seemed like the hundredth time for just that night.

Maura continued to hold Jane, reluctant to let go, deciding to allow Jane the decision as to when to pull away. “It will get better, you’ve just got to give it time.” Maura hoped the words didn’t sound forced, or like false platitude. Maura then settled down, so she and Jane were lying together on the bed, Jane’s head resting in to Maura’s one shoulder. Her hand came up, and she stroked Jane’s hair, knowing it was one way to help her friend relax. “Try and sleep. I’ll stay with you for tonight.” 

Slowly, Jane’s eyes closed and she fell back in to a deep sleep. Maura carefully maneuvered herself away, before heading out so she could see to Bass, turn the television off, lock up for the night and change in to her own bed clothes, before returning to once again to lie down alongside Jane. She glanced across, propping herself up on one elbow, worried that Jane’s face seemed to be set with a frown, but reluctant to once again wake Jane unless she was absolutely sure she was in the grips of a nightmare. Maura hated feeling so helpless as she settled back down, and began to meditate, trying to settle her own mind and feelings.

 


	5. Chapter five

Chapter five

“Nothing, we’ve got absolutely nothing.” Frost looked across to Korsak, both with very large cups of coffee they had brought in with them from a local coffee shop before heading in to work. “DNA came through, they did a rush on it, but as with everything else so far it has gone absolutely nowhere. Only matches are to the family, who we know have nothing to do with this. No other foreign DNA was found.”

“So now we’ve just gotta hope that someone sees the news report and request for help, and spotted where the damn SUV was parked for a week. It must have been where they was access to power, cos of needing to do that welding. The crime lab say the welding is machine, like a mig welder, not acetylene gas. Not sure how they see the difference, but that’s what the reports telling us.” Korsak stretched out, before finishing his coffee and throwing the empty cup in to the trash. “so we’re down to the old sit back and wait game. Cavanaugh is gonna haul us off this soon if we’ve got nothing to report back.”

“I’ll keep going through the list of possible suspects. A fair number have been discounted already cos they were either under lock and key, by the state or locally, for a variety of offences, or alibis have checked out and are solid or people were tagged. Still a long list of names to get through, but it’s looking a damn sight better than a day ago.”

“I just hope we get a break, and if it’s Jane whose been targeted, she’s likely in danger again.” Korsak bent forward, “in the meantime, I’m gonna check out Sue’s ex, see if we can’t find out where she was when all this went down.”

“Have you checked out Sue’s family?” Frost asked.

“Why in the hell would I do that?” Korsak only just managed to stop the shock he felt crossing his face, thinking somehow Frost had become aware of Jane’s relationship with Sue, let alone their reaction to Jane.

“We’re assuming Jane was the target, but what if it was Sue. Sure, the ex is a good place to start looking, but what if there is something about the family we’re missing? Any good lawyer would be asking why we didn’t check them out if we do find someone whose good for this. Shouldn’t we just cover our bases.” Frost said.

“You know, you’re right,” Korsak admitted. “I’ll add it on to the search I’m doing for Sue’s ex. Nice work kid.” Korsak watched as Frost’s face broke out in to a smile. “Don’t let it go to your head.” He added, watching Frost shake his head as he walked back to his own desk.

* * *

Jane stood in front of the bathroom mirror, absolutely amazed at the amount of bruising she had from the seat belt alone. The bruise was ugly and now showing all it’s color, marking where it had tightened on impact and held her in place, particularly where it came up and across her shoulder, which was now incredibly stiff and sore to move, just as she’d been warned it would be. Jane thoughts lingered on when she had called Frost late yesterday, without Maura’s knowledge, wanting to know how Sue had died. While Maura had told Jane it was a head injury, Jane still couldn’t understand why she’d walked away and Sue hadn’t.

It was Frost’s explanation that the passenger side had been so badly hit, that parts of the car had effectively wrapped itself in towards Sue within seconds of the collision occurring, and that Sue had little, if any, chance of survival, that had told Jane the truth. Jane could tell Frost didn’t want to give the information out, but she’d insisted, even threatened to come down to the precinct and read the accident report herself. It was only at that point he’d relented. Jane’s thoughts then drifted back to one of the first meeting’s she’d had with Sue away from the friends they shared.

_Jane walked in to the already crowded diner, her eye’s scanning to see if Sue was already there. Sue must have spotted her, because suddenly she was standing up, and waving in Jane’s direction. As Jane closed the distance between them Sue moved forward, and without a second thought, enveloped Jane in a hug. Initially Jane tensed, a little unused to someone being so tactile and open with their feelings, except for perhaps Maura or the family, but almost immediately, something about Sue’s manner allowed her to relax, and she returned the hug. Sue then pulled away, they sat down together, on opposite sides of the table, a nervous smile now played across Sue’s lips._

_“I wasn’t sure if you would come.” Sue then admitted, as she fingered the well read menu._

_“It beat being stuck in a lonely apartment.” Jane replied, with a wry smile. “The friend I usually spend a Friday night with bailed on me. You saved me from a pitiful night on the sofa, watching crap on the television, a delivery pizza or Chinese, and the dog looking at me with sorrowful eyes.”_

_Sue laughed, and Jane felt the weight of the day lift. “I can’t imagine a diner is the most romantic place to be on a Friday night.”_

_“Believe me, I’d take this any day.” Jane was suddenly aware she hadn’t even tried to correct the comment about it not being a romantic place to be at. She filed the thought away, too engrossed by the person sitting opposite her, whose eyes twinkled in mirth._

_“So, who is the lucky person who you’d normally spend a Friday night with?” Sue asked, opening the menu, but still not reading it._

_“Friends from work.” Jane admitted. “If I’m not on call of course. Otherwise, Maura and I spend time together.”_

_“Maura?” Sue questioned, looking at Jane with an expression she couldn’t quite read._

_“Yeah, Doctor Maura Isles. She’s our chief medical examiner, and we’re best friends. She’s out on a date as a matter of fact, she’s the one who bailed on me.”_

_“Leaving you all to your lonesome. That somehow doesn’t seem fair?” Sue unconsciously licked her lips, and Jane found her eye’s were unexpectedly drawn to the motion. She pulled her eyes back up to Sue’s eyes with difficulty._

_“It wasn’t fair, until you called. Somehow, it doesn’t feel like such a bad deal after all.” Jane’s smile widened. “Now, are you going to play with the menu or can we order something? I don’t know about you, but it’s been a long day and I’m starving!”_

Jane rocked a little on her heels as the emotions she felt came crashing down on her again, and she had to reach out to grab hold of the sink edge to keep her from falling. Bowing her head, she took a couple of deep breaths, before looking slowly back at herself in the mirror. “Why? Why Sue?” was all Jane could whisper, as the tears once more fell unchecked.

Maura hovered in the kitchen, a little concerned that Jane had yet to appear from her room, but fighting back the urge to go and find out if she was okay, knowing she also had to temper the desire to help with allowing Jane space and time to herself. She put her coffee down, and opened up some Tylenol, taking a couple of pills, which she chased down with a mouthful of the cooling coffee and a slight grimace. She just hoped the headache she’d woken up with would be subdued by the tablets, even though she knew that stress was a contributory factor.

She then rolled her shoulders and neck, also feeling tension there, making a promise that she would do some basic yoga in her office through her lunch break if time allowed. She was startled out of her thoughts as Jane walked through, and Maura could tell immediately she had been crying because of red and puffy eyes. She wordlessly moved to the coffee machine, and poured a fresh mug out, which she then handed to Jane.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Maura asked quietly, her hand resting in the small of Jane’s back as Jane took the first sips of her drink, not moving. Jane merely shook her head and moved out of Maura’s reach and sat down on the sofa.

“I’m at work today, but I’ve arranged for a couple of days off.” Maura then informed Jane as she moved around the kitchen, trying not to think about the rejection Jane had just given her, knowing it wouldn’t have been intentional.

Hearing Maura’s news, Jane’s head snapped around. “You shouldn’t be taking time off because of me.” her tone sharp.

“I’m doing this because I want to.” Maura said, her own tone firm and unwavering.

“Yeah, whatever.” Jane sounded dismissive, and it made Maura frown, a worry settling in the pit of her stomach at the way Jane was reacting so far.

Maura moved a little more, and joined Jane on the sofa, watching her facial expression carefully.

“Stop analyzing me.” Jane suddenly spoke up sounding angry, enough to make Maura jump a little at the reaction.

“I....” Maura hesitated, aware from experience she was on dangerous ground with Jane. A wrong word would set her back and only feed Jane’s anger, and Maura knew enough to know this was a tipping point in the conversation. “I’m sorry.” Maura decided that she would have to back away, and allow Jane to process whatever she was feeling without her.

Reluctantly, Maura got back up from the sofa, and made her way to leave for the day. She turned and looked back at Jane, who was obviously still caught up in her own thoughts. “I’ll be back later then.” Without waiting for an answer, Maura walked out, closing the front door softly behind her, fighting back her own unexpected tears. Maura knew the stages of grief, knew to expect a stage of anger, but despite knowing all that, it still stung. More than she thought it would. This was becoming harder than she realized, and wondered if it would be prudent for her to seek help. Maura opened the car, got in and tossed the idea around, deciding to wait and see how the coming days went first.

“Way to go Jane.” Jane mumbled to herself as she heard the front door close. “Have to upset the one person who actually cares about you. You fucking idiot.” With a sigh, Jane rested her head back carefully, and closed her eyes.

* * *

_Jane peeled off her button down shirt, revealing the light blue tank top she had underneath. She balled it up and threw it on to the seat of the car. The day was already far too hot for her liking, and with the heat, tempers rose. Rising temperatures mixed with rising tempers meant a volatile explosion of dead bodies was usually just around the corner. She had not been disappointed, although she wished for once she’d been wrong. Christmas and a heat wave, the two times in the year where you could safely place bets on homicide rates going up, and their work rate going in to orbit._

_She moved away from the already smelling body, as decomposition was rapid in this heat, allowing Maura time to do an examination, and pulled her cell phone off her belt. She walked a little distance away from the others, wanting some privacy as she made the call._

_“Hey sexy.” Sue’s voice seemed to soothe Jane, when Sue wasn’t even trying, and Jane without knowing it, had a smile on her face._

_“Hey back.” Jane replied her own voice softening, looking over her shoulder quickly, pleased to see she was still very much on her own, but also aware someone might need her any second. “Listen, we’ve caught a case.”_

_“Oh.” Sue sounded disappointed, and Jane could tell she was trying to hide it. “I’ll wait up for you.”_

_“No,” Jane closed her eyes for a fraction of a second, hoping she hadn’t sounded too harsh. She wanted nothing more than to welcomed back home by Sue. “It’s not that I don’t want you to.....” Jane paused and could almost see Sue’s look of amusement that Jane knew would be spreading across her face, waiting for the usual teasing that was bound to happen on how Jane could be so articulate when fighting the criminals, but absolutely tongue tied with Sue. She didn’t have to wait long._

_“Got something to say......” Sue paused, before lowering her voice to a sultry tone, “Detective.”_

_“Dammit. Do you know what your voice does to me? Actually forget that question, of course you do!” Jane ran a hand through her hair, and despite the heat a shiver ran through her body as she listened to Sue’s laugh down the phone. “I.... shit.” Jane heard her name being yelled by Frost. “I’ve been called, I’ve gotta go.” Jane’s disappointment was obvious. “I’ll see you later.”_

_“Count on it,” Sue smiled to herself, “Go get ‘em...... Detective.” her voice lowering another octave, sending thoughts through Jane’s head that she knew were entirely too inappropriate for the here and now._

_Jane ended the call, trying to school her expression to one of indifference before she walked over as quickly as possible so she could to stand alongside Maura, who was looking at her quizzically._

_“Just needed to call someone.” Jane said, sensing the question Maura was obviously dying to ask, but manners were preventing her from doing so._

_“Oh, you don’t have to explain.” Maura replied a little too quickly, apparently embarrassed her intentions had been seen that easily, and Jane suddenly felt guilty for so obviously putting her friend on the spot like that._

_“No, I didn’t have to explain.” Jane gave a reassuring smile, “But I wanted to tell you. So, what have we got?”  Jane was pleased to see the embarrassment dissipate from her friends face after her reassurance, and grinned._

_Maura began to give her report, and was stopped when Jane’s cell vibrated. Throwing an apologetic look Maura’s way, Jane pulled it off her belt and looked at the display. Maura was intrigued to see the smile that crept across Jane’s face as she appeared to read a text message.  Maura carried on watching, amazed at how the phone was keeping Jane’s attention away from a crime scene._

_Maura could never remember Jane being so distracted before. It fact, Maura was struck on how usually Jane would continually complain that while cell phones had helped her with work, it now longer gave her any privacy, but lately, it was as if the small gadget was glued to her side, and she couldn’t be without it. That was new behaviour and Maura was surprised she had only just picked up on it._

_Maura continued to watch, only in greater detail, and her eyebrows rose as she was even more surprised to see Jane’s eyes softening in expression, and the easing of tension around her face, neck and shoulder muscles. It was as if someone had reached out with invisible hands and was giving Jane a massage. Maura could only deduce that whoever the message was from, they meant a great deal to Jane._

_Maura was also suddenly struck with completely conflicting thoughts. The first was if there was someone in Jane’s life who was making such a remarkable difference, she was overjoyed. If anyone deserved the chance to be happy in their life, it was Jane. This thought was immediately tempered by the feelings of hurt that not only did Jane seem to have a suitor in her life that Maura knew nothing about, but also that Maura felt a twinge of jealousy. Jealousy, but why? Because she hadn’t been told? If she hadn’t been told, why not? What could it possibly be that would stop Jane from sharing the news with her? Or was it for another reason entirely?_

_Before Maura could analyze the feelings further, she was brought out of her musing by Jane turning back around sharply, putting her phone back on the holder on her belt, and staring back at Maura._

_“Well?” Jane asked when Maura didn’t speak up. “The rest of your report?”_

_Jane almost fell through her front door, the exhaustion was so great. The humidity and heat hadn’t let up right the way through the day, and had only dropped off fractionally as the night moved in. Everyone at work was cranky and more than a little pissed off that they had so far gotten nowhere with their latest case. Not even an ID of the victim. She couldn’t help smiling as she realized Sue was curled up on her sofa in shorts and a tank top, with a lightweight blanket thrown across her bare legs, asleep. Jane carefully put her keys down in the bowl she had on a stand near the door for that purpose, before moving closer to where Sue was._

_Sue’s eyes opened, just as Jane approached. She smiled, her eye’s sparkling in the soft light coming from a lamp. She moved so her torso was now upright, as her arms came out, inviting Jane in. Jane didn’t need a second invitation, and was pulled in to the calm haven of her girlfriends arms. It struck Jane, as it nearly always did, that Sue didn’t question her, knowing she just needed support, love, but most of all understanding about the day. That Sue’s actions spoke far louder than any words could. Lips met, in a slow, sensual kiss, and before Jane knew what was happening, all thoughts from the day just melted away in an entirely different way to the melting she’d been subjected to so far._

Jane woke up with a start, hurting herself in the process, and a cry escaped her lips before she could stop it. Tears were coursing down her cheeks, as she rolled off and fell to her knees alongside the sofa, as grief and despair assaulted her in a new wave. Another cry left her lips, and Jane knew she was close to being hysterical, but try as she might, she also was in no position at all to stop it from happening, as she curled up in to as tight a ball as she could possibly manage, as everything around her faded in to the background. All she could feel was pain. Pain and misery.

Maura was surprised to see it was Angela calling her on the cell phone, as she answered it quickly. She was even more surprised by the panic in Angela’s voice.

“Jaane....” Angela was desperately trying to talk, but she just found she was stuttering, and heading to the point where she would lose the ability to talk altogether, and would be forced to write things down just to communicate.  

“Angela, where are you?” Maura could tell straight away that Angela was panicking, and was fighting down her own feelings of panic as she asked the question.

It reminded Maura of the award ceremony that Jane had attended after the shooting, where Angela had been unable to talk as she tried tell Jane about the impending divorce. Knowing what had triggered Angela’s attack then was enough for the concern to rise another notch in Maura. Angela didn’t just collapse like this for anything, and whatever the trigger this time around, Maura knew it was serious. She was suddenly as scared as she had been when she’d run out of the precinct and watched as Jane had shot herself and Bobby on the front steps, it was also matched with the same feelings of helplessness.

“Home.” Angela managed to get out, but it was enough. Maura was out of the office door, not even taking the time to stop and tell anyone one she was leaving. She’d only taken time to grab her car keys.

“Angela, I’m on my way.” Maura had pulled off her heels in her office and left them there, and was now running barefoot in to the parking garage towards her car. “I’ll be there as soon as I can.” Maura had sprinted, and was already approaching her car, hitting her key fob to unlock it as soon as she knew she was in range. “I’m putting you on speaker.” Maura flew inside the car as quickly as she could, placing her cell phone on the holder she had for it, punching the button on the display to activate the car’s hands free system. “I’m on my way out of the parking garage now.” Maura kept up a running commentary as she drove, hearing Angela’s sobbing in the background, her own fear now rising exponentially, unsure what she was going to find when she did eventually get home.

With relief, but also trepidation, Maura finally burst through her own front door, taking in the scene around her. She quickly ran over, dropping to her knees, keys and phone falling to the floor as her hands reached out.

“Oh my god, Jane!”


	6. Chapter six

**Chapter six**

Maura rocked back on to her heels, still kneeling. She tried to calm herself down, as she felt for Jane’s pulse, and was pleased to find it was at least strong, a little fast, but Maura was expecting to find that was the case. She then looked back across at Angela, who was standing a couple of feet away, her face a mask of worry, tears running down her face.

“Angela, look at me.” Maura commanded, pleased to see Angela was able to draw her eyes away from where Jane was to her face. “Jane is going to be fine, but I need your help. Okay?”

Maura was rewarded with a slight nod of Angela’s head. “I need a cool cloth, something to place across Jane’s neck. Can you do that?” Maura didn’t really need it, but she knew the best thing Angela needed right now was to feel as if she was helping. As she watched Angela moving towards the main bathroom to do as Maura had requested, she turned her attention back to Jane.

“Jane, sweetheart, look at me.” Maura could tell Jane had withdrawn into some kind of catatonic state. She was praying it wasn’t so bad that she wouldn’t be able to drag her out of it because she knew that would mean hospitalization, something she wanted to avoid at all costs. Maura was pushing down her own thoughts that were chastising her for leaving Jane that morning, when she sensed something was so obviously wrong, knowing it was not helpful even as she realized she couldn’t have known this might happen. 

Moving in closer, Maura pulled Jane very slowly out of the curled ball she’d positioned herself in, talking to her all the time to allow Jane’s mind to process what Maura was doing. Managing to get Jane upright in a sitting position, Maura brought Jane’s back in to her chest, wrapping her arms around as tightly as she dare. She was then aware that Angela was back with a damp cloth. She looked up as she took it.

“Thank you. Angela, you should sit down.” Maura knew Angela was also in shock, and didn’t want to have to be dealing with two problems. She sighed inwardly in relief as Angela made her way to the chair and sat, her eyes never leaving Jane. “Angela, she’ll be fine. It’s just the bodies way of coping with the grief she’s been subjected to. Stress does strange things, but Jane will be okay.” Maura said calmly, belying her own fears, hoping her words were correct. Maura was worried, although she felt deep down, she would be right, and Jane would be back with them sooner rather than later. She placed the cool cloth carefully across Jane’s neck, before wrapping her arms back around, her chin resting on Jane’s shoulder.

“Jane, listen to my voice.” Maura whispered into Jane’s ear, as she held on as tight as she dare, knowing it might well be hurting Jane, who wasn’t in any fit state to warn her of that fact. “Just keep listening to my voice. You are fine, you’re hurting, but that’s all.....” Maura carried on whispering for what seemed like an age, before she felt the merest of change in Jane’s body language. There was a definite relaxing of muscles, so slight, Maura had almost missed it, but it gave her renewed hope that Jane was ultimately going to be fine.

“That’s it Jane, come on. Just keep listening to my voice, let yourself relax.....” Maura risked a glance up, and was also pleased to see that Angela had composed herself, and was now sitting, still with a worried expression, but was able to nod at Maura when Angela saw she was looking at her.

“Your Mother’s here, we both just want you to be okay.” Maura wasn’t sure how wise it was to bring up that Angela was in the room, but decided it couldn’t really hurt. “You are going to be okay. You’ve just got to believe that......” Maura just talked, about anything that crossed her mind. She didn’t care how foolish it might have sounded, the whole point was simply to give Jane a point of contact. Something she could listen and subsequently hold on to.

Finally, Jane’s body relaxed and fell back into Maura’s arms, as Jane began to recognize where she was again. Maura continued to whisper heartfelt assurances, and was reminded that she had done the exact same thing only a short time ago when Jane was in the hospital. The memory was stark, and caused Maura to falter, just for a moment, before she was able to compose herself again and carry on. If Jane had noticed the moments hesitation, she didn’t appear to acknowledge it in any way, but merely burrowed further into Maura’s grip.

Angela allowed herself a quick smile, seeing Jane settle in to Maura’s arms, and more obviously able to show she was aware of her surroundings, even though she had yet to say anything. Angela then stood up slowly. Maura looked at her surprised.

“I think it would be best if I leave you alone. I’ll be in the guest house.” Angela spoke softly, her hand reaching out just enough to lightly brush against Maura’s shoulder. “I know you can do more good than me at the moment.” Angela then admitted, with an expression of sadness, but also trust crossing her face. In a stronger voice, she turned her attention to Jane. “You listen to whatever Maura tells you to do! You hear me. No excuses otherwise you’ll have me to deal with.” without waiting for an answer, Angela carried on walking.

If Maura had looked surprised before, she looked absolutely stunned by Angela’s words and actions as she watched her disappearing through the door that led out to the guest house.

“Your mother never ceases to amaze me.” Maura said to Jane, keeping her voice low. Jane actually chuckled slightly.

“She’ll want payback at some point and payback is always a bitch.” Jane finally spoke, twisting her head very slightly so she could see Maura properly. “Thank you, for everything.”

“You should have called me.” Maura replied, her voice neutral, not wanting to risk upsetting Jane in any way. “All you ever have to do is ask for me to help you, wherever I am, whatever the time of day, or night for that matter. I won’t mind. You’re far too important to me.”

“I just....” Jane sighed and leant back in to Maura, needing to feel as much of her as she could. “I don’t like the idea you’re having to leave work, or wake up because of me. It shouldn’t have to be like that.”

“Jane, sweetheart, it’s what friends do, particularly best friends. We look out for each other. I’ve helped you before, and you’ve never questioned it, and this is no different. You’ve just suffered a significant traumatic experience, it’s going to affect you, and I’m here to help.” Maura paused slightly, hoping her next question would be answered and not deflected in any way. “Are you seeing Sue, memories of her with you, when you close your eyes? Or are you seeing the accident happening all over again? Is that what’s brought this on?”

“Both.” Jane admitted after a few minutes of silence, her voice again cracking with emotion as tears formed. “I can see her there, in the car. Her hair, covering her face, blood intermingling with the strands, red streaks against the blond...... Its my last memory of her, and....” Jane faltered, unable to think about what she was envisioning when she closed her eyes.

“Jane, I want you to promise me one thing.”

“I’ll try, it depends on what you ask me.” Jane’s reply was cagey.

“If this keep happening, not yet, but in time..... you need to talk to someone about it. Someone who will be able to help you. You’re displaying early symptoms of post traumatic stress. I’m not saying you won’t be able to work through it without help, but you need to consider it.” Maura knew such a request was a dangerous one on her part, because even after Hoyt, Jane had all but refused help, except the standard evaluations needed by the police therapist so she could go back to work.

“I’ll think about it.” Jane hated the idea, but the episode she’d just had was enough to scare her. She’d never had anything like that happen before, even when the Hoyt situation was at it’s worst, and she honestly didn’t think she would ever want to face something like it again. She felt Maura’s breath being exhaled as it ghosted across the skin of her neck in relief at her answer. 

They were brought out of the moment by Maura’s cell ringing. Reaching around, trying not to disturb Jane, Maura managed to find it on the floor feeling blind with her fingers. Noticing who was calling, she didn’t hesitate to answer.

“Isles.”

“Doc, where in the hell are you? I’ve got your assistants worried, asking me if you got called out to an urgent case, because you apparently shot out of your office like a bat out of hell, without shoes, and disappeared without a word. Is everything all right? Is there something wrong with Jane?” Korsak for once sounded scared and worried.

“No, I’m fine. I’m sorry I should have called.” Maura kept her voice deliberately low, still cradling Jane, not wanting to move just yet since she wasn’t entirely sure Jane was up to moving for a little while longer. “I had to rush home, but it’s all okay.”

Maura lent in, keeping her mouth away from the phone, as she murmured to Jane. “It’s Korsak, I won’t say anything.” before dropping a light kiss on the top of Jane’s hair. She felt the tension that she knew had built up with the phone call once more begin to leave Jane’s body, and sighed inwardly in relief. She was only vaguely aware of Korsak at what he was saying and brought her attention back to that conversation.

“...... I’ll arrange cover for the rest of the day, and make sure to bring your purse and shoes back tomorrow then, unless you need them tonight?”

“No, tomorrow will be fine.” Maura suddenly became very aware that her lower legs had gone to sleep because of the position she’d had to assume on the floor. Even the years of training wasn’t going to save her from this. She almost groaned at the thought of having to now move.

“Right, take a couple of extra days if you need it Doc on top of what you’ve already booked. Jane’s more important, you get me.”

“I do, and I’ll consider it if I feel it’s necessary. Thank you again.” Maura shifted her weight slightly, in the hope it might alleviate the numbness in her lower limbs a little. She felt the prickling sensation begin, and braced herself knowing once the feelings started to come back, it was going to hurt. A lot.

“Okay, well....” Korsak hesitated. “I’ll let you go then. Bye.”

Ending the call, Maura practically threw her phone on to the sofa, and brought her attention back to Jane.

“Do you think you’re ready to move?” Maura queried, and was rewarded with a nod of Jane’s head. Taking a deep breath, Maura stood up, planting her numb legs as firmly as she could, as she helped Jane stand as well.

“Sit.” Maura stated, and pushed Jane down on the sofa, before removing her phone and sitting down just as the worst of the cramp began to assault her legs. She immediately tried not to let the pain show on her face, as she was more concerned at watching Jane, who still looked shocked. 

Taking a deep breath, ignoring her now cramping calves, and holding one of Jane’s hands in her own, Maura tipped her head slightly. “Tell me some more about Sue?”

Jane smiled, and her face relaxed. “Remember after the last incident with Hoyt?”

Maura returned the smile. “Not something you tend to forget in a hurry.”

“Yeah. Stupid question.” Jane grinned feeling a little foolish, “so, as you know I got taken in to the ER, because it’s all this standard operating procedure bullshit that I had to be checked out properly not just by an EMT. So there I was sitting in the cubicle, waiting for someone to come and patch me up, when who walks in but Sue. She was carrying one of those small metal trays with a load of stuff on. She hadn’t been told my name, just that an detective had been hurt, minor injuries, could she attend. She saw me, freaked out, the tray hit the floor - stuff went flying everywhere. I crouched down, desperately trying to help her gather the things together, when damn me if we didn’t collide foreheads. I swore, as you’d expect, Sue burst out laughing, and we ended up just sitting on the floor in the middle of the cubicle, facing each other and we just could not stop laughing. We finally managed to stop, worried in case someone heard us and began checking to see what we might be up to. It helped make my birthday a little better, because I thought I wouldn’t get chance to see her until the following day because she was on night shift.”

“I thought you said you hadn’t been together as a couple for long. Hoyt happened over four months ago.” Maura said, a slight frown creasing her forehead.

“We hadn’t got together then, at least not properly, but I’d be lying if the attraction and need to be around each other wasn’t already there. I just didn’t see it..... or want to see it.” Jane amended quickly. “I learnt that sometimes you don’t always see what’s in front of you. C’mon Maura, you’ve got to admit, when it comes to relationships and dating, I suck. Major league kind of suck. With Sue, it was there, smacking me in the face, literally as it happens, and I wouldn’t allow myself to see it. Now, I think I’m partly scared that if I let someone close, they’ll get hurt because of me, and I’ve lost Sue. She’s paid the ultimate price because of me.” Jane’s mood was quickly becoming sober again, but try as she might, she couldn’t help it.

“Jane.” Maura spoke firmly, making sure she had Jane’s attention. “You listen to me. Whatever happened to Sue was not your fault. We don’t even know if this was an accident, or whether you were specifically targeted. Even if someone wanted to get to you, it’s not your fault. It’s the fault of the person who wanted to do this. You deserve happiness.” Maura took a deep breath. “I’ve seen the changes in you recently. I was too cowardly to bring it up, because I felt somewhat jealous you had obviously got someone in your life that I knew nothing about. I then realized just how hurt you would have been about my lack of candor over Ian. However, if there is one thing I was pleased about, it was seeing you happy. You deserve that, more than perhaps anyone else I know.” 

“I thought, after Hoyt, I could begin to let someone close in again. What if there is someone after me Maura? I can’t subject another person to that sort of pressure or world of hurt. First Hoyt, now someone else? Will it always be like this? I can’t take that risk Maura. I cannot take that sort of responsibility.” Jane admitted, with tears pricking her eyes. “I dropped my guard, and someone I loved paid with their life, and I’ve got their blood on my hands.”

“That isn’t true at all and if you do find someone else you want to be with, let the other person know the risks. If they then decide to stay with you, wants that relationship, that surely has to be their choice Jane. Allow yourself to trust another person’s judgement call on this. There are no guarantees in life, so surely it’s better to open yourself up to experience joy, than to allow another to dictate you live in isolation. That is a sentence in it’s own right. The Jane Rizzoli I’ve seen more recently, I want to see a lot more of. Trust yourself.”

“You really want to see more of who I’ve been lately?” Jane  asked, a grin forming across her face.

“Absolutely.” Maura replied without hesitation.

“Then you Maura are plain weird. I’ve been crying, grumpy and generally a bear to be around the last few days. Not exactly my ideal choice of being with someone.”

“Oh be quiet.” Maura laughed, pleased to see a little of the old Jane coming out. “You know I’m talking about before Sue’s death. I loved to see the changes in you, even if you didn’t see them yourself. I hope you can get back to that again at some point.”

“I just want to stop feeling like this.” Jane spoke softly, the tears returning. “I don’t ever want to hurt like this again. I’m scared Maura. Not like Hoyt scared. Just scared of feeling this way, so out of control. I don’t know if I can deal with it.”

Jane’s admission made Maura begin to cry as well, as she moved in and once more enveloped Jane into a loose hug, always mindful of her injuries. “You’re the strongest person I know Jane, and you will get through this, we will get through this. I’ve said this before, and I’ll keep saying it. Just don’t shut me out, let me help you.”

Jane nodded in to Maura’s shoulder. “I don’t know where I would be if it wasn’t for you.” Jane admitted, surreptitiously trying to wipe her tears, “not just at the moment, but for so long now.”

“I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else.” Maura replied, dropping another kiss on to the top of Jane’s head. “I know how you would react if roles were reversed. I’ve seen how you protect me when I’ve needed it. I’m doing no different.”

After a while, Jane was able to move and sit back on the sofa normally, her actions mirrored by Maura at the other end.

“Did you speak to your mother by the way?” Maura suddenly remembered she had no idea if Jane had the chance to talk about her relationship with Sue to Angela.

“Yeah. She was good.” Jane didn’t elaborate, not that it surprised Maura.

“Did you tell her about Sue’s parents.”

“I told her they hadn’t agreed with my relationship, and I asked her not to see them. Took a bit of persuasion, but she agreed not to go.”

“Does she have the full story?” Maura knew there was a good chance Jane would have left the conversation on the phone out, knowing how angry it would most like make Angela.

“You’re kidding me right! If Ma knew what they had said, she’d blow a gasket.”

“If I knew who had said what?” Angela’s voice drifted in from the doorway, where she had just appeared. “and what on earth would be so bad for me to, as you put it, blow a gasket over?”

“Oh for Christ's sake.” Jane shrunk down into the sofas cushions. “Of course my mother had to walk in right at that moment!”

“Janie, don’t you ignore me!” Angela’s voice rose a notch. “What don’t I know, and who said it!”

“Mama Bear is going to have nothing on this.” Jane mumbled under her breath, earning a grin from Maura. “This is not going to pretty. Some help here would be appreciated.” Jane looked at Maura pleadingly.

“Oh no, you don’t get away with it that easily.” Angela by now had walked in properly, and was standing right in front of Jane, her arms crossed her chest, eyebrows raised.

“Ma, if I tell you, you’ve got to promise me you won’t do anything stupid.”

“What on earth would I do?” Angela asked, confused.

“Oh I don’t know. Try and kill someone is the top of my list.” Jane replied with a grimace and a roll of her eyes, making Maura stifle back a giggle, which she knew would be highly inappropriate.

“Don’t be so dramatic.” Angela scolded, sitting down on the chair, but keeping her arms folded across her chest.

“Oh believe me, I know you. This is not dramatic. This is realistic.” Jane countered.

 “Janie, will you quit stalling and tell me what I want to know!”

“Dammit, Ma, do I have to?” Jane pleaded, looking across to Maura for support, who could only shrug her shoulders, earning a glare in her direction, before Jane looked back at her mother. “Okay, but I still need you to promise me, when I tell you, that you don’t do anything stupid.”

Sighing, Angela nodded. “I promise.” she finally said.

 _Here goes nothing_ Jane thought, swallowing hard.

 


	7. Chapter seven

**Chapter seven**

Angela looked shocked, which quickly turned to a look of pure rage. “I’m not gonna stand by and let someone talk about my baby like that! Where are they staying?” Angela demanded.

“Ma, you promised.” Jane said in a warning tone.

“That was before I found out about this!” Angela shouted, causing Jane to wince.

“Ma, do you really think you going over there is going to change anything? It’ll just give them even more reason to hate me, and I can’t deal with this right now.” Jane sounded genuinely upset, and it halted Angela in her tracks as a new tirade was about to flow from her lips.

“I can’t just let them talk about you like that.” Angela’s voice and stance had softened, but she wasn’t about to give up the argument.

“Yes, you can.” Jane rubbed her hands across her face lightly, reminded again just how sore her body still was, feeling the scabbed over grazes that littered her face. “You go over there, and it lands up in some kind of shouting match. What good is that going to do? Huh? They could end up calling hotel security on you, or even the police. You’re not going to change their minds, so we’ve just got to let them do whatever they want, and don’t rise to it. God, you think I don’t want to go to the funeral! It’s all I want, but I know it would be the worse thing I could do. I don’t even know if they are taking Sue back with them, or if the funeral is going to happen here, but I’m damned if I’m going to get involved Ma. If nothing else, if Sue were alive, she’d be telling me to walk away. That it takes greater strength to do that than try and fight a battle you can’t win.”

Angela sagged into the chair, looking thoughtful. “You know, Sue sounds like she knew what she was talking about.” She finally admitted.

“She did. Every day is a gift was something she would say on a regular basis, and that we should always make the most of it. Ma, she had a load of shit in her life like you would never believe, but she never once told me about her parents and how they have so obviously reacted to her sexuality. Not once. She only ever would tell me how she was loved growing up, that she looked up to her big brother and how proud he was when she became a nurse. I know they were aware about who she dated, because they knew of Sue’s ex, but Sue still didn’t let that cloud her good memories. I realize now, Sue didn’t once mention her parents in more recent times, but she didn’t ever once allow it to mar her earlier, obviously good memories, at least when talking to me. I don’t want my good memories of Sue clouded by her parents either.” 

“Your Mother is right, Sue does sound like she was a truly remarkable woman.” Maura spoke up, sounding impressed by what she had heard. Jane looked across and nodded.

“I’m just so sorry I didn’t have the guts to introduce you.” Jane closed her eyes, as once again tears rolled down her cheeks.

Seeing Jane beginning to cry, broke all of Angela’s resolve and she stood up, without saying a word, only to give a poignant look at Maura, before she left and walked back to the guest house, blinking back her own tears.

Jane’s eyes flickered open only as she heard the door leading out close. She swivelled around, looking at the closed door in disbelief, before looking back at Maura.

“Did Ma just.....” Jane stammered, looking back again at the closed door.

“I do believe she felt it would be better for her to go,” Maura replied, with a slight tilt of her head. “despite being brash at times, your mother does display a remarkable insight as to when to best drop something or not get involved. It doesn’t happen often, and I’ve rarely seen it before today, but that is twice now that she has left to allow you time and space to recover. I sense she will also respect your wishes and not go to Sue’s parents.”

“God I hope you’re right.” Jane stood up slowly. “I need to lie down.” she then looked at Maura, with an expression that was bordering on apologetic.

“Yes, I’ll come and join you.” Maura said, with a slight smile understanding Jane’s unspoken request, and was rewarded by the look of relief that crossed Jane’s face. She followed Jane towards the bedrooms, but carried on towards her own. Jane stopped in the doorway of the guest bedroom looking confused. Suddenly understanding she didn’t know what Maura was doing, she stopped and looked over her shoulder. “I’m getting into some more comfortable clothes, I’ll be right back.”  Jane looked slightly embarrassed as she ducked through the doorway, heading to her room.

Maura quickly changed into a pair of yoga pants and a lightweight top, before joining Jane. She walked in quietly, to find Jane had already changed and got down underneath the covers. Maura pulled the covers back on what had become her side of the bed, and slipped in, without a word being spoken. Once she was settled, she was a little surprised to find Jane moving, obviously in need of contact, so she shifted her position that allowed Jane to rest her head in to her shoulder.

“I’m not making you uncomfortable am I?” Jane asked, her voice sleepy.

“No,” Maura assured her, “Now, rest.” and watched as Jane initially fought sleep, eyelids continually flickering open and closed, before her eyes closed properly and her whole cadence changed as sleep finally won out the battle. Maura didn’t sleep, but she wasn’t bothered, since her presence was what was needed more than anything. She simply took the opportunity to meditate, and to watch over Jane, even more determined to help her through this time. Just as Maura was beginning to relax, a thought ran through her mind, her eye’s popping open. 

“I cannot believe I’ve forgotten the date.” Maura muttered under her breath, as she then also realized she had left her cell in the sitting room, and couldn’t phone to cancel the evening’s event that had been on her calender for a year. She knew she’d have to wait now until Jane woke up hoping that when she cancelled, they would be understanding to Maura’s plight of needing to be at home.

* * *

 

Maura appraised herself in the bedroom mirror, before stepping out to the sitting room, where Jane was lying down on the sofa. On hearing Maura’s footsteps, she looked up, and then carefully pulled herself in to a sitting position, letting out a whistle of appreciation.

“Looking good there Maura.” Jane then said with a wide smile.

Maura blushed slightly at the compliment as she did a little twirl, trying to ignore the way her heart had begun beating just a little faster at the way Jane’s eyes had travelled up and down her body, let alone the way Jane’s words had affected her.  

“Do you think this will suffice?” Maura asked sounding a little nervous, as she picked up a small clutch purse she was taking for the evening.

Jane drank in the sight before her. Maura was wearing a deep rich red evening dress, almost crimson in colour. To compliment it, she had a simple row of obviously expensive pearls adorning her neck, with matching earrings. A small gold bracelet was the only other jewellery she was wearing. The neckline of her dress plunged, accentuating her breasts, and there was a daring, but not too revealing slit on one side from the knee upwards and she wore cream coloured high heels. Her hair was up, being held by a large toothed comb, with some loose strands being allowed to fall down by her cheeks, framing her face and making her eyes stand out even more. The makeup was elegant and subtle, with a light burnished red lipstick matching the color of her nails to complete the look.

Swallowing hard, Jane forced her eyes up to look at Maura. “I think you will do more than suffice,” Jane replied honestly once she felt she could trust her voice.

“I do hope so. I’m not overly keen on these charity events.” Maura admitted, fingering her bracelet nervously. “I’m also so sorry to be leaving you. Had this not been planned for so long, and if I wasn’t on the board of trustee’s.... I can still cancel...... I can’t believe I almost forgot about it!” Maura stopped the rambling that was beginning to build when Jane put a hand up.

“I’ve told you this already. Go, make an obscene amount of money for charity. Besides, I meant what I said, if I need you I won’t hesitate to call. I can’t expect you to be here 24/7, so I need to begin trying to spend time on my own again. This is as good a time as any. I know I had that mini break down earlier, but I know better than to let it get that far. Please trust me on this.” Jane then got up and walked over to, pulling Maura into a light hug, not wanting to mess any part of her outfit or make up. She then placed a light kiss on Maura’s cheek before pulling away. “Go knock ‘em dead!”

Maura couldn’t help but smile at Jane’s use of words. “I think being known as Queen of the Dead isn’t meant to be taken too literally,” Maura said in a teasing tone, only to be interrupted by a firm knock at the door. “That will be the car service.” Taking a deep breath, Maura leaned in for a last quick hug before heading out of the door. “Don’t have a wild party while I’m gone, and put your empty beer bottles in the recycling bin, don’t leave them strewn all over the coffee table.” Maura yelled back over her shoulder in a teasing tone, knowing full well Jane wouldn’t be drinking because of her pain medication, as she closed the door; not seeing the cushion that came flying towards her, having been thrown by Jane as well as the “Yes Ma!” in reply.

Jane settled back down on the sofa, suddenly aware just how quiet the house had become. While she had spent time there alone for brief periods during the day, this was the first time she was on her own at night time since losing Sue. Was it too much too soon? Jane was also very aware as to how worried Maura had been leaving so soon after the accident, and it had taken all of Jane’s persuasion to get her to go out, citing that this wasn’t just any kind of date, but a really important charity dinner.

Jane, despite all she was feeling, would have felt unbearable guilt if Maura had ducked out, for whatever reason. It was the feeling of guilt that surged through Jane the minute Maura had explained who she was about to call when they had got up after Jane’s earlier nap that had prompted Jane to insist Maura go. However difficult it was and however hurt Jane might be, she knew, there were those far worse off, who relied on the money these sort of nights would raise. Jane pulled the blanket that was on the back of the sofa closely around her, as she curled up, putting the television on, hoping it would distract her. She couldn’t even bring herself to think of food, despite being told there was plenty in the fridge she could reheat.

Maura pulled her heels off as she stepped through the front door, not wanting them to make a noise as she got further in to the house, in case Jane was asleep. She then crept in, and saw Jane was curled up on the sofa, cocooned in a blanket, the TV playing away to itself in the background. Although concerned Jane’s position would not be the best for her healing body, Maura hesitated, unsure whether to rouse the brunette, or allow her to continue sleeping. Deciding to take the time before making a decision to go and change, Maura spun around on her heels, and began to move to her bedroom.

Maura paused as she began to remove her makeup, looking at herself in the bathroom mirror, trying to sort through a endless number of emotions that had been trying to surface all evening. While the charity event had been a success, it had been incredibly difficult for Maura to even concentrate, she had been so distracted. She was mortified at one point when someone even questioned her about it, and it had taken all her self restraint to pull her mind back to the moment at  hand, and deftly show she was fine, and perfectly aware what was going on around her. 

Her hand began to move again, slowly, as it ran the a cotton pad with a cleansing oil over her cheeks and forehead, still thoughtful. Currently, Maura felt a little out of sorts, and she was rather unsure how to deal with it. Normally, she would have talked to Jane, but since Jane was the cause of her current unrest, she knew it wasn’t an option. Shaking her head slightly as she finished, Maura turned, and pulled on a fresh pair of silk pajamas. Maura knew she had been affected as Jane looked at her before she had left that evening.

There was, also without a doubt, a reaction that Jane was feeling, although Maura couldn’t be sure if it was simply because, having been with Sue, Jane appreciated the female form more now. Yet, it appeared to be a sexual response that Maura had seen, just as Maura’s reaction had been. Jane, she could understand, but her own reaction had been sudden and totally unexpected. What had Jane said when talking about her and Sue? Sometimes things were right in front of your face, and you didn’t see them. Was it really that simple? Or was this all a result of the highly strung emotions that Sue’s death had brought about with them both. Maura moved through her bedroom, with no answers, and the same questions running through her head, wondering if she even begin to find the answers she was seeking.

_Jane walked into the dark apartment, using her phone to help light up her way, not wanting to bump into any furniture, not only for self preservation reasons, but because she didn’t want to risk waking Sue, who was undoubtedly fast asleep having come off a double shift in the ER. As she pushed the bedroom door open, she smiled as she saw that Sue was indeed dead to the world, curled on her side, hugging one pillow tightly. Jane didn’t even shed her clothes, only stopping long enough to kick off her boots before she slid on to the bed._

_Sue shifted position. “Honey, is that you?” Her voice was sleep laden, and she hadn’t even bothered to open her eyes._

_Feeling guilty for having disturbed Sue, Jane wiggled down the bed a little more, before Sue moved instinctively across to place her head on Jane’s right shoulder. “I didn’t mean to disturb you.” Jane murmured, as she watched Sue inhale, taking in the scent of her lover as if for the first time._

_“You could never disturb me.” Sue sounded a little less sleepy, and cracked open one eyelid to look up at Jane’s amused expression. “What time is it?” a frown then crossing her face._

_“A little before four. I’ve got to go back in for eight, so just thought I’d try and catch a couple of hours before getting a shower and a change of clothes.”  Jane’s arm by now had snaked around Sue’s lower torso, hooking around her waist, pulling her in closer. “Go back to sleep.”_

_Sue could feel the tension rolling off Jane, and had been around her long enough to know whatever case she had caught was a bad one. “Bad case?” Sue didn’t ask very often, but knew if she didn’t Jane wouldn’t open up at all and not get any sleep, despite her best intentions to try. Either that, or nightmares would intrude and wake Jane, making sleep pretty redundant._

_“Not the best.” Jane admitted, taking a deep breath._

_“Anything I can do?” Sue asked, snuggling in, looking up now with both eyes, fully awake, her own concern showing._

_Jane smiled. “No, just being you, being here, it helps.” Jane then admitted, before she looked serious again. “I’m sorry, I’m selfish waking you like this. I’ll go and sleep on the sofa.” Jane went to get off the bed, only to be stopped by Sue’s arm as it shot out from under the covers, keeping Jane in place._

_“You’ll do no such thing.” Sue said, looking stern. “And don’t you ever apologize for waking me, or needing me. I know you find it hard, but I can only keep telling you, I don’t mind you letting me in. If anything, I need you to. I don’t expect you to be able to shake off every case, any more than I can shake off a situation when we lose someone under tragic circumstances at work. We need each other to remind ourselves of the good we do, not when it doesn’t work out as we’d hoped.” Sue pulled back with surprising strength, bringing the older, taller woman back into her body, refusing to loosen her hold, despite a feeble attempt by Jane to get free. Jane quickly surrendered, and lifting her hips, moved under the covers, bringing their bodies even closer._

_“Thank you.” Jane murmured, as she fought a yawn, much to the amusement of Sue. “God I don’t know what I’ve done to deserve you, and I love you.” Another yawn followed, Jane unable to stop this one from happening._

_“No thanks needed. I love you as well; now, rest.” Sue said, landing a light kiss on Jane’s lips before settling down in position so they could both sleep comfortably. “I’ll be here when you wake up because I’m back on nights.”_

_Her last words were lost to Jane, who had already succumbed to her tiredness and she’d fallen asleep with a smile plastered across her face._

Maura finally walked to the kitchen and saw Jane was still asleep, and seemed relatively peaceful. If anything, it looked as if the lightest of smiles was playing across her lips, and it brought a smile to Maura’s face, who pulled a bottle of water out of the fridge, which she intended to take back with her to whichever bedroom she might land up in for the rest of the night. She didn’t want to make assumptions that Jane would need her, but equally, Maura knew she had to be ready for that possibility. She then moved in, turning the television off and crouched down in front of the sofa, a hand reaching out gently, to rest on Jane’s exposed shoulder having decided the sofa was fine for a while, but that Jane needed a proper bed for the rest of the night.

“Jane, sweetheart, wake up.” Maura whispered. Jane moved and muttered something unintelligible, but didn’t seem to be roused by Maura’s request. Maura shook Jane ever so slightly this time, before speaking again. “Jane, you need to wake up.” her voice fractionally louder than before.

Jane slowly became more aware of the world around her, as her sleep fogged brain began to catch up. With it came the comforting awareness of someones body close to her own, heat radiating around her chest, undoubtedly because someone was near. A voice, familiar, safe, warm. Without thinking Jane moved, and instinctively found lips, that her own locked on to, moaning into the kiss.

“Jane.” Maura gasped, unable to stop her own reaction of returning the kiss, albeit for fractions of a second, before stiffening at the contact that had occurred. It terrified her, but also Maura couldn’t deny, she felt elated by what had happened, even though she knew Jane had been driven on instinct, obviously not aware it was Maura she had kissed. Before Maura could do anymore about her feelings, Jane’s eyes flew open. 

“Maura! Oh my god.... I thought...... Jesus, I thought you were Sue..... God......” Jane jumped up, and immediately grabbed her side as her ribs hurt, fighting for breath. This spurred Maura into action, as she brought a hand out to hold Jane’s free one.

“Jane, just relax. It’s okay, I’m fine, it happened, it was instinct.” Maura was quick to try and reassure Jane, who was not only looking horrified at what she had just done, but was also beginning to hyperventilate.

“Jane, you need to try and calm down.” Maura stated, her grip tightening on Jane. “Look at me, listen to my voice. You need to get your breathing under control. In.... out..... in..... out. Nice even steady breaths, but not too deep, and don’t keep it in.” Maura was fighting down her own panic, as Jane’s lips began to take on a distinct blue tinge. “Come on Jane, you can do this.” 

Jane meanwhile was beginning to feel that familiar perception of blackness invade the very edge of her consciousness. She was willing herself to listen to Maura, to not let it overtake her like it had done already. _She was not going to capitulate again, dammit. She was not._


	8. Chapter eight

**Chapter eight**

“Did the Doc tell you what was wrong?” Frost queried as they walked back to into the precinct,  having been given a new case, since they had stalled somewhat on looking in to Jane’s accident.

“Nope, although she said something had come up at home, so it sounds like something had happened to Jane. Did sound as if it had sorted itself out though. Whatever it was about, she wasn’t about to tell me, and you know she won’t tell you, even if you push.” Korsak sank down into his chair gratefully, as the tiredness began to seep in. He didn’t even dare look at the clock to see how late it was.

“Yeah, unless you’re Jane of course.” Frost muttered, earning him a look of surprise from the older detective.

“Just what in the hell do you mean by that?” Korsak asked, leaning forward, resting his elbows on the edge of his desk.

“C’mon, I don’t believe for one second you’ve not noticed.” Frost hitched his voice a little higher, to mimic Maura. “I can only tell you once I’ve completed my findings.” He looked back at Korsak, “If we try and push, we get the cut off glare. You know the one, where you end up checking your balls haven’t just shrivelled and disappeared on you. Christ in that mood, she can even out glare Jane and that’s saying something... As for Jane, she pushes, gets glared out, but the Doc will argue it back and forth, until Jane gets her to concede something. Even if it’s if that damn reddish brown stain is most likely blood, whereas for everyone else, it’s just a brown reddish stain, nothing more, nothing less. I heard if it wasn’t for Maura, Jane wouldn’t have gone to the awards ceremony after the shootings. Those two get each other to do things no-one else stands a cat in hells chance of getting them involved in. Can you tell me you would have seen Jane running, let alone a marathon, but for the Doc. Or that the Doc would have been playing softball if it wasn’t for Jane....... it’s like everyone but those two see it.”

“Yeah, you’re right, but you know we can’t say anything to them. If there is more to their friendship, it’s up to those two to work it out.”

“I know that. I just....” Frost sighed, “I just realized that Jane had been different recently, and I’m wondering why? It’s like she’d let someone in close, and I don’t think it was the Doc, and with what you’ve not been telling me, am I so off the mark when I think she and Sue had some kind of relationship going?”

“You’re gonna have to ask Jane that.” Korsak replied with a shrug of his shoulders.

“Oh yeah, when?” Frost countered. “I’ve not seen her since before the accident, and I’m not likely to see her for a few days yet. It’ll explain a lot, I don’t see why you can’t just confirm if I’m right. Makes me wonder if I’m gonna be looking in to her accident right if I’ve not got all in the information.”

Korsak rubbed his hands wearily across his face. “Listen, I’ve said before, you need to talk to Jane. I get you’ve not seen her, but why not pop around tomorrow sometime, just to see how she is anyway? I can cover you for an hour or so, and even if you don’t get chance to talk, you should have a chance to see how she is. As for not being able to do the job, you’ve got everything you need to know, and you’re doing just fine. I wouldn’t keep anything from you if I even thought for one second it could impact on our ability to check out Jane’s accident.”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever. I don’t know about you, but I’m beat and heading home.” Frost began to walk out of the doors, before turning around for one last look at Korsak. “I’ll go see Jane tomorrow morning.”

“You do that.” Korsak replied as the doors swung shut, as he lent back in his chair. “Now, lets look a little deeper in to your ex Sue.” Korsak then moved to begin looking back through some files that had been dropped off on his desk while they were out on the other scene. He’d arranged for Frankie to look after Jo Friday, so was in no rush to get home.

* * *

“Ah, Jesus.” Jane exclaimed as she wanted to throw up again, but only could manage watery bile that was now burning the back of her throat relentlessly, as if being sick wasn’’t enough. Maura was kneeling just behind her, holding Jane’s hair out of the way with one hand, and using a cool cloth to give to Jane so she could wipe down around her face and mouth with the other.

“It’ll pass soon.” Maura assured Jane. “While it’s unusual for someone to actually be physically sick when suffering with panic, it can happen, and it doesn’t last for long. Because of the changes in carbon dioxide levels in the blood, this can lead to shifts in the blood pH balance, changing respiratory alkalosis or hypocapnia......”

“Stop... Just.... enough.” Jane said, just looking over her shoulder with disbelief. It was enough to stop Maura in her tracks. “Oh god.” before Jane could do anymore, she was head down in the toilet again.

Maura began to feel concerned, as she watched Jane’s breathing became shallow and was quickening. Recognizing another panic attack was about to happen, she quickly moved to look at Jane.

“I just... want this... to... stop.” Jane could hardly speak, as her body began to violently shake and she felt like she was losing all sense of reality again.

“I know you do.” Maura’s voice was full of sympathy, as she moved in closer. “You can do this, you just need to regulate your breathing again. You’ve done it already, you can do it again. I know you don’t believe me right now, but this doesn’t last.”  

Maura’s eyes engaged Jane’s, who held her gaze as if Maura were the only thing she had keeping her from sinking altogether. Jane reached out a hand, and locked it on to Maura’s forearm.

“Just don’t go.” Jane implored, looking worried.

“I’m not going anywhere.” Maura assured her, as she continued to talk to Jane, giving her instructions on how to breath. Finally, she could tell Jane was regaining some of her equilibrium. Maura felt confident enough to move, having slowly peeled Jane’s hand off her arm, where Maura wondered if she would now have some bruising, Jane had clung on so tightly. Maura grabbed the cloth she’d been using earlier to rinse it back under the cold water. Rather than give it straight back to Jane, she crouched down.

“Think you are ready to move again?”

Jane nodded weakly, and Maura put a hand underneath her elbow, and helped guide her across to the bed. Without another word, Maura took the cloth, and began to gently wipe Jane’s face and neck down. Maura could see a change in her facial expression, but before she could ask what was wrong, Jane had clamped a hand across her mouth.

“I think.....” Jane didn’t get any further as she lurched back into the bathroom on very wobbly legs, closely followed by Maura.

After another session of Jane wanting to be sick, but failing miserably because of her now empty stomach, Maura finally got her in bed, looking pale and sweaty. Maura had quickly checked that Jane’s temperature wasn’t raised, worried in case she’d got this wrong, and for some reason Jane had an infection, perhaps as a result of one of the many cuts and grazes that littered her body. She was satisfied to note that Jane’s temperature, while slightly elevated, was between the normal range. Despite all of this, Maura’s concern was beginning to grow, because she seemed to be having little or no effect in helping Jane out of the state she was now in. Jane was hardly speaking, and her face was drawn and pinched.

“It’s all too raw, too painful.”

Jane’s voice was so unexpected, it made Maura jump slightly. Maura looked across the room from where she was sorting out some bed clothes for herself, which she finished pulling on, before walking over and sinking down on the other side of the bed, keeping focused on Jane. While Maura had seen Jane vulnerable, and at the time Maura had thought it had been Jane’s most vulnerable, Maura now knew that she was way off the mark. This new level of vulnerability was actually concerning, and twice now Maura had debated calling in a friend from medical school who had gone on to become a psychiatrist, and lived in the Boston area. It was only knowing Jane’s aversion to any form of therapy that had stopped Maura from taking it further, but she was now questioning the decision wondering if that had been a mistake.

“I know I keep saying it, but it’s going to take time.” Maura said, in soft tones as she gathered Jane into her arms as they lay down.

“I’m scared of forgetting Sue. I’m scared someone else is after me again. I’m scared because I’ve never once felt like this in my life. I’m scared....” Jane halted for a second, as a tear ran down her cheek. “I’m scared I’m pushing you away. God, what I did earlier.... was inexcusable. I’m scared I could lose you in so many ways. I miss Sue so badly. It hurts, and not just physically.”

“You could never lose me, and as for earlier, we’ve already spoken about that. It was instinctive, and I could never hold it against you.” Maura persisted gently, her own heart breaking at the sound of Jane’s voice, which conveyed the raw agony she was so obviously feeling. Jane moved in, once again seeking out the comfort of Maura’s shoulder, where she rested her head allowing Maura’s presence to relax her as much as was possible at the moment. Sleep was a while coming, but it finally took control of them both, allowing them both respite.

* * *

 

_“Hey, I’m sorry for being late.....” Jane walked in, stripping off her badge and gun, which she placed in the locked drawer that Sue had sorted out for her to use when coming over to her apartment. “Again! This heat makes people all kinda nuts, ya know.”_

_Sue merely smiled, and walked across with an already opened, chilled bottle of beer, which she put in to Jane’s unresisting hands, before guiding her down on to her sofa. Already waiting on the coffee table was a selection of snacks, which Jane delved in to, suddenly ravenous._

_“I know it’s late, so I wasn’t sure if you’d eaten, but thought this would help if you haven’t. And you know, with the heat, you’d want something light as well. I know the idea of a full meal for me is stomach churning enough.” Sue explained as Jane looked across, taking a bite out of some cheese she’d grabbed._

_“God, just when I think I couldn’t love you any more.” Jane practically purred as she sank her teeth in to some prosciutto._

_“Well, I thought I would see if the adage of the way to somebody’s heart is through their stomach is true.” Sue teased, taking a sip of her own previously poured glass of red wine, as she also helped herself to some bruschetta._

_“My heart was already taken.” Jane said, as she finally began to feel better, and sat back in to the sofas cushions._

_“Oh, damn!” Sue placed her hand across her brow in a dramatic gesture. “Who is she? I want to kick her ass.”_

_“Some blonde who rode in one night and swept me off my feet.” Jane moved and captured Sue’s lips with her own for a quick kiss. “Great kisser too.”_

_“Oh really.” Sue’s eyebrows shot up, and she shifted position. “I guess I better get some practice in then.”_

_“I like the sound of that.” Jane put her beer down, and moved to once more capture Sue’s lips with her own. “Have I told you how beautiful you are.” the last words were spoken in barely a whisper, making Sue’s heart jump in her chest._

_“Not today you haven’t.” Sue found her voice and managed to reply, and then let out a whimper as Jane’s lips closed back over her own. It ended all too soon as Jane finally pulled away, her eyes sparkling as they roamed across Sue’s lips, that were now swollen and glistening in the soothing light of the room. The sexual tension was rising and tangible, humming beneath the surface._

_“I don’t have to go in to work until Sunday.” Sue finally spoke up, almost looking shy._

_“I’ve been told they don’t expect to see my face for a day at least.” Jane replied, a smirk crossing her face as she saw the imploring look Sue had given as she had spoken, so obviously asking to take the last step in binding their relationship. The step they had held back on by mutual agreement, both wanting to be sure that this was right for them._

_“Are you sure about this?” Sue’s question was spoke softly, as she brought Jane’s hands in to her own, linking their fingers together._

_They had held back, wanting to be comfortable, not just emotionally, but on a practical level as well. Sue was well aware of Jane’s fight to always be accepted in the world she worked, and that while female detectives were now more common, Jane had faced endless amounts of prejudice to get where she was today. Not least, wrongly, that she was a lesbian, and while Sue knew that Jane didn’t label herself, they both also recognized that by taking the steps they had and were hopefully going to take shortly, it would open Jane up once again to ridicule and even possible harassment._

_Locking eyes with Sue, Jane smiled. “I’m sure.” was all Jane needed to say to show this was what she wanted more than anything. She didn’t want to deny herself any longer, and she simply allowed Sue to lead her towards the bedroom._

_Once there, they began to strip off the layers of clothing, eventually stumbling backwards on the bed in a heap and a tangle of limbs. Jane’s hands began to run over Sue’s skin, and finally she moved down to the last articles of clothing, pulling open the button of Sue’s pants, before sliding the zipper down. Sue’s actions were mirroring Jane’s and neither was able to take their eyes off each other._

_Just as the last of the vestige of cloth was removed, Jane sensed Sue tense a little underneath her. Jane stopped kissing around Sue’s neck and looked at her questionably._

_“My scars.” Sue hesitantly spoke up, as way of explanation when she realized Jane had stilled her movements. “I just....”_

_Jane instantly understood what Sue was trying to tell her, and moved a little to bring one of her hands up, making sure it was in Sue’s line of vision, that the mark from Hoyt was obvious._

_“You know how I got these.” Jane’s voice was husky with emotion as she spoke, imploring Sue to listen and understand. “What you don’t know is that I hardly ever allow anyone to touch these scars. There have only ever been two people, and you’re the second one. As for this....” Jane moved and linked Sue’s one hand with her own, before it drifted down towards the scar left from the shooting, “Apart from medically, no-one else has ever touched this. Do these scars scare you? Upset you? Define who I am? Do they repulse you somehow?”_

_“God, no.” Sue’s voice was choked with emotion, as she leant down, and kissed the scar her hand had just been resting on._

_“So, what makes you believe I will see your scars and feel any differently.” Jane’s voice was comforting, as she brought her fingers around and lifted Sue’s chin so she could look at her. “They might be part of us, but they only say we survived, and hopefully come away stronger.”_

_Sue began to cry in earnest, as she pulled Jane in to a kiss. “I need...” Sue said, as her tears dried and her desire grew again. “I need to feel you.... need you to kiss me all over....” Sue was momentarily distracted as Jane kissed down past her collarbone, capturing a nipple in her mouth, grinning at the way Sue had faltered, “Dammit it, I want you so much.” Sue finally managed to gasp._

_Jane rolled Sue over, knowing it was where the majority of her scars were, and began to place light kisses over them, occasionally trailing a tongue, to emphasis the point, before finally flipping Sue on to her back again. “I love all of you.” Jane enforced the feelings into words, before once again trailing down towards her ultimate goal. Despite never having been with a woman before, she found she didn’t even hesitate, and was driven purely on instinct. While it might not have been perfect, at that moment, it was the most incredible sensation either woman had ever experienced._

_Finally, both women lay down in a hazy afterglow, as their breathing rate returned somewhere closer to normal as Sue turned, pulling herself in to the naked body of Jane, spooning in to her kissing the exposed shoulder._

_“Jane?”_

_“Mmmm.” Jane mumbled, as tiredness was beginning to steal over her._

_“Thank you.” Sue couldn’t help herself, and unable to resist, was now planting kisses not just across Jane’s shoulder, but had moved and was attacking the back of Jane’s neck, finding a particularly sensitive spot just behind Jane’s ear she’d discovered only a short time earlier._

_Jane moaned, as the tongue seemed to make her skin even more sensitised that it already was, her tiredness suddenly forgotten, and sleep was the furthest thing from her mind as she rolled back over to meet Sue._

_“God, you’re insatiable.” Jane murmured against Sue’s lips once again totally amazed at how just one smouldering look from her lover was enough to make her insides clench, as fingertips ghosted across her skin, goosebumps following their tract, moving ever closer to their intended goal. As they rounded Jane’s hips, she couldn’t stop the moan that escaped._

Maura was brought out of her sleep by a noise from Jane. She immediately sat up, flicking on the side light on the nightstand, but was relieved to see that Jane didn’t appear to be in any distress. If anything, Maura frowned slightly as she realized Jane appeared to be in some kind of other dream entirely as a low guttural moan escaped Jane’s mouth, and for a minute, Maura felt like she was intruding on a personal moment that she shouldn’t have been, even though she knew she had no control over the situation she’d woken up to.

Without further thought, Maura carefully slipped out of the bed, pulled on her robe, and walked in towards the kitchen, noting it was almost time for her to get up anyway. She made her way to the coffee machine, which, as always was set up ready to go. Pressing the relevant buttons, Maura then sat down on one of the stools she had against the kitchen island, trying not to think about what she had just witnessed, let alone think about how her own body had reacted, and was still reacting. She fervently hoped that by the time Jane woke and got up, she would have her own emotion under control.

Maura was sitting drinking her coffee when she was surprised to hear someone knocking on her door. Getting up, she opened it up to find a sheepish looking Barry Frost on the other side.

“Hope I haven’t woken you, but I thought I’d come round before heading in to work, see how Jane is doing.” Frost said by way of explanation.

Smiling, Maura opened the door wider, indicating he should come in. “The coffee is fresh, I’m assuming you’d like some?”

“Please.” Frost’s eyes lit up, as he walked over to the island, sitting down on the stool Maura indicated he could use as she dealt with his coffee, before refilling her own and joining him.

“Jane’s still asleep, but if....”

“Jane’s up.” Came the sleep filled voice as Jane appeared, tying her robe in place, squinting through tired eyes. “Because someone forgot to switch off the alarm, and I’m desperate for a coffee.”

Maura stood up ignoring Jane’s comment about the alarm, “I’ll just go and get dressed.” and before either Frost or Jane could argue, left the room, coffee in hand, sensing they needed some space to be alone. Jane watched Maura leave, before grabbing her coffee and taking the stool Maura had just vacated.

Frost fidgeted a little, feeling on edge now that he was actually there. Jane couldn't help but grin as she watched him.

“Good to see you too Frost.” Jane spoke up, with a slight shake of her head.

“Yeah, good to see you.” Frost finally overcame his nerves, and looked more at Jane, noticing how tired she was looking. Let alone that her face was now a myriad of color from the bruises, that although beginning to show some signs of fading were still very prominent. “Interesting combination of color you got going on there. Looks like someone tagged your face.” Frost nodded towards Jane’s face with a grin.

“Yeah, well I thought I’d try something different.” Jane was pleased he was able to joke around with her, and it felt as if some normality had settled, if only temporarily. “I wouldn’t recommend it though. Hurts like a bitch.”

“Thanks for the warning.” Frost grin widened before dropping from his face. “How are you? Really?”

“Been better.” Jane admitted with a sigh.

“Listen, Korsak won’t tell me...” Frost shifted uncomfortably in his seat, “And if you really don’t want to answer, I’ll accept that and won’t ask again.... but you and Sue?”

Jane closed her eyes briefly, before looking back at her partner knowing exactly what his question was. “Yes, we were romantically involved, and just so you know, Sue’s parents haven’t taken kindly to the fact and I’m public enemy number one with them at the moment.”

“Shit, Jane, I’m sorry.” Frost was struck at how unfair that seemed, “is there anything we can do?”

“Just find the bastard who did this.” Jane’s reply was venom filled.

“We’re working on it.” Frost said and was pleased to see Jane nod slightly, seemingly happy to hear just that much. He would hate to say they had so far gotten nowhere.

Maura paused in the hallway, a little uncertain whether to intrude, and decided against it, walking back to her bedroom and closing the door firmly. She sat on the edge of her bed, fiddling with a book she picked up idly, needing to do something with her hands, not even bothering to open it up to read. She was still trying to fathom out her own emotions of the last few days. Whatever was going on, it was scaring Maura just a little because it seemed so out of her control.

She couldn’t deny, she and Jane had become close over time. Very close and Maura was very aware of some of the gossip around the precinct, that had her and Jane not only as a couple, but having been together now for some time. Not least after the first re-emergence of Hoyt and how Jane had turned to Maura for help. Yet, they had dismissed the rumors as merely men with overactive imaginations, but now, as Maura sat and analyzed it all, she couldn’t help but begin to question everything their friendship had been based on. While there had been definite statements to show they both weren’t interested in each other beyond being friends, often while joking, there were times when questions were raised.

Yet, Maura couldn’t deny that Jane had found another woman attractive, and despite saying it was the one and only time, subconsciously was it more than Jane realized? Was it more than Maura realized? Or was it just the overwhelming emotion generated with the loss of Sue that was making it all seem so strange? Maura knew she had no way of truly knowing, for a while at least. Jane needed to recover, to repair the fractures of her heart, and until then Maura could only ask the questions to herself and certainly find no answers.


	9. Chapter nine

**Chapter nine**

She sat on the bed in the hotel room, anger rising as they read the report in the paper where it gave the information that Detective Jane Rizzoli had survived an automobile accident where one fatality had occurred, and that police were treating it as suspicious, although were at pains to say Detective Rizzoli had been cleared of any wrong doing at this time. They were both supposed to die, no survivors. Grabbing the paper, she began to rip it up until it was in small pieces strewn around the room as if someone had gone mad with ticker tape.

She stilled her movements only to then move and turn on the television. She then sat back on the only chair that was in the room, the stillness returning. Although her alarm had been set to go off at six, she’d been awake long before that. The hot weather had returned with a vengeance after an all too brief respite, unforgiving in it’s nature, matching her own feelings well. She was hoping the news would have more depth in the report. Had it even made the local news?

Last night, in the hotel lobby she’d noticed the receptionists look of disdain. Her coat had been carried over her arm, because she knew it was tatty and would look out of place, but she’d made the trip to get some new clothes before going there, and was angered when the receptionist enquired if she had a reservation. She had kept calm when answering, and was not at all surprised when the questioning look was dropped as she pushed the cash needed to pay for the room. She had reveled in the uncertainty her actions had caused, and left the lobby with a bemused expression. It was fun to play with another persons feelings. It was the one piece of fun she was getting with having to move around, not wanting to risk staying in one location too long.

Suddenly her attention was brought sharply back to the screen, and she lent forward to get a closer look, using the remote to increase the sound level, ignoring the pounding that accompanied this and shouts to keep the noise down  from one of the adjoining rooms. Listening intently, she was pleased to see there was little, if any, information that was leading back to her. She jumped slightly as her cellphone began to ring, and lowered the television sound before answering.

“Hello.” Her tone was gruff and impatient.

“Have you seen the news?”

“Yeah, and....” She sounded bored by the question.

“If someone saw us......” They didn’t get any further as she cut in.

“No-one saw us, and even if they did, it wouldn’t have been enough to give anything away.” She was confident in her abilities and that she had left nothing to chance. This call was fast becoming an annoyance.

“But...”

“But nothing. Now, unless there is another reason you’ve called, I’ve got plans to make. I’m disappointed in myself for not getting both, so I’m having to revise my original idea. However, don’t worry, nothing will be traced back to you.” She almost sneered down the phone at them, hating she had to involve them at all, but also knowing their help had been invaluable. She didn’t give them a chance to say any more as she hit the end button, putting the cell back down on the nightstand where it had been sitting.

She stood up and stretched, planning out in her mind, working out whether she needed more items, or if what she already had would be enough to achieve her goal. She decided a walk across to the garage she was renting was in order, so she could go through things, rather than rely on her memory.

She walked through the crowds, the heat of the day dissipating slightly as the evening sun set, allowing the humidity level to finally drop again, making it far more comfortable. People were hurrying home, ready to enjoy the remainder of the day, as usual, not taking any real notice as to what was happening around them, too focused on their own lives to care about others. It was this lack of detail that people saw she relied upon, and it never disappointed.

She approached the door at the address she had been given, and knocked sharply, then waited patiently for an answer. A short time later, the door opened, and a very unkempt man stood in front of her. Immediately he recognized her face, and nodded before he just walked away, expecting her to close the door behind them, which she did. She followed him into a small sitting room, with a very shabby sofa. Like the occupant, it was a room that was unkempt and dirty. Empty beer cans, old pizza boxes, and overflowing ashtrays adorned the room. She remained standing, unable to even bring herself to sit in such filth. With the heat of the last few weeks, the place not only had the odor of stale cigarette smoke everywhere, but the odor of rotting food and other general decay. 

Sunlight filtered through tatty curtains, thin with age and stained yellow with nicotine. Dust particles were picked up in her line of sight as they drifted through the air as the hazy sunlight caught them. There was no getting away from it, the whole place reeked of filth. 

“Did you manage to get the items I’ve asked for?” Her manner brisk and to the point, her face hard, eyes cold like steel as she looked at him. Not that he was bothered by this. He knew of her reputation, and had dealt with many others like her. He didn’t get to do what he did by being scared of the customer. Unnerved on occasion perhaps, but her attitude wasn’t enough to scare him, particularly when he knew, if he got what she had ordered she would walk out of there, and they wouldn’t even have to see each other again. 

“Yes, I have managed to get all the things you wanted. Delivery as you requested is tomorrow at the point of collection you also wanted.” As he spoke, he lit another cigarette, fingers stained from the endless smoking habit he had.

She nodded, seemingly satisfied with this, before looking to leave. Just before she did, she turned and looked at him carefully. “I want to make it plain that I don’t intend to hear from you again. Payment will be placed as soon as delivery is complete.”

Without giving him chance to answer, she had walked back to the front door and let herself out.

She stood briefly on the doorstep, and allowed herself an unusual treat. A genuine smile of satisfaction. In fact she felt elated and almost burst into laughter so joyful did she feel.

* * *

 

Jane had gone to change once Frost had left, and smiled as she came back in to the kitchen to find Maura was back there, washing the mugs.

“How did the visit from Barry go?” Maura queried as she picked up a small towel she used to wipe her hands down, before moving to the stool to sit alongside Jane.

“Good.” Jane smiled slightly.

“Okay.” Maura looked around, wondering what to suggest, when Jane looked across at her with a thoughtful expression.

“Maura, I’m going to ask something, and I don’t know if you’re going to be able to do this. Hell, it might be too late anyway.”

Maura looked slightly surprised at Jane. “Okay, if I can help, what is it?”

“Any chance I can be slipped into the morgue to see Sue?” Jane’s voice carried a note of hope.

“Oh Jane.” Maura looked and sounded upset. “I would, except a funeral home came yesterday to pick her up.”

“That’s okay. I did say it might already be too late.” Jane replied, trying not to let her disappointment show. She stood up, and moved across to the sofa where she fiddled with the television remote before channel hopping. Once she realized there was absolutely nothing of interest on, she turned the television back off, and sighed loudly. Maura watched from a distance.

“God, I’m bored.” Jane finally said, twisting around to face Maura. “can we please get out of here?”

Maura hesitated with her reply. On the one hand, she was pleased to see Jane felt like getting out and about, but tempered with that was also the knowledge that Jane was still very fragile emotionally, but decided the benefits outweighed the risks.

“Have anywhere in mind?” Maura asked.

Jane averted her gaze, before looking back at where Maura was standing. “You’re not going to like it, but I’ve have to do this. I need to go to Sue’s apartment. I’ve got things there....” Jane faltered slightly. “If Sue’s parents are serious and want to keep me away, I’ve not got a big window of opportunity to do this. I might already be too late, and they might have gained access. It won’t be illegal because I have a key.” Jane added quickly.

Maura gave it some thought. “It might be argued because you’ve been told to stay away, if they discover you’ve been in there....” Maura stopped. “I’m coming with you, and if there is even a hint they are there, or likely to turn up, we’re turning right around and coming back. Is that clear.”

“Crystal.” Jane agreed, standing up impatient to get going. “She has...” Jane shook her head, “had a lobby attendant, so we can ask if anyone is there before going up. I know the one who tends to be on during the day, and he’ll let me know if there is any problem without reporting it back.”

“How can you be so sure?” Maura questioned as she began to get ready to go out.

“Because Pete’s gay.” Jane replied with a slight shrug of her shoulders. “Once he gets the full story, he’ll be on my side.”

Sure enough, as soon as Jane had explained the situation to Pete, he had immediately said he’d call up if there was any sign of Sue’s family, and that so far, no-one had been to visit the apartment, at least not that he had heard, and certainly not while he’d been at work. Jane and Maura quickly made their way up to the elevator, and arrived on the third floor where Sue’s apartment was housed. Taking a deep breath, Jane moved towards the front door, and was slightly shocked to see her hand was shaking as she put the key up to the first of the two locks. She dipped her head fractionally as she regathered her thoughts, before opening the door.

She was immediately struck with the smell. It was the essence of Sue and Jane, while expecting a reaction, had not been quite prepared for the way her legs suddenly felt weak. She was also suddenly aware than Maura was guiding her towards the sofa in the room and getting her to sit down, before going to close the door on them. Jane flashed Maura a grateful smile, as she spent a couple of minutes to compose herself before looking back at Maura who was watching her, concern etched on her face.

“Maura, don’t worry. If it gets too much, we’re out of here.” Jane said, before standing up finding her feet again. “So, let’s not waste any more time.”

Maura followed Jane through to the bedroom, aware just how comfortable Jane was in the apartment, enforcing the notion that she had spent a lot of time here. Maura was also trying to gauge some of whom Sue was by what was around them. So far, it was obvious that Sue looked for comfort as much as practicality, with the apartment decorated out in warm, neutral tones, but with a sofa that didn’t quite match the decor, but certainly looked immensely comfortable. There were a few personal pictures around, although none Maura noted of her family. Most seemed to be friends, and Maura was then brought up short as she spotted a framed picture on one side of the bed.

It was obviously taken by someone other than Sue or Jane, since they were both in the picture. Wherever they were, the person taking it must have been down a little way from them because the shot was effectively looking back up towards them, as they were sitting on a park bench, looking towards each other; both heads thrown back and laughing, Jane’s arm snaked around Sue’s shoulders, whereas Sue had one arm wrapped around Jane’s waist. It was totally candid, and Maura couldn’t remember a time when she’d ever seen a picture like this of Jane. So carefree is the thought that crossed her mind. I’ve never seen her so carefree.

She was brought out of her thoughts as Jane opened up a closet, and pulled out a duffel bag, and began to push some clothes in there. She had hardly taken the time to stop and look towards the bed, that still had rumpled sheets.If anything, Jane appeared to be averting her eyes so she wouldn’t have to look that way. Maura had to wonder if they had been here, the morning before Jane’s life was ripped apart, and Sue’s taken from her. Maura carefully walked over to the nightstand, and picking the picture up, she dropped it wordlessly in to her oversized purse. Jane had already moved in to the bathroom, without looking back at all and within minutes, Maura heard Jane calling.

“Maura, I’m done. Ready to go?”

Maura could hear the emotion beginning to rise in Jane’s voice, and hurried out to find Jane hovering in the front doorway, looking a lot paler than she had when they had first arrived. Maura simply nodded, and joined Jane, before taking charge of closing the door and locking it behind them.

“Are you sure you don’t want anything else?” Maura questioned softly. “If you can’t do it, let me know what and where I’ll find it, go back down to the car and wait for me and I’ll retrieve it for you.”

Jane dropped her head. “No.” Jane blew out a quick breath before lifting her head again, “I’ve got all I need.” and began to walk away from the memories that were invading her mind, Maura following on trying to allow Jane some space to process whatever she needed to. They quickly said their goodbyes to Pete, who said he’d call if he felt there was anything Jane needed to know, before heading back to the car.

“I’ve just remembered. I rushed out yesterday and left my shoes and purse at work. Vince was going to drop them off, but since we’re only a short distance from the precinct, would it be okay if I just stopped to pick them up, to save Vince a trip later.”

Jane nodded and even smiled. “Yeah, that’ll be good. I’ll pop in and see everyone,” seeing the look on Maura’s face, she quickly added, “I won’t hang around. I’ll stay only as long as you do.”

Nodding her agreement, Maura pulled out into traffic, and within a short distance later was pulling up in the precinct parking garage.

“How come you always seem to find a parking spot here, but every time I try, there is nothing available.” Jane grumbled as she got out.

“I don’t always find a spot Jane.” Maura countered, “That would be mathematically impossible.”

“Fine, I believe you.” Jane carried on grumbling, “Not.” she muttered under her breath, so that Maura couldn’t hear her. She waited impatiently as they then waited for the elevator, rocking back and forth on her feet. “What?” Jane then looked across to Maura, aware she was being studied.

“Nothing much, I was just thinking that you change when you get here. You become...more intense.” Maura admitted.

Jane just shook her head as the elevator arrived and they got in. “Where to first?” Jane asked, her finger suspended over the buttons ready to punch whatever floor number was needed.

“I’ll stop off at the morgue, you might as well carry on up to homicide. Perhaps we can meet down at the café,  I’m sure your Mother would want to see you as well.”

Jane rolled her eyes as she pushed the relevant floor numbers, “Yeah, sure, meet up with Ma. I can hardly wait.”

“Jane!” Maura exclaimed, “She’ll want to see you, and can you imagine how she’ll be if she finds out you’ve been in and not gone to see her.”

“Yes I can, and that is exactly why I’m agreeing to meet you there.” Jane said with a smirk as the elevator stopped and the doors opened. “Your floor I believe.”

Maura walked out with a smile, and turned around to see Jane wiggling her fingers at her as a way of waving goodbye.

Jane walked in to homicide with her swagger firmly back in place, and was slightly disappointed to find apart from Frost, no-one else was there. He looked up from his desk as he heard someone coming in, and shot up from his chair, a grin spreading across his face.

“Couldn’t get enough of me since this morning then.” He teased as he watched Jane walk over, her eye’s scanning the room.

“Yeah, keep believing that. Where in the hell is everyone? Did someone send out a warning signal I was heading in or something?”

“Oh, Crowe is in court, a few others are out on cases. Korsak is down in the café. He just brought Sue’s family in to ask them a few questions and thought it would be best to use somewhere that was more informal.”

Jane’s face dropped. “Oh god, he didn’t. Of all the stupid...” Jane tried to run back to the elevator, only it was more of a hobble as her injured leg with the worst laceration protested, leaving a very confused looking Frost in her wake. Jane was reaching for her cell phone, and quickly dialed Maura’s number, and was relieved Maura answered before the elevator arrived, because once in there, Jane knew she would lose the signal.

“Maura, don’t ask, just get to the café now! Sue’s family have been taken there by Korsak, and I know my Mother promised me....but if they say one word out of place.”

“Oh my goodness.” Maura’s eyes widened. “I’ll meet you there as soon as possible.”

Jane came out of the elevator, and could immediately hear raised voices, her mother’s at the forefront. She was stopped in her tracks as Maura appeared by her side and placed a hand over Jane’s forearm.

“Jane.” Maura’s voice was low, and Jane knew she was being warned to not lose her own temper. She closed her eye’s quickly before nodding.

“I know, I know.” Jane took a deep breath and began walking towards the eruption of family angst that was going on, listening to the insults between mothers being traded like rapid machine gun fire, so rapid in fact, she couldn’t make out what was being said. “So help me though Maur.... if they start on about Sue, all bets are off.” Jane lengthened her stride and before Maura could say any more was smack bang in the middle of the storm that was raging.

“How dare you talk about my Janie like that.... we’re good people!” Angela screeched, as Korsak held her back physically, while Sue’s mother was being held back by Sue’s brother. Her father was nowhere to be seen, so Jane could only assume he hadn’t come in to the station on this occasion. Pulling herself up to her full height, Jane planted herself firmly between the two feuding women.

“You!” Sue’s mother spat. “You’re the cause of all this.” and pointed a finger at Jane, who ignored her.

“If both of you don’t shut up, I’m arresting you all for disturbing the peace!” Jane practically bellowed.

“She called you a Jezebel Jane!” Angela yelled. “And you can’t arrest me, I’m your own mother!”

“Don’t tempt me.” Jane muttered under her breath unexpectedly reminded of her threat to arrest her Mother, and then Maura’s request to arrest Angela moments later, after the Ian debacle, before looking pointedly at both women.

“I’m surprised an uneducated oik like you even knows what a Jezebel means.” Came the retort.

“Jezebel was in fact a Hebrew princess and she was the great-aunt of Dido, Queen of Carthage.” Maura began, as Jane looked at her incredulously.

“Seriously? You bring this up now?” Jane shook her head, trying to clear her thoughts.

Maura gave Jane a slight apologetic shrug. “I just thought I would point out it’s a misnomer that Jezebel is a hussy, and is more about her being independent and not dominated by men. It’s only since the  early 20th century that her name has been associated with fallen or abandoned women in a sexual manner.” Maura explained, as six pairs of eyes all swiveled around to look at her, all thoughts of the argument forgotten.

Korsak was the first to come to his senses and without another word was pulling Angela out of the room and back into the kitchen.

Jane merely glowered at Sue’s mother and brother. “I would advise you both to take this chance to get out of here. Now!” Jane said, her voice low and controlled. “Before I do arrest you.”

Sue’s mother seemed to be about to say something else, but Sue’s brother dragged her out of the door, and they could only hear muttering coming from that direction.

Jane sagged back, her legs suddenly feeling as if they were going to give way, and Maura rushed forward, putting a chair underneath Jane, who sat down on it quickly. 

“Honest to god Maura, there are times when I don’t know whether to scream at you or kiss you when you go all google on me. Right now, I think it’s the I want to kiss you option.”


	10. Chapter ten

**Chapter ten**

After a few seconds, feeling she could stand without making a complete fool of herself, Jane got up off the chair and looked at Maura, who hadn’t spoken another word.

“I don’t know about you, but I’m ready to go home.” Jane said in a now resigned voice, moving out towards the door to make her way back to the car.

“Yes, of course.” Maura’s seemed to spring in to life, and quickly joined Jane. “Don’t you want to say goodbye to your mother first?” Maura then asked.

“Nope.” Jane didn’t elaborate, so Maura decided not to push. They stopped only briefly to pick up personal possessions before driving back to Maura’s in silence, and as they went inside the house, Jane just said she was going to lie down. Maura watched her go, noting how deflated her overall gait was.

“Do you need company?” Maura called after Jane.

“No.” Came the now muffled reply, although there was absolutely no rancor or dismissal in Jane’s tone. It was apparent she felt well enough to indeed spend some time on her own, which Maura accepted.

Taking a deep breath, Maura moved and went to sit on her sofa, pulling the picture of Jane and Sue out of her bag as she did. Absentmindedly, her thumb stroked across the frame as she looked at it, but without taking in much detail. She glanced at the clock and sighed. The day was still only half way through, and already it felt as if she’d been through the emotional wringer. She couldn’t shake Jane’s comment from the café.

Logic dictated that Maura knew it was a comment said in the moment. She knew that Jane didn’t mean anything by the words. Maura knew, without a doubt that Jane was still very fragile emotionally about Sue. What Maura really hated right at this moment was the fact that she had wanted Jane to stand up and kiss her. To show Maura the same love she so obviously shared with Sue. With that knowledge, Maura also hated herself for even entertaining the idea. Maura was now also questioning the wisdom of Jane being there at all, but also knew that was a completely selfish thought on her part, because Jane needed her more than ever before. Maura put the picture back in her purse with a heavy heart. What remained of the day was going to be very long indeed.

After a short nap, Jane walked through to find Maura was engrossed in what appeared to be work files. Maura heard Jane walking in, and looked up a smile working across her features.

“Work?” Jane queried as she poured herself some coffee, stifling a yawn as she did, before joining Maura at the table.

“Yes, since I’ve taken some time off unexpectedly, it seems prudent to at least do some paperwork at home.” Maura replied.

“Yeah, about work.” Jane spoke, her nervousness obvious. “I know I’m not going to be able to pull in full days for a little while yet, but I’m thinking of seeing if I’ll be let back. Just a few hours.”

“Jane, you need to rest.” Maura put her pen down on the file in front of her with a frown. “You’re body is still healing, and....” Maura didn’t want to bring up the issue of the panic attacks Jane had displayed.

“I know.” Jane sighed. “I’ll go to the shrink at work and see if he’ll clear me for limited duty. I just.... today.... I can’t sit around all day doing nothing. It will drive me insane. Seriously Maur, if I don’t do something at least for some part of the day I’m gonna lose it completely. I know I’ve gotta take it carefully, but seeing Frost, walking in to the bullpen.... I just felt a little spark of normality for the first time since....” Jane floundered as she sipped her coffee, a pleading look crossing her face, needing Maura’s acceptance of her idea.

“I can understand that.” Maura sat back slightly, looking at Jane with an intense gaze, and could tell Jane needed this. “I agree you should see someone before taking that step though, and only if they feel you are able to deal with it. I will also make sure you’re not allowed to work further if I’m in any doubt this in hindering, rather than helping you and you will accept that without question.”

Jane’s face lit up with relief. “I promise.” before Maura could stop her, Jane had enveloped her in a hug, which she quickly released her from. “I’m gonna call now, see if I can’t sort this out.” Jane got up and went to pick up the house phone. Jane got hold of someone, and was talking, her whole demeanor showing a buoyancy for the first time in a little while, as Maura tried with a little success to concentrate on her own files. Jane finally returned back to the table.

“I see him tomorrow first thing.” Jane said, a wide smile breaking out across her face, “and Cavanaugh has agreed to allow me three to five hours each day in the office, depending on how I’m doing and what the doc says.”

“I’m pleased for you Jane.” Deep down, Maura was pleased, but also now finding herself worried that Jane, as usual was pushing herself too fast, too soon, but also recognized that perhaps getting back to work, in whatever capacity wasn’t such a bad thing. It would also allow Maura time away, back at work herself, where she could try and begin to disengage her own feelings towards Jane before she did something that would not only potentially embarrass them, but also ruin their friendship altogether. Something Maura would avoid doing at all costs, even if these feeling she was getting could never be returned. 

Angela turned up later, but she made no mention of the incident with Sue’s parents, just went about making some dinner for the family, with Frankie and Tommy due to join them. Maura made her excuses, and was in her room, partly because she still didn’t quite trust how she was feeling around Jane, but also wanting to give mother and daughter time alone if they needed it.

Jane meanwhile had stretched out on the sofa, watching some sports on the television. Angela tinkered with something, before coming across, and without a word, lifted Jane’s legs up, sat down, and then brought Jane’s legs back across her own knees. Jane’s eyes turned at looked at her mother with a slight frown. Angela meanwhile ignored the look, keeping her eyes fixed on the screen.

“It’s a shame someone who sounds as nice as Sue has a family so unloving of their own daughter.” Angela finally spoke up, and looked sideways at Jane, who was still watching her intently. Jane could merely nod.

“So, tell me something about her, she must be special to have captured my babies heart.”

Jane fought back the tears, as she lent her head back in the sofa’s cushion and closed her eyes.

“Ma, she was just...” Jane stopped for a second to compose her thoughts. “What we had, what we were building, it’s hard to explain. Sue, she was one of the strongest people I know, but she had her own insecurities, her own fragility as well, yet she is...” Jane’s voice hitched in her throat, “she was so different from me because she somehow turned those problems and used them in such positive ways. The first time she had a nightmare I was so scared, and surprised. I just couldn’t fathom out what would cause her to have something like that happen.”

“What did cause it?” Angela probed gently as Jane’s words dried up. Realizing her mother didn’t know about Sue’s ex with the abuse, Jane took a deep breath before continuing.

“A shit ex-girlfriend.” Jane admitted. “It scared me, shocked me, a whole host of thoughts went through my mind as she began to tell me some of what had happened to her. I know domestic violence is as much about emotional control as anything. Hell, we’ve been called to enough scenes where the end has come in a way that has been fatal for someone, often not in a pleasant way from all kinds of social levels in society. Rich, poor, I’ve been in all households where it’s happened. Yet, I was so shocked that someone like Sue could fall in to that trap. It took me a long time to get my head around the fact that a lot of this isn’t about how well educated a victim might be, but about how well someone else can control them. Despite it all though, Sue never once allowed it to define who she was or what she did. God Ma, you should have seen some of her scars...” Jane began to cry softly, as Angela moved to bring Jane in to her arms properly.

“She’ll always live on in your memory, it’s something that can’t be taken from you.” Angela murmured, as she ran her hands through Jane’s hair. Jane pulled away slightly.

“That’s what upsets me though Ma. I’m already forgetting what she sounds like, and try as  might, I can’t hear her voice.”

“Oh baby.” Angela sighed as Jane’s sobbing increased. “I know you don’t believe it, but you will never forget her.”

Maura stood in the hallway looking across at the scene on the sofa, and suddenly realized she had her own silent tears running down her face. She turned on her heels and walked back to her bedroom, unable to face going in to the sitting room, electing instead to give Jane and Angela time alone before the rest of the Rizzoli’s descended. It was going to be a long night.

Jane was up and about by the time Maura woke up, surprised to find she felt far more refreshed than the night might have otherwise suggested, while she and Jane had slept in separate beds. It could be considered a victory of sorts, and Maura couldn’t helped but feel pleased by the turn of events. Perhaps she could do this after all. She walked in to the kitchen, and Jane was practically bouncing around it, and Maura couldn’t be sure if she was simply hyped up on coffee, or the thought she might be allowed back to work on limited duties. Maura decided it was most likely a combination of the two, and couldn’t help the smile as Jane’s infectious nature lifted her own spirits. 

“Although not something I would usually do, I’m guessing you’re eager to get to work today?” Maura asked, barely able to suppress her own grin.

“You guess correctly. Hold on... while I savor this moment. The great Doctor Isles has taken a guess!” Jane teased, before looking a little more serious. “He will let me back, won’t he?”

“I’m sure you’ll be allowed back. Just be honest, even about what hasn’t been as good for you. They will know it’s not going to have been easy for you, but also that you’re coping and have mechanisms in place to help you past any problems.”

“I know.” Jane began to look even more nervous. “I’m ready when you are.” and disappeared back towards the guest bedroom, leaving a slightly worried looking Maura, who was beginning to question whether this was too soon.

Jane smiled as she saw Korsak at his desk, and she slowed her walk, noticing he hadn’t spotted her yet. She slid onto the chair alongside his desk, and it was only then he knew someone was there, and his face was a picture of shock.

“What are you doing here?” Korsak spluttered as he placed some papers over the file he had been reading since it was relevant to Jane’s accident and he didn’t want her to see anything. What little they had obtained anyway.

“Nice way to greet your old partner.” Jane taunted, ignoring the fact she’d seen Korsak with his rather botched attempt at a cover up of the file.... she’d already seen it was to do with the accident.

“Yeah, well, you know.” Korsak frowned, “So what are you doing here?”

“Came in to see if I can be passed fit for desk duty.” Jane said, pulling her hand through her hair.

“I was going to call you.” Korsak admitted, sitting back looking pensive. “You should know, words gotten out you and Sue were more than just friends. I don’t know how, but you know what this place is like. Gossips, the lot of them. It’s most likely something overheard from the shouting match between your Ma and Sue’s mother.”

“Shit.” Jane blew out a breath. “I guess I shouldn’t be surprised. Anyone said anything much?”

“Not really, least, not what I’ve heard. Couple of comments about how sorry they are to hear about it...” Korsak smiled, “Listen I’m sure it’ll be fine.”

“Let’s hope so. I know you and Frost have got my back.” She then glanced at her watch. “I’ve gotta get going. Should see you later, with any luck.”

“Sure.” Korsak watched Jane closely before pulling his desk phone out of it’s cradle and dialing a number by memory.

“Isles.”

“Is Jane up to coming back?” Korsak asked, ignoring any greeting.

Maura took a second to compose herself to try and give an honest answer. “I think it might be beneficial, and she has agreed to only come back if she is cleared to do so. She’s also under strict orders that it’s desk work only until further notice.”

Korsak gave it a few seconds thought. “I hope you’re right on this one.” he admitted. “She came back far too quickly after the first incident with Hoyt.”

“Oh, I didn’t know that.” Maura conceded, a slight flash of worry hitting. “I’m sure in this instance she will only be allowed back if they are absolutely sure.”

“That’s what I thought then.” Korsak replied, “Jane’s real good at giving answers she knows they will want to hear, and you also need to know, words out that Sue and Jane were lovers.”

“Oh....In that case, we’ll all just have to make sure we keep an eye on her.” Maura said with feeling. “I believe we won’t allow anything to happen to her. If it makes you feel any better, I have made her agree that if I feel she isn’t coping in any way that I will tell Cavanaugh to rescind her duties until further notice.”

“Let’s hope it doesn’t come to that Doc.” Korsak replied. “I’ll let you go. Bye.”

 _Let’s hope it doesn’t come to that_ Maura thoughts mirrored Korsak’s as she put her phone down, not wanting to be the one to stop Jane from working, knowing that Jane would react angrily, no matter what she had promised.

Jane hesitated outside the door, before checking her watch again. The secretary had already told her she would be called through when he was ready. She was slightly surprised to find herself jump when he finally put his head around the door and called her in. Jane stood up, pulling down at the hem of her shirt, checking her badge was in position, missing her gun which she couldn’t officially carry back at work yet. She took a deep breath and walked in.

“Please sit down.” He gestured at a couple of chairs in front of his desk for Jane to choose from. Without thinking, she put herself on the one that had a slightly better view of the door, automatically choosing to be in view as her training kicked in. He scribbled a quick note, before looking up at her, smiling.

“I’m Doctor Davies, and since I’m fairly new here, we’ve not yet met.” He kept his tone neutral, having already read the background on the woman sitting across from him, and noting she’d had her fair share of incidents in her life as a result of work, and yet seemed to still be able to function well, not just as an individual, but as a police detective. However, he knew that he would have to keep any admiration he felt in the back of his mind.

He also deliberately didn’t offer a handshake, not wanting to make Jane in any way uncomfortable about her scarred hands. He knew under normal circumstances, Jane would return the handshake without a second thought, but these were far from usual circumstances and he didn’t want to risk any sort of trigger this early on.

“Jane Rizzoli.” was all Jane offered in reply, just wanting to get this over with.

He nodded his head slightly in acknowledgement, before looking at his notes quickly again. “I doubt you’ll accept any kind of condescendence so I won’t mess about.”

His words brought a look of astonishment from Jane, who was used to being probed with questions that were so obvious at getting her to open up, but twisted around other things. She was slightly shocked by this  approach, but kept quiet for now, interested to know what else Doctor Davies had to say.

“I accept a lot of Detectives who cross the threshold here are always going to be apprehensive about what happens behind these doors, but I want to make one thing clear from the outset. I’m not here to try and derail you in any way. I’m not here to automatically bar you from working indefinitely, but on the other side of the coin, even if you are cleared for desk duty, we have a duty of care. Not just to you, but to those around you. That duty is to ensure you are able to cope with coming back. Physiologically, in this instance, since I’m not the doctor charged with your physical recovery, although sometimes the two can go hand in hand. You have just suffered trauma, both physically and emotionally. I need to be sure you’re emotionally healing, even if its not fully complete yet. I don’t need you to be fully functioning, just to know you’re heading in the right direction and whether coming back to work will help you, or be problematic and delay any recovery.”

“Okay...” Jane said slowly, still apprehensive, but more than surprised by the man in front of her, since it was vastly different to the other times she’d been there. “So, what do you want to know?” Jane decided to throw the ball back in his court.

“First I need to know if you’re going to be able to talk about your experiences openly?” Davies sat with a questioning look on his face.

“Yeah, well I’m gonna try.” Jane flashed him a grin, “Why else be here otherwise, right?”

“If you are able to, it’s encouraging.” Davies sat back a little, “So, how are you feeling right at this moment?”

“Worried that you’re not going to let me back even in a limited role.” Jane replied honestly, chewing on the edge of her thumbnail nervously.

“If it helps, as I’ve said, I’m not trying to stop you, any more than I’m ready to let you go back. I truly have made no decision yet, because we’ve only just met.” Davies reassured her, “So, how are you feeling about going back to work with people around you, knowing what they do about the accident.”

“I’m feeling nervous.” Jane admitted, “Because if nothing else, here at work, they now know something about me I’d rather they didn’t. I’m the sort of person, if I have something to tell people I want it to be my choice, and now that’s not an option. Had the same thing with Hoyt. Let alone the damn award ceremony after the shootings. Sometimes it feels like my life is constantly being played out from a goldfish bowl so everyone can look in and I can’t hide.”

“Understandable.” Davies agreed, “Do you think they might treat you any differently?”

“Honestly, I haven’t a clue.” Jane admitted, beginning to fiddle with the end of her shirt sleeve, picking at a loose thread. “After Hoyt the first time, I had to ask for a new partner.... I’m guessing you’ve read about me and Hoyt....” Jane hesitated and watched as he nodded before continuing. “and I know this isn’t quite the same, but I just don’t know how they might react.”

“Do you have any idea on how you’ll deal with it if things are different between you because of it?”

“Talk about it I guess. I can’t keep going through partners, not enough people on the pay roll for that.” Jane joked, “Although to be fair, I doubt Korsak or Frost will do anything, it’s more likely to come from someone like Crowe.” Jane said after some thought. “And I know they would back me if he opens his mouth.” Jane added as an afterthought.

“It sounds as if you’ve got a good, strong working relationship with those around you that you need to rely on the most.” Davies was thoughtful. “How are you handling your partners death? It can’t have been easy to have been there, to know what happened?”

“You’re not kidding.” Jane took a deep breath. “I’d be lying if I didn’t say it hasn’t affected me. I’ve suffered a couple of panic attacks, but Maura’s been really good and helped me a lot.”

“Maura?” Davies queried, leaning forward and making a couple of notes.

“Doctor Maura Isles, you know, our chief medical examiner?”

“Oh, yes, of course.” Davies gave a reassuring smile. “So, you and Doctor Isles are close friends?”

“Yeah.” Jane smiled, “In fact I’ve been staying with her, you know...” Jane hesitated, and seeing he wasn’t going to fill in for her. “saves me having to go back to my apartment, to the memories of Sue too soon. It’s also helped because she knows how to help me when I’ve needed it, like the panic attacks, and just making sure my cuts are all okay, that sort of thing. And she works here as well, so if I find I need help, I know she’s likely to be around unless she’s at a crime scene.”

“Hhmmm,” Davies narrowed his eyes ever so slightly. “about work, how are you going to feel watching everyone else going out, while you’re confined to your desk to begin with?”

“It won’t always be easy, but it sure beats sitting around the house all day brooding and wondering what is going on here. I’ll just keep reminding myself that’s the alternative if I find it’s difficult.”

“So, how else do you think you’re doing? Are you keeping things bottled up? Feel like doing something destructive?”

“Overall, I think I’ve coped well. I don’t find it easy to talk about this kind of thing, but again, Maura, she listens. Doesn’t judge and somehow always makes it feels better.”

“And if Maura isn’t available?” Davies tilted his head ever so slightly.

“Then I’ll have to see what happens. So far it isn’t something I’ve faced.” Fingers once more came out and began to pick at the same loose thread.

“How many panic attacks have you suffered?”

“A few. Each time it’s been better though, partly because I know what’s happening to me, so I can deal with it. The first time, I’ll be honest, it scared the crap out of me.” Jane said.

“They can be very scary if you’re not aware what they are. Even then, they can be worrying to a sufferer, but I’m encouraged to hear that they are improving already.” Davies wrote a little more information down, in part to give Jane a few seconds to have a break from the questioning.

“Are you drinking to excess to cope? Or have any feelings of self harm or even worse?” Davies asked softly, knowing it was a delicate set of questions he’d just asked.

Jane looked horrified. “No. I don’t drink when taking painkillers anyway, and there is no way Maura would let me even if I thought about it. As for...” Jane hesitated. “I’d be lying if in the first day I kept questioning why did I survive and Sue didn’t, but that’s as close as I’ve even thought about... well me dying, but it wasn’t like suicidal thoughts, just why me. And damn if I don’t hurt enough already.” Jane laughed lightly as she pointed to her face.

“The ‘why me’ question is perfectly understandable for you to ask under the circumstances and probably one of the most common associated with survivors guilt.” Davies sat forward and began writing earnestly. “I’ll allow you very limited duty back. Desk duty only until both I and your other doctor have cleared you. I also want to see you a couple of times over the coming couple of weeks at least. More if I feel it would be beneficial.”

Jane hardly took in what he was telling her, such was the relief he was allowing her back to work. She picked up the paperwork and his business card he handed her and with a nod of the head and walked out of his office in a slight daze. It wasn’t until she began to near the homicide office did it sink in properly. and she found she was smiling. She pushed open the doors, and walked, not stopping to listen to the greetings shouted her way, merely sending a wave to acknowledge she’d heard, as she knocked on Cavanaugh’s office, entering when he called.

  



	11. Chapter eleven

**Chapter eleven**

Maura found she was nervously pacing her office, checking the time continually. She knew it was entirely out of character to be so worried, but she hadn’t heard from Jane for a while now, and she didn’t know how Jane might react were she not allowed to work. She jumped when she heard Jane’s voice calling out to her from the morgue, and quickly went to open her door.

“In my office.” Maura called out, and Jane saw her, and approached with a beaming smile. As she walked into the office and closed the door, she turned and hugged Maura as tightly as she could, her ribs still tender. She then released Maura, still with a wide smile.

“I would deduce by your attitude you’ve been allowed back to work?” Maura asked, a smile of her own forming.

“You’ve deduced..... no, once again the great Doctor Isles has guessed …....rightly I might add.” Jane couldn’t contain her excitement. “and thank you, for everything you’ve done for me. Sue wouldn’t want me to wallow in self pity, and would want me to carry on. You’ve helped me, because I don’t know if I’d have coped without you.”

Maura found her eyes were tearing up at Jane’s words. “You’re more than welcome.” was all she choke out before she was wrapped up in another hug by Jane, her own tears now falling again.

“Thank you.” Jane whispered, as she took in the scent of Maura’s hair, closing her eyes and just allowing herself to relax into the embrace.

Jane disengaged from Maura’s hug still with a giddy expression. “I’m going back up, I promise I’ll do no more than a couple of hours today.”

Maura nodded slowly. “I’m pleased to hear it. Since I had arranged to take today off, I can leave when you’re ready, so I’ll come up in about two hours time?”

“Excellent.” Jane turned and began to walk away, before looking over her shoulder without saying anything, just throwing another megawatt smile in Maura’s direction. Maura couldn’t help but laugh lightly as she turned back to her own work.

“Rizzoli.” Crowe looked up from his desk with a surprised face as Jane walked in to the bullpen and headed straight towards her desk..

“Don’t get all emotional on me now Crowe.” Jane replied with a neutral expression as she sat down at her own desk.

“What you doing here? Thought you were off until further notice.” Crowe asked with a frown.

“Yeah, well I’m back part time. Someones gotta be around to make sure you don’t screw up.” Jane began to pull some files she’d asked to be left on her desk once she’d left Cavanaugh’s office and before she’d headed down to the morgue.

“Yeah, very funny.” Crowe glared at her, before getting up. “Suddenly a bad smell in here.”

Korsak heard the comment and before Jane could react, he was on his feet, facing Crowe head on.

“Got something to say ass wipe.” Korsak growled.

Jane looked up. “You have got to be fucking kidding me.” She looked at her watch. “I’ve been back what, less than five minutes, and already I feel like I’m back in the playground.”

“It is full of kids.” Korsak replied, looking straight at Crowe. “Kid’s who should know better and show a little respect for a fellow officer, especially one who's just lost another person close to them.”

“Fucking dyke doesn’t deserve my sympathy.”

Crowe didn’t get any further as Korsak’s fist met his face and he stumbled back onto the edge of his desk, blood beginning to appear from his nose.

“Vince, now look what you’ve done!” Jane sounded exasperated as she stood up. “Crowe go clean that up, Korsak, go see Maura about getting some ice on that hand!”

Crowe looked as if he was about to retaliate towards Korsak when Jane stepped up to be between them.

“I won’t tell you again Crowe, get out of here! I could easily report you for what you said, but I’m not going to because I don’t think you’re worth the effort.” Jane lowered her voice menacingly, “But if I hear you say that sort of shit again, it won’t be Korsak’s fist meeting your face, it will be mine, and believe me, I can hit a damn sight harder than he can. You’re lucky I wasn’t closer, cos otherwise you would have been put on your ass.”

“Fucking dinosaur should be kicked out, pensioned off.” Crowe muttered as he pressed a tissue to his nose, trying to stem the bleeding.

“Out, now!” Jane’s temper was now at snapping point and she was barely restraining herself from punching him as well, as Crowe took one look at her, before leaving. Jane twisted around to find Korsak still standing there, nursing his hand.

“Didn’t I tell you to go see Maura about getting that iced?” Jane demanded.

“Yeah, listen....”

Jane shook her head and walked back to her desk. “I don’t want to hear it! I’m back and it’s a free for all. If I’d wanted to see that I could have gone to the fucking zoo.” she muttered before looking back at Korsak. “Go... get out of here.”

Jane watched Korsak leave and sunk her head down into her hands. “Everyone is out of their... Tiny... Fucking.... Minds!” Jane whispered, before trying to get back to the file she was concentrating on before it all went to hell in a handbasket.

Maura looked up from the body she was currently doing an autopsy on, surprised to see Korsak there, even more so when she saw he was cradling one hand and she could he had hurt it in some way. She put her scalpel down, and peeled off her gloves and rather bloody gown, throwing them both in the biohazard bin before moving towards him.

“Jane said you could give me some ice for this?” Korsak said, showing Maura his bruised knuckles.

Maura frowned, but motioned with a hand for him to follow her towards the freezer that stood alongside the fridges. Before opening it, Maura turned around.

“Hand.” She said without preamble, and Korsak just gave her his hand, which she inspected carefully. “Doesn’t appear to be broken, just badly bruised, although if it hasn’t improved or worsened by tomorrow, you will need to have an x-ray to check there isn’t a fracture somewhere.” Maura then turned back around to face the freezer, which she opened and pulled a cool pack out of. She then went to a drawer, and pulled out a piece of cloth that she kept handy to wrap around it to make sure there wouldn’t be any risk of ice burns, before handing it over to Korsak.

“Thanks.” Korsak looked and sounded abashed.

“You’re welcome. Since I’ve got to know Jane, I realized it was prudent of me to keep this available. Can I ask, how did this occur?”

“Crowe. He called Jane a fucking dyke.”

Maura’s eyes widened and she held back a gasp of surprise. “Is Jane going to report him?”

“Nope, said she would do this, only better if he said anything like it again. I’m telling you Maura, her reaction was ice cold... even I was scared by the look she had in her eyes. I’m not sure she’s ready to be back.”

“I’m sure she’ll be fine.” Maura watched as Korsak readjusted the pack across his knuckles. “I would deduce then by the state of your knuckles you did react?” She cocked an eyebrow in Korsak’s direction.

“Yeah, well I might have done. Listen, thanks for this.” Korsak pulled the pack away, and flexed his fingers and gave it back to Maura. “And don’t worry, we’ll keep a good eye on Jane.”

Jane waited until she was on her own, before standing up and walking over the Korsak’s desk. She quickly spotted the file about her accident, and she grabbed it, before heading over to the copier. She prayed that for once the machine wasn’t going to go screwy on her, and breathed a sigh of relief that for once in its miserable existence it actually did what is was supposed to. Pushing the papers back together, she put the file back on Korsak’s desk, before taking the copies and depositing them in a file she had already named with a case that didn’t exist, but that wouldn’t raise any suspicion.

Jane pushed back in her chair as she saw it was close on two hours since she’d been there, and she had to admit, she was ready to go home. Korsak had appeared some time ago, but they hadn’t spoken, just nodded at each other as he sat down at his desk to work. He’d then gone out on the case he and Frost were working, so Jane was now on her own in the bullpen. Pulling the file towards her, she picked it and a couple of others up, so it didn’t look suspicious, before getting ready to leave. She had just finished tidying her desk, when she heard the familiar tell tale clip of Maura’s heels on the floor.

“Hey Maura, I’m ready when you are.” Jane said, without looking around.

Maura looked slightly surprised that Jane was aware she was there, but didn’t comment. “I’m ready now.” was all she said, as she moved in closer, and as Jane turned around, she found herself slipping her own arm into the crook of Jane’s elbow. Jane looked down, smiled, but didn’t pull away.

“Let’s get out of here then.” Jane said, pulling them along, Maura on one arm, files under the other.

* * *

 

_Sue looked up at Jane, her face pleading with her, etched in pain. Jane knelt down on the cold floor, and felt a mixture of panic and anger rise. Panic as she saw Sue slowly finding it increasingly difficult to breath. It reminded her so starkly when she had witnessed Frankie struggling on one of Maura’s autopsy tables before she’d managed to persuade Maura to do something to help. Now, it was up to Jane, she was the only hope Sue had. Now she understood Maura’s fear, even with all her training._

_Bringing a shaking hand up, Jane lifted Sue’s shirt, wincing but trying not to allow the worry show in her face, because she needed Sue to remain calm, she saw the bruising, and knew immediately what it indicated. Dreadful, angry looking bruises around the abdomen and chest. After doing a very quick assessment, she carefully pulled the shirt back down into position. Jane was concerned at the speed that Sue was deteriorating. Pneumothorax; it was a word Jane was never likely to forget, it was seared in her memory, as was the moment she looked through one of Maura’s medical books, reading out loud the problems it could cause. Death if severe enough and left untreated....._

Jane was jerked awake by the dream, the file she had been reading slipping off her chest and  down onto the floor. She rubbed a hand across her face quickly before sitting up. It took her a few seconds to register she was in the guest bedroom, having used the excuse she was tired and needed to rest, and had begun to read Sue’s file, and at some point she’d fallen asleep. She picked up the file and some of the papers that had spilled out with shaky fingers, the sickening feeling she’d first felt as she read the report of just one instance of Sue’s ex’s brutality gathering pace, as she remembered the words that spelt out the ferocity that was meted out towards her. Sue had given her some information, but to read the stark police and medical reports had hit home... hard.

“Jane, are you all right?” Maura’s voice was laden with concern as she called out from behind the closed door, having been alerted by noise that Jane appeared to be having some sort of nightmare, but she wasn’t entirely sure, so didn’t want to just barge in..

“Yeah, just give me a second.” Jane moved off the bed, and walked through to the attached bathroom. Once there she ran the cold water, and splashed some on her face. Looking up in to the mirror, she tried to shake of the memories that were still stark. Without warning, she then lurched towards the toilet, bringing up what little was in her stomach. The next thing she knew, Maura was once again at her side.

“Oh Jane.” Maura all but whispered as she watched Jane retching again, pulling her hair out of the way, going for the cloth to wet with the cool water that was still running.

“Gah, I’m sorry... I thought I’d got over this.” Jane mumbled as she finally felt her stomach settling. She pulled herself around, bringing her knees up to her chest, taking the proffered cloth from Maura and wiping her face down.

Maura waited for Jane to compose herself before standing up, as Jane did. Jane then rinsed her mouth out before looking at Maura to show she was okay. They moved back into the bedroom, where they sat alongside each other on the edge of the bed.

“Did anything in particular bring this on?” Maura questioned softly.

Jane could only nod, as she lent over and pulled the file over towards them.

“Don’t go nuts on me, but I had to see how the investigation was going...” Jane hesitated slightly, as she allowed Maura to process what she meant. As Jane saw recognition spark in Maura’s eyes, she then opened the file and handed it over. “Sue told me some of what she faced, but I read this report of one incident...” Jane faltered slightly, as she wiped a tear away. “I fell asleep, and dreamt about it, but it also brought back memories of Frankie, and I was there, trying to help Sue, but inside I was just panicking and all I could think of was Frankie, lying there on your table. I woke up, and next thing I know, I’m saying hello toilet my old friend, I’ve come to talk with you again.”

Jane tried to lighten the last part of her explanation, but still swallowed thickly as the memory of the dream, plus knowing what was contained within the reports, assaulted her memory again. Maura took the file slowly and with a slight nod of understanding, knowing she didn’t need Jane’s permission for what she was about to do, began to read.

Jane watched as even Maura’s usual ability to maintain a stoic look when going through reports of this type cracked, and her face paled slightly. Finishing just the one report, not able to read further knowing enough that it would all contain similar information, Maura put the file down.

“This Ellie, is she being looked at?” Maura finally asked her eyes meeting Jane’s.

“Yeah, Korsak’s got a whole report on her. He can’t tie down where she is, or has been. She’s been in the wind for a while now, long before the accident. She’s still a person of interest because he can’t discount her.” Jane said.

“She seems like a very dangerous individual.” Maura admitted, sounding slightly concerned.

“Oh she’s a piece of work all right.” Jane said, taking the now loosely held file from Maura, closing it slowly. “Metal pipe, bat, reading what little I have, it appeared as if she just went with whatever was at hand to beat the shit out of Sue. If that wasn’t available, knives, scissors, even needles from Sue’s first aid kit she kept at hand as a nurse. Last resort? Good old fists.” Jane’s eyes teared up again, and she fought to hold her composure. “Fuck!”

“Jane.” Maura said, putting a hand over Jane’s, looking concerned. “If she is involved, do you think you’re still in danger?”

“How in the hell do I know?” Jane sounded exasperated, as she stood up and began to pace. “One part of me thinks, if this is Ellie, she’ll only want revenge on Sue, but then reading the files, she had a real problem with anyone who befriended Sue after they split, and would target them as well. We don’t even know who is behind it all.” Jane sat down almost as suddenly as she had stood up, looking across at Maura. “I’m floundering on this one Maura, I can’t get a handle on it,  and it’s not like me.”

Maura reached out and clasped Jane’s hand in her own. “This isn’t up to you to figure out, and you know why. This is the exact reason, when you’re as close to the crime as you are, they put other detectives on it to investigate.” Maura reminded her, “and if this isn’t over, we can’t change that, only hope we can be ready for it.”

Jane looked down at Maura’s fingers, and for the first time since losing Sue felt something stir within her that was totally unexpected. It took all her self control not to wrench her hand away, knowing not only would the action hurt Maura, but worse still, make her question Jane’s actions, and the last thing she needed was to be answering something so awkward. Maura though did realize Jane had tensed up, and her thumb began to smooth across Jane’s knuckles in a gesture meant to comfort, completely unaware initially it was having the exact opposite effect. Jane closed her eyes, and tried not to fall down the path her thoughts were taking her.

_Is this how Alice felt as she tumbled down the rabbit hole? Maura is a friend, nothing but a good friend. A very good straight friend. And I’ve only just lost Sue, what in the hell am I thinking?_

Maura was very aware of the change in atmosphere that was occurring, and yet she couldn’t bring herself to pull away. She looked pensively at Jane, who eyes were screwed tightly shut.

“Maura.”

The name barely came out, as the closeness around them began to suffocate, but still neither woman could move. Maura couldn’t reply, barely trusting her body, let alone her voice as her thumb continued its ministrations.

Jane’s eyes flickered open, and Maura felt as if she was exposing her entire soul as Jane looked right at her, brown meeting hazel.

“You’re beautiful. I remember you telling me I was gorgeous, but I’m just good old plain Jane compared to your beauty.” Jane murmured, and it was enough for Maura’s eyes to flutter shut.

“I wish...” Maura stopped, and opened her eyes again, tears at the corner of her eyes. “I wish things had been different for us. That things were different.”

Jane sat there stunned. _Was Maura telling her what she thought she was?_ Jane looked scared, as her own emotions once more tumbled out of control.

“What are you saying?” Jane whispered finally.

“I’m not entirely sure.” Maura admitted. “I suppose I’m telling you that I have recently entertained the thoughts that we might one day move beyond friendship. It’s crass of me to even be thinking like this, considering the circumstances and frankly I’m not at all proud of myself. I’d perfectly understand if you wanted to put some distance between us because of it.” Maura’s voice was full of sadness as she spoke, holding back the tears with difficulty.

“Christ.” Jane’s voice was barely audible as she ran a hand through her hair.

Hearing Jane speak was enough for Maura to react as she stood up and quickly went to leave, misinterpreting what Jane was saying as rejection of her and their friendship. “I’m sorry, I should have never have allowed myself...” Maura didn’t get any further as a hand came out, pulling her back in towards Jane’s body. Jane stood there, looking down at the younger woman.

“Don’t you ever dare apologize for what you’ve just told me.” Jane’s voice was lower and raspier than usual, a sure sign of how emotional she was feeling, “otherwise I’m going to have to apologize to you for the same reasons.” Came the confession.

Maura stood stock still, looking up at Jane, seeing absolutely nothing but honesty there. Without another word, Jane simply bent down slightly, and pressed the lightest of kisses on Maura’s lips, before pulling her body as close as she could. Maura rested her head in to Jane’s shoulder, just feeling her warmth, not wanting to move, nor feeling the inclination to do so. Jane also just stood there, taking in the feeling of Maura being as close as she was. Eventually, she pulled away ever so slightly.

“Whatever this is between us, I know we can’t explore it right now, for so many reasons, but I promise you, if you want to when I’m finally ready, and if we both still feel the same way...” Jane’s words faded as Maura lent in, pressing her own light kiss on Jane’s lips.

“When the time’s right.” Maura agreed, before breaking out of Jane’s arms completely. “In the meantime, you need to rest, and that means no more going over these files until I think you are more up to dealing with it, otherwise I’m taking this right back to Korsak and telling him what you’ve done.”

Maura moved and picked the file up off the bed, and walked out of the bedroom.

“Maura!” Jane whined behind her. “Really? C’mon, please.”


	12. Chapter twelve

**Chapter twelve**

Maura walked through to the sitting room with a grin on her face when she heard Jane’s pleas. She put the files away in a small wooden oak filing cabinet she kept tucked away in a corner of the sitting room for whenever brought her own files home to work on. She spun around and saw Jane standing by the sofa with a pout on her face.

“Maur...” Jane said, with such a childish reaction that Maura had to stop herself from laughing. Instead, she crossed her arms over her chest.

“I believe I said no.” Maura replied arching an eyebrow, watching as Jane began biting her bottom lip.

“So what am I supposed to do now?” Jane asked with a slight scowl.

“We can do what we’ve done before. Movies and popcorn perhaps.” Maura suggested, as she moved to the kitchen.

“Oh great.” Jane couldn’t keep the sarcasm from her voice. “No beer allowed, it’s going to make for a great night of watching a movie.”

“You’ll just have to drink something else.” Maura pointed out as she began to rummage around in the refrigerator to see if there were any suitable snacks to be had.

“Oh, and what do you have?” Jane wanted to know, “Don’t tell me...... Root beer?”

“No, but I do have some Perrier water, plus some fresh orange juice I picked up this morning.” Maura replied, poking her head from around the refrigerator door. 

“Of course you do, no sugary soda in your fridge. Great. That’s going to have to change.” Jane sat down on the sofa with a huff. Maura ignored her, as she pulled some juice out, pouring them both a glass, which she then took and set down on the coffee table.

“Do you want popcorn?”

“Do bears shit in the woods?” Jane lent forward and grabbed her drink, taking a sip, making a face as she did.

“I’ll take that as a yes for popcorn.”

“I’ll take that as a yes.” Jane mimicked, but couldn’t stop the a peal of laughter afterwards unable to keep the teasing up any longer.

Maura shook her head, but with a smile across her face, knowing that Jane was at least relaxed and she had soon sorted the snacks out, as well as arguing over which movie to watch, before they both agreed on Letters to Juliet.

“No going google on me.” Jane warned just before she pressed play.

Maura looked surprised as she glanced across to look at Jane. “I don’t do things like that.....” Maura hesitated when she saw Jane’s face. “Do I?”

Jane chuckled. “Maura, if there is any kind of inaccuracy, you jump right on it. If it’s geographical, historical, literal, you’re in there complaining and telling me what the correct version is.”  Jane glanced across and was struck by the look of sheer surprise on Maura’s face. Taking pity on her, Jane put her hand out and grabbed Maura’s.

“If it’s any consolation, I think it’s cute. Just not during the movie... You can go all google on me afterwards.”

Maura merely nodded, and Jane relaxed back in the cushions, still holding Maura’s hand and pressed play.

After watching two movies, having ordered some Chinese for dinner in between watching, Jane stretched out as much as she could without hurting herself.

“I don’t know about you, but I’m beat.” Jane admitted as Maura moved to tidy up. Maura glanced at the time, and was a little surprised to see it wasn’t even ten.

“I’ll just stay up a while longer if that’s okay with you.” Maura replied, as she moved around the kitchen, putting things away.

“Sure.” Jane got up, but before she disappeared she walked over to face Maura, with a slightly shy look on her face, which Maura admitted to herself she found adorable.

“I enjoyed tonight.” Jane said, moving closer to give Maura a hug. “It could have been awkward, but it wasn’t, and thank you for taking the file. I might not have known it, but you were right, I needed time away from it.”

Maura smiled as she returned the hug. “It was a nice evening.” Maura agreed, “Do you need company tonight?”

Jane hesitated, not sure whether she did or not, also aware she didn’t want Maura to get the wrong impression if she said no. “How about you look in on me when you’re ready to turn in?” Jane suggested. “See how I’m doing.”

“A good idea.” Maura moved away so she could look up at Jane. “If I don’t see you later, I’ll see you in the morning.” And without thinking, moved in to give Jane a very quick kiss, which was met with a smile on Jane’s face.

“Something tells me I’m going to sleep well tonight.” Jane didn’t say any more as she disengaged from Maura, before heading out to the guest bedroom.

After a restful night, which they spent separately, Maura and Jane arrived at the office the following day in the late morning, with Maura leaving Jane once they arrived at the precinct. Maura had arranged it so she was also on shorter hours, and would only come in for more if there was a problem or they were getting too busy and needed the help. It made the decision about Jane coming back to work easier for Maura to deal with, knowing she was also looking at the same hours.

After an hour Maura found she had some information concerning an autopsy, so took the opportunity to go to homicide. Once there, she caught the tail end of Jane’s conversation on the phone and she could tell Jane was giving out her email address 

“... at city of Boston dot gov.... Yeah, you know, the round squiggly thing that represents at.”

“An ampersat.” Maura prompted, earning her a look of confusion from Jane, who quickly ended the phone call.

“Seriously? What?” Jane then asked as she tucked the phone back in the holder on her belt.

“An ampersat; not to be confused with an ampersand which is a logogram representing the word ‘and’.”

“Really? Let’s pretend I knew half of what you were talking about there and move on shall we!” Jane sounded exasperated.

“Jane, it’s not difficult. When giving out the information, you can simply say use the Ampersat of at, rather than the squiggly thing that represents it.” Maura looked slightly shocked that Jane wouldn’t want to know this information.

“Absolutely, I’ll make sure I do that, because of course everyone will understand what the hell it all means.” Jane rolled her eyes, but also hid the smile that was trying to form.

“Sarcasm, honestly Jane.” Maura shook her head, with a frown. “It really isn’t that hard to learn these things.”

Unfortunately, Jane’s good mood was quickly soured as Crowe appeared and she groaned under her breath. Maura could sense the change in the room straight away, even putting her on edge.

“What the fuck you looking at?” Crowe said, as he sat down, not bothering to hide his disgust towards Jane even though she had deliberately tried to avoid looking in his direction.

Jane raised her eyebrows unable to let his comment go, “Your ugly mug. Looks like someone hit you smack on the nose. Have a knuckle sandwich for lunch did you?” Jane sneered.

“Jane don’t antagonise him” Maura spoke in a lowered voice, so only Jane could hear, but she ignored Maura, keeping her eyes firmly on Crowe.

Crowe looked at Jane with anger he no longer bothered to try and hide, his eyes narrowed. “You need to take a class or something for those anger issues you’ve got Rizzoli.”

Jane just shook her head, with her own look of revulsion. “Yeah, right. I’ll take a class to manage my own anger, just as soon as you take a class on how to shut the fuck up!” She then turned on her heel and stormed away; before she hit him and that was the last thing she wanted to do, particularly with Maura in the room.

Maura hurried after Jane, stopping her at the elevator doors. “My office. Now!” Was all Maura said in a low voice, in an unrelenting tone as they stood there. Anger was pouring off Jane in waves. She swiveled around and looked at Maura.

“Who the fuck does he think he is?” Jane was physically twitching, and Maura knew it was a sign she desperately wanted to hit something, or rather someone. “Just...... who the fuck?”

“Jane.” Maura warned, her voice still low. “This isn’t the time or the place. My office.” The words were met with a growl from Jane who punched the button. “And hitting the elevator button isn’t going to speed the process up any.” Maura added, ignoring the glare from her right.

“You know, Crowe’s always had a problem with me, but I didn’t peg him for being so fucking homophobic, the sniveling shitty bastard. I’m gonna ask Korsak to check that shit hasn’t got anything to do with Sue’s death.” Jane ground the words out under her breath. “If he has, he’ll wish he hadn’t been born by the time I’m done with him.”

Maura didn’t say anything as they made their way to her office. Walking in, she closed the door, and she locked it. She’d insisted on a lock after the shooting incident when they remodelled the whole area, and was never as grateful as she was now about the decision since this was in fact the first time she’d used it. She turned to see Jane pacing around the office, concern etched on her face as she saw Jane’s limp was more pronounced, but that would wait for another conversation altogether.

“Sit!” Maura’s voice showed she was in no mood for any arguments over the command she’d just issued, and although Jane hesitated for a minute, she decided it would be better for her to do as Maura asked, so she sat down, but not without rolling her eyes to show she wasn’t happy about it.

“Now, first off, do you really believe for one minute that Crowe would have anything to do with your accident?” Maura asked, her tone stern.

Jane’s shoulders sagged a little. “No...” she admitted. “But the guy is such a prick.... “

“That is no reason to say what you did, you cannot just go around making those sort of accusations. If someone else had heard you, it could have had all sorts of implications for you, which you don’t need. Especially not at this point in time.” Maura frowned, “I do think his attitude though has been less than exemplary.”

“Really? Ya think?” Jane barked out a short laugh. “Total fucking asshole more like.”

“Jane!” Maura glared at Jane, who shrunk back, knowing the use of language was enough to get Maura upset and she was pushing her luck already having only just been verbally chastised, whereas normally Maura would have said something by the elevators.

“Sorry, but it still doesn’t stop him from being an asshole.” Jane grumbled, looking petulant.

“Whatever you might think of him you shouldn’t fall in to the trap of reacting to him. It only makes it worse, although I do believe you should report him.” Maura moved in closer to where Jane was sitting.

“Yeah, and what good will that do me?” Jane said, her anger beginning to dissipate. “I’ll just get labelled as a snitch on my colleagues, and that only puts me one place above the rat squad in the eyes of others.” 

“The rat squad?” Maura questioned. She’d heard others using the term before, but never from Jane and didn’t understand its relevance since it was something she’d never had to think about in any real context before now.

“IAD.” Jane explained, a little surprised Maura didn’t already know that. “I’m telling you, I say anything and people will not trust me.”

“Jane, we cannot allow Crowe to get away with this. You have to report him.” Maura implored, looking worried, as she began to understand the situation. Of course, Jane had numerous dealings with IAD, all standard procedure, but Maura had never heard her using any kind of nickname about them before. While Maura knew IAD weren’t liked, it hadn’t occurred to her there would be such a strict unspoken rule amongst officers and dealing with problems.

“No can do Maur....” Jane shrugged her shoulders. “Best I can hope for is that Cavanaugh catches him at the time, and then he can pull him in and make out a report as he sees fit.”

“That seems so unfair.” Maura admitted, sinking down on another chair that she had pulled in alongside Jane’s.

“Isn’t always fair in this job Maura, you should know that by now.” Jane said with another shrug of her shoulders. “I’ve had to fight this kind of shit all through my time on the force. It’s got better as time has gone on, but there are still certain unwritten rules - and one is you don’t rat out on your fellow officers.”

“Even if you know they are dirty.....” Maura paused, “Like Bobby?”

Jane flinched as Maura said his name. “Yeah, even if it’s someone like him. If you get asked to look, that’s different, and you still have to be careful. Cops don’t like other cops poking their noses in, even if it's someone who deserves to be found out. See, there is also the other problem with reporting someone and that’s if they get thrown out for any reason that might cast a shadow on their career, no matter how sound their conviction rate has been, it could open up all their cases to be looked at on appeal. Look what happened when...” Jane still found it hard to say his name, and Maura could see her clenching her jaw. “When it came out about Bobby; his damn cases are all still under review all this time later, and I can bet most were sound convictions but they are all open to reasonable doubt now. It’s a defense lawyers wet dream.”

* * *

 

She stood back and looked at her handiwork. She knew she wasn’t the most skilled, but had done enough while helping her father growing up to know what she was doing. In this instance, she felt she had done the best job so far, since she’d taken some time to practice more on some waste material. She pulled a hoodie on, as the cooler air began to take hold as the evening drew in, grateful that finally the heat seemed to be breaking as fall was approaching. She walked out of the property, making sure it was all locked and secure behind her, picking up a cab a few blocks away.

She gave the address, and moving around the side of the house, went inside quickly, before moving to the room that gave her the best view. Settling down once she’d made herself some coffee, she began the same vigil she’d been maintaining for a couple of nights. It paid to know what was going on, and she was determined not to make a mistake this time around. She’d lucked out finding this place, although she wasn’t sure how long she’d be able to stay there, so was prepared to move on at a seconds notice if needed. Preparation and planning; her father had beaten those ideals into her at a very early age.

She snapped her head up as her phone rang, and answered it quickly. “I thought I told you, I’ve got nothing more to discuss with you.”

“I’m worried.... It’s gone further than I thought it would and I’ve got too much to lose.” His voice sounded tinny, as if he were in some location that was distorting his voice.

“Too fucking late now, you’re neck deep in this crap. Should have thought about that before contacting me with this.” She laughed mirthlessly at his pathetic attitude and ended the call without another word.

* * *

 

Maura’s car pulled up in the driveway. She and Jane got out, Jane still obviously upset and angry at the days turn of events. On Maura’s insistence, she had agreed eventually to come home again, giving Cavanaugh the excuse that she wasn’t feeling as well as she might. Maura looked as Jane still limped in, knowing because Jane was so angry, her instinct to maintain a facade with her injuries had dropped, and Maura was seeing the real impact they were having for the first time since Jane had left the hospital.

“Sit there, I want to check your leg.” Maura ordered almost the second they were in the house. Jane looked at Maura with a deepening frown.

“No, look it’s fine.” Jane protested, flexing her leg up and back again, biting back as the pain hit, which didn’t go unnoticed by Maura.

“Your definition of fine and mine are very different.” Maura countered, as she lightly guided Jane by holding her elbow towards the sofa, and finally pushing Jane down on to it.

“Remove your pants.” Maura moved away to get her first aid kid.

“What? No.” Jane began to protest, only for Maura to turn back and look at Jane meaningfully, making Jane sigh and she began to loosen the belt. Maura nodded her assent, before moving away again, returning a few minutes later with the kit.

Jane was sitting with her pants now down around her ankles, with a smirk on her face. “If you wanted me like this, all you had to do was ask, not make excuses about needing to check my leg.” Jane then joked.

Maura shook her head, but smiled and then replied with a completely neutral expression on her face that she deliberately held. “Believe me, there will be absolutely no misunderstanding when I want you to strip.”

Jane swallowed hard at Maura’s words, and tried not to blush. “So, what’s it look like Doc?” Jane spluttered, now wishing she’d not started that line of conversation.

Maura crouched down in front of Jane pulling on some latex gloves, and frowned when she pulled the dressing away. “You shouldn’t have a dressing on now.” Maura looked back at Jane who tried to look as casual as possible.Maura then looked carefully at the largest laceration she was talking about, which was on the upper thigh.

“It was weeping a little.” Jane replied with a slight smile.

Maura began to look bothered. “No, this isn’t just weeping Jane! You’ve caused it to dehiscence.” Maura said, even sounding annoyed at what she was seeing.

Jane lent forward a little, to see what Maura was doing. “Dee-His....What does that mean in English?”

“It means you've broken the wound open along the surgical suture.” Maura rocked back on her heels, and pulled some items out of her bag. “I’m going to have to try and suture the edges back, but it might need you to return to hospital if the edges are too ragged.”

Jane watched as Maura pulled out some thread and a needle. “Ah shit, Maura. Can’t you just..... I dunno, put on some steri-strips or use some glue.... or something?” Jane flinched backwards as she watched Maura get the needle ready from it’s sterile packaging.

“No.” Maura looked up, Jane pushing as far back as the sofa cushions would allow as she saw Maura threading the needle. “You’re going to be lucky if I can repair it without needing to re-cut the edges, and if that happens, you’ll need a injected local anesthetic. I’ve got some cream which will help for doing this.” Maura proceeded to delve in her bag, and pulled the cream out, which she promptly applied along the wound taking the time to also clean out any old thread and check for possible infection.

“Come on Maura, I’m sure you could do that with the cream if you need to.” Jane implored.

“Not at all.” Maura said sternly. “Now, we’ve got to give this a minute or so to begin to work.”

“Bossy, much.” Jane grumbled. “I’m not going back to hospital Maura, so you’ll have to do it here, or it stays like it is.”

Maura shook her head, as she poked around the wound. “Does that hurt?”

“No.” Jane replied, averting her eyes. While she knew she had a pretty good pain tolerance, she wasn’t one for looking at the actual process of being stitched back together again given the choice. It was one thing to see thread pulling against skin in the morgue, quite another when it was her own.

Maura began to re-stitch the wound. “I still think you should go to the hospital if I can’t get this done here.”

Jane could feel the needle tugging, but tried to ignore it. “Not going to happen Maura.”

“You’re too stubborn for your own good sometimes.” Maura glanced up for a second, before going back to the task in hand. After a couple of minutes she began to put fresh gauze over the new stitching. Maura then pulled away. “Done. No getting these wet, and most of all, please try not to do too much with your leg.” Maura put things back in her bag, before putting the needle, old gauze and gloves in a bio-hazard bag she also kept in her kit.

Jane went to pull her pants back up, only to have Maura put a hand out onto her leg, stopping her.

“I mean it Jane, you’ve got to look after this otherwise it could cause you all kinds of trouble.”

Jane could only stare at where Maura’s hand was on her upper thigh, trying not to react, and mutely nodded, not even sure if Maura knew what she was doing or just quite where her hand was resting.

 _Damn this is getting harder to just be friends_ Jane thought, which was immediately followed with a flash of guilt as the memory of Sue hit her.


	13. Chapter thirteen

**Chapter thirteen**

Jane jumped up, pulling her pants on as quickly as she could, almost toppling Maura over she moved so suddenly.

“Jane?” Maura looked completely surprised by Jane’s actions, and frowned when she saw the look crossing Jane’s face. It wasn’t easy to pinpoint, but there was a definite element of fear, and that alone was enough to worry Maura.

“I’m fine. Thanks for doing this. … I’ll just.....right.....I just need to..... Ya know.....“Jane’s words were too fast, but she carried on walking towards the guest bedroom as she fumbled with the belt buckle, giving up trying to redo her belt entirely as her hands shook and she couldn’t grip the leather well enough.

Maura got back up and was following Jane as quickly as she could but couldn’t get to the room in time as the door was effectively slammed in her face, cutting off her progress. Maura raised her hand and tentatively knocked.

“Jane?” Maura’s voice was soft, as she called having given Jane time enough after knocking, pushing down the fear that was mounting. After no reply, Maura placed her hand on the doorknob and turned, deciding to let herself inside, and face the wrath of Jane rather than not do anything at all.

Jane moved on the bed, trying not to let her distress show, and rapidly began to wipe her face to try, without success, to hide she had been crying. Maura moved and sat down alongside her, before reaching out with a hand clasping one of Jane’s, studiously avoiding looking at her directly, knowing Jane needed time to compose herself. The seconds ticked away and then the minutes added up, with neither woman moving or even speaking. Finally Maura moved a little more so she could look at Jane properly.

Seeing Maura move and looking her way, Jane closed her eyes before opening them again, trying to maintain her composure. “I know you’re just looking out for me Maura, but please....” Jane faltered before regrouping her thoughts. “I’m asking you to let this go.”

“I’m sorry.” Maura moved in and wrapped her arms around Jane’s waist, pulling them in closer together, tightening her hold as she felt Jane stiffen as if to run. “I would normally accede to your request, but in this instance I do sincerely believe it would be a mistake.”

“Please, don’t.” The barely whispered request was filled with pain that had only been heard a couple of days ago, and the implications of it were clear to Maura. Whatever this was about, Sue was very much involved in Jane’s thought process, making Maura even more determined to continue the course of action she had started.

“I can’t leave you like this, and I think you know that... deep down.” Maura felt the muscles in Jane’s back begin to relax fractionally, affording her some relief. “I know we can’t rewind time and make this all go away, but I can stand alongside you for the present as well as the future in whatever capacity you will allow. If it is no more than we already have, I can and do accept that without rancor but what I won’t stand by and allow is for you to push me away.”

Jane felt the fresh tears as they fell down her cheek, unable to wipe them away because of the way Maura was holding her, effectively pinning her arms down to her sides, but even if she had been able, she doubted she would have had the strength to anything. Her heart tightened and she closed her eyes, as she forced the thought in to her mind that she couldn’t move in to any kind of relationship with Maura, that there was no way she could allow the emotional attachment that would bring. The shock for Jane was that the grief this brought, while different, was every bit as painful as having lost Sue, and as that thought crossed her mind, Jane found she was now trembling uncontrollably, Maura simply being the firm anchor she had provided so often of late.

It was only then that Jane realized Maura was talking to her in a low voice, murmurings of support and attempts to get Jane to let go of whatever was causing this. Gentle compassion, it was all nearly enough to break down the dam, to let the flood loose, but just as Jane thought she had lost the resolve to remain stoic, her phone rang, bringing her right back to the moment. Maura silently damned each and every deity she could bring to mind at the interruption, knowing it had stopped the imminent release of whatever was bothering Jane, and for now, Maura had lost any advantage she had gained.

Jane moved as she felt Maura release her iron grip around her waist, not needing more than a split second to get her profession facade firmly in place.

“Rizzoli.” Jane had glanced at the display and was slightly surprised to see it was Frost calling.

“Jane, where in the hell are you?” Frost sounded impatient.

“I had to come home, busted some stitches and Maura had to sort them out.” Jane replied without looking at Maura, knowing she wasn’t being totally truthful, but didn’t see what good would be done by talking about Crowe. “Why, has the place already fallen apart without me?”

“Don’t know about that.” Frost joked, before his voice became serious. “Listen I thought you’d want to know, we might have a tip on a location where the SUV was kept. Came in last night, and from little I know, it looks like it’s legit. I’m waiting to hear back from crime scene.”

“Where?” Jane demanded, standing up and beginning to pace, albeit gingerly as Maura watched with a warning look on her face that Jane knew she couldn’t ignore.

“You know I can’t tell you.” Frost said, regret in his voice. “Just wanted to keep you abreast ya know, seems like its the least I could do.”

Jane sighed as she stopped her movement, and began to walk slowly out towards the sitting room, moving her eyes towards Maura to show she was welcome to come with her. “I know Barry, and I appreciate it. Just call me when.....” Jane sighed again as she sat down on the couch.

“Yeah, I’ll call the second I hear.” Frost was now questioning his decision to call, wondering if it had done more harm than good. “I’ll see you tomorrow?” The question obvious.

“Yeah I’ll be there mid-morning.” Jane confirmed before ending the call, and slowly she put her phone down on the table in front of her as Maura moved and slid in alongside where she was sitting.

“News?” Maura inquired, hating how she had seen Jane go from excited to downbeat in seconds as the phone conversation went on.

“Frost thinks they might have found where the SUV was stashed.” Jane’s voice was monotone as she relayed the news, unable to move herself out from the melancholy feeling that had replaced her initial buzz on answering the call.

“That’s good, isn’t it?” Maura asked, a frown crossing her face.

“I guess.” Jane felt the guilt that she had carried from earlier settling in her stomach like molten lead which was then rapidly solidifying. The guilt was also joined down by the feeling that she was a traitor to the one person who she swore she would never do it to, and it was gnawing away, piercing her defences with ease as if they weren’t there. Her mind kept reminding her she was only human, that she couldn’t help automated responses to some things. She almost felt a tug of a smile as she realized that Maura would undoubtedly have some scientific information to give her on the reasons behind how she had reacted. Hell, Jane knew she’d probably heard it all before at some time or another, only not directed at her, more likely  how others might be reacting to a situation or stimulation. It still didn’t appease Jane’s conscience one bit.  

Maura knew that Jane was on the cusp of something important with whatever was going on in her mind right now, and she felt frustrated that she still didn’t know what it was about. There was another myriad of emotion that was playing across the brunettes face and in her eyes, and try as Maura might, they were too complex for her to fully grasp. All she did know was whatever balance they had found over the past day was lost, and she could only hope that not only was it not forever, but that it didn’t impact on the friendship, and more importantly in the immediate future, in Jane’s ability to recover. Now all she had to do was figure out how to broach it without Jane brushing it aside, as she so often would dismiss concern shown towards her.

“How have you gone through everything?”

Jane’s question surprised Maura, and her raised eyebrows showed that shock. “I don’t think I’ve faced many challenges.”

Jane snorted with a shake of her head. “That is so typical of you! You have not had it easy Maura, despite everything your life and family have given you. Yet, despite all the shortcomings in how you’ve been raised and the problems you’ve encountered because of it, you still thrive. How?”

“You know I have my own problems.” Maura countered with a slight smile. “My own insecurities, yes. You see them more than anyone I’ve ever been around.” Maura held Jane’s gaze as she made that admission. While it was something they had talked about before, it had always been in passing, and while spoken about and understood on some level, this was the first time it was seriously broached.

“Yeah, but how do you deal with it? Before you met me?”

“You’ve seen my facade.” Maura replied in her completely honest manner. “I suppose I’m so used to it always being there, that I no longer think about it, or for that matter worry about what others might think of me. When I was younger of course other peoples opinions of me mattered, but I grew comfortable enough in my own beliefs to stand up and do what I wanted, not what was expected of me.”

Jane watched as Maura paused, sensing that more was about to be said. Her patience was finally rewarded as Maura made a decision. “Being around you has made it so much easier for me. I don’t have to hide behind anything when we’re together, and with time that has also allowed me to be more myself with your family, as well as those we work closely with. You make it easy and you’ve allowed me to grow and experience a lot in life I had otherwise missed out on, and would have continued to miss had it not been for you, and I feel as fulfilled as a person as I’ve ever done because of it.”

Jane swallowed down the emotion as Maura finished talking, before shrugging in an attempt to appear far more nonchalant that she was feeling. “I think....” Jane hesitated. “I think I need to go back to my apartment.”

“What? Why?” Maura’s shock was palpable.

“I just...” Jane tried to formulate the reply, unsure quite where the idea of moving back home had come from, but from the second it had passed her lips, she felt it was something she needed to do. “I need to deal with the fact that Sue isn’t here, and I know this is going to sound bizarre, but unless I face it head on, I feel like I’m only delaying the inevitable hurt I’m going to have to face, whether I go back tonight, tomorrow, next week or even next month.”

Maura moved to hold Jane’s hand tightly. “Jane, while I tend to agree with part of that statement, I really do think this is too soon, and I’m saying this not just as a friend, but on medical grounds.” Maura enforced the point by sending a piercing gaze in Jane’s direction. “In fact, I think whatever has just occurred for you, whatever realization you’re fighting, it’s also an indication you’re pushing too soon to be back at work.”

“NO!”

Jane’s outburst was expected by Maura, who maintained her bland facial expression, even though internally she was fighting a raging battle of emotion. She waited until she felt that Jane had calmed enough to be listening.

“I know going back to work is important for you, to give your mind something to do. I’m proposing you stay here, and I’m not saying don’t do any work, just that it’s to early to be at work. It’s an important difference. After all, it’s desk duty. Surely we can set up a system whereby you can bring files here to work on. I’m sure if we talk to Barry there must be some way we can link the laptop in to the precinct server if it won’t allow you in via a normal browser, allowing you access to any relevant information electronically. Phone calls are already mostly done with your cell, and we can ask Barry or Vince to call if something comes via the switchboard at work. Surely you can compromise on this? It will also mean you don’t have to face Crowe until you are stronger and more able to work out how to deal with what is happening with his taunts, because whether you like it or not, he cannot simply be ignored.”

Jane looked thoughtful, actually internally thinking Maura made for a good argument, but also knowing it still didn’t resolve how she was feeling not only about Sue, but the situation she had found herself in with Maura. Jane closed her eyes and her fingers from her free hand lightly scratched across her forehead as she tried to think about how to deal with it.

“Jane?”

Maura’s voice brought Jane out of her thoughts as she realized she hadn’t given any indication or reply for some time, and concern was etched on Maura’s face. “I don’t know what to do.” Jane finally conceded.

“About work or moving back home?” Maura asked for clarification.

“Both, because one impacts the other I guess.” Jane admitted with a small shrug of her shoulders, not wanting to give any information that would alert Maura to the raging conflict Jane was still fighting over their friendship. 

“I don’t see how? After all, you have the internet at home. My concern is still that you’re not able to deal with the emotion of moving back so early.” Maura released Jane’s hand as she began to twist the large ring on her finger, the only outward sign of her own distress.

“Perhaps I need to at least go back, just for a while and see how I get on.” Jane spoke up as the silence began to become oppressive. “If I go now, this afternoon, I can test how I deal with it, and come back here afterwards.”

Maura’s face brightened as another idea formed. “I think that would be healthy. In fact, I would suggest that immersion therapy is the way to approach this.”

Jane’s face scrunched up as she realized what Maura was suggesting. “Wait immersion therapy? Isn’t that when someone freaks about spiders and some such shit..... which I don’t by the way! Snakes perhaps....” Jane admitted in a lower voice, before looking back at Maura, “And I most certainly don’t have a phobia about my own apartment!”

Maura smiled at Jane’s words. “I’m not suggesting for one second you do.” Maura’s tone was light, as the smile widened. “However, when you consider the situation it isn’t dissimilar. Most phobia is about fear, which can be prevalent in many ways. It’s doesn’t have to be something that is tangible like a fear of spiders, but more about feelings, like a fear of flying. By going back to your apartment under controlled conditions, it should allow you to become more comfortable in the environment. It’s about how the exposure is measured. If you start off by going back for a limited time, lets say an hour to work, you can slowly build from there. If at any time you find it is too much, you simply return here. The ultimate goal of course is to get through the next level in the hierarchy until such time as you can live there again.”

“Sure, why not.” Jane found herself agreeing to the idea, as it struck her that no matter how desperately she might want something, that right now, there would be no way in hell she would cope being back at the apartment to live. At least Jane knew this was a step in the right direction, and for once she wasn’t jumping in with both feet. She would just make sure any thoughts of Maura beyond friendship were immediately banished as they might occur.

* * *

She walked at a normal pace and carefully moved across to where a crowd was gathering. She then moved over to a man who she didn’t recognize as uniformed police kept them all a good distance away from where others were working.

“What’s up?” She nodded in the direction of where crime scene tape was marking an area off.

“Dunno, something about a car.” He replied with a shrug of his shoulders. “Guess it’s another that’s got jacked.”

She let out a snort of derision. “Always something. Means I can’t get through and have got to go the long way round, as if I don’t have enough shit to deal with in a day!” and carried on walking away, not even tempted to look back. It wasn’t a surprise her first location had been located, if anything the surprise was it had taken this long. Not that it was something she was overly concerned with, since she had made absolutely sure nothing would trace back to her. She had even left a couple of small pieces of evidence that would point away from her. It wasn’t much, because she knew if too many clues were left behind, law enforcement would ask more questions, whereas if you left enough to be tantalizingly close to giving answers, but never actually drifting across that line, it rarely failed as a diversion tactic.

She sat in the driver's seat, her fingers tapping on the wheel along to some rock song she vaguely knew coming from the radio that she had turned on to provide some background noise as she waited. She had deliberately parked away from the neighborhood, since the vehicle would undoubtedly stick out as not belonging, whereas just a few blocks down, it wouldn’t be given a second glance. Her attention was brought back firmly to the flash of blue, and she immediately put the vehicle into drive and pulled out a few cars behind. She didn’t like using the same technique twice, but in this instance she felt it was the best choice she had. She signaled a short distance later, and quickly navigated the short cut she had worked out some time earlier. She then settled back and watched.

She tightened down her belt, deliberately snagging it with a jerk of her hand to make it grip in as it would in an impact, so her body was already as secure as it could be. She would prefer a three point harness, but she didn’t have the time, nor did she want to make those kind of modifications, because the more she did, the more chance she had of leaving something that would track back to her. She made sure her hair was tucked cleanly underneath the hair net she was wearing under her baseball cap. Then taking a deep breath, she pushed the throttle down, as the suspension initially lurched before stabilizing and managing to avoid any wheel-spin, she crashed into the other car. She knew straight away the impact had been exact where she had aimed. She pushed the remains of the airbag down, and quickly threw the vehicle in reverse, within a matter of seconds she was pulling away, leaving a tangled heap of metal in her wake.

* * *

 

Korsak answered his phone absentmindedly as he continued to go through the file they had been sent from the garage location. Having sent out officers, the canvassing of the area had come back with evidence they had got the right place, just empty and no real clues that had been processed yet. He had been promised a rush was being done and they should have a preliminary report first thing.

“Korsak.” He jerked up out of his chair, signalling frantically to Frost, who jumped up looking surprised. “We’ll be there as soon as we can.” Korsak began to walk out of homicide, with Frost catching up. Once at the elevators, Korsak turned and looked at the other detective.

“Another vehicle hit and run.” Korsak said. “Identical to Jane’s accident.”

“Shit, who?” Frost asked, as he pulled on his jacket.

“Don’t have any ID yet. We’ve got to get to the hospital. One fatality is all I know.”

Frost pulled out his cell and punched in a speed dial number. Korsak looked at him with raised eyebrows.

“Calling Jane.” Frost said by way of explanation. He then frowned as it went straight to voice-mail. “Well, I would if she would answer her phone.”  Frost moved fingers across the display. “I’ll try the Doc instead.” Within a minute his expression had turned from concern to outright worry. “No answer either.”

Korsak looked at him as they rode the elevator to get in their car. “Could be a simple explanation. Try the Doc’s home phone.” He didn’t believe his own voice and he could tell by his reaction that Frost didn’t either.


	14. Chapter fourteen

**Chapter fourteen**

Korsak stepped away from the desk in the ER and threw his hands up in frustration as he walked over to where Frost was standing. “They will only tell me the person who was brought in died after they got here. They are trying to find a doctor to tell us more, but as the nurse put it, ‘the living are more important than the dead, so we’ll have to wait our turn’”

“If there was only one person involved, that has to mean Jane and Maura aren’t involved.” Frost pointed out.

“Maybe. Still doesn’t explain why we can’t get hold of them.” Korsak replied, “Even if Jane hasn’t got her phone, the Doc always has hers.” His attention was then drawn towards a doctor who had moved to talk to the nurse’s desk and was making his way over towards them.

“Detectives.” The doctor held out a hand, looking harried and tired, as did so many of the ER staff on any occasion they had to be there.

Korsak returned the handshake. “Detective Korsak and this is Detective Frost.”

“So, I hear you have some interest in the car accident victim brought in a short time ago.” The doctor said, having nodded to Frost to acknowledge him on Korsak’s introduction.

“Yeah, do you have an ID yet?” Korsak watched as Frost brought out his notebook and a pen.

“Not as yet. All I can tell you is he’s a white male, approximately early to mid thirties. He was the only occupant and driving the car when it was struck.” The doctor paused as he watched the look of relief crossing the faces of the two people in front of him. “I’m guessing by you’re reaction it isn’t who you thought?”

“No, but we are still interested in this accident for a another reason. It looks like it’s linked to a similar one a few days ago. We’ll arrange for our M.E to do the autopsy.”

A look of shock crossed the doctor's face as the pieces began to fall into place. “Oh my god, you're talking about Sue.”

“I’m afraid we can’t talk about an active investigation.” Frost said quickly, remembering that this was where Sue had worked, and was well known, and knew the doctor was fully aware they were linking the two for the moment at least.

“Yes, of course, and I’ll alert our morgue to expect a call about the body.” The doctor looked at his watch. “I’m sorry, but I really have to get back. Is there anything else I can help you with?”

“No thank you,” Korsak handed out a business card to him. “If you do think of anything, you can find me at these numbers.”

“Sure.” The doctor pushed the card into one of his coat pockets before moving away.

“So, where does that leave us?” Frost asked as they left the hospital and got in the car.

“We find out where Jane and the Doc are.” Korsak answered as he pulled out of the parking lot. “We can’t be sure now if this is just a coincidence or linked with Jane’s accident until we get a clearer picture of what happened. I’ll ask for reports from crime scene and traffic once we get back. Hopefully we should get an ID of the driver from the car information.”

Korsak and Frost both moved around outside Maura’s house, having knocked and rung the doorbell several times without success.

“You sure Jane was here when you called earlier?” Korsak questioned as they met back at the front door.

“Yeah, something about having bust some stitches open and the Doc needing to sort them out.” Frost once again hit the call button on his phone, only to get no answer.

“More like needing to get away from Crowe.” Korsak muttered, and was heard by Frost who looked across at him.

“I heard there was something that kicked off.” Frost said. “Want to tell me about it?”

“Not much to tell. Crowe’s got a real problem with Jane and her relationship with Sue.” Korsak admitted, showing his grazed bruised knuckles to Frost. “I told him to watch his mouth.”

Frost nodded his approval, “Good to know you were there.” He turned his attention back to the house. “What do we do about this?”

“Nothing we can do.” Korsak admitted. “The Doc’s car isn’t here, so it could be they are out somewhere and needed to turn their phones off. I’ll leave a note for them and hope they ring in once they get back here.”

* * *

Jane stood in her sitting room, feeling slightly off balance as she looked around her. Maura lightly rested a hand on her arm before moving to the kitchen and opening the refrigerator and grimaced. Jane noticed her reaction.

“What?” Jane then asked as Maura could only look back across at Jane.

“I think we need to clear your refrigerator out.” Maura closed the door. “It currently reminds me of an experiment I once did in school on bacterial culture growth.”

Jane walked over and pulled the door open. “It won’t be that ba.....” Jane looked in, and looked back at Maura with a slightly apologetic face. “I guess not being here hasn’t helped.”

“It does appear to have its own ecological cycle going on in there.”

Jane laughed. “Maura Isles makes a joke.” She pulled the refrigerator door open further to get a better look with a sigh. “To be honest I’ve not been here for a little while because I’d been spending more time at Sue’s... it just happened she was working shifts that meant it was easier for me to crash at her place rather than come back here. Even Jo had been spending more time there.” Jane frowned and closed the door again. “God that is disguising.” She then admitted with a wrinkle of her nose.

After a round of cleaning, Maura and Jane finally collapsed down on her couch, Jane having popped out for coffee’s from shop just around the corner since there wasn’t anything in the apartment that would allow them to make anything other than black coffee, which neither fancied. Maura looked across at Jane, trying to gauge how she was coping, but once again she was finding it almost impossible to read Jane’s facial clues.

“What?” Jane caught Maura looking at her.

“I was just wondering how you are coping being back.” Maura admitted. 

Jane gave it some thought, and a small smile crossed her face. “Better than I thought, but having to clean that mess up kind of gave me little chance to think about anything else.” Jane glanced over her shoulder towards the door that led to her bedroom. “But I’ve still got to face other things here, and I’m not sure I’m up to that yet.”

Seeing where Jane was looking, Maura shifted her position slightly. “Is there anything you want me to get while we’re here?”

“I could do with some clothes.” Jane replied as she twisted back and sank down in to the couch more. “Just throw what you think I’ll need in my bag.” Jane smiled towards Maura who was starting to stand, “You know pretty much what I wear and what I’m gonna need to see me through for a few days at least.”

Maura nodded, feeling oddly pleased that Jane trusted her not only to get some clothes together, but that she would know enough about Jane to pick out the right clothes for her. As Maura disappeared through the doorway, Jane rested her head back on the couch and closed her eyes, suddenly feeling tired as the weight of the day once again intruded on her thoughts.

_Jane slipped into the bed, moaning lightly as the warmth from the sheets enveloped her, even though it was still hot and humid outside. One distinct advantage of staying at Sue’s was her air-conditioning unit actually did some good, unlike the old cranky unit at Jane’s apartment, which was next to useless. It meant that for the first time in hours, the overall temperatures felt like they would normally and to have the heat of Sue in the bed was pleasant and not something she would have hated otherwise. Sue moved instinctively in her sleep, and clawed at Jane’s waist, pulling her into an embrace, which Jane didn’t fight. Jane’s eyes fluttered closed and within minutes she was fast asleep, her breathing even and trouble free._

_Jane woke up to the sounds and smell of Sue moving around the apartment, and she rolled on to her back and stretched her tired muscles out. As her arms moved above her head, Sue walked in with two mugs of coffee in hand, and seeing Jane was awake, a smile broke out across her face. She walked over, and placing the mugs down on the nightstand on Jane’s side, lent down and captured Jane’s lips in a long, sensual kiss. As they broke apart, Jane’s eye’s were heavy and she forced herself to focus on Sue’s face, which was still hovering only a couple of inches above her._

_“I’ve definitely found my favorite way to wake up.” Jane practically hummed as a hand came out from under the sheets and caught Sue around the waist, pulling her down across Jane’s prone body, eliciting a squeak out of Sue at the unexpected motion._

_“Oh you have?” Sue smiled as she repositioned herself so she was more secure on Jane, as Jane’s arm pulled her in closer than she thought possible. “I think I agree.”_

_Jane moaned as Sue slipped a hand up and under the old and now thin Boston Police t-shirt that Jane had worn to bed, cupping one breast with deliberate care. Jane moved her hand to the back of Sue’s neck, taking a second to feel the softness of her hair under her fingers, before bringing their heads closer to capture Sue’s lips in another kiss._

_“God I’ve missed you.” Jane murmured as they finally pulled away from each other, “I’ve missed this.” Jane admitted slowly. “I cannot believe I used to just crash anywhere I could when I got a case like this, and now all I can think of is I want to be home, with you. What a difference just a few months make.”_

_Sue nuzzled into Jane’s shoulder, enjoying the moment. Jane had been caught up with a particularly nasty case that had kept her at the precinct for far too many hours, and for the first time in days, Sue’s shift pattern was allowing them this time together._

_“I need you in my arms.” Sue also admitted, as she inhaled the scents around her, savoring what she could. Sue began to move her other hand, trailing fingers sensually across the bare skin on Jane’s arm, watching in fascination as goosebumps appeared where she had trailed her fingers, and she couldn’t help the smile widening as Jane’s muscles also began to twitch. Sue lent further in, and captured Jane’s earlobe gently, nipping at it, knowing it was one place of many on Jane’s body that would elicit a reaction that she had discovered and she was rewarded immediately as Jane’s body arched ever so slightly underneath her._

_“I love you.” Sue’s words were barely spoken, but the breath ghosting across Jane’s ear was enough for Jane to shudder in response. Her fingers continued to move, and she brought her hand that had been cradling one of Jane’s breasts to skim a thumb lightly across an already hardened nipple. Her other hand moved to also be under Jane’s shirt, and Sue moved enough so she could watch as Jane’s torso muscles rippled. “Spending the time apart, makes this even more enjoyable.”_

_“Sue....” Jane could barely whimper as Sue moved to the hem of her shirt and pulled it up and over Jane’s head. Jane also moved to allow Sue to remove the shorts she was also wearing. Sue deftly removed her own clothing, and within a minute they were lying, skin against skin._

_“Oh god....” Jane’s breath hitched in her throat as Sue moved fingers down, closer to the place Jane needed her to be the most, her back arching up instinctively. Due to time constraints, Sue knew this wasn’t the time for loving and slow. It wasn’t often that their love making took on a slightly rough edge, but this was one of those occasions as the need became urgent. Hearts raced not from exertion, but as desire rose. Thoughts jumbled as hands roamed and found the spots needed to heighten the already expectant heights that they had already reached._

_Jane tried to keep up with the pace Sue had set, as her mind was someway behind events, and she was acting on instinct alone. She cried out as Sue’s mouth latched on to one nipple, pulling and teasing it none too gently, before she swapped sides and began the same on the other nipple. It was enough for Jane to rush towards the crescendo, and her chest heaved, as Sue’s head bowed down, licking a trail up towards Jane’s now exposed neck. Jane’s hands tangled with Sue’s hair, as she grabbed hold quite roughly but the sting at the roots of Sue’s hair didn’t even register, her own fervor was now also building, and she began to grind against Jane’s thigh, needing her own release._

_Jane wasn’t even coherent as she rushed headlong to climax, which arrived the second that Sue brought her thumb across and pressed down and made a circular motion on the bundle of nerves that so far she hadn’t even touched. It triggered an explosion within Jane, who, even with the weight of Sue on her, rose up off the mattress, as Sue also felt her own release occurring and called out Jane’s name. Both then lay there, trying to suck in air as the tremors began to finally recede._

_“Jesus....” Jane finally was able to talk, as Sue lay panting on top of her as she fought to bring her own breathing and heart rate under control._

_“No...” Sue moved to look into the dark smouldering eyes of her lover. “Just Sue.”_

_Jane snickered as she moved her hands that had been gripping Sue’s shoulders hard, and watched as Sue then moved her one hand, and with deliberate care licked off her fingers that only a short time earlier had been responsible for her current state. “God, don’t.” Jane finally said as she felt all too familiar stirrings within her body, “We’ve got to get up.” knowing Sue’s actions weren’t deliberate but also very aware there was absolutely no time for any kind of a repeat performance. Sue winked and she pushed her head down into Jane’s shoulder. They both lay there, arms wrapped around each other, neither willing to move or do anything until they absolutely had to. Sue finally grunted and rolled off Jane and then pulled herself into a standing position._

_“I wish we didn’t have to get up.” Jane muttered through half lidded eyes._

_“Tell me about it....I think I need to get fresh coffee’s.”  Sue went to grab the now cold coffee, but was stopped as Jane sat up, capturing her one wrist as she did._

_“Marry me.”_

_Sue looked absolutely stunned, and for a second, so did Jane, who wasn’t even sure where the question had come from. Once the initial flash of panic subsided, Jane grinned as she realized that while it scared the crap out of her, she also didn’t want to retract the question._

_“What!” Sue finally responded as she fell back to sit on the edge on the bed, her legs suddenly feeling less than steady._

_“Marry me.” Jane repeated, this time with more confidence in her voice and posture. “I know we’ve barely been going out with each other, and I know I sound crazy right about now, but this, what we have, it feels.... “_

_“So right.” Sue finished the sentence her voice barely above a whisper._

_“Yeah.” Jane moved still holding Sue’s wrist. She wanted to actually hug Sue and needing the extra comfort and didn’t want to risk Sue feeling overwhelmed, so kept some distance between them. “I don’t expect an answer right now, just please.... give it some thought. How about we both book some time off. God knows I’m due a break and Cavanaugh is always nagging me to take some vacation time. We can see how we feel then, and if we really want this, we can do it. Get engaged.”_

_Sue nodded, still feeling shocked by the last few minutes but her smile increased as the shock wore off and the idea of being married to Jane actually began to seem appealing despite her mind also screaming it was illogical to feel like this after only such a short time of dating someone._

_“Time on vacation with you sounds great and I’m not saying no, but I agree, we need some time to allow this to sink in.” Sue finally said, as she shifted position slightly so she could lightly kiss Jane on the lips. “I’ll look at what I can take when I go into work today.” Sue then looked across at the alarm clock and jumped up. “Shit and if I don’t get a move on, I’m going to be late.”_

_Jane watched with a smile as Sue disappeared from view into the bathroom and she settled back into the pillows, fingers linked together behind her head. Life felt good and for the first time in a very long time, Jane realized she wasn’t worried that someone was after her, that she couldn't bring another person into her life for fear they would become a target. This was the first time that Jane could ever remember she wanted this, without any doubts marring her thought process. This was it, this was real. Jane’s smile widened as she stretched again and slowly pulled herself out of bed and headed to the shower._

“Jane....”

Jane woke with a start, and was even more surprised to find that not only was Maura sitting alongside her with a look of concern, but that her cheeks were wet where she had obviously been crying. She wiped a hand across her face, as she moved to sit up more, having slouched down in to the couch as she’d fallen asleep.

“I’m okay.” Jane swallowed hard and a hand came out to grasp one of Maura’s, needing to feel the contact. “Just a dream bringing back a memory.” Seeing Maura’s face looking even more concerned Jane squeezed her hand. “A good memory, just emotional you know....” Jane then added with a slight grin and was rewarded by Maura looking less worried.

Jane didn’t know how to feel as the emotion hit hard. It was totally different to anything Jane had faced so far, and in the forefront was the memory of asking Sue to marry her. While they both had known the answer was always going to be yes, they had been robbed of the opportunity to make it official. Jane swallowed down her emotion that threatened again as the thoughts of anger that she was cheated of her chance of happiness rose up in a rush. Maura could see anger flashing across Jane’s face, and couldn’t help but wonder what memory could have caused Jane to react in such a way. Once again, Maura felt she wasn’t in any position to help Jane, and she was trying to figure out ways to get Jane to open up and talk to her, rather than keep this bottled up.


	15. Chapter fifteen

**Chapter fifteen**

Korsak all but threw his pen across the desk as Frost approached with some information he’d pulled on the computers.

“Dammit, this is getting more and more frustrating by the second.” Korsak admitted as Frost sat down on the chair alongside his desk. “As soon as I feel we’re getting somewhere, we hit yet another dead end. I can't remember the last time a case like this had so many possible leads that lead precisely nowhere.”

“Well, if it’s any consolation I’ve got a little information that might help.” Frost pulled some print outs from a file. “We’ve got some more images of the driver from that last accident. They still don’t give a full facial view, but their clothes and overall build are much clearer. We’re definitely looking at a woman.”

“Sue’s ex.” Korsak said quickly as he looked at the images. “It has to be, she’s the only one we’ve found with any reason to do this.”

“Maybe, except...” Frost’s voice trailed off as he pulled another printout from his file. “I’ve found a sister of the former owner of Merch who it seems has threatened Jane after her sister got sent down for life in her part of the murder of Katie Randle. She wasn’t taken too seriously at the time, but she seems to have disappeared off the radar as well. We can’t discount her.”

Korsak chucked the papers down angrily. “This is exactly the kind of crap I was talking about. Just when it looked like we had a clear lead, we’ve got someone else in the frame putting us back to square one. Damn this.”

“We’re not quite back at square one.” Frost argued. “We’ve got two clear suspects now, whereas we didn’t really have one before, and even if neither pan out, we know we’re looking for a woman. I can now discount pretty much anyone on the list who is male, or has male relatives. It’s shortened the list considerably, and it’s why I could find out about this Sister. There is no way she would have been close to the top before we had this new information.”

“I guess.” Korsak rubbed his hands across his face before looking back at Frost. “You hear from Rizzoli or the Doc yet?”

Frost shook his head. “I’ve left some messages for them both. I don’t know where they are.” He admitted.

* * *

 

“I asked Sue to marry me.” Jane didn’t even know what prompted her to give Maura the information, other than since waking up, Jane was feeling so out of sorts it was genuinely worrying her, let alone how she knew it must be making Maura feel.

“You asked her to marry you?” Maura sounded completely astounded as she tried to process the news.

“Yeah.” Jane snorted out a laugh, “Sounds stupid doesn’t it, but the night before.... the...” Jane’s words trailed off and Maura gathered Jane once again in to her arms.

“What was her reply?”

Jane smiled into Maura’s shoulder, pleased that she had asked a question genuinely wanting to know what had happened rather than making any sort of judgement. “We agreed it was crazy, and it was too soon for an answer, but we were planning on taking some time off, take a vacation. Revisit how we felt once we were alone, with no pressure of work around us, but I knew Maur.... I knew Sue had said yes, even if the word hadn’t actually been spoken.”

Maura suddenly understood the flash of anger that she’d seen go across Jane’s face. “And that chance has now been taken away from you.” Maura said softly.

“Dammit, yes.” Jane replied pushing away from Maura slightly, her tone angry even though she didn’t raise her voice at all. “All I wanted was to be with her, to plan a wedding, maybe even have those kids Ma keeps nagging me about, and now.... I can’t even plan her god damn funeral.”

Maura for once didn’t know what she could say to help, and could only gather Jane back into her arms and hold her as tears once again spilled from Jane. As Jane  huddled in to Maura’s shoulder, Maura finally allowed herself to react, and her free hand came up and shakily covered her mouth as she tried to contain her own emotion, knowing if she began to cry, it was one thing guaranteed to upset Jane and that was the last thing she wanted. Jane deserved this time to grieve, without the added burden of guilt over Maura’s reaction. Finally, Jane pulled away and fumbled for a tissue she had stuffed in her pocket. She then quickly wiped her face and blew her nose, before looking across at Maura.

“You are such a good friend.” Jane finally whispered, her hand coming out to hold Maura’s. Maura sat there quietly, willing Jane to finally try and open up and tell her what had been causing her to shut off, and she fought to even make any movement, worried it would be enough to trigger a reaction of withdrawal from Jane. “Now... now marrying Sue isn’t an option, and I guess I’ve got to just learn that and move on.” Jane finally looked at Maura with more sincerity and a slight smile.

“You will move on,” Maura spoke when she realized that Jane was expecting some kind of response from her. “But it’ll take time and you will have moments where it’ll feel as raw as if did when it all happened, but as long as you try and remember that, you’ll get through it and be stronger as each day goes.”

Jane nodded and took a deep breath, before slowly standing up, pulling Maura up by her hand as she did. “Let’s go.” Jane almost said ‘home’, but stopped herself at the last second, and hoped Maura hadn’t picked up on the hesitation.   _Since when have I been thinking of Maura’s as home?_ Jane thought to herself, and gently shook her head, trying to clear her thoughts still overrun by the latest dream and reminder of her relationship with Sue. 

Maura walked through her front door, and realized a note of some kind had been pushed under the door. She bent down to pick it up, as Jane came up behind her.

“What’s that?” Jane asked as she saw Maura bend down and get something off the floor.

“Some kind of note.” Maura answered as she waited for Jane to get in the house properly before closing and locking the door behind her.

Jane raised her eyebrows but didn’t say anything else as she watched Maura drop the bag she’d insisted on carrying to prevent Jane from further aggravating any injuries. Maura finally opened the note up and her own face showed a look of complete surprise. She moved towards her purse and pulling her phone out, frowned and muttered under her breath.

“Later that same day!” Jane didn’t bother to hold back her exasperation, and her words broke Maura out of her daze.

“Oh Jane, I’m sorry. It’s a note from Vince, apparently they have tried to reach us and couldn’t get hold of us.” Maura explained.

Jane’s hand immediately went to the holder on her belt, and her fingers hit air where she was expecting to find her cell phone. “Dammit, I left my phone here.” Jane said with a scowl, unhappy that she’d been so distracted she had forgotten to take it with her. She knew how vital it was to be in contact with those around her, even if she wasn’t at work and Jane couldn’t remember ever being so engrossed in her own world before that she had left and hadn’t got her phone with her.

“I’ve just discovered my battery has become so low the phone was off.” Maura replied with a slight expression of disgust on her face. “I cannot ever remember not keeping it charged before.”

On seeing the guilt cross Maura’s face, Jane moved over to her with a slight grin. “Guess that makes both of us doing something we’ve not done before, and it’s a reminder for me at least, that I’m still recovering from what has happened. Makes us human, right.”

Maura’s smile was barely noticeable as she looked up at Jane. “I’m a cyborg, remember, I shouldn’t forget such things.”

“You said you’d never tell me if you were a cyborg!”

“Oh, well in that case, my secrets now out.” Maura replied with her grin widening.

Jane moved in closer and dipped in towards Maura’s ear. “Don’t worry, your secret's safe with me.”

The words were softly spoken and it took all of Maura’s self control not to shiver in reaction. She merely slapped Jane lightly on the arm and moved away. “I better call Vince, let him know we’re all right.”

Jane, unaware of the response her actions had caused, smiled and turned back and picked up the bag that Maura had put down earlier. Jane didn’t look back knowing Maura, if she saw her doing it, would be chastising her immediately. Without another word, she moved and put the bag in the guest bedroom, but didn’t bother to unpack, instead moving back to the sitting room to find out what Korsak was trying to call them about. She saw her phone on the nightstand just as she turned to leave, and picking it up was surprised to find ten missed calls, all from Frost, plus another eight messages left. She didn’t bother to check them knowing they would all most likely be Frost, deciding to wait to see what Maura had to tell her.

Walking back into the sitting room, Maura was just getting off the phone with a frown across her face.

“What?” Jane asked quickly, seeing that Maura had obviously been disturbed in some way by the call.

“They have a couple of things about the case they wanted to discuss.” Maura said, moving to the couch, where Jane joined her.

“And?” Jane looked impatient. “God sometimes trying to get information out of you is like trying to pull teeth with nothing but a wrench!”

Maura looked across at Jane with a puzzled expression. “Jane why on earth would you use a wrench to try and remove a tooth?”

Jane sighed and threw her hands up in exasperation. “I rest my case. Maur.... it’s just an expression, god sometimes for someone with your IQ you can be soooo dense. Now please for the love of all that is holy, what did Korsak have to say!”

“There was another incident that alerted them to your case.” Maura began, and Jane put her hand up.

“Wait, what? Another incident?” Jane wanted clarification.

“Apparently a fatal hit and run, a blue Prius was involved. They were trying to contact us initially in case...” Maura’s voice trailed off as she watched the color draining from Jane’s face. “Jane, I’m sorry I should have approached this with a little more tact.”

Jane swallowed hard. “No Maur... It’s okay. I wanted to know, it’s not your fault.” Closing her eye’s briefly, Jane opened them again and shot an encouraging smile towards Maura. “Go on.”

Nodding a little Maura twisted her ring. “They couldn’t get hold of us, so came around here once they had been to the hospital. They are still waiting for victim ID. All they know is he is male and in his thirties. I’ve agreed to do the autopsy later this evening as soon as the body arrives at the morgue. The traffic cameras gave additional footage and it’s a replica of your accident and they are sure the two are connected somehow. Not only that but the footage was able to give enough to show...” Maura paused and looked at Jane with careful consideration as to how to say the next piece of news. “They are looking for a woman.” 

“Ellie!” Jane stood up and began to pace around, wringing her hands together, pushing fingers and thumbs across her scars, a sure sign as to how agitated she was feeling.

“They don’t know that.” Maura stood up and placed herself firmly in Jane’s path, making her stop. “Apparently there is another suspect they are looking at as well as Ellie.”

Jane’s forehead creased into a frown. “Who?” Jane began to think over all her old cases, to see if there was anyone who might want to cause her and Sue harm. She couldn’t think of anyone.

“The bartender at Merch...”

“Her sister.” Recollection lit up Jane’s face. “But it was just words. She didn’t seem like the sort of person to act on her threats.” Jane finally sank back down on the couch, Maura quickly following her.

“Apparently she is missing, and you know as well as I do Jane, people can change. Bitterness and anger can turn to revenge even for the most mild mannered of people. Remember the marathon and Courtney Brown, and how over time her plan for revenge over her sisters rape and subsequent death festered, and she finally became a killer. Especially since you were in a relationship with a woman. If she'd found out somehow, it would could just heighten her anger towards you.”

“I know, it just all seems so... unlikely...” Jane confessed. “I can’t quite get my head around all of this.”

“Vince asked if you could recall anything about the sister?” Maura asked once she knew Jane was more composed.

“No, not really.” Jane shook her head. “I mean, sure she was angry during the trial and even shouted some at me in the corridor outside the courtroom when I was there to testify, plus some letters, but once the verdict came in, she sorta stopped. It wasn’t something I’ve not seen before. I reported it, like you’re supposed to but it didn’t warrant anything more. We all felt it was best left rather than go in with a warning, which would most likely only aggravate the whole situation. She was hurting, and I was an easy target because I was the one who sent her big sister away.” Jane shrugged looking tired. 

“I’ll go in and talk to Vince before I do the autopsy.” Maura said, standing up. “I better get ready.

Jane stood up as well. “I’m coming with you!” Maura shot Jane a warning look, which Jane countered. “I can ask Korsak about what he’s found and give him any kind of statement he might need. I also need to do this Maur...”

Maura looked down at the floor for a minute before bringing her line of sight back to Jane who hadn’t moved. “All right, but if there is any...”

“Yeah I get it, if I freak out or I’m hurting, blah, blah, blah, yadda, yadda.” Jane looked at Maura with a crooked grin, and her tone was light to show she was teasing. Maura couldn’t help her own smile.

* * *

 

Maura stepped back from the autopsy table, trying to relieve the tension that had settled in her back muscles from leaning over for so long, and pulled off her gloves with a tired sigh not even daring to look at the clock to see how late it was. She didn’t hear Jane walking in to the morgue, and jumped as hands came up and began to knead her back through the gown.

“It’s only me.” Jane spoke softly the second she felt Maura flinch underneath her fingers, and Maura relaxed back into Jane’s hands. “You looked in some pain, thought this might help.”

“You are correct, this is helping.” Maura replied with a slight moan as Jane hit a particularly tight area.

“Did you find anything?” Jane rested her head on Maura’s shoulder as she looked over to see the body on the table.

“The face was too badly damaged for a full ID.” Maura admitted, trying not to get distracted by the way Jane had positioned herself. “However, I have determined the cause of death is due to massive internal injury due to the impact from the accident. I’m also not ready to speculate until I get confirmation either via dental records or DNA, but I do believe I know who this might be.”

That got Jane’s attention who stood up and moved to stand alongside Maura, looking down at the body intently. “”Who is he?” Jane demanded.

“I don’t wish to say until...” Maura began to say but was cut off by Jane spinning on her heels and looking at her, anger crossing her face.

“You do not get to say something like that to me and then clam up!” Jane’s voice was dangerously low. “Who in the hell is he!”

“I think it might be Sue’s brother.” Maura finally admitted as she was glared at by Jane. On hearing Maura’s words, Jane wobbled on her feet and Maura quickly brought one of the stools she kept to sit on and pushed it underneath Jane, placing her hands on Jane’s shoulders to guide her on to the seat.

“Are you sure?” Jane muttered, shock evident.

“No, I’m not sure.” Maura sounded exasperated. “This is exactly why I don’t like to speculate until I get proof on a theory or identification is confirmed.”

“Damn it Maura, I know you. When you speculate like this, you’re usually pretty accurate. So what makes you think this is her brother?” Jane demanded as she recovered from the initial shock.

“Hair color, weight and height, all are similar. I also noted some similar markings of a mole and freckles on his skin that correspond with what I remember when we saw him at the cafe as well as when he came with his parents to identify Sue’s body. There is also some similarity in bone structure across his face.”  

Jane placed her elbows on her knees, before moving her head down and rubbing her hands across her face. She finally looked back up at Maura who hadn’t moved. “I’m guessing he rented the car then. I’ll ask Korsak to find out what the checks popped up with. Dammit, they should have already done that.” Jane sounded exasperated and Maura placed a hand on her shoulder.

“It might be they have already got that information and for whatever reason it doesn’t correspond with my theory.”

Jane stood up, pushing a hand through her hair. “Whatever, how long are you going to be?”

Maura ignored the brusque manner that Jane had displayed before looking at the clock on the wall. “I suspect another thirty minutes or so. I’ll leave writing up the main report until tomorrow.”

“Okay, I’m heading back upstairs if you want to find me when you’re done.”

Without waiting for a reply, Jane walked out, her body tense. Maura quickly picked up a phone that was nearby and quickly punched in an extension number.

“Vince, Jane is heading your way with some possible news, and I’m worried about her. Please, keep an eye on for me.”

 


	16. Chapter sixteen

**Chapter sixteen**

Korsak watched as Jane walked in, tension radiating off her.

“Wow, who slapped your tits.” Korsak said, trying desperately to lighten the mood, worried by the short call he’d just received from Maura.

“The only slapping that is going to happen around here is my hand upside your head.” Jane sounded angry and Vince put both his hands up in a gesture of surrender.

“Whoa, sorry. So, did the Doc have any news?”

Jane slumped down in her chair at her desk. “She thinks John Doe might be Sue’s brother. Jesus Korsak, what if we’re going about this all wrong and it's the family who are in danger for some reason? Christ this is a clusterfuck! It could now be anyone. There we were thinking it was Sue or me who was the target, but this..... if Maura is right... the possibilities and reasons for this has just been completely blown wide open...”

Korsak’s eyes widened at the news. “You’re right, but only if the Doc has called this correctly.  Has she got confirmation?”

“Nope, it’s just a theory until dental or DNA come back.” Jane mimicked air quotes. “But you know what Maura’s theories are like... Can you ever remember her getting it wrong?” Jane left the question hanging and Korsak could only nod. “So, have you checked the car plates? Who in the hell is it registered to?”

“Rental and the office went all customer privacy on our ass. We’ve gotta wait for a warrant. Frost’s chasing it up now, hoping we’ll get it anytime. Judges don’t like being disturbed once they go home for the night. You know what it’s like.”

“Christ a man got killed and all they can think about it privacy. They know they’re gonna have to give it up anyway, so what the hell makes them do this!” Jane slapped a hand down on her desk. “What the fuck is wrong with people!”

“Too much Law and Order and CSI on the television these days and worrying about being sued by families or losing their jobs or some such shit.” Korsak grumbled, showing his own frustration.

Right at that moment, Frost called and said they had been given the warrant and he was heading back to the car rental offices at the airport because they knew someone manned the desk through the night. Jane meanwhile was fidgeting at her desk when Maura finally appeared. 

“I’m staying here.” Jane spoke up before Maura even had the chance to say hello.

Maura carefully sat down alongside Jane’s desk and cocked an eyebrow. “May I ask why?”

“Frost, he’s at the rental company. We should have an ID on the driver.” Jane replied quickly, her one foot tapping the floor quickly in nervous energy, making Maura move and place a hand on her knee to force Jane to stop.

Maura looked at Jane with a slightly amused expression when Jane flashed a questioning look at Maura. “I don’t want you breaking open....”

“Yeah I get it.” Jane interrupted, but she stilled her leg that was still jiggling ever so slightly and picked up Maura’s hand with her own and unceremoniously placed it on the edge of the desk. “Jesus, how long does it take to get this information!”

Jane sounded and looked impatient, and Korsak got up from his desk, giving Maura a crooked smile and apologetic look. Maura simply shrugged her shoulders showing she was used to these kind of moods with Jane, and hadn’t taken it personally.

“Jane you know as well as I do, we’ve gotta do this by the book. Straight up, no mistakes.” Korsak said as he walked over.

“I know, but dammit it doesn’t mean I have to like it.” Jane grumbled, picking up a file, glancing at the paperwork inside, before throwing it back down on her desk. She jumped as Korsak’s phone rang, and with a grin and wink, he answered. He listened carefully, not yet taking notes, but quickly ended the call.

“So?” Jane asked, looking annoyed at his lack of communication only knowing it was Frost because Korsak had told him to get back to the station as soon as possible with the paperwork.

“Doc, looks like you were right. The driver was Sue’s brother.” Korsak looked at Maura, before turning his attention back to Jane.

“Oh man.” Jane put her head in her hands and rested down on the edge of the desk. “Oh I am so screwed. Completely and utterly screwed. This sucks.”

“Why on earth are you saying that?” Maura asked. “I would have thought this was good news.”

Jane lifted her head just enough to look across at Maura. “You do realize that Sue’s parents are going to bust a gut on hearing this news, and I’ll bet my months pay I’m going to somehow get the blame. If they hadn’t been here because of Sue’s death.... He wouldn’t have died. God, I can hear them already.” Jane groaned as she put her head back in its resting place. Maura looked up at Korsak with a pleading expression, unsure what to say.

“You don’t know that Janie.” Korsak countered as he walked back to his desk and sat down. “Just cos they didn’t approve of you and Sue, doesn’t mean you’re gonna get blamed here.”

“I am so dead.” Jane murmured, not bothering to lift her head this time. “Vince you believe that no more than I do. And I’ve not even touched on the fact this just blew all the work done out of the water, and we’re back to square one.”

“Correction Jane. Vince and Barry are back to square one since you are not working this case. You on the other hand are now coming home with me.” Maura stood up and placed a firm hand on Jane’s shoulder. “You cannot do anything more tonight, and I’m sure Vince will call you tomorrow with any further news.” Maura then looked across to Korsak with an expression to show he wasn’t to argue her on that point.

“Yeah, sure. Course we’ll call. You go Jane. Get some rest. You look like shit.” Korsak quickly added with a smirk.

“Oh gee, thanks!” Jane groused as she slowly stood up, realizing how stiff she’d become just by sitting at her desk for as long as she had.

“Hey Jane, Doc.” Frost called as they passed each other in the corridor. Jane merely waved a tired hand in his direction and carried on walking towards the elevators. Maura stopped briefly.

“I’m sorry for Jane’s behavior.” Maura said quickly. “She’s a little stressed at the moment.”

“Sure Doc. You go watch out for her.” Frost said with a smile and watched as Maura disappeared after Jane who was standing at the elevators, rocking on her heels, obviously agitated.

“She is so whipped.” Korsak said as Frost walked in to the bullpen.

“You talking about Jane.” Frost asked as he placed the paperwork he had on the desk in front of Korsak.

“Yeah. Doc pulled her out of here and she hardly put up a fight.” Korsak began to scan the paperwork from the car rental.

“You think either of them have a clue yet?” Frost dared ask as he sat down with as innocent expression as he could muster on his face. Korsak barely looked up from his reading.

“Nope.” He finally replied with a shake of his head. “And I doubt they are going to while all this is going on. Whatever there is between them, there’s no doubt Jane loved Sue, and it’s gonna take her awhile to grieve and get over this.”

Frost sighed. “Yeah, shame though, cos they are good together.” Frost then looked up and across to Korsak. “Don’t take this the wrong way, but would it bother you...”

Korsak laughed. “Nope. Hell, if I had my way, those two would have been together a long time ago.” He then admitted with a half shrug of his shoulders. “Now, enough of this, we’ve got work to do and I want to get home in the next hour to sleep.”

* * *

 

Jane walked in and past Maura, heading straight to the fridge, where she pulled out a beer, and before Maura could protest, had the top off and was drinking it down quickly, finally bringing it away from her lips with a satisfied look on her face.

“Jane, your pain killers.” Maura admonished once she had Jane’s attention.

“Will still be there in the morning. I’ve not taken any since this morning.” Jane countered. “I need a drink.” And glared at Maura as if to say, defy me and make something out of it.

Maura could only shake her head she dropped her purse on the counter. “I’d be lying if I said I was okay with this, but at the same time, I can understand your need to have the drink.”

“Good, cos you’re not stopping me.” Jane tipped the bottle back and quickly finished the rest of the beer, throwing the bottle in the recycling container, before grabbing a second, but this time she walked away once she’d opened it and settled down on the couch. Seeing Maura’s expression, she sighed. “And don’t worry, this is going to be my last. I’m not about to get raging drunk.”

Maura finally allowed herself to relax at Jane’s words, since it was exactly what she had been worrying about.

Jane held out her bottle. “You want a bit?”

“A drop Jane.” Maura said with a shake of her head as her voice and stance softened. “It’s a liquid not a solid, therefore you cannot have a bit, you can only have a drop.”

Jane shook her head and laughed. “Yes of course. My bad. So, do you want a drop?”

“No, but thank you for offering.” Maura tipped her head in acknowledgement before she moved and began to tidy a few things away. “I don’t know about you, but I’m absolutely shattered and ready to sleep.” 

Jane suddenly realized that Maura had been doing the autopsy all evening, and the guilt hit hard. “God, I’m sorry Maur.... I didn’t mean to be so insensitive.” Jane mumbled hating the tension that seemed to have crept in between her and Maura of late, knowing she had caused a lot of it.

Maura moved and rested against the arm of the couch with a look of concern on her face. “It’s okay. I know it’s hard for you to believe me, but I know you’re grieving and will be for a while, and that in turn is going to mean your emotions are going to be up and down. Now I’m going to bed. I expect you to follow suit as soon as you finish that drink.” Without another word, Maura strode to her bedroom, leaving a very confused looking Jane in her wake.

“That was...a little weird” Jane didn’t quite know what to say as she looked down at Bass. “Sometimes I wish I was just a turtle, life would be so damned uncomplicated.” She then muttered to him as she bent down and patted his shell. “What do you say, shall we blow this joint? Yeah, lets do it.”  Jane moved and with care, slipped out of the house, before beginning to walk, without any real destination in mind.

Maura, despite feeling absolutely exhausted decided to have a quick shower, needing to feel as if she’d washed some of the days events away. She knew it was a ridiculous notion, and purely a psychological reaction on her part, but it helped make her feel better. She pulled the satin robe off as she slid into bed, trying her hardest to relax. While the shower had helped, Maura couldn’t shake the feeling of tension that had settled on her, and even with exhaustion creeping up, she couldn’t get the sleep she desperately needed. Meditating, Maura spent time just trying to get her body to comply and still it was elusive. Giving up, Maura got out of bed, and pulled the robe back on, tightening it around her waist before slowly walking towards the kitchen, not wanting to risk waking Jane. She stopped at the guest bedroom door, and seeing it wasn’t quite closed, pushed it open enough to peek in.

Maura frowned when she realized that the bed was empty, and quickened her pace, and was even more concerned when she got to the sitting room to find the lights were still on, the bottle of beer placed on the coffee table, and absolutely no sign of Jane. Damping down the concern, Maura quickly reached for her phone and without hesitation called Korsak.

“Vince.... its Jane....” Maura didn’t give Korsak a chance to say much when he answered the phone sounding sleepy, her own fears continuing to rise as she wandered around the house, checking to make sure that Jane wasn’t somewhere unexpected. “She’s missing.” Maura finally blurted out.

“What?” Korsak’s voice sounded as concerned as Maura was feeling. “Where in the hell is she?”

“I don’t know,” Maura said, fighting back tears. “I was hoping you might have some idea.” 

“I’ll be there as soon as I can Doc.” Korsak was already getting dressed and hurrying out of the door. “And Doc, she’ll be fine.”

As Maura ended the call, she immediately hit speed dial, and it went to voice mail. Biting back the frustration, Maura left a message. “Jane, I got up to find you’re missing. I just need you to call me back to let me know you’re okay...” Maura hesitated as she tried not to allow the emotion show in her voice. “Please... call.” Maura added before walking in to her bedroom and without thinking about it, pulled on some pants and a top and her sneakers rather than shoes before heading out. Korsak found her pacing up and down outside her front door when he pulled up.

“Any ideas?” Korsak said as Maura settled down in the passenger seat of his car.

“I don’t know.” Maura admitted. “I’ve left her a message on the phone which she didn’t answer and I checked, its not here, so I can only hope she has it on her. I suggest we start with her own apartment and take it from there.”   

Jane drew her knees up and hugged herself, trying to stop the shivering, even though the air was cool, but not all that cold. She felt like she had no more tears to shed, no more words to make what she was feeling go away. Lifting her head up, she then glanced around her, trying to work out whether or not she was able to move. She decided she couldn’t and put her head back down on her knees, tightening her arms against her legs. She tried to understand, needing to understand what had triggered the feelings she was experiencing and right now, couldn't.

 _You’re feeling scared because you want to take Maura to bed, to love her. How could you love Sue if you love Maura_ the voice in her head started. Jane shook it violently.

“No!” Jane then yelled out and jumped up from her position on the floor stumbling into the small table she had been by as she moved but barely registering the pain on her shin. “I love you Sue.” Jane’s voice was now little more than a whisper. “I love you, I wanted to be with you. I still want to be with you.” Despite thinking she no longer had tears to shed, Jane was openly sobbing again. “I just want this to end.... please, make it end.” Jane’s hands clutched her head as she collapsed in a heap on the floor.

“We’ll find her.” Korsak said softly as he watched Maura shaking.

“I know and when we do...” Maura was beyond holding back her anger, much to the surprise of Korsak. “I’m going to make her realize just how much I appreciate dragging myself out in the early hours of the morning just to find her sorry....” Maura drew in a sharp breath. “I can’t believe I almost swore.” Maura then muttered with a shake of her head. “Find her Vince!”

Korsak could tell some of Maura’s rage was directed at the guilt she was obviously feeling at not spotting Jane’s behavior. “Doc, don’t worry, we’ll find her. She’s going to be okay, you’ve gotta remember that. Jane’s strong, and whatever has caused this, she’ll be fine.” Korsak’s words were as much for himself as Maura, needing his own reassurance and he hoped they didn’t sound as hollow to Maura as they did to him.

“What if she’s not okay VInce.” Maura’s voice had lost all its fight and she sounded frightened. “You haven’t seen Jane at her worst. I... I’m scared. Whatever this is, it might be the one thing that could break her. She’s the strongest person I’ve ever known, but everyone has a point where they can snap.” Maura looked at Vince, as her own tears began to fall. “Normally what I’m about to impart would be Jane’s to tell you and I’m asking you won’t let anyone else aware of this news and please don’t let Jane know I’m telling you, but I believe you should know something. The night before the accident, she asked Sue to marry her. She told me about it earlier in her apartment and I think telling me about it has put her in another spiral of depression. Add in the factor of the other hit and run accident, and who the victim was... I don’t know if she has coped. This would suggest she hasn’t.”

The shock of the confession was evident on Korsak’s face as he struggled to keep his concentration on driving. He swallowed hard and gratefully pulled into a parking space not far from Jane’s apartment. He twisted in his seat and put a hand out to rest it on Maura’s.

“I appreciate you telling me, and you know I won’t say anything under any circumstances. She’s a fighter Doc, and she’ll keep on fighting.”

“I hope you’re right, because right now I’m not sure if I can believe it.” Maura’s face was full of a sadness Korsak had never seen before, and he was struggling to keep his own composure. He watched as Maura got out of the car, fumbling in her purse to retrieve the spare key she had for the apartment.

Korsak looked on as the last remaining strength in Maura fell away, and he moved to hold her steady before taking them across to the couch, where they both sat down.

“She’s not here. I don’t know where else she might be.” Maura spoke, looking around, pitifully aware she was now at a loss as to where to go and look for Jane.

It was enough for Korsak to bring Maura into his own arms and hug her tightly. “C’mon Doc, you of all people know better than to go with unknown scenarios. Do you know of any friends that Jane and Sue had? Somewhere that Jane might feel she can go?”

Not for the first time, Korsak’s question brought about the realization on just how little Maura still knew about Sue and Jane’s relationship. “I don’t know of anyone.” She admitted, wiping her tears away.

“What about a place they might have visited? Somewhere Jane will feel safe.” Korsak gently probed, trying to coax any information he could use out of the now obviously fatigued M.E.

“Sue’s apartment.” Maura suddenly spoke, looking up with wide eyes. “But she wouldn’t....”

Korsak pulled Maura to her feet. “She’s not thinking, that’s part of the problem. Any ideas where this apartment is?”

“I’ve been once, when Jane wanted some things.” Maura said as she followed Korsak out of Jane’s building as quickly as she could, both jogging towards the car.

“Directions.” was all Korsak said as he got in the car and pushed the key in the ignition, pulling out into the traffic as quickly as he could.

 


	17. Chapter seventeen

**Chapter seventeen**

Jane became aware of someone standing alongside the bed where she had crawled to once she had stopped sobbing on the hard floor of the apartment, hardly able to find the strength to pull the covers up around her.

“Sue?” Jane croaked, her throat raw from all the crying she’d done, still not fully awake and unsure if was dreaming.

“No.... Jane you are the most stubborn, infuriating, worrying woman I know.” Maura’s words were coming out fast and hard, before she began to cry and sinking down on the bed, Maura pulled Jane into her arms, finally allowing the fear she’d been feeling spill over even though she hated that she was showing the display of emotion. Jane needed calm, not this kind of fervor, but try as she might, Maura simply couldn’t stop it from cascading out of her.

“Maura?” Jane was still struggling to catch up as her overtired mind still couldn’t quite comprehend what was going on.

“I’m so sorry.” Maura began to say between hiccuping sobs. “I should have seen... Should have been there for you.”  

Jane began to move, and was then aware there was someone else hovering on the edge of the room with them. Trying to refocus her eyes, Jane squinted as it dawned on her Korsak was standing in the doorway. He saw her looking towards him and stepped into the room more.

“Just what the hell were you thinking Rizzoli!” his own words tight with relief at having found her. “You scared the crap out of us.”

“I wasn’t thinking.” Jane’s voice sounded contrite as she moved to hug Maura back, who was still clinging to her. “I needed to be alone.”

“Without telling anyone where you were going! Christ Rizzoli, you of all people should know better than that. How difficult would it have been just to leave a note for the Doc here. You turned your damned phone off too so we can’t reach you that way. Jesus! You’ve scared us half to death tonight.” Korsak found his temper rising, and he wasn’t bothered about trying to hold anything at  bay wanting Jane to understand just how worried they had been about her.

“Vince.” Maura’s voice was soft and restrained and it stopped Korsak from his tirade. He looked across at Maura, anger still displayed. “Can you give us a minute?”

Korsak blinked and then nodded as he walked out of the bedroom, pulling the door across none to softly, making Jane wince.

“It’s because he was worried about you.” Maura said quietly, as she helped Jane sit up and they rested against the headboard of the bed. “We both were. He is right though, you should have told me, or at least left a note.”

“I’m sorry Maura. I don’t know what’s wrong with me at the moment. Everything feels so jumbled and messed up in my head.” Jane’s confession was heartbreaking for Maura to hear, and she fought back fresh tears. “Just when I thought I was starting to come to terms with everything that has happened, I feel like I’m not just stuck at square one, but I’ve gone even further backwards and am starting from a position of minus one.”

“Let’s deal with that later. For now, we need to get you back and settled. Apart from anything else, we cannot risk Sue’s parents hearing about your camping out here and descending on us and it causing all kinds of other problems.” Maura moved and with care, helped Jane to her feet. “Did you bring a jacket?” Maura then asked, noticing Jane was only wearing a thin t-shirt she had been wearing earlier.

Jane shook her head. “I just walked out like this, and turned my phone off.”

“Leave that for now.” Maura said as Jane moved to pull the phone off her belt to turn it back on. “You can worry about turning it on tomorrow after you’ve got back and slept some. I’ve got my phone if someone needs to get hold of you urgently or they can call the house.”

Maura then pulled the lightweight jacket she was wearing off and without a word, slung it across Jane’s shoulders. Jane grabbed the lapels and tightened it around her, pleased for the additional warmth since she felt bone chillingly cold. Maura knew it was a form of shock that Jane was in, and wanted to get them back as quickly as possible so she could get Jane properly settled. They walked out of the apartment, with Korsak following, as he made sure to lock it all back up. Maura sat in the back of the car with Jane, not wanting to leave her side as they drove to Maura’s. Once there, Korsak just got out and pulled Jane into a hug.

“Do what the Doc tells you kid.” He murmured in her ear, so only she could hear him. “You’re still recovering from all this, and we just want you well again.” Korsak pulled back a little and Jane gave him a smile.

“Sorry again Vince, and... “ Jane hesitated as Maura walked back from the front door where she’d opened it up ready. “Thank you.”

“Any time kiddo, any time.” Nodding towards Maura, Korsak got back in the car and pulled away.

Jane woke up and it felt as if she had been drinking too much the night before. To say she thought she had a hangover was an understatement. She groaned and rolled over in the bed noting it was still quite dark outside from heavy rain clouds that were threatening, before spotting a glass of water and some painkillers with a short note attached. She picked the note up and smiled.

_I know you’re going to be suffering this morning. No arguments, take the tablets Jane!_

Jane picked the tablets up and drank the water, feeling marginally better a few minutes later. She eyed the bathroom, and with a sigh, pulled the covers back and finally got up. She could remember very little of the night and even less on her getting in bed, only snatching bits and pieces in her memory, and as she walked across towards the bathroom, Jane knew she had a whole heap of apologizing to do, not only to Maura, but Korsak.

Pulling a robe on, finally Jane walked through towards the sitting room and before she exited the hallway completely, she was stopped in her tracks as she reminded just how beautiful Maura was, even when she wasn’t dressed up; there was an equal albeit different attraction, when sitting at home in her yoga pants with a lightweight blouse on. Jane was mesmerized as she looked on at Maura who was sitting with only the light from a small lamp illuminating the table around her, with a pen resting lightly against her bottom lip as she was obviously pondering something.

The pen was being tapped ever so lightly against her lip in an unconscious action. Maura then moved the pen, poised to write something else, before stopping again with a slight crease of a frown appearing. She then began to note something down quickly, before she stopped and put the pen down, as she rubbed her temples with her fingers and sighed softly. After a couple of minutes, Maura picked the pen up again, and wrote another couple of lines. She then stopped and a small grin lit up her face.

“Are you coming in, or are you just going to stand there?”

Maura’s comment was enough to make Jane jump, completely unaware that Maura had spotted her since at no time had she given any indication that she knew another person was nearby. Maura’s grin widened and she then looked up and across towards Jane.

“I don’t bite.” She cocked her eyebrows with her smile increasing, and Jane moved forward towards the coffee machine. She lifted the pot, an indication she was asking Maura if she wanted any, and noting the shake of the head, poured her own before moving across and sitting alongside Maura at the table. Maura carefully screwed the top of her pen back on, and Jane noted it was an old ink pen, not one she could recall seeing before and couldn’t help but smile, thinking it was so typical of Maura. Someone who embraced technology, but still used an old, no doubt extremely valuable ink pen. Jane continued to watch as Maura then placed the pen down on the mound of paperwork in front of her.

“What time is it?” Jane suddenly realized she hadn’t looked at her watch or the clock and because the day was so dull and gray, she had no real clue as to the time.

“A little before nine.” Maura replied, resting her hands on the edge of the table as though in prayer, her overall position relaxed.

“So, what time did you get up?” Jane’s eyebrows came together as she looked questioningly at Maura, knowing she couldn’t have got much sleep since they didn’t get in to bed until the very early hours of the morning and Jane could see the edge of tiredness around Maura’s face, even though most people wouldn’t spot the subtle changes in her overall demeanour.

“About six this morning.” Maura admitted, with a slight shrug.

“Jesus Maura,” Jane’s voice and posture showed her concern. “You need to sleep as well!”

“I can rest here. I’ve arranged to stay at home today.” Maura hesitated, and began to fiddle with the edges of the papers in front of her. Sitting there, Jane watched for a few minutes until she could see that whatever was bothering Maura, she wasn’t going to say anything unless Jane pushed her to.

“Spit it out Maura.” Jane finally said with a sigh.

“I’m...” Maura looked nervous, “I did something this morning, and I don’t want you to be mad at me.”

Jane rolled her eyes. “Well I can’t promise if I will or not when I haven’t got a clue what you’re talking about.”

“I booked you in to see Doctor Davies.” Maura went with the just blurt it out and hope approach.

Jane sat there stunned for a second. “You... did.... what?” She then asked carefully.

“Please, just listen to me. You need help Jane and after last night I was at a loss as to how I could help you, so I turned to the one person who is qualified to help you.” Maura continued to fiddle with the paperwork in front of her, trying not to look too worried.

“So you thought rather than just asking me, you’d go behind my back!” Jane was desperately trying to rein her anger in.

“When you say it like that, it does seem rather inappropriate.” Maura admitted with a wince. “However, I was so worried for you. I did it because of that and no other reason Jane. I wanted to help you. I still do want to help you, but I can’t do this alone.”

All of Jane's remaining argument was knocked out of her by Maura’s last softly spoken admission.

“When do I see him.” Jane simply asked, not quite able to look at Maura.

Maura closed her eyes briefly in relief. “At noon, but not at the precinct. He has his own offices, which I thought would be better for you. He is seeing you privately, so this doesn’t have to show on your record.”

“Thank you.” Jane nodded, feeling some comfort that Maura had considered the implication of her having to go to the precinct, as well as maintaining contact away from work. “I appreciate you doing that for me.”

* * *

 

Maura sat down, as Jane paced the small waiting room. She then threw her head back and slouched down in a chair alongside Maura before standing up and she began pacing.

“Why did I agree to this again?” Jane practically whined as Maura began to flip through a medical magazine she’d yet to read and had brought with her. “I’ve fucked up, I know this, so why?” Jane sounded bitter and Maura wondered if she was going to have to distract the other woman somehow. She decided for now to try and remain with a neutral masquerade, turning a page of her magazine carefully, but not reading anything, keeping a close eye on Jane instead. 

Jane began to look towards the door leading to freedom, but Maura stopped reading as she then caught Jane’s eyes, and raised her own eyebrows with a questioning look, almost daring Jane to make the decision that Maura had seen playing across her face and walk out. Jane, although sorely tempted knew she wouldn’t do that to Maura, so with a heavy sigh, sat down, only to jump up pretty much immediately as the other door finally opened, and Doctor Davies came out. He introduced himself briefly to Maura, who told him she’d be waiting for Jane, only to guide Jane into the room, closing the door behind him slowly, taking in Jane’s reactions about being in his private office for the first time.

He walked over to his desk and waited patiently for Jane to decide on a chair on which to sit, and she finally did, but not without obviously taking note of placements around the room. He smiled inwardly, having seen the same play come to the fore not just with Jane, but just about every cop he had seen. Always aware of their surroundings and since he used an almost identical placement of furniture in the precinct offices he was given, and Jane mirrored her position from that day exactly he wasn’t at all surprised.

“So, how have you been?” He decided to try and open with as neutral an opening as he could, but also without letting Jane off with saying nothing to him.

She fidgeted slightly in her seat, adjusting her badge and then gun which she kept on her belt in a nervous manner, not quite able to look him in the face. Taking a deep breath she finally drew her eyes up and looked at him properly. “I’ve been a total jerk. A grade one asshole.”

“Tell me about it.” His voice was low and sincere. Jane pondered what to say, but before she knew what was happening, she was pouring out the fact she had left Maura’s without warning, landed back up in Sue’s apartment and had basically lost all sense of reality for a while.

He nodded. What he hadn’t told Jane was most of this had already been told to him earlier that morning by Maura, who had phoned him so early he had been immediately concerned. Maura had even admitted her own feelings of disquiet that Jane might do something to end the pain while in such a fragile state, even if it wasn’t planned or intentional. He had taken her anxiety seriously and it had resulted in almost an hours session on the phone with Maura just to help her get over her own fears and worries. It was already turning into a very long day, however he knew Jane Rizzoli was worth the effort and so was more than happy to fit her into his schedule. He looked back at Jane with a soft expression on his face. “How did you cope with it? Did you come around and make your way home, or did someone find you?” 

“Maura, she came over with Korsak. They figured out where I was.”

“You mentioned Doctor Isles...” He saw Jane about to pull him up on his use of her title, so tilted his head slightly, making a note that Jane was more comfortable in him using a less formal name. “So, you talked about Maura when I saw you before. How is that going?” He probed gently, again not willing to let Jane know he had learnt a lot from the earlier phone conversation.

He knew some would consider he’d stepped over a line, however he felt that both women were separate in their needs and so he was treating them as different patients, even if their lives were interconnected. He felt his conversation with Maura deserved the same patient - doctor confidentiality that he was giving Jane, even if talking to Maura had given him insight to Jane’s state of mind he might not have been granted or if he had, it would have been a lot further in the sessions.

“She’s been my anchor. I don’t know how I would have coped without her understanding. Her friendship.” Jane realized she had tears in her eyes, and quickly wiped them, beginning to feel raw and exposed again. “I feel like I’ve let her down. I’ve let myself down.”

“What about the rest of your team, have you been okay with them, or have there been any issues?”

“Crowe has been a prick of the highest order.” Jane admitted, as she ran her fingertips across the top ridge of her badge. “Korsak punched him.” Jane smiled at the memory as her fingers dropped away. “He and Frost have been good. I just...” Jane hesitated and looked away.

“You just...” The questioning wasn’t timid, but it wasn’t harsh either.

“I feel like an outsider at the moment. I know some people are looking at me when I walk in. It reminds me of the times with Hoyt and then the shooting. ‘Hey, look, there goes Rizzoli, the one who's gay lover was killed in the accident.’ It’s not finger pointing as such, but once again the spotlight is on me, and I hate that.” Jane allowed some anger to surface as she clenched her fists. “I know sometimes we get a case that means we’re going to be on television, or I’m going to get some attention, but I’m sick of the intrusion being so damned invasive.”

“However, you’ve dealt with this sort of thing before. Is there anything different on this occasion?”

Jane’s shoulders slumped. “I’m just tired of it.” she finally answered. “I hate living back in the damned glass bowl, open for everyone to see my secrets and my private life is no longer private. I hate that.”

“Wasn’t Sue a secret because you didn’t talk about her to those who are closest to you?”

“No...” Jane looked up and her answer was instant and firm. “I know I didn’t talk about her to anyone, but it wasn’t because I wanted her to be secret. I was adjusting to being with her on my own time, for the exact reason that I’m sick of my life being played out in public. Sue understood, I explained why I wanted to keep it between us for a little while. For the first time in a very long time, I had control over who and when I told people. I was going to tell those close to me soon, because...” Jane choked back a sob. “I asked Sue to marry me and we were planning time away to explore that.” Jane finally looked up, having dipped her head, tears evident in her eyes. “Not exactly something you can keep secret, and I would have shouted it from the rooftops when we’d made it official. Sue wasn’t some dirty secret to be kept hidden away. Now, I can’t even tell people about her on my own terms. Once again, it’s been taken out of my control.”

Jane reappeared after fifty minutes, looking slightly out of sorts. Maura stood up, and simply opened her arms, where Jane fell into her embrace with a sigh.

“Let’s get you home.” Maura merely whispered as she looked over Jane’s shoulder and saw Doctor Davies looking in her direction with a slight smile playing across his face. He nodded towards Maura, who took it to mean that despite Jane’s current state, the session had in fact been worth her while going to and that he was happy enough with Jane to leave under her care. Maura gave a ghost of a smile to show her own thanks, before she and Jane left, neither talking, both beginning to feel the exhaustion of the last day creeping up on them for different reasons.

Maura had been warned by him that before they were able to take any steps forward, Jane was, undoubtedly going to be taking some backwards, and he wanted to be sure Maura was able to deal with that. He smiled inwardly to himself as he closed the door, confident that Maura was going to be able to provide Jane the comfort she was going to need in the upcoming days and weeks. Seeing them interact, even for such a short space of time was enough confirmation he needed. As he settled back in his chair, he couldn’t help but wonder how long it would be before they would be in a strong enough place to act on their feelings for each other. He hoped it wouldn’t be too soon, any more than too long and that it would be a nice medium so both could cope whether they saw it or not, because he could already tell they acted more like a married couple than some he knew who were married.


	18. Chapter eighteen

**Chapter eighteen**

Darkness was already threatening as they left the offices. It had obviously been raining, and hard, if the wet, puddle riddled sidewalks and roadways were any indication. Clouds still hung around, floating along on the wind, scurrying and jostling for position; sending soggy  trash to the corners of the drains where they were sitting above the gratings, as water tried to funnel past and disappear from the dirt and filth. Where it was able to make its escape, it twisted and tumbled away, spiralling, falling and cascading into the depths of a different kind of Boston underworld; rats scurrying, fleeing the force of nature, or else risk drowning. Survival of the fittest, even in such a location very much to the fore.

 

The clouds were suddenly broken apart as thunder rumbled, deep and ominous in its sound, as if it was being ripped from the bowels of the earth. Almost as suddenly, lightning began to join in, flashes crossing the sky, horizontal and vertical slices of immeasurable power and light. The sky began to intermingle colors of black, gray, deep purples and dark blue. It seemed as if the whole sky was deliberately inter-laying the colors for more effect, everywhere the eye looked it created a beautiful sight; if only the landscape below was serene so as to appreciate the view, as Boston traffic and citizens went about their daily lives, completely unaware.

Jane ducked her head down as they neared the car, fumbling in her jacket, which was billowing in the breeze to grab the keys she’d put in one of the pockets, trying to place herself between Maura and the now stiffening wind sensing that a squall of rain was due to arrive at any time. She finally got the keys, and unlocked the car as quickly as possible, her fingers and hands already beginning to feel the effects of the cooler damp air. Summer had well and truly been broken with this bout of weather. Jane began to open the passenger door, and turned to see where Maura was, so she could hold the door open, since the wind was already trying to tear it out of her grasp.

Jane watched as the dark blonde halo of hair fanned out, fluttering in the wind as it fell freefall before settling on the ground, soon matted and wet from the rain that had started to fall the second Jane had turned around. Just as her brain processed what had happened, she was falling to her knees, watching as Maura was struggling to breath. Words were coming out of Jane’s mouth, but she couldn’t hear. It was as if all the blood was rushing and pounding at her ears, and things were now drowned out, a pitiful blanket of muffled sounds that made absolutely no sense to her at all.

People were milling around, hands coming across in her line of vision as she saw the crimson tide of red blossoming out from the front of Maura, whose eyes were closed, skin pale. Jane instinctively placed her hands down, pushing hard, willing that someone take some of her life-force and filtered it somehow across to Maura as the blood carried on its path, spilling over her fingers and knuckles. EMT’s rushed in, pulling her hands away as Jane screamed at them to let her go, fighting with all the strength she could muster. It wasn’t until the edges of consciousness began to close in around her that she knew they had given her some kind of sedative. She was placed on a gurney and wheeled into the ER only minutes behind Maura’s arrival.

Jane struggled to wake up, already memories of what had occurred flashing across her mind. Just as she was able to raise her upper body off the narrow hospital bed she’d been placed in hands were on her shoulders holding her down. Focusing her eyes, Jane saw Korsak looking at her, his eyes showing concern and absolute sorrow.

“Jane, you need to rest.” His voice was firm and unyielding. She carried on moving up, pushing with additional force against his hands. Seeing he wasn’t going to stop Jane on her course of action, Korsak stepped aside slightly.

“How is Maura? Where is she?” Jane almost shouted as she swung her legs over the side of the bed, and stood up, feeling as weak as a new born foal, scrabbling with a hand to capture Korsak’s arm for support. He reached out and held on, but still gave Jane space.

“She’s in surgery.” Korsak said, sorrow still showing on his features. “We don’t know any more than that.”

Jane practically stumbled out of the cubicle she was in, ignoring the nurse calling after her as she made her way to the main waiting room. There, she saw Frost, Frankie, Tommy and her mother all sitting down. Her mother had obviously been crying and as she looked up and saw Jane coming towards them, her tears began anew. Jane fell to her knees in front of her mother, wrapping her hands around Angela’s tightly, her own tears now falling uninhibited down her cheeks.

“I tried... there was so much blood.” Jane’s words sounded foreign even to her, and Jane saw the dried blood that was across her own clothes for the first time, bringing it all back in to sharp focus. Angela could only nod, to show she understood what Jane was telling her, not letting go of Jane’s hands, even though there was caked, hardening blood still on them, settled deep in the nails and crevices on her, highlighting the skin like a relief map.

Jane finally lifted her body up off the floor and sat alongside Angela, as tears continued to fall. Frost and Korsak huddled together a couple of times, speaking in hushed tones, periodically looking across at the silent Rizzoli family. They were interrupted as Constance Isles appeared through the doors, for once looking less than pristine in her appearance. The moment she saw Jane and her family, she ran over. Jane quickly stood up, and was surprised as Constance pulled Jane into her arms.

“I came as quickly as I could. Fortunately I was in New York and they kindly arranged a police escort for me to get here.” Constance’s words were rushed as she pulled away just enough to take in Jane’s appearance. “They could only tell me Maura’s been shot.”

Jane swallowed, feeling pressure building in her chest in a familiar pattern, signalling she was close to a panic attack. She closed her eyes, and managed to compose herself. After a quick mental regroup, Jane opened them again and looked down at Constance.

“I really don’t know any more than you do.” Jane admitted, her voice hoarse and cracking under the strain she was experiencing. She then felt a bottle of cold water being pressed into her hand by her own mother, and she quickly unscrewed the top and took a sip, before focusing back on Constance who was taking in the sight of Jane for the first time, and without warning, her hands came out and her fingers lightly traced a patch of blood on Jane’s jacket. They both finally sank down onto the uncomfortable seats they were across one wall, Angela clasping one hand, Constance mirroring the action as she sat on the other side of Jane.

“No news is good news, right?” Tommy asked the question, his voice low and scratchy. “I mean, when Jane...” he faltered as Angela glared in his direction and his eyes darted away, as he suddenly found a corner interesting. “I wasn’t there, I don’t know.” He finished, his hand coming up and trying to surreptitiously wipe a tear away.

Frankie moved to be closer to him. “Yeah, it was a long wait then, so I guess you could say that.” Frankie kept his reply low, not wanting to upset those who were also reliving the hours they had spent waiting for news about Jane’s own surgery after the shooting.

Tommy nodded his thanks to Frankie as he sank down further in his chair. Time seemed to slow, as the rest of the ER bustled on around them, emergencies continuing to need attention. A doctor appeared in Jane’s line of vision and for a split second, she saw black spots appear in front of her eyes, and she had to blink rapidly to bring him back into sharp view.

“You were with Sue.” It wasn’t so much of a question as a statement. Jane could only nod, as reminders of that night were also swirling around in her head as she became aware he wasn’t there because of Maura. His hand came out and rested lightly on one of Jane’s arms. “I knew her, and she was the happiest I could ever remember seeing her. I just thought you should know.” and without another word, he was turning on his heel and walking away.

“Who is Sue?” Constance’s question jolted Jane out of her thoughts.

“She’s my...” Jane shut her eyes as she realized her mistake, “She was my girlfriend.”

“What happened?” Constance was asking primarily for distraction unwittingly causing a fresh wave of emotion in Jane, and when Angela saw her daughter was finding it difficult to answer, she leaned forward to bring herself in to Constance’s field of vision.

“Sue was killed only a short time ago in an automobile accident and worked as a nurse in this ER.”

Jane threw Angela a grateful look as fresh tears sprang, and Constance’s grip on her hand tightened at the news.

“Oh I’m so sorry. Had I known...”

Jane shook her head as she found some composure again. “It’s okay, you weren’t to know.”

Jane moved after a while, needing to take some time to herself. Nobody tried to stop her as she moved to a restroom she spotted a few doors down from where they were. She quickly opened the door and seeing it was empty, closed the door behind her as she then gripped the sides of the sink, the whiteness of the porcelain matching the color of her knuckles; haunted eyes looking back at her from the mirror. She then looked down at her clothes and shut her eyes quickly. She wasn’t able to do this, Maura was the doctor, and yet Jane was standing there, covered in Maura’s blood.

Jane was the one who was at risk. She was the detective who put her life on the line daily, and now she had lost her lover, and potentially her best friend within days of each other. She wasn’t strong enough to do this. Maura was her strength. Jane’s eyes flickered back up towards the mirror and without thinking, her left hand came out, and hit it hard, only for Jane to discover it wasn’t glass as her bones crunched against the hard surface when her fist came into contact with it.  Stepping back, Jane cradled her now injured hand, whimpering as she slid to the floor.

Korsak found her slumped down, curled up in the fetal position, unintelligible words being uttered as Jane’s body shook. He quickly went back out, calling for a nurse to come back with him, not wanting to alarm Angela or anyone else about his discovery. At least, not until there was someone with a medical background alongside him to help calm the hysteria he knew this would elicit from Angela when she did find out.

_Jane remembered as if it were yesterday. She watched as Maura flicked her hair aside, fascinated as her fingers came up and with practiced ease took out the drop diamond earrings she’d been wearing for the evening's event. She placed them down on nightstand as Jane sat on the edge of the bed, her own earrings being tugged at, and Jane let out a frustrated growl. Grinning, Maura simply turned around and without a word, her fingers came up and plucked them from Jane’s ears, before putting them alongside her own. Her keys had already been put into the bowl in the small hallway, as Maura then picked up the small clutch she’d used for the night, emptying it of the lipstick and other items she tended to take out with her._

_Jane shifted her weight as she tried to grasp the zipper on her dress, another growl emanating quickly as the stiffness she’d been trying to hide made the task impossible. Maura looked over her shoulder and frowned._

_“Jane you said you were okay.” Maura moved over and gestured to Jane she should turn around, which she did with a sigh._

_“I was...” Kinda Jane added the unspoken thought in her mind as Maura unzipped her quickly. Maura gasped as she saw the bruising on Jane’s lower back that had now developed. Without asking for permission, her fingers traced the area lightly, making Jane shiver under the contact._

_“Jane, this bruising would indicate you were not telling the truth.” Maura chastised, even though her voice was kept deliberately light in tone._

_“Hey, I tackled a meth-head down a few steps. No big deal.” Jane hoped she could divert attention away from her aching back, wanting nothing more than to crawl under the covers to sleep._

_“Do I have to remind you they were concrete steps Jane.” Maura moved towards the bathroom with a shake of her head. “I’ve got something that will help handy. Stay there.”_

_Jane sighed as she ran a hand through her hair, which she’d had in a tight bun all evening, and had almost immediately allowed to fall down loose again once they had left the charity event Maura had asked Jane to attend with her. She moved enough to step out of the dress, left only in her bra and panties, pulling on a pair of shorts she was planning to wear in bed. While she and Maura had often changed in front of each other, there were times when Jane felt slightly uncomfortable in any sort of state of undress, and this was one of those occasions._

_“Lie down on your stomach.” Maura spoke as she walked back into the room having taken the opportunity to also trade her own dress for a robe, draping it across the back of chair until she had chance to hang it properly. “Let me take care of you.”_

_Jane groaned in pain, no longer bothering to hide it now that Maura knew, as she did what was asked of her. She pulled the covers on the bed back first, snatching the towel Maura had given her a little earlier, using it to lie on, unsure if Maura planned to use any kind of ointment, not wanting to get any on the sheets, and thus ruining them. She didn’t even want to contemplate how much they cost Maura._

_Maura moved and knelt on the bed, effectively straddling Jane across her hips so she could reach the back area properly, making sure to take the weight on her knees, and not on Jane. Without thinking, she undid the bra Jane was still wearing and Jane twisted just enough to remove it and throw it down on the floor, her back protesting even with that movement. “This is a massage oil I made up, primarily made of tea tree oil with some arnica mixed in.” Maura explained as she placed some oil on the palm of one hand, before rubbing her hands together to help warm the oil up a little. “This is going to hurt a little to begin with.”_

_“Christ, you weren’t kidding.” Jane fought the urge to jump off the bed at the first touches of Maura’s hands, even when she knew Maura was being as gentle as possible, it hurt. “Shit!” Jane ground the words out, gritting her teeth and clenching her jaw in an attempt to try and take her mind off the pain radiating across her lower back. Jane tried to make herself as comfortable as possible, settling her cheek across her now folded arms that rested on a pillow._

_“Relax.” Maura’s voice was soft as her hands glided over the tense knotted area that needed the most attention. Maura then began to spread the oil more up Jane’s spine, flattening the palms of her hand out as she went, thumbs following the line of the vertebra. She brought her hands back down to Jane’s lower back, and fingers began to slowly circle, as the tension was finally being relieved. Jane’s groan was no longer of pain, but utter pleasure._

_Maura’s eyes drifted across the scars on Jane’s back, and it never ceased to bring up emotions of that day. The day she’d had to witness not only Jane shooting herself, but the distinct possibility that she’d lost Jane forever. She blinked quickly to fight back the tears that were threatening, and forced herself to focus back on the task in hand._

_Maura knew Jane well enough now to follow Jane’s reactions as to what needed doing and where. Some areas were still tighter than others, so Maura continued to manipulate the places that needed it the most, lightening up her touch where it wasn’t as important. The gentle caresses doing as much as the stronger pressure elsewhere._

_“Maura you have magic fingers.” Jane murmured as she found herself relaxing more than she had done in many weeks._

_“So I’ve been told.” Maura continued to concentrate on the task at hand. Skin glistened from the oil in the soft glow of the lamps, as Jane began to even drift to sleep. Maura couldn’t help the smile that crossed her face, because it wasn’t often she would get to see Jane so carefree and open. While Maura knew Jane could often be complacent to those around her that she loved, even then it was still often guarded. This was a rare occasion, even for Maura to witness, and she always loved when Jane’s guard fully dropped. Sensing Jane had indeed fallen asleep, Maura carefully and slowly maneuvered off her, before gently pulling the covers up to cover Jane who didn’t move a millimeter._

Jane wasn’t aware of how this had happened. From lying in a hospital bed of her own with memories of such incredible times, she was now looking down at Maura’s cold lifeless body. Constance had asked for her to help arrange the funeral and she’d agreed because she couldn’t bear the thought of someone else taking on the task. She might not have been able to arrange Sue’s funeral, but she sure as hell wasn’t going to deny herself helping with Maura’s, no matter how painful. The answer had been an immediate yes, much to the surprise of Constance and Angela, who, while looking worried, had deferred to her daughter's wishes.

Jane’s hands shook, as she reached out and gently brushed Maura’s cold, ashen cheek. This was all wrong! Jane was the person who should be on the table, not Maura! Not Sue! This was some kind of fucked up celestial joke. Were gods up in their clouds, throwing the dice in some kind of sick game of how many times can we screw Jane Rizzoli over! Or were the chess pieces being moved, and she’d been checkmated without any chance of formulating an attack of her own. Whatever it was, Jane wanted to rage, to storm through, destroy everything in her path, even if it was too late and after the event.

She could hardly turn around before she collapsed again, only this time, Korsak’s arm came out and she was caught before she could hit the floor. A voice was saying something, but Jane had no inkling what was being discussed. All she was aware of was something entering her blood stream, coursing through, numbing her body as it went. She thought it was the strangest feeling she could ever remember, and while unsettling, it was also astonishingly pleasant before blessed darkness claimed her totally.

“Jane.” The voice was insistent and Jane was reminded of when a fly or mosquito would buzz around your ear, just out of reach, but annoying the hell out of you. Jane didn’t recognize who was talking to talk to her, nor did she care as she tried to tune them out altogether.

“G’way.” Jane mumbled as a hand shot out, flapping aimlessly to show she didn’t want to be disturbed.

“Jane, you need to wake up.” The voice was more urgent, but try as she might, Jane was too pulled down in her own sleepy world to care. Here she was safe, she didn’t have to face loss or hurt.

“Leave alone.” Jane’s words were stronger and slightly more understandable, but still she didn’t wake fully. A hand grappled her shoulder and she was being shaken lightly.

“G’way!” This time Jane’s voice held an edge to it, showing she wasn’t in the mood and if they continued to try and wake her, there was likely to be some kind of argument erupting.

“Sweetheart, you need to wake up.” The voice sounded worried, and if Jane had really been paying attention, she would have realized there was a hint of someone feeling scared, but still it wasn’t enough for Jane to rouse herself, as she pushed her face deeper into the pillow.

“Don’t need to do anything.” Jane’s words, while muffled by the pillow, were harsh and cutting as the anger rose. Jane didn’t know if it was just her imagination or not, but she sensed that someone was coming dangerously close into her personal space. Tensing her body, Jane was ready to react. All the years of police training were about to be unleashed with abandon, with as much force as a F5 tornado. Jane had simply had enough, and finally this was her tipping point. Maura and Sue were dead, and someone wanted to wake her? Anger spilled through just about every pore in her body as she coiled, ready to strike.


	19. Chapter nineteen

**Chapter nineteen**

With deceptive speed, which surprised even Jane considering how foggy her mind was, she was off the bed and hands were around the neck of the person before they even had a chance to react. Pushing, they fell towards the wall that the bed headboard was against, the force of the impact nearly matching the thundering of Jane’s heart as she couldn’t even focus properly. Jane didn’t even hear the air leaving the body of whoever she was attacking as it was knocked out of them from the blow as they hit the wall first, Jane simply pressing against them using the momentum to hold them tight.

“I told you to leave me the fuck alone. What...part...of...that...don’t...you...understand!” Jane hadn’t even known she’d spoken, the last words practically spat out, as she watched her hands tightened their grip, the other person’s own fingers ineffective; trying to loosen Jane’s. Her vision felt blinkered and she was completely mesmerized by her hands and their grip.

Maura was completely taken aback, and finding it harder to breath as the seconds ticked away. She couldn’t ever remember seeing such pure rage on anyone, let alone on Jane. There was a wildness she’d never witnessed, except it dawned on her, when Jane finally took Hoyt down, and she finally began to lose the battle to stay alert, before Jane’s eyes seemed to shift. From a blank emptiness, they were suddenly filled with hurt, sorrow, but most of all bewilderment.

In that second, Jane’s hands dropped to her sides, as Maura made a gurgling sound and fell to her knees trying to catch her breath. The gurgling became a cough, harsh to the ears and the noise was something Jane didn’t think she’d ever get out of her head as she also fell to her own knees and unceremoniously vomited just to the side of where she had landed; grateful it was a hard wood floor she was marring and not the thick expensive rugs that adorned the room.

Both women finally looked at each other, both with a slightly blank expression on their faces.

“Oh god, Maura, what did I do?” Jane was the first to find her voice as she crawled forward, a hand coming out in front of her, before she hesitated and drew it back, scared to touch Maura in any way. Maura merely blinked at Jane, her eyes still unfocused. 

“Maura. Shit, shit...” Jane’s voice was pleading as she finally did grab hold of one of Maura’s hands, which seemed to be enough to revive her.

“Jane.” Maura’s voice was hoarse from the bruising that was now beginning to show around her neck, making Jane wince.

Jane fell in to Maura’s arms, “I’m so sorry. I’m so, so sorry. I thought...” Jane couldn’t finish her sentence as the tears began. “I thought you were dead.” Jane finally mumbled as Maura held her tight.

Maura just held Jane, running her hand through Jane’s hair, slowly calming the now agitated woman in her arms. After some time, Maura slowly moved so she could put her fingers on Jane’s chin, and lifting it, she looked in her eyes and saw complete disgust and self loathing. Jane’s eyes flickered to Maura’s neck, where the bruising was now showing as distinct fingerprints. Understanding what Jane was looking at, Maura gave a wry smile and knew she had to try and defuse this as quickly as possible, otherwise the damage could be almost irreversible to Jane’s psyche.

“Scarves  or turtlenecks.”

Jane looked at Maura with a frown. Maura couldn’t help the chuckle that escaped, even under the circumstances, seeing how perplexed Jane was looking.

“Lots of scarves or turtlenecks.” Maura pointed to her own neck for emphasis, “Luckily I own plenty of both and with the cooler weather, it won’t raise questions or suspicion.” Maura waited a beat before looking at Jane with a slightly more serious expression. “You were in the throes of a nightmare, and I tried to wake you.” Maura’s voice was still scratchy as she gave Jane an explanation, and she wished she could get some water to sip, but also knew if she moved now, it would potentially do more harm than good with Jane.

“I thought...” Jane struggled to talk as she cried again. “I thought you’d been shot and killed. I was asked by your mother to help arrange the funeral...” Jane couldn't talk anymore as Maura gathered Jane in her arms again, rocking them both gently.

“I’m here, and we’re okay.” Maura said, desperately trying to placate the now distraught woman in her arms. “A nightmare is an unpleasant dream that can cause a strong negative emotional response from the mind, typically fear or horror, but also despair, anxiety and great sadness. A dream may contain situations of danger, discomfort, psychological or physical terror.  Recurrent post-traumatic stress disorder nightmares in which real traumas are re-experienced is known to happen. Include into the situation that you've experienced severe sleep deprivation of late and that only adds to the confusion.”

Jane chortled in to Maura’s shoulder as she listened and she began to regain her equilibrium. “Only you could come up with something so long winded minutes after I’ve tried to strangle you. Anyone else would have kicked me out on my ass a long time ago.”

Maura smiled. “It’s just as well I’m not just anyone else then. As you know, in times of extreme stress or tiredness, I have to impart information. I think we can both agree this qualifies as a time of stress.”

“Really? Never would have guessed.” Jane rolled her eyes as she shifted position slightly, “And I’ve gotta clean that lot over there.” Jane bowed her head as she spotted where she’d thrown up.

“It won’t hurt to leave it until you’re feeling better.” Maura said softly when she saw where Jane’s eyes had drifted.

“Are you sure?” Jane looked back at Maura with an incredulous expression. “Isn’t there all kinds of acid and shit in that...” Jane gestured to the offending spot without looking at it again. “Doing all kinds of damage to your floor!”

“It is true that vomit is highly acidic and tends to be malodorous which is caused by one or more volatilized chemical compounds...” Maura saw the look on Jane’s face and immediately shifted out of scientific mode knowing she’d already lost Jane. “Malodorous, it means an unpleasant odor. However in the overall scheme of things it’s not all that important. I’ll just get someone in to either re-polish or replace the floor if we find it’s needed.”

“Of course you would. And basically you’ve just told me it stinks.” Jane shook her head as Maura nodded and began to stand up, making sure she was balanced before heading out to the kitchen. “I don’t have that luxury of just being able to afford to replace it, and it’ll bug the hell outta me if I don’t do something about it.”

Jane’s parting words trailed off as Maura also began to sit up on the bed, fingers lightly tracing her own throat, relieved that swelling was minimal as she assessed the damage. She didn’t think Jane would have appreciated explanations as to how the internal soft tissue in the trachea could swell after strangulation even some minutes later from release, let alone how at the time it could have compressed her airway, interfere with the flow of blood in the neck, or worse case scenario, both combined.

Jane walked back into the room with some items to clean the floor which she put down, before walking over to Maura and with an apologetic smile, handed over a chilled bottle of water and an ice pack. Maura took both gratefully, and watched as Jane spun around and began to clean up the mess. After a few minutes, Jane finished and without taking anything out, she simply dumped it all in a bucket she’d brought in, including the gloves she’d worn, before moving and settling alongside Maura on the bed, both leaning against the headboard.

“How’s your....” Jane gestured to Maura’s neck with a slight grimace.

“It’s fine.” Maura gave Jane a reassuring smile. “And thank you, the ice and water helped.”

Jane merely nodded, looking awkward. “Maur....” Jane stopped and flicked a quick look in her direction, before staring back out in front of her. One hand came out, and Maura took it without hesitation. “I just...” Jane faltered again, and she smiled as she felt Maura’s hand tightening in her own. “You, it dawned on me, that we never ever had problems with understanding each other when we first met.” Jane finally looked at Maura, her eyes glistening with tears. “We both are fuck ups in some way or another when it comes to others, and yet...” Jane dropped her head slightly, before bringing in back in position, a lone tear running down her face. “Somehow, apart from the odd occasion, we’ve always trusted each other. I just find it strange that we found that in each other, and somewhere along the line we’ve either not noticed it or simply not mentioned it. Hell I’m usually the last person outside of work or family that anyone confides in, or I confide in, but we do.”

Maura considered Jane’s words for a minute. “You’re right. I’ve never considered it before, but on reflection I find it amazing we became so close so quickly. Obviously, there was a short period of just getting to know each other, but I’ve never felt the social awkwardness that I’ve always carried with me when first meeting others.”

“I thought about it because I just don’t know if I can ever forgive myself for this, let alone you being able to.” Jane then admitted, as she wiped tears away. “I feel like I’ve lost the only good thing I’ve ever had in my life.”

“For a start, you’ve done no such thing.” Maura said firmly. “And surely Sue was a good thing in your life.”

Jane suddenly realized what she’d said, and looked embarrassed. “She was.” Jane closed her eyes as she struggled to try and explain it. “But, as much as I loved her, and I did.... you... me... we’ve got something I didn’t have with Sue. It’s just different, and right now I don’t think I can explain it any more than that.”

“Perhaps you don’t have to explain it further.” Maura said softly, before sipping more water, still finding talking difficult.

“Yeah, but can you love two people at the same time?” Jane didn’t think about the implication of her question, she just let it slip without even thinking that Maura would see it in a much deeper context. Maura for her part schooled her features, knowing Jane was asking on a friendship level, but also, unwittingly had once against broached the subject that they had studiously avoided since it had first been mentioned.

“Liking, absolutely. Loving, of course, but it depends on the level of love and the situation. Love is multifaceted, complex and at times conflicting.”

Jane nodded as she shifted position again. “I need to talk to Doctor Davies again.” She admitted softly. “I can’t get my head around what happened tonight. That I did this.”

“I know you don’t believe this, but I’m to blame.” Maura could see Jane getting ready to react, and placed a finger on Jane’s lips, which was enough to halt her. Waiting until she felt that Jane wasn’t going to speak, Maura lowered her hand. “Let me explain, without interruption, please.” Seeing Jane’s slight nod, Maura took a deep breath. “You were in the throes of a nightmare. I should have known better, because your nightmares are undoubtedly a direct result of PTSD and there are very clear rules for most people in that situation. Do not grab, touch or shake someone awake. I should have simply stuck with trying to call your name, keeping distance between us. I know, for you, these kinds of nightmares are so exhausting. That they are terrifying, realistic, and repetitive. I admit, I panicked a little. I hated seeing you in such distress, and reacted too quickly. So, yes, if you want to blame anyone, blame me. I was conscious, knew what I should have done, and yet I didn’t. You on the other hand had no conscious knowledge about your actions, ergo, you’re not to blame for this incident.”

“This incident.” Jane’s voice rose a little and she sounded incredulous. “Is that what you’re calling this... That’s bullshit Maura I tried to strangle you! I nearly killed you.” Jane rubbed a hand across her face. “Aware or not, I cannot believe I’ve got something like that inside of me.”

“No Jane, you were not responsible.” Maura reiterated as she reached out and grasped Jane’s free hand, and Jane slowly looked her way again. “I agree, we’ll call Doctor Davies first thing and see when you can be seen by him, but in the meantime, we’ve both just got to mark this down to experience. An unpleasant one admittedly, but circumstance means we cannot change it, only move forward in a positive way. The overall blame, if any is to be attributed has to be laid towards the person who caused Sue’s death, and for you to be involved in a horrific accident that would be enough to cause even the most stoic of people problems.”

“How in the hell are we going to move forward from this Maura?” Jane asked quietly, looking deflated.

“Time, patience, and help from outside sources.” Maura replied evenly. “Doctor Davies is there for a good reason, you’re willing to use him, so I don’t see any reason why we can move on from this in a healthy manner.”

“What about you though. Who do you see?” Jane then asked with a frown forming. “If I need help through this, don’t you?” Jane immediately picked up on the slightly uncomfortable expression that passed Maura’s face, recognizing the look. “Wait, you’re already seeing someone aren’t you.” Jane then demanded to know.

Maura took a moment to try and work out how best to approach the subject, knowing she couldn’t hide from the question. “I’m not strictly seeing anyone.”

“Not strictly seeing anyone. Bullshit Maura, you’re deflecting.... as only you can! Need I remind you of the ‘stomach ache’ incident. Or ‘Jorge’, just off the top of my head. Dammit, you know lying can be as much about omission.” Jane made air quotes to emphasize her point over the incidents she’d mentioned, and Maura looked distinctly embarrassed.

“I thought we’d got past that.” Maura said softly, “It seems not.”

“Maura we have.” Jane was quick to reassure. “But can’t you see, I need you to be truthful with me right now. I don’t think I can cope with any more surprises, even if they aren’t that big in the whole scheme of things.”

Jane’s admission brought tears to Maura’s eyes. “You’re right, and I’m sorry. It wasn’t an omission I deliberately made, since it’s only been one occasion, and over the phone.”

“Okay.” Jane’s reply was slow and considered. “So why not say anything?”

“Because it was with Doctor Davies for an hour on the phone before you woke up when I was making your appointment.” Maura replied, looking pensive.

“What!” Jane took a deep breath recognizing she needed to maintain a calmness otherwise they were going to struggle to communicate properly. “Okay, so why?”

“Because he could sense I was worried and I needed...” Maura battled to find the right words for a second, something she found amazing since she could never remember being so at a loss for words before. Not like this at least. “I needed reassurance Jane that you were going to be okay. That I wasn’t going to lose you.”

Jane looked astounded at the admission. “Lose me? What, friendship kind of lose me?” Jane could sense it was more than that, and seeing Maura’s head dip with a look of shame crossing her face, Jane stood up, and began to pace and pieces began to fall into place. “You thought I would...” Jane looked back at Maura, “How? How could you think I’d do something like that!” A hand rubbed across Jane’s face as she tried to stop the feeling of betrayal from rising.

“I never said you were suicidal.” Maura countered, earning her a wide eyed look from Jane.

“But the implication was there wasn’t it.” Jane knew it was more rhetorical that she was asking, with hurt showing on her features.

“No, I did say I was worried you could...” Maura dropped her head again. “That something might happen because you weren’t thinking as logically as you normally do. That it might cause something to accidentally happen.”

“So you said I was a nut case!” Jane spun around on her heels and walked towards the door, but stopped herself from leaving, and slowly came back into the room. “Christ, I don’t know what is worse. Thinking I’m suicidal or I’m a nut case. Dammit Maura, I’m not a nut case!”

“I never said you were.” Maura’s voice rose a little as she battled to get the rising hurt that Jane was displaying measured again and some control back in the conversation so Jane could understand what she had felt. “However, you cannot deny that you’ve been... a little off balance emotionally. People can do things under extreme stress that they would not normally even contemplate. If it’s any consolation, Doctor Davies doubted that my concerns had merit and was reassuring. I needed to hear it from someone else, even though I knew it was my reaction to events.”

Jane stopped in her tracks as she looked at Maura, who looked as deflated and small as Jane could ever remember seeing her. “I’ve done it again.” Jane moved back, and settled down, pulling Maura into a hug. “Me and my big mouth going off. I’m sorry, I just didn’t remember that you need help as much as I do for different reasons.”

Maura nodded in to Jane’s shoulder. “I know, its just unknown territory for both of us at the moment in many ways. I suppose we’re both going to be hitting bumps along the way.”

Jane ran her fingers through Maura’s hair lightly. “We need to promise each other not to keep anything from each other, no matter how insignificant it might seem or sound.”

“I agree, and you need to be honest with me about why you’ve pulled away from me the last couple of days.” Maura immediately began to wonder if asking the question that had been plaguing her lately was such a good idea as she felt Jane tense underneath her, and her fingers came away from her hair. Maura moved to look at Jane carefully. 

“I...” Jane looked back at Maura conflicted. While she knew they had just agreed to be honest with each other, she simply had no idea how to tell Maura about the conflict she was feeling over Sue and the emerging feelings she had towards Maura. “Can you accept me telling you I promise to talk to Doctor Davies about that. It’s not that I don’t want to talk to you, but right now, I simply can’t. I need his help on it first to get my head around it all.”

“Will you be able to ask soon?” Maura questioned. “Because I need to clear the air between us totally, and until we discuss whatever is troubling you, that isn’t going to happen. I hate the thought that I’m pushing you into something too soon, but equally I feel that if we leave it, it’s going to be more destructive.”

Jane nodded, “Yeah, I’ll try and talk about it when I get the next appointment, but I need to talk about what’s happened tonight more, so I’m not going to promise you I will, but I’ll make it soon.”

“I think that’s an acceptable compromise.” Maura agreed, as she stood up and grasping Jane’s hand, pulling her up with a small smile playing across her features. “Let’s sort out coffee and breakfast and then we’ll make the call.” Maura didn’t need to elaborate that she meant calling Doctor Davies.


	20. Chapter twenty

**Chapter twenty**

“So, we’ve got that it’s a woman who’s committing the hit and runs. Or at least the one that killed Sue’s brother,” Korsak looked at his files. “William. Parents are coming in later by the way for formal identification.”

“Surely they aren’t looking at the body.” Frost sounded surprised. “You can’t make an ID from that.”

“Nope, some of the personal effects, his watch, that kind of stuff. The Doc doesn’t need to be here, so that’s one less thing to be worried about.” Korsak stretched out his shoulders, relieving the kinks that were already plaguing him, before moving back to his desk. “I need to try and ask them if they have any idea who did this. Also, if Billy boy had a cell phone. There wasn’t one in the car, or on him, which in this day and age I find hard to believe.”

“Perhaps because they were so religious they don’t believe in such devices?” Frost suggested as he flipped through some computer print outs.

“Nope, don’t get that feeling. Staunch Catholic yes, against technology like a cell or computer, don’t think so.” Korsak yawned, earning him a look from Frost.

“You getting too old for this.” Frost teased, with a wink.

“No, sorting out some personal stuff last night.” Korsak glared. “So less talking, and more work.”

“Sure,” Frost immediately moved his eyes to fix them on the paperwork. “Whatever you say.” he finished under his breath, new tension between the two of them, which Korsak immediately regretted.

“Listen, it was something for the Doc.” Korsak finally admitted as he pushed his chair away from the desk a little.

That snippet got Frost’s immediate attention. “She’s okay, Jane’s okay?”

“Yeah,” Korsak ran a hand across his eyes tiredly. “Just a problem that needed sorting, but I think the Doc is gonna be keeping Jane well away from here for the time being. Too much too soon.”

“Makes sense. Jane’s always been one to come back before she’s fully ready. And at least it should keep her away from William’s parents. She doesn’t need that kinda crap right now.”

“No, she doesn’t.” Korsak agreed as he grabbed the edge of his desk and pulled himself back in. “So, where were we?”

“Sitting and getting nowhere fast, least that’s what it feels like.” Frost said slamming another file shut.

Korsak went to say something, and stopped, his mouth slightly open. “Hold on.” Korsak frowned as he looked through the information he was reading, and pulled a sheet out. “What do you make of this?” He handed it over to Frost, who read it carefully.

“I think you’re onto something.” Frost and Korsak both stood up with grins across their faces. “Let’s check this out.”

“Times like this I’ve gotta admit, technology is a good thing to have.” Korsak said as he walked through the doors, Frost on his heels.

* * *

 

Maura surreptitiously adjusted the scarf she’d decided on wearing, as she waited for Jane to reappear from Doctor Davies office. He had pretty much cleared a slot as soon as she’d called and explained the situation, and now Maura was worrying about how Jane was and also whether it had been wise to also agree to see Doctor Davies, or Simon as he had insisted on being called. While Maura knew she needed help as well, there was some disquiet about the decision to use the same therapist that Jane was also seeing. Maura planned to ask him if there was anyone else he could recommend she saw, although she also knew it would make logistics initially a little more complicated. In fact, she was feeling totally unsure of herself at the moment, and she was so unused to the feeling, she really wasn’t sure if she was making the right decisions. She sighed and picking up her magazine, she tried once more to concentrate on reading.

Simon adjusted his tie, loosening it, and popped the top button of his shirt. His actions made Jane smirk as she shifted position in the chair she seemed to prefer.

“Going for the relaxed look?” She then asked, her grin widening.

“Absolutely. No need to stand on ceremony all the time.” Simon replied, his own grin affixed on his face. “So, you were telling me about Maura?”

Jane sighed, knowing she wasn’t going to be getting any leeway. “I’ve gone through this already.”

“Yes, we’ve discussed what happened this morning.” Simon adjusted his own seating position, leaning forward ever so slightly. “Answer me this then. You care for her a great deal don’t you?”

Jane looked at him and could tell straight away he wasn’t just talking in a general friendship sense. She closed her eyes briefly and reminded herself that she’d promised Maura to tackle what was bothering her. She just hoped it wasn’t right now, but it seemed like the good doctor had other ideas for her today.

“So I’ll take that as a yes, you care a great deal for her.” Simon effectively answered the question for her, making Jane slam her eyes open, looking perplexed. “I suspect for this has been going on for a long time as well. So, why haven’t you done anything about it before now?”

Jane slumped into the chair, glaring, unsure if she really wanted to head in the direction the session had taken. Seeing her defiant look, Simon made some notes, before looking back pointedly at Jane.

“I can wait as long as needed Jane, but you really need to tackle this.”

His words were enough to bring Jane out of her thoughts as she fell forward, resting her elbows on her knees, head in hands.

He watched Jane’s actions with care, and wondered for a minute whether he might have pushed a little too much too soon, but internally smiled when he saw Jane lift her head up again, albeit slowly.

“Why haven’t I done anything?” Jane repeated the question with a grimace. “Jesus, I don’t even know where to start. Timing at the moment. Before that...” Jane paused again as she fell back into the chair with a slight thump. “Fear, cowardice, worried about the family reaction. Catholic values and all that shit. Uncertainty that Maura had felt the same. Denial about my own feelings. God the list is too long to even say it all.”

“Okay, so you’ve named a few things, so they must be the most prominent, let’s look at those then.”

“God, do we have to.” Jane murmured, but Simon could tell she wasn’t being difficult and it was more rhetorical. Jane looked up again. “So, what do you want to know first.”

“You mentioned that you were uncertain Maura had felt the same way. By your words, am I to assume there has been a change in that somewhere and you now know Maura’s feelings.”

“God, straight to the point. Yeah, well... we talked the other day, and we’ve realized there is something going on between us.”

“But...”

“But, I can’t. It’s one reason I lost it the other night and landed up back at Sue’s.” Jane finally admitted, blinking back the tears. Suddenly, all the pieces for Simon fell in to place. He had always felt there was an underlying trigger for the event, and now he’d been told exactly what it was. He remained silent though, allowing Jane time to work through whatever she wanted to tell him.

“I don’t even know why we’ve not made a move before now. You’d have thought one of us would have done that, but we...” Jane hesitated as she thought about it some more, “Actually, I wasn’t in the right place. Hoyt was a big thing for me. I found it hard to let anyone close to me because I was worried he’d target them without a second thought. Lot of good that did me.”

“Why do you say that?” Simon was genuinely curious.

“Maura got caught up in his web anyway. He found a way to get into her head, just as he did mine, and then we were both trapped in the damn prison hospital, and...” Jane stopped and wiped a tear away. “I look back, and if Maura hadn’t been there, I don’t know if I’d been strong enough to fight back.”

Simon suddenly sat a little straighter in his chair. He was now getting information that Jane hadn’t divulged to anyone else about that day, and he knew it was important to Jane and her current need to heal. “You seem sure about that. Why?” He gently pushed as Jane faltered.

“Because when he was attacking me...” Jane swallowed hard. “I froze. I was scared shitless. Not exactly what you want to hear from a decorated detective. I shoot myself, then can’t fight Hoyt, some good I am.” Her tone was self-deprecating, and she looked away quickly.

“It sounds like a very human response to the Hoyt situation.” Simon replied carefully. “Detective or not, decorated or not, you’re still just a person with very real emotions attached. To err is human; to forgive, divine. It sounds like you need to forgive yourself more than anything.”

Jane snorted derisively at his quote. “What I need is to accept I was a coward. It wasn’t until he began to attack Maura that I was able to do anything at all.”

“Now you just sound more like a martyr.” Simon replied forcefully. “Not very becoming on you either. I never took you as someone who wallowed in any kind of self pity, but if you want to be labeled a coward, so be it.” He knew he was throwing gasoline on the fire, but he really wanted to get Jane to react without thinking. He watched as her demeanour hardened and knew he’d pushed some buttons. Whether or not it would be enough, he’d find out soon.

Maura watched as Jane stormed out of the room, grabbing Maura’s arm as she went, pulling her unceremoniously up. “We’re leaving.” Jane said, her voice low and angry. Maura pulled away from Jane’s grip, forcing Jane to stop in her tracks. Simon followed behind, a look of surprise etched across his face.

“Jane, what is going on?” Maura asked as Jane refused to look at Simon, before looking at her watch and noting that the time for the session was over, but she was still surprised to see Jane so angry.

“Nothing.” Jane said, her voice still low.

Maura then looked at Simon for clarification. He shrugged. “It was a difficult end to the session. I suggest you both talk about it when Jane has calmed down. It’s something you really haven’t talked about, but I think you need to. I won’t say any more than that.” Simon then nodded towards Maura, turned and closed his office door. Once Jane saw he wasn’t there, she simply stormed out of the waiting room, leaving Maura to collect her things and catch up.

Jane was already standing at the car waiting for Maura, who had the keys. As Maura approached Jane whirled around to face her. “Dammit Maur.....” Jane flicked her fists up and punched the air in a quick one, two jabbing motion in front of her body as if shadow boxing, before slamming one fist down on the roof of the car, which in turn earned a glare from Maura. Seeing her face, Jane dropped her hand with an apologetic look. “No harm done.” She said quietly, pointing at the car.

“I wasn’t worried about the car.” Maura replied carefully as she unlocked the doors and proceeded to get in, Jane moving into the passenger seat.

They sat in silence on the journey home, and Maura simply sighed in frustration as she parked and Jane hopped out of the car without a word. Gathering her things, Maura followed Jane through to the house, Jane having let herself in using her own key. Maura quickly put her things away, before moving back to the kitchen where Jane was making coffee. Without a word, Jane poured out two coffees, before moving through to the sitting room, still without speaking. Maura picked her coffee up that Jane had left on the counter and followed her through.

“Are you simply going to stomp around like a fractious child all day?” Maura finally asked as Jane sat, huffing away to herself on the couch.

“I... am.... not... being... childish. Again what is with the I am acting like a child! What is wrong with you. I am not a kid anymore.” Jane said almost in a snarl.

Maura’s eyebrows shot up at Jane’s words. “You are most certainly being childish. I accept you might have had a difficult session Jane, but to behave like you are a child isn’t pleasant to watch, especially since I know it’s not like you.” Maura paused, taking a steadying breath, “I don’t know what was said, but it appears that it has something to do with me; well, to do with us, and therefore quite frankly, I find your behavior upsetting. So are you going to talk to me, or just stomp around a little more!”

“I’ll stomp around all I want!” Jane stood up, and without thinking began pacing, shooting angry looks at Maura periodically. Maura meanwhile sat patiently, waiting for Jane to get this latest episode out of her system. Finally, Jane slowed, before eventually stopping altogether and sinking back on to the couch.

“He said I was cowardly.” Jane’s voice sounded tiny, and Maura could never remember seeing her looking or sounding so small or defeated. She moved in closer to Jane, holding one of her hands as she did.

“I cannot believe for one second he meant it...” Maura said softly, feeling the tension in Jane’s grip on her fingers. “You have done so many things that are heroic, not just what you’ve been recognized for. I’m talking about your everyday life, the small things that make up who you are.” Maura moved in a little closer, to try and get Jane to listen, who seemingly wasn’t accepting what Maura was telling her. “You have empathy with victims, incredible detective skills, that lead you to things others would surely miss; goodness if I were to list everything about you that is so great, we’d be here for a very long time. Jane, you are most certainly not a coward.”

Jane looked up, tears running down her face. “That’s just it, I am...” Jane faltered as Maura moved her free hand, and without thinking, using her thumb, wiped the tears away from Jane’s face. “I couldn’t protect Sue... I couldn’t protect you...”

Maura’s thumb froze on Jane’s cheek as the words sunk in. “You couldn’t have done any more with Sue, and...” Maura struggled for a second, “Protect me? Protect me from whom or from what?” Maura asked quietly, suddenly aware what her hand was doing, and gently dropping it from Jane’s face.

“I couldn’t stop Hoyt...” Jane said quickly. “He...I froze. My fear of him... it made me freeze. If he hadn’t been after me, you never would have... I let you come too close to me.... I should never have allowed you... I was a coward... and I never told you what I was feeling because of Hoyt. Because of how he made me feel... and I still couldn’t protect you.” Jane moved and without a word, her finger came up and lightly traced the tiny white scar that was visible on Maura’s neck if you knew where to look, even more visible around the bruising. Maura closed her eyes at the contact, suddenly understanding what Jane was trying to say.

“So, you wanted to tell me you had feelings for me a long time before this, only your fear of Hoyt stopped you? Is that what you’re saying?” Maura questioned, her voice still low and soothing.

“Yes... No...” Jane sighed heavily. “I don’t know.” Finally admitted with a shrug of her shoulders. “God Maura, this is so hard for me to talk about...”

“So take your time.” Maura replied with a small smile. “We’re not going anywhere, and you’ve broached the subject now, which is always the hardest thing to do. We haven’t talked about this for far too long.”

Jane snorted a laugh, shaking her head. “I can take down killers, but I can’t talk about this.” Jane then rolled her eyes. “There has to be some irony in that.” She then smiled at Maura before taking a deep breath.

“I’ve always felt, that as long as someone was with you, loving you, then that was okay. Even if it meant I was denying the feelings I had. Feelings I still have.” Jane quickly amended as she closed her eyes briefly. “Then I met Sue, and for the first time I felt safe and comfortable in being able to explore something inside of me I’d hidden for so long. I no longer had my boogie man to worry about...”

“Hoyt?” Maura asked wanting to be absolutely sure there was no misunderstandings.

“Hoyt.” Jane confirmed with a nod of her head. “I’ve been so afraid of bringing other people in to my life because of him. You, you got closer than anyone, and I hate that... I hate that because I allowed you closer, even as a friend, he could still get to you. He got in your head, made you question yourself, about how you might be like him.” Jane looked at Maura, her eyes fierce. “You are nothing like him.” Her words showed the same ferocity as her face, and Maura nodded a little to show she agreed with Jane. That movement alone seemed to appease her.

“I watched you initially, unsure who you were. You said once I was complex, and I had the same feelings about you. Then, as time went on, I also saw how few people in your life you had that cared about you. There seemed to be no-one who cared about your interests, or you. It seemed they were more concerned about things like your career or what you could do for them. All I saw was people placing their expectations on you. Do this charity event, do that autopsy, come to this society function because you’re an Isles - there didn’t appear to be any part of you that was off limits from others. Expectations that you shouldered without complaint, and yet... I could see a part of you was missing something. A friend.”

“You became that friend.” Maura said, tears misting up her own eyes. “Your family became my family, and also brought me closer to my Mother. I can never express how much that meant to me, how much it still means to me. Whatever you said to her that day, it means everything to me, since we now have some sort of relationship. You did that Jane, no-one else, and I don’t think I can ever find the words to thank you.”

Jane nodded, swallowing thickly as emotions built again, trying to focus on what she wanted to say.

“I understand you’re coping right now with a tragic loss.” Maura picked up the conversation as Jane fell quiet. “I’ve said this before, and I’ll repeat it. I sense we have something floating around that is merely more than friends, but to explore it now would be destructive for us both. You are conflicted, and understandably so. We both are to some degree. I cannot help but feel slightly jealous to know Sue shared something with you that I’ve yet to have and I might never be able to share with you, something that was obviously so great.”

Jane looked surprised at Maura’s admission, and she didn’t try to hide that surprise from her face. Seeing Jane look at her, Maura dipped her head slightly. “Yes, I was jealous when I heard about Sue, and it made me realize that I had feelings that I had hidden from as well. I no longer feel the same jealousy.” Maura was quick to point out, “I actually am gladdened to hear your stories about the time you and she had together. I’m pleased to know someone brought you that sort of love, albeit having been ripped away from you prematurely. I don’t ever want to hurt you, intentionally or unintentionally, and first and foremost I know you have to learn to live without Sue, and that is being made harder because our feelings have also become known to each other. All I ask of you now, is don’t hide from me. Whatever it might be, however you might feel it could hurt me - it will always hurt me more knowing you’re not telling me something.”

“You deserve so much more than I can offer right now.” Jane said after a few minutes silence as both women took stock. “I don’t know how long it’s going to be before I can move on past Sue, but know this. I couldn’t do it without you, even if it’s just as a friend. Are you able to do that? Are we able to maintain our friendship?”

“Yes.” Maura’s reply was emphatic as she smiled at Jane. “Don’t look so surprised.” Maura shook her head slightly. “Honestly Jane, we can do this. We just need to keep talking. Remind each other when we feel overwhelmed or feel it’s too much to deal with. We both know this isn’t going to be easy, that there are times when warning bells are going to be going off in our heads about how we might be feeling or reacting around each other. This is a bell that now can’t be un-rung, so we’ve just got to learn to deal with it when we need to. You, if you feel guilty for betraying Sue’s memory, me if I find the jealousy ever creeps back again.”

“How did....” Jane stuttered, “How did you know I felt like I was betraying her memory?”

“Jane, we’ve been around each other for too long now, and I would have been more shocked and worried if you’d denied that had happened.”

“Yeah, it’s been a bit like that. Guilt and desire all rolled into one.” Jane said. “I never thought this would be so hard. I feel like I’ve been toying with you, leading you on, and then pushing you away. I feel guilt about Sue, then guilt about how it might be affecting you. It just feels like I can’t win right now.”

“It will happen, over time.” Maura said, reassuring Jane as much as she could. “If, after a while we want to carry on exploring the depth of feeling for each other, we will. In the meantime, don’t give yourself such a hard time if you find you’re thinking of me, rather than Sue. We are all just human, with human responses to certain situations. We can’t just switch emotion on or off. Let me ask you a question. Would Sue want you to move on with someone else if she felt you’d found love again?”

“Yes.” Jane’s reply was barely a whisper.

“Even if she found out it was so soon after her death, and because of old friends who realized they did in fact harbor more feeling towards each other than they had previously dared admit? That they also didn’t want to disrespect her memory either in the process.”

“Yes.” Jane said again, still whispering.

“Then that’s all you need to know, all you need to remember when you find yourself asking the question about whether you are betraying her memory or not.” Maura said, finally pulling Jane into a hug. “Her memory would approve, even if that’s hard for you to reconcile. She really sounds like a remarkable woman."


	21. Chapter twenty one

**Chapter twenty one**

Frost hit the door with his fist, while Korsak stood off to the side, gun drawn. “Police, open the door.”

A few minutes later the door opened, with a very shy looking woman peeking around the security chain. “Can I see some ID?” Her voice was trembling as she spoke, and with a sigh, Frost held out his identification, Korsak mirroring his actions. Within a few seconds, the door was being pushed back so the chain could be released. The woman opened the door up properly, before standing aside to allow them access. 

“Can I ask what this is about?”

“Do you know Ellie Trench?” Korsak asked, keeping his voice low, sensing the nervousness from the woman. She nodded quickly, bringing fingers to her mouth, as she then began to bite her nails.

“Can you tell us the last time you saw her?” Frost asked, also keeping his tone soft.

“A few days ago, maybe a week... actually no it won’t have been that long... I’m not too sure.” She replied with a shrug of her shoulders. “She was here with Bill.”

“Bill?” Korsak and Frost both perked up as Korsak then asked the question. “Do you mean William Anderson?”

“Yeah, she and Bill knew each other from way back. Ellie even dated his sister Sue for a while. Why? What’s going on?”

“So you knew Sue as well? Did Sue call you a lot when she came back to Boston?” Frost asked.

“Sure. We were pretty good friends, and she wanted to hook up again. It wasn’t like we saw a lot of each other, but we spoke on the phone a fair bit. Sue’s been busy so it’s been a bit more sporadic of late. Listen, will you please tell me what in the hell is going on?”

Frost looked at Korsak, both immediately aware she had no idea of Sue’s death, let alone Williams. Korsak nodded ever so slightly to show he was going to take this on. “Please, I think we should sit down.” His voice softened even more and she frowned.

“No, not until you tell me what I want to know!”

“Please...” Korsak moved towards the doorway where he could see a couch just inside, assuming it was the sitting room. He pushed the door fully open, and gestured for her to follow him in, which she did. Without another word, she sat down on the couch, while Frost and Korsak both found chairs to sit in.

“Meagan, both Sue and William are dead. Both deaths are being treated as suspicious, most likely murder, which is why we’re here.”

“What?” Her hand flew up covering her mouth as tears almost instantly began to fall. “No, I saw Bill just the other day... ”

“We understand this is difficult for you, but we have some more questions.” Frost spoke up, looking sympathetically towards the now crying woman.

Meagan sniffed, and wiping the tears, she nodded. “I’ll help in any way I can.”

“We tracked you because of Sue’s phone records, and they also showed she called this number a lot...” Frost handed a print out over, and Meagan read it quickly. “Do you recognize it at all? Or do any other numbers stand out for you?”

“That’s Bills cell number. I don’t know any of the others apart from mine.” Meagan said as she reached across to pull a tissue out of a box on a coffee table close to where she was sitting, wiping her tears before blowing her nose. She crumpled the tissue up and pulled a fresh one out of the box, putting the old one in a small bin that they now noticed was alongside the couch.

“Good, thank you. His cell phone wasn’t with him, so we can’t begin to track it down.” Frost said, looking pleased with the latest information. “Can you tell us exactly when Ellie and William came to visit you last?” 

“Bill, call him Bill. He hated William. It was his father’s name and he didn’t have the greatest of relationships with his parents.” Meagan said as she tried to remember what was being asked of her. “I guess it was 5, maybe 6 days ago when they came around. Bill had come to visit Ellie and Sue, or so he told me. It was always very difficult for him because he got on with Ellie, and when she and Sue split up, he was torn between his sister and their friendship. He didn’t really talk about it much, but I knew he hated that he was having to hide the friendship from Sue.”

“Do you have a phone number or address for Ellie?” Korsak asked.

“No, sorry. I used to talk to Bill, and Ellie was always so secretive about stuff like that. If I’m being honest, I wouldn’t be friends with her at all, but for her friendship first with Sue, then Bill.”

“Anyone else in Sue’s life that you might know of?” Frost hated asking the question, but he knew they had to show they’d covered all bases for any possible prosecution. A defense lawyer would immediately pick up on the fact if no effort was made to question a witness in the same way they would usually. While Jane was clear of the murders, to not show they were looking at other interests in Sue’s life would jeopardize anything else they might do.

“Sue didn’t say, but I sensed there was someone new in her life.” Meagan finally smiled as the memory came back to her. “I asked about it one day a few weeks ago, and Sue just gave me a little smile and said ‘maybe there was someone.’ I knew it had to be someone special because she’d been so badly upset over the breakup with Ellie that she had sworn off relationships. So, whoever the new girlfriend was, Sue undoubtedly loved and trusted her implicitly. I knew she’d tell me once the time was right, but I could tell... She was happy, the happiest I think I’d ever seen her and whoever it was, they were good for her.” 

Frost couldn’t help but feel a warmth spread through him as he heard the words, knowing that Jane had indeed been in a meaningful relationship, and it wasn’t one sided. He almost felt sorry that he couldn’t impart that information to Meagan.

“Anything else you can think of?” Korsak queried, fighting his own smile at Meagan’s last words.

“Nothing comes to mind. I hate that I can’t help more.” Meagan’s sadness returned as did the tears.

Korsak nodded. “That’s okay you’ve helped us a lot already.” He reassured her, as Frost took some notes. “I know I keep asking, but anything you can think of that happened recently apart from what you’ve already told us?”

“I don’t know how relevant it might be, but like I’ve said, I do know that Sue and Ellie’s break up wasn’t a good one. Sue didn’t tell me much, other than she came back to Boston to get away from her. Then Bill turned up one day with Ellie, and I found out she’d also moved to Boston. Ellie swore it had nothing to do with Sue, and Bill pleaded I didn’t tell Sue, so I didn’t. I hated that I was keeping it secret from Sue. I wish now...” Meagan began crying again.

Korsak looked at Frost and sensing they weren’t going to get anything more of use, they both stood up, “We’ll let ourselves out, if there is anything else you might remember, you can contact me on these numbers.” Korsak handed over one of his business cards that Meagan took with a shaky hand and a nod of her own. Frost and Korsak walked out slowly, trying to piece together what they had just learned.

“I’ll get a subpoena on the phone records for William’s cell as soon as we get in.” Frost said, “We might get lucky and they might supply ahead of that. At least we’ve got something concrete to begin working on. We know Ellie has been in the area, and that she and William had contact with each other. Seems strange they had this friendship considering the problems Sue had with her and the injunctions against Ellie. Something doesn’t quite make sense.” 

“Not forgetting that William gave us the impression he’d travelled in with his parents, and wasn’t already in Boston. I don’t like the way this is headed.” Korsak said with a sigh. “I still think that Sue was the main target and somehow William is collateral damage, either to throw us off, he knew something, or was involved somehow. Whatever it is, he wasn’t just a random target any more than Sue was. So far the only connection is Ellie, but while I can understand motive for Sue, I cannot understand motive for William apart from what I’ve already mentioned. We need to dig even more into the family, see what gets thrown up.”

* * *

 

Jane took a deep breath and opened the apartment door up, before taking a second. She felt Maura’s hand on her forearm and smiled as she then walked in. She and Maura had slept without incident through the night, and even though Jane was hesitant to admit it, she had felt lighter in herself after the talk she and Maura had. Now, all she had to do was try and maintain some time in her own apartment working. Maura had agreed to come with her, before leaving Jane on her own, citing that it would defeat the object of the exercise for Jane if she were to stay, and that she was only a phone call away if it got too much.

Jane put her laptop down on the couch as Maura moved to place some things in her fridge that they had picked up on their way over. Taking another deep breath, Jane remained standing as Maura then moved back towards her, standing close.

“I’ll be fine.” Jane said with a slight smile as she saw the concern cross Maura’s face.

Maura sighed, surprised to find she was feeling as nervous as she was about leaving Jane. “I’ll only be in work doing my own paperwork. Call me if you need to.” Maura said, once more putting her hand out to grasp Jane’s own hand. 

“Go...” Jane pulled Maura into a hug, “Go keep an eye on Korsak and Frost for me. I’ll expect a full report when you get back.”

Maura couldn’t help but laugh. “I don’t think I’ll be able to gather than much information since I’m only going in for an hour.”

“You’re better at this gumshoe thing than you give yourself credit for.” Jane replied, pulling out of the hug. “Now go... get out of here so I can work.”

Maura nodded and moved out of the apartment. Jane followed and slowly closed the door, as Maura watched in the hallway, a nod of her head in Jane’s direction as Jane pulled the door and closed the last of the gap. Jane then turned and lent back against the door closing her eyes. “Here goes nothing.” Jane said softly, having opened her eyes and moved towards the couch, picking up the laptop and powering it up. She also then pulled some files over that she’d brought with her, searching for the one she wanted to look at first, and began her work, feeling some satisfaction that she was finally doing something constructive with her time.

Maura walked in to the bullpen with a smile on her face when she spotted Korsak and Frost, who also looked up, their own smiles breaking out when they saw her arrive.

“Doc.” Korsak stood up and resisted the sudden urge he had to hug the M.E. Frost also said hello, as Maura sat down on a chair close to where they were.

“How’s Jane doing?” Korsak asked, having not spoken to either Maura or Jane since he’d dropped them off the other night, not wanting to intrude.

“She’s at her apartment for a short time and doing well.” Maura said, sending Korsak a reassuring smile, and she could see the tension leave at her assurance. “It’s given me this opportunity to come and see you, as well as check in at the morgue.”

“What, you couldn’t keep away?” Frost asked, his voice light as he joked.

“No, your charming personalities have been missed.” Maura joked back, a laugh breaking out. “Although I also wanted to make sure that you hadn’t broken anything while I’ve been away.” Maura raised her eyebrows, looking around the room carefully. “It appears as if all is still intact. Either you’ve not been playing hallway hockey or Jane is the only one who tends to be destructive.”

“Yeah, well we cleaned up after the last mishap.” Frost said with a grin. “Although we could always blame it on Jane since she isn’t here.”

“If you wish to try that, so be it. Just don’t expect me to patch you up once Jane finds out, because you know she will.... So, is there any news?” Maura then asked, her tone turning more serious.

Korsak shook his head. “Not as much as we’d like. We’ve found a friend of William and Sue... and his parents came in and did an ID on some of his personal items. They confirmed that William was already in Boston when Sue died, and didn’t in fact travel in with them like we thought. Beyond that, they didn’t have anything of use for us. I didn’t deal with it, I felt it would be best if Frost saw them since they didn’t know him.”

“I would agree that was a wise decision.” Maura inwardly flinched as she remembered the scene at the cafe. “Whatever their belief, to have lost both children so close together like that is a tragedy that I wouldn’t wish on anyone.”

“Yeah I must admit they looked defeated when they came in and you can’t help but feel sorry for them, even when the Mother opened her mouth and began blaming Jane, just as Jane had predicted. As for news, the one thing we have discovered is we know that Ellie, Sue’s ex is in the area.” Frost spoke up, pulling some information up on the big screen in front of them. “We know that William also had a cell phone that wasn’t on him when he died, but we’ve got the records and there is a lot of activity to a number that tracks back to a burn phone. We suspect that it’s Ellie he’s talking to. The last call was to that number less than an hour before he died.”

“So, perhaps they arranged to meet up?” Maura questioned as she looked at the list Frost had brought up.

“Maybe.” Frost shrugged. “Without the actual phone, and evidence to link it conclusively to Ellie we can only speculate at this point, but it does appear that Ellie is currently the front runner in the suspect stakes.”

Maura stood up and turned to look at the board behind them which had the paperwork and written information down. She moved in closer, taking note of the new information that they had gathered. “Is Jane in any danger?” Maura’s questioned as she turned around to look back at the detectives.

Korsak shrugged. “Honestly, I haven’t got a clue.” he admitted. “If this is Ellie, her history shows she’s unstable enough to possibly want to remove Jane from the picture completely even if Sue is now dead. She certainly had problems with other people who were close to Sue after they broke up, even if they weren’t romantically involved. Since the only person who could really give us the answer is Sue.... or we find Ellie.... I can’t tell you Doc.”

“So, what do we do?” Maura sounded and looked worried. “Warn Jane she might still be in danger?”

“You wanna be the one to tell Jane?” Frost said with a look of horror crossing his face. “I value my life.”

Korsak shrugged his shoulders. “As much as I know you’re gonna hate this Doc, there is nothing we can do. There is no direct evidence to suggest she might be after Jane, and even if Ellie is behind this and was after her, can you see Jane allowing anyone to protect her? Or even see her being any more careful, or change her routine? Christ she didn’t even do that for Hoyt, so she sure as hell ain’t going to do it for a possible threat like this.” Korsak saw the worry still etched on Maura’s face, and his stance softened. “If it’s any consolation Doc, you know as well as I do that Jane is good at what she does. She’ll be careful whatever.”

Maura looked at Korsak as if he’d grown two heads. “Jane, careful? Vince how can you say that! You know what Jane’s like. She’ll walk in to a hostage situation when no-one else will. She’ll cite wearing her vest makes it okay, when you know as well as I do that a bullet to the head would be fatal and no vest in the world would save her. Or when she’ll do something reckless against the rules to save someone she cares about. Need I remind you about when I was taken... ‘Whatever you want, I can get it.’ is hardly standard operating procedure under such circumstances. Jane is rash when her emotions get the better of her.... and if Ellie did kill Sue, and if she does come after Jane in any way, Jane’s not in a stable enough place right now to deal with it.” Maura stopped, having said more than she intended, as Korsak’s eyebrows went up at the last admission on Maura’s part.

“Doc, what aren’t you telling us about Jane?” He asked quietly, standing up, pulling himself in closer to Maura so there was no chance of them being overheard. Maura looked around at him and Frost.

“This isn’t the place for a discussion of this nature. We’ll go down to my office.” Without waiting for an answer, Maura walked away, Frost and Korsak following her, both looking worried.

Once Maura closed her office door, she turned and faced the two detectives. With a sigh, she carefully pulled down the turtleneck she was wearing. The bruising was now as vivid as it was going to be. Korsak and Frost both looked shocked.

“Who did that to you?” Korsak demanded, stepping in to Maura’s space. Maura shook her head and moved away to sit down behind her desk.

“What I’m about to tell you I do not want discussed ever again. This is the one and only time we talk about it, do I make myself clear?” Maura said with a stern look. Frost and Korsak glanced at each other before both nodded. Closing her eyes quickly, Maura waited for them to both to sit down.  As she heard them settling down, Maura opened her eyes again. “Jane is suffering with PTSD, and she caused the bruising. It was entirely accidental on her part, I most certainly do not blame her for the incident that lead to this, but...  I’m not sure she could cope with much more at the moment. Now can you understand my concerns?”

Korsak and Frost both sat there slack jawed at Maura’s admission. Korsak was the first to recover his composure. “What can we do to help Doc?”

“Just find who is responsible.” Maura replied slowly. “And... just make sure you’re there for Jane, whether she realizes it or not, she’s going to need all the help she can get once she comes back to work properly. I know you won’t be able to do too much otherwise she’ll catch on, but I just want her to have some extra eyes keeping an eye on her. Make sure she doesn’t do anything rash. I’ll give you both signs to look out for as known triggers for people with PTSD, and also how to handle the situation if god forbid something happens while she is at work.”

Frost blew out a breath. “Easier said than done, you know Jane, she’ll pick up something is going on straight away.”

“I know.” Maura admitted, with a wry smile in his direction. “However, I trust you both to be there and to manage it.”

* * *

The laptop was on, and she frowned as the phone rang and picked it up with a huff. She could hear someone crying as she answered. “Oh for god’s sake, man up!” She sounded exasperated.

“You didn’t have to do that.” He finally replied, his sobs lessening.

“Oh for fucks sake. I told you, you play by my rules.” She said looking annoyed. “You’re just paying me, I do what you want, and since he knew too much, he had to go.”

“Couldn't you have done it any other way?” His voice quivered as he asked. “He didn’t deserve to die. I didn’t want anyone to die...”

“Not a chance. He’d already called wanting to meet up and told me on the phone what he knew. Neither one of us can afford to be caught over this. You’d be charged just like me, so I was protecting your ass as much as my own. You said you wanted Sue out of the way, to end her deviant lifestyle.... you said nothing about how... and you paid a handsome amount for me to do it. No one is going to believe for one second you didn’t mean for her to die, especially when using words like ‘end her deviant lifestyle’. Now I’ve got other more important things to be worrying about.”

He didn’t get a chance to reply as she ended the call and threw the phone down on the couch pillow next to her with a frown. “Fucking amateurs, I should have known better than to get them involved.” she muttered, as her attention came back to the laptop she had open. “Now, let’s find out a little more about you Detective Jane Rizzoli.”


	22. Chapter twenty two

**Chapter twenty two**

Maura sat on the couch, looking at Jane carefully, once Jane explained what Simon wanted to try with her tomorrow.

“I’ve heard of EMDR.” Maura said, “Apparently it is very effective. The patient is told to go back to the earliest traumatic event. As the patient is going back to the bad memories involving the incident the therapist uses a unique element of bilateral stimulation like eye movements, tones, or tapping. This sets you short term memory into work and because of that there remains less brain capacity for the bad memories, so they become less invasive. Imagines of the trauma involved will be less.. “ Maura paused for the word she wanted, so it wasn’t too clinical for Jane to understand, “...lively. The memory fades, and because you stow that new faded memory in your brain it will be less pronounced. It is a simple but effective method, proven by a lot of studies. When you activate your memory and give it a lot of 'work' to do while you are picking up bad memories those memories will fade and eventually fade out.”

“So I should do this?” Jane asked, sounding uncertain.

“Absolutely.” Maura said, as she lent in and gave Jane a light hug. “It’s a very good therapy, and it can only help. You also have control and can ask for it to be stopped at any time.” Maura was quick to reassure the still uncertain brunette.

* * *

 

Jane sat in front of Simon, nervousness exuding from every pore. Simon tried to stay as relaxed as possible, before moving into position so he could be within reach of Jane. He had given her a very brief explanation as to what he wanted to achieve in this session the previous morning, but was about to give Jane a much more thorough explanation. Although he knew it was very intense therapy for him, as well as any patients, he also knew this was his best chance of helping Jane.

“As I explained yesterday, I want to try EMDR therapy with you.” Simon watched as Jane nodded, her jaw clenched. “So we need to create a timeline of events, and we will need to look back at the earliest traumatic event. Now, in this instance, and from what you’ve told me, that will mean going back to your first encounter with Hoyt, unless you can think of anything else that we haven’t discussed?”

Jane just shook her head, her jaw still tight and Simon watched as jaw muscles bunched and loosened off as Jane obviously bit down, teeth clamped tightly.

“So, if you can, we need you to go back to the moment you approached the basement, knowing there was a woman trapped inside there, at the mercy of a serial killer.”

Jane swallowed hard, as she allowed her memories to drift back to that moment, already feeling the adrenaline beginning to increase. Her eyes though were suddenly aware of Simon’s finger in front of her face.

“Remember what we talked about, follow my finger as you take on the memory.” Simon looked on, and was pleased to see that Jane was doing as instructed. He slowly carried on, and brought the session to a close once he was satisfied they had gone as far as they could that day, both he and Jane letting out a sigh of relief.

The next few days went in the same direction and before anyone knew it, a week went by. Then a second week was already closing in. A routine had been established; Jane was dropped off at her apartment, while Maura then went in to work for an hour or so, before picking Jane up on her way home. Korsak and Frost had come up against a brick wall, and with no new information, Cavanaugh had reluctantly placed them on other assignments, and while everyone understood the reasoning behind the decision, it didn’t make it any easier to accept. Korsak, in particular, was keeping Jane abreast of anything they did have, and for that, she was grateful.

The one small positive both Maura and Jane hadn’t discussed in any depth but were both pleased about was that Jane hadn’t suffered another nightmare; at least of any significance. They weren’t entirely sure if that was because Jane was also seeing Simon on a daily basis for a little while, or whether it was because they had both gravitated to sleeping in the same bed at night. Whatever the reason, it was because of the sleeping arrangement that Jane was now muttering in to her pillow as the alarm clock went off. While Maura had one of the alarm clocks that woke you up slowly, lighting up gradually like a natural sunrise, supposedly allowing you to wake more gently, Jane was yet to be convinced as she felt Maura get out of bed and begin her morning routine. Jane allowed herself to drift off back to sleep only vaguely aware that Maura had shut the alarm off.

“Morning, Jane.”

While Maura’s voice was low, and she was obviously close, Jane kept her head pressed down into the pillow. “Too early, wanna stay here.” Jane muttered as she felt the bed dip, and Maura obviously getting in closer to her. She then felt one of Maura’s hand grip the one hand that was resting on the pillow, and free for her to grasp.

“Who would have thought you were such a grumpy person in the morning.” Maura’s voice was light and teasing, as Jane felt Maura squeezing her hand and then removing it slowly. Jane craned her head around a little, cracking one eye open just enough to look at her, as Maura once again got up off the bed. Maura then smiled down at her. “Want anything for breakfast?”

“Coffee. Just coffee.” Jane said with a sigh, staying on her stomach as she tightened her grip on the pillow, and her eyes fluttered shut again.

“Don’t fall back to sleep a second time.” Maura said, her tone showing a hint of warning as she left with a chuckle, Jane twisting around enough to flip her off as she went, which was a waste of time, since Maura’s back was already turned so she didn’t see the gesture.

Jane finally rolled over onto her back, staring at the ceiling, before hauling herself upright, and swinging her legs off the bed, she planted her feet firmly on the ground. She closed her eyes, keeping focused on the floor beneath her feet, trying to forget the dream she had been having moments before Maura had woken her. It had started out with her and Sue being together, but somewhere along the way, Sue had morphed in to Maura, and the dream had been.... erotic enough for Jane to feel slightly uncomfortable and needing some kind of release.

 _Damn it every night now_.... Jane thought as she stood up and made her way to the bathroom, desperately in need of a quick shower if nothing else. There was no way she was going to take any further action from her dream, no matter how much her body was now twitching. No way, no how.... not in Maura’s house! And once at her apartment, Jane was always too conscious of Sue’s memory being there. Another cold shower it is then, Jane thought as she reached across and began to fiddle with the shower controls. It didn’t occur to Jane that for the first time since Sue’s death she wasn’t feeling almost immediately guilty, as if she were undermining the memory that she and Sue shared.

Maura looked up from reading the paper as Jane finally walked in from the bedroom, showered and dressed. She moved to sit down alongside Maura who had pulled out the sports section and left it for Jane to read, alongside the coffee, which had become their morning routine. Jane smiled to show her thanks as she settled. God, we’re already acting like an old married couple, Jane thought, and inwardly couldn’t help but feel good. She liked the routine they had built up. It feels... right, comfortable. Although Jane didn’t say anything, she was also pleased to find that Sue wasn’t making her feel guilty about something as simple as the morning routine. Yep, today’s a good day!

“I’ve got to go into court today.” Maura said as she sipped her own coffee. Jane’s eyes flickered up from reading her part of the paper, thankful she didn’t have to read more about the miserable run that just about every Boston sports team, major or minor league, seemed to be on. Maura could see the questioning look in her eyes. “The Thompson case.” Maura clarified.

“Oh yeah, that was one of Crowe’s wasn’t it? Didn’t know you had anything today?” Jane said, as the name jogged her memory.

“It is one of Crowe’s cases, you’re right.” Maura replied, sounding apologetic, “it means I won’t be able to drive you to the apartment though. I wasn’t expecting to go in until later in the week, but I got a call when I first got up to say my testimony had been brought forward.”

“Hey, that’s fine.” Jane grinned. “I’m doing a lot better and I can drive okay now.” Jane moved and flexed her leg out, and Maura could tell it was moving freely.

“I wasn’t as worried about that...” Maura said carefully, and she watched as the realization crept across Jane’s face.

“Oh...” Jane sighed as a hand reached over and rested lightly across the top of one of Maura’s. “I’m fine Maura. If there is even a hint I’m not coping, I’m outta there... I promise.”

“What about when you’re back here?” Maura asked, seeing the sincerity in Jane’s words in her posture.

“Then I phone Frankie, Frost, Korsak.... Hell even Ma if I have to.” Jane said, with a playful grimace and shudder of her shoulders at the last part. “Maura, I know and understand why you’re worried, but I promise, I will be fine.” Jane then added, her voice lower.

Nodding Maura let out the breath she hadn’t even been aware she was holding. “I know. I do trust you, it’s just...” Maura faltered, not sure how to say what she wanted to without upsetting Jane.

“You worry about me.” Jane said with a wry grin. “I get it Maura, I really do... and I know you are conflicted over this, but we had to face it at some point, it’s been getting closer each day. You said yourself, you were being called in later in the week anyway, so what’s a couple of days?”

“As always, you say the right things.” Maura said, her own smile gracing her face, as she went to stand up. “I better start getting ready if I want to arrive on time.”

“Wear that white dress you pair up with the red jacket. You know the one, with that zipper thing that goes across the front shoulder.” Jane called as Maura began to move towards the bedroom. Maura stopped, spun around and with raised eyebrows, looked at Jane questioningly.  Seeing Maura’s face, Jane shrugged. “Hey, it looks good on you. Professional without you looking too intimidating like you might do in a power suit. Smart but casual all rolled in to one. The red jacket and red Jimmy Choos look incredible with it.”

Maura tilted her head slightly as she considered what Jane had said. “I tend to agree with you. Thank you, Jane, for the suggestion.”

Jane watched as Maura disappeared from view, before looking back down at newspaper in front of her. She brought her hands up, elbows on the edge of the table and rested her head down. “I can’t believe I just gave fashion advice to Maura.” Jane muttered sounding shocked. “I mean... like I’m any good at fashion. Shit... I’m becoming Maura by osmosis.”

Maura had come back into the room quickly to retrieve her watch that she’d taken off while drinking her coffee earlier. She smiled as she heard Jane’s last words.

“Why, Jane I didn’t think you would know what osmosis meant.”

 Jane jumped as she heard Maura talk. “Jesus, give me a heart attack much!” Jane complained, bringing a hand up to her chest. Her eyebrows knotted. “And you weren’t meant to hear that, but if you must know, for some reason that was something that did sink in from school. So yes, I do know what osmosis means.”

“You’re smarter than you often give yourself credit for Jane, why else would you be offered a college placement.” Maura replied as she reached over and plucked her watch off the table. “I do wish you weren’t so self-deprecating as often as you are.”

Jane shrugged. “Hey, it helps when interviewing perps... often they can’t help but show they are more intelligent than you are. It’s human nature to brag... So if they think I’m dumb, then I play dumb.”

“I understand that.” Maura said, “However, it doesn’t mean you have to always hide behind that facade.” Maura glanced at her newly acquired watch. “And if I don’t get a move on, I’ll be late, which I can’t afford to be.”

“Who’s the judge?” Jane asked.

“Judge Gainsford.” Maura said as she began to hurry back to the bedroom.

“Ouch, no, you don’t want to be late for him. Miserable old shit! Can’t wait for him to retire next year.” Jane said and shook her head as Maura disappeared for a second time. “And no sneaking up on me next time you come back in here!” Jane then yelled as she stood up with her now empty coffee mug, and heading to the coffee machine, poured herself a new one.

Jane turned around as she heard the heels of Maura’s clipping across the wooden floor. She’d never been so grateful in her life that at that split second she wasn’t taking a sip of her coffee, knowing she would have choked on it if she were. Maura, seeing the look in Jane’s eyes smiled and did a slow twirl.

“Does it work?” Maura asked as she advanced slowly towards the table.

“Huh?” Jane pried her eyes up to look at Maura, noticing the twinkling in the hazel eyes meeting her and an amused expression on Maura’s face.

“Will I pass for court?” Maura asked, her voice also laced with humor, noting the effect she was having on Jane.

“Absolutely...” Jane replied quickly, if nothing else, needing to prove that she hadn’t been reduced to a gibbering idiot, at least not completely. “You’re going to...” Jane searched for the right words, and was brought back to the moment as Maura cleared her throat. “Have them mesmerized.” Jane finished, a self-satisfied grin on her face that she’d managed to even speak in more than one word sentences.

“I’m not sure mesmerized is quite what I’m aiming for.” Maura replied with a wink and she began to gather her briefcase and purse together. “I would hope they would be concentrating on what I have to tell them.”

“Oh, believe me, they will be concentrating.” Jane barely whispered as she stood up, still unable to tear her eyes away. The white dress hugged Maura’s curves in all the right places, and Maura had also used a lightweight red scarf to compliment the same colored jacket.The color was a stark contrast against the white. As for the shoes... _God, Maura’s calves don’t look half..... Shit Maura, you look incredible,_ Jane thought as she shamelessly raked her eyes all over Maura’s body, starting at the shoes and working her way up.

“Jane!” Maura admonished playfully with a light laugh and shook her head, although inwardly she was pleased with Jane’s reaction to her outfit, as she then stepped in closer to the brunette, her expression becoming slightly more serious. “Don’t forget, call if you need anyone, and I’ll phone once I know when I’ll be out of court.”

Jane swallowed hard and suddenly drew a hand across her lips, unsure just for a second if she was actually drooling, pleased to find she wasn’t. Once again her mind was racing, and all she wanted to do was draw Maura into her body and kiss her. She couldn’t help but think that now they had acknowledged what was happening between them, the chemistry had ideas of its own, determined to throw thoughts that Jane didn’t want at every opportunity. While she expected some, she knew she was in danger of it consuming her thoughts all the time if she let it.

Looking in to Maura’s face, Jane was convinced that Maura was fighting similar feelings. Sue’s face then popped in to Jane’s mind, and it was as if someone had thrown not just a bucket, but a barrel full of iced cold water over her. Jane shivered slightly, before stepping back, just to give herself time and space to regroup. Maura sensed the unease, so also stepped back slightly, wanting to show Jane she understood and wasn’t going to place any undue pressure on Jane.

“So, I’ll phone later?” Maura then asked again, trying to bring some normality back into the whole situation, hoping she hadn’t pushed too much, too soon.

“Sure.” Jane nodded and smiled, grateful that Maura had seen what was happening, and had reacted the way she did. “I might just pop in to the station after I’ve been to the apartment.” Seeing Maura’s look of concern, Jane moved back into her space, and placed a hand lightly on her forearm. “Only to say hello, I promise, no work while I’m there. I haven’t seen the guys for a while, I miss them and want to say hi. They might not want to see me of course...”

Maura took in a deep breath and nodded. “Thank you.” Jane didn’t have to question why Maura was thanking her, knowing it was Jane showing she wanted to try and maintain responsibility in her own recovery. “I’m sure they will be thrilled to see you.”

Jane laughed. “Don’t bet on it...” She grabbed Maura’s purse off the table and handed it across to her. “Now go, before you get done for being late.” and without thinking, placed a light kiss on Maura’s cheek. Maura picked up her briefcase, and went out of the door with only a quick turn to look back, smiling at Jane as she did so. “I’ll see you later.” Were her parting words.

* * *

 

Jane walked in to the bullpen and scowled as she looked over towards her desk. She marched across, and at that moment, both Frost and Korsak finally looked up from whatever was taking their attention.

“Jane.” Korsak was the first to react. “Wasn’t expecting to see you.”

“So I can tell.” Jane pointed to her desk at the pile of files that were there, already beginning to lean rather precariously. She moved and picked them all up in one fell swoop, before moving across and dumping them on Frost’s desk. “I might not be able to do more than desk duty when I come back, but I am not.. repeat, not.... taking on all your damn paperwork as well!”

“Rizzoli, my office... now!” Cavanaugh barked; Jane just managing to stop herself from jumping at the unexpected shout. She looked wide-eyed questioningly at Frost and Korsak who both shrugged their shoulders to show they didn’t know what it was about either, before she carefully turned around and moved to where Cavanaugh was standing, keeping his door open. He then moved just enough to allow her to pass before closing the door behind them.

“Sit.”

Jane was trying to rack her brains, and wasn’t quite sure what she had done to garner Cavanaugh’s attention like this, so for now, she kept her mouth shut as she sat down. Christ, I’ve not been back five minutes! Silence greeted her, and she shifted a little uncomfortably in her seat. He must have been one hell of an interrogator in his day, Jane thought, as even she was beginning to crack under his unwavering gaze.

“Sir?” Jane finally asked, a wary expression now on her face as she was still unable to think of a cause for to have been dragged in like this.

“When do you think you’ll be back?”

Jane’s eyebrows rose, surprised at the question. “Honestly, I’m not sure.” came her answer. “It’s getting closer each day.”

“Do you think you were completely truthful with Doctor Davies?” He then asked, leaning back in his chair, pushing his finger tips together.

“Yes, as much as I could be at the time.” Jane replied, not wanting to lie, but equally knowing her absence would be questioned if she didn’t try and admit she wasn’t as ready as she believed. “Though in hindsight, I wasn’t as ready as I thought so I took it upon myself to stay away for a while longer.”

“How about physically?” Cavanaugh’s eyes narrowed slightly.

“Pretty much as good as new. Final stitches came out yesterday and I don’t need any physio. Ribs are still a bit sore, but I can at least breathe without it hurting.” Jane replied, feeling on slightly more solid ground, although she still shifted nervously in the chair at her Captain’s appraising stare. Finally she took a deep breath. “Can I ask, why the interest?”

Cavanaugh nodded slightly. “To be blunt, we’re short staffed. Some kind of bug is running rampant through the squad, and frankly we’re overwhelmed at the moment and there is no-one to spare even from other departments to help, cause they are in the same boat we’re in. I want to know... are you fit and well enough to come back, at least on a temporary basis, even if it’s desk duty to help? I want complete honesty here, Rizzoli; I’d rather you said no and we continue as we are if you feel you genuinely can’t do this.” 

Jane looked surprised. “Can I make a call, I’ll need to check in with someone first.” She replied, knowing she would have to talk to Simon about this development, and just hoped Maura didn’t go off on her if Simon cleared her to do what was being asked.

“Can I have an answer in the next couple of hours?” Cavanaugh asked, assuming Jane was referring to Maura, knowing their M.E. was currently in court.

“Sure, don’t see that being a problem.” Jane agreed, standing up to mirror Cavanaugh’s actions. “I should have an answer pretty quickly.”


	23. Chapter twenty three

**Chapter twenty three**

Jane practically bounced back into the bullpen, having already phoned Cavanaugh to confirm she would be able to come back, on the strict instructions it was desk duty only. Simon, while cautious had also agreed to her returning if it was for a few days only to begin with and he would evaluate it with Jane later. He had also requested that Jane make sure Maura was available as much as possible, allowing for her work, as well as giving Jane times he was due at the precinct should she need him at all. Frost and Korsak both looked up in surprise at her overall demeanor.

 

“Someone been feeding you too much sugar again, Rizzoli?” Korsak teased, smiling in response to her shit-eating grin.

“Bite me!” Came the retort as she settled down at her desk. “If you must know, I’ve been asked to come in and do some desk duty while you lot are dropping like flies around here.”

Seeing the surprised look increase, Jane couldn’t help the smirk that she wore widening.

“Does the Doc know?” Korsak asked, concern lacing his question.

Jane deflated slightly at the question, and Korsak shook his head. “She doesn’t, does she?” He rolled his eyes. “She isn’t going to like that you did this without talking to her first.”

“Hey, she isn’t my Mother!” Jane snapped back. “I can make decisions without her.”

Frost stifled a laugh, “Yeah, keep telling yourself that.” He then muttered as he moved, picking up a file as he went. “I’ve gotta go down to the crime lab. I’ll see you later.” and disappeared out of the room, leaving Korsak looking at Jane with a worried expression.

Korsak got up and moved over to Jane’s desk, where he then sat down. She glanced up at him, eyebrows raised. “You need something? Cos, last time I looked this was still my desk.”

“Maura told us what happened the other week, with the.....” Korsak said softly gesturing to his neck, earning him an incredulous look from Jane. “She didn’t mean to, something slipped and I pushed... and you know she can’t lie, not like that.”

“She had no right!” Jane said, her anger mounting. “Dammit, why does everyone have to get involved in my private life! Is nothing fucking sacred!”

“Jane, listen to me...” Korsak knew she was getting more and more angry, and wanted to try and get through to her before she hit the point where she wouldn’t listen to reason. “The Doc, she didn’t want to.... but, I’m glad she did, because it means I can ask... are you sure about this?”

“Absolutely... for fuck’s sake. Now if you don’t mind.” Jane growled and put her head down, signalling she was done with the conversation.

Korsak put a hand up to signal he wasn’t go to say anything further before retreating back to his desk. “Just go easy on the Doc when you see her later.” Was all he said as he settled down, and they then continued on with their work, both pointedly ignoring the other as they did.

 _Go easy on Maura, hell I’ll be lucky if she doesn’t skin me alive_ Jane thought, knowing Maura wasn’t going to be happy about the turn of events, even if Jane assured her she had been fully honest with Simon, and had only done it with his complete support. Pushing the worry to one side, Jane couldn’t help the smile as she began to delve in to work, usually boring, but right now, Jane didn’t want to be anywhere else. 

“You couldn’t just text me, or phone and leave a message?” 

Maura sounded angry, and Jane cringed as she turned slowly in her chair, and was greeted by Maura who looked as annoyed as Jane could ever remember seeing her.

“Hey, it was short notice. I called Simon and he cleared me. I’m sorry, but I...” Jane replied, trying to keep her voice low, aware others were still flitting around the bullpen, and the last thing she wanted was some kind of scene.

“Sorry...” Maura interrupted Jane, her anger spilling over even more, “is that all you can come up with? Do you realize I heard it from some clerk at the courthouse. How Jane Rizzoli was back at work... amongst other snippets of gossip going around.” Maura didn’t want to tell Jane they followed that remark up with ‘and now I know they bat for our team, I wouldn’t mind a piece of that ass.’ 

“I’m sorry! Okay!” Jane rolled her eyes. “Jesus, you’d think I’d committed a mortal sin. I knew you weren’t able to answer your phone, so didn’t call. Could I have sent a text message? Yes, but I honestly didn’t think about that, so I will apologize for that lapse in judgement, but don’t come in here having a go at me just because I’ve come back to work without your knowledge or approval.”

“I’m not angry about that!” Maura countered, even though she knew Jane had hit closer to home than she was currently willing to admit and she should be backtracking with this argument, but try as she might, Maura found she couldn’t. This was her problem, not Jane’s, but the pressure of the last few weeks caught up quickly and unexpectedly. Maura knew she wasn’t being fair, knew she was hitting out at the wrong time. None of it mattered. She finally understood the expression ‘seeing a red mist,’ and the idiom variants of that expression. All she wanted to do was verbally lash out, and Jane was her target. “You are once again being irresponsible, and I always seem to be the one picking up the pieces. How often do you expect me to keep doing this Jane? Answer me that.”

“Fuck this, I’ll see you back at your place.” Jane stood up, grabbing her jacket and stormed out of the room, leaving Maura standing in her wake, trying to process what had just happened between them.

Maura then got herself going, and within half a minute or so, was following Jane out. “Jane wait.” Maura then called as she watched the brunette disappear in to the stairwell rather than use the elevators. That’s when Maura knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that Jane was angry, upset, or, as in this instance, both. Looking at her heels, Maura inwardly chastised herself for wearing footwear that, while she enjoyed wearing it most of the time, there was occasion when it was totally impractical. Trying to follow Jane on the stairs, whether she headed up or down, was one such time, and would most likely lead to Maura falling, twisting or worse, breaking an ankle or other body part. She looked at the elevator display and knew by the time one arrived, she would be too far behind.

“Argh!”

Korsak walked around the corner in time to hear Maura’s exasperation, and slowed. “You all right there Doc?” He asked carefully, seeing she was obviously upset at something.

“If by okay you mean Jane and I have just had an argument, which by the way, I’m still trying to work out how it happened, even though I accept I could have behaved better when I first arrived; for Jane to just storm off and I was unable to keep up before we could sort through the problem... then... to use one of Jane’s favored expressions, I’m just peachy!”

“Wow.” Korsak looked shocked at the uncharacteristic outburst.

“I’m sorry.” Maura’s shoulders slumped as the last of the anger fuelled adrenaline left her system, knowing she had been irrational and had to shoulder most of the blame for the current situation. “It’s just been a difficult time, I overreacted, and this is one of those occasions where something had to...”

“Doc, don’t worry about it.” Korsak was quick to reassure, as he pressed the button to call the elevator. “Go, get back home and wait for Jane. She might even be there already.” Korsak then grinned in Maura’s direction, allowing her to relax further.

“Thank you Vince. I’ll do just that...” The elevator pinged as the doors opened, and Maura entered without a second thought, before spinning around and facing Korsak, a ghost of a smile crossed her face as the doors closed back on her, Korsak watching with a look of concern he tried to hide but failed. With a sigh he walked back to his desk, hoping that the two women were able to sort it out, and it didn’t become a bigger issue than it needed to.

* * *

 

Jane was slamming her fists into the dummy at her apartment, her breathing ragged as it pulled on her ribs, but she bit down and carried on pummeling the inanimate object. Her eyes barely darted to look sideways as she heard the door of her apartment opening, seeing it was Maura making her way in. Jane then focused all her energy back on what she was doing. She was then surprised to have Maura appear to the side of her, having quickly changed, and now also in her workout gear and protection on her hands that she left at the apartment for this sort of workout.

Maura threw a couple of punches of her own without saying anything to Jane, who had shifted her stance slightly to allow them both room enough to continue what they were doing. “You told Korsak and Frost about the night I...” Jane didn’t say any more and hit harder than she had been, her anger obvious.

Maura knew immediately what Jane was referring to. “As I’m sure Vince or Barry would have also told you, that wasn’t intentional.” Maura’s fist flew out, and she vaguely became aware her knuckles stung slightly, even with the protection across them.

“Korsak told me, and that’s not the point!” Jane replied, stepping back enough to rest for a minute, wiping the sweat out of her eyes using her one forearm. “You should have told them it wasn’t any of their business.”

“Jane, really.” Maura also stood back sounding exasperated. “You know as well as I do I couldn’t have done that. I’m sorry they found out, but I expressly told them it was not to be discussed again, and I trust both of them implicitly not to tell anyone else.”

“Like I trusted you not to tell anyone?” Jane snarled, as she threw out her left arm and struck the dummy with all the force she could muster.

Maura then moved and stood between Jane and the dummy, a look of contrition on her face. “Vince and Barry aren’t just anyone Jane. I made a mistake, for which I have apologized, and I’m continuing to apologize for. I am also sorry for losing my temper with you at the precinct. Nothing you did deserved that reaction from me and it was my own problems surfacing and unfairly taking them out on you ..... Now, do you want to tell me what this is really about?”

Jane’s eyes widened as she stepped back, pulling the sparring gloves off as she went, which she then chucked down onto her couch, before moving towards the kitchen where she pulled a chilled bottle of water out of the fridge. She was about to slam the door closed, but sighed, and opening it all the way back open again, got a second bottle. She handed it over to Maura who had now also removed her gloves, and having tidied up Jane’s discarded gloves off the couch had sat down.

Jane slowly lowered herself to sit alongside Maura, and closed her eyes, settling back against the cushions on the couch, before tipping her head back. She sat there for several minutes, while Maura just allowed her the time to regroup.

“I’m scared.” The confession that finally came out was barely a whisper, and it made Maura’s whole body clench, part in dread to hear Jane admit her fear, but also in pure love. The last time Jane had confided such a feeling was from Hoyt, so Maura knew just how badly this was affecting Jane.

“Scared about what?” Maura’s question was soft and she also maintained a small gap between them, sensing that Jane would not want physical contact just yet, and would initiate it when she was ready.

For someone who came from such a tactile family, Maura always marveled how cut off Jane could be when others were trying to offer her comfort, that her pride didn’t allow her to show weakness. She knew it was a direct result of always having to prove herself, and Maura always thought it sad that for someone who could be so loving, and offer hugs and touches to those who needed it the most, that something was always held back on occasions like this, just when Jane needed comfort the most. She also knew how privileged she was to even be allowed in. Now was the time for patience, and that was something Maura had in abundance.

“Us and... me, not being able to keep you safe, Sue’s killer, the survivors guilt. People thinking I’m hard-hearted because I have feelings for you so soon after Sue’s death... Hell, I’d think that too if it was someone I knew in the same situation. How do we move forward? When is the right time to move forward, when do we hold back?” Jane replied, wiping a tear from her eyes, then blinking hard, managing to stop a fresh onslaught of tears. “Not being able to do what I truly want to...” Jane’s voice trailed off as she was unable to articulate the last words needed.

“What do you truly want?” Maura asked, her own voice still soft, as she watched Jane shift slightly so she could face her.

“You.” The confession was hardly made, as Jane ducked her head down, before she finally looked back at Maura, more determination in her eyes. “I want you. I want us and right now I’m not sure how long I can wait for it to happen, even knowing the emotional shit such a move would stir up, not just for us but with others.”

Finally, Jane closed the distance between them, and Maura chanced being able to place a hand across Jane’s knee loosely. Jane meanwhile draped an arm across the back of the couch, dropping it down across Maura’s shoulders almost shyly, and putting her water down, moved her free hand and rested it on Maura’s, still across her knee.

“Are you comfortable?” Maura asked, keenly aware of Jane’s feelings of uncertainty over the state of their relationship, and wanting assurance as much for herself that this was okay.

Jane smiled, “I’m good.” and not waiting for a reply, leaned in and kissed the side of Maura’s head, before moving her hand, and gently pushing a few strands of loose hair around Maura’s ear.

The movement brought out a small smile on Maura’s face, who unconsciously snuggled in a little more. Jane shifted position, allowing Maura to squirm in closer, using Jane’s shoulder to rest her head. Maura’s eyes drifted shut as she inhaled the scent that was uniquely Jane, savoring the moment of peace, which had been so lacking for them both since the accident. Maura knew, this was the most relaxed and open Jane had been since losing Sue, and she was determined to savor every single second, knowing that emotions could mean Jane could drift away from her again almost as quickly.

Jane felt rather than saw Maura settle in to her, and she couldn’t help the smile erupting across her face. Whatever she felt, ultimately she knew this felt right, and how could she deny those feelings as any less valid? She knew she couldn’t, and perhaps, now was the time to begin moving forward, albeit slowly, instead of skirting around the whole issue.

“Tell me what you’re thinking?” Maura’s request brought a smile to Jane’s face.

“That after that dream,” Jane didn’t need to elaborate, since they both knew it was the one triggered by the PTSD, “I suddenly realized I could lose you, and I might not have had the chance to tell you how I feel. If Sue’s death should have taught me anything, it’s that life is too short to worry about the ‘What ifs’” Jane’s voice was laced with humor, “I can understand your reluctance to use the expression now.”

“Hhmm, exactly. I don’t like to use that expression because it calls for supposition, and your point is also valid.” Maura replied after a heart beat of thought.

Jane couldn’t help the chuckle, “See, this is one reason why I love you. I say something and you still manage to bring in an explanation that wasn’t needed. Sometimes it doesn’t hurt to take something that is being said on face value.” Jane’s voice was teasing, and her comments earned her a lighthearted slap on the forearm. Maura sensed the change in Jane’s posture before she even began to speak again.

“I don’t want to waste another minute. It might have been a dream, but the thought of losing you petrifies me. It scares me far more than the worry about what others might think. Being here with you, right now, it’s what I’m supposed to be doing. Only a short time ago, I was making plans with Sue, and while I love her with all my heart, I also know what we share is different, and I’m pretty sure if Sue were able to tell me so, she would understand. I know we would have been together for a long time, and it’s likely you and I would never have been, but that doesn’t mean I’m belittling her memory either. I know I want my future with you. The good, the bad. The hugs, the fights, the making up afterwards...” Jane lowered her voice at the last part, making Maura shiver involuntarily, which didn’t go unnoticed by Jane, who couldn’t help by make a note of the reaction. Jane turned so they were now looking directly in each others eyes. “I love you Maura. I am completely and totally in love with you, and if I am being honest, I have been for a very long time.”

“Oh Jane...” Maura could hardly talk, she was so overwhelmed with the emotion from Jane’s declaration. “I’m in love with you. Kiss me.”  

Maura looked hesitant, almost self-conscious at the request, which Jane found adorable and without hesitation, moved in and kissed Maura. It was tender, an affirmation of their words, nothing more was needed, and after a short while they pulled apart, and Jane just rested her forehead against Maura’s.

“I cannot express what your words mean to me.” Maura’s words were still soft, as she tried to recover from the assault on her senses that were reeling. Maura had known many kisses in her lifetime, but none had rocked her to the core like the one she had just shared. She truly was finding it hard to articulate her feelings, and so could only think of one thing, and that was to move even closer to Jane, if that was possible.

Jane moved enough to thread her fingers through Maura’s hair, and for now was content to sit, allowing Maura to rest against her shoulder, feet drawn up onto the couch. She felt more at peace than she had done for a very long time. Having Maura here, it wasn’t unusual, but because they had finally allowed themselves to express how they felt without either feeling the weight of guilt that had been there on other occasions, it meant Jane felt contentment she’d not experienced since Sue’s death. Maura here, in her arms. It felt so... right. Jane then smiled as Maura slid further down, now resting in her lap, as sleep claimed her. While Jane might have usually joined in and slept, right now she couldn’t and her mind wandered at will. She thought about Simon, how he had been insistent that Jane would find this balance, and how she hadn’t believed him - until now.

The cell phone broke Jane out of her reverie and she jumped slightly, as the sound seemed unnaturally loud in the now silent apartment. Jane looked apologetic as she pulled the phone towards her ear as Maura woke up, a slight frown creasing her face.

“Rizzoli.” Jane’s answer was as crisp as always, although Maura watched as her face drained of color. Jane didn’t say another word as she listened, before ending the call.

“They have found the vehicle that hit William, and a body inside it.” Jane said, as she caught her breath. “You’ll be getting a call...”

Jane didn’t get to finish her sentence as Maura’s cell began blaring, and she picked it up quickly. “Isles.” Maura continued to watch Jane with some concern.

“Jane you can’t come with me.” Maura sounded exasperated as she came out of the bathroom, having grabbed a very quick shower, reapplied her makeup and changed back into her usual clothes. “Korsak phoned you out of courtesy only, you know even if you promise to stay in the car, you cannot come to the scene. It could compromise any evidence we might find. You weren’t allowed to see the first SUV when it was pulled into evidence, and this is no different.”

“I’d only just got out of hospital when that SUV was found, so I couldn’t see it even if I wanted to.” Jane countered angrily.

“Nor were you allowed at the scene when Frost called with the location where that SUV had been kept.” Maura reminded Jane, keeping her voice level, not wanting it to escalate in to an argument unnecessarily.

“You were stitching my leg back up!” Jane said, although with less anger than before. “I couldn’t have gone there either time because of injury.”

“You couldn’t have gone because you wouldn’t have been allowed.” Maura sighed, and placed a hand on Jane’s one forearm. “Jane I know this is frustrating for you.” Maura ignored the snort of derision from Jane. “It must be doubly frustrating because as a detective, this is what you do, and right now you can’t. Surely you have to also remember that Sue deserves closure, and that means you have to follow the rules, whether you like it or not.”

“That’s hitting below the belt bringing Sue in to it.” Jane’s voice faltered as she fought the tears that were threatening. “Dammit, I know I can’t go, but it’s just so damned annoying. I feel useless.”

Maura began to move towards the door. “Go back to my place, and I still have those files you copied.” Maura delved into her purse, bringing up a bunch of keys, and swiftly removing one, she put her hand out, offering it to Jane, who took it carefully. “This will unlock my filing cabinet where I put them.”

Nodding, Jane gave Maura a smile and a whispered “Thanks.” as Maura then turned and disappeared out of the door. She looked down at the key, having curled her fingers around it, and taking a deep breath began to get her things together, before heading back to Maura’s, grateful that Maura had given her the opportunity to at least do something, even if it wasn’t what she would have hoped for initially.

 


	24. Chapter twenty four

**Chapter twenty four**

Jane sat on the couch, her chin resting on her hunched up knees, and she didn’t even bother to look up when she heard Maura’s keys rattling in the front door.

Maura walked in, and was immediately concerned when she saw Jane’s posture, and dropping her purse and keys, she came over to the couch, and sat down alongside the brunette.  She could then tell Jane had been crying, and judging by the pile of Kleenex off to the side of where Jane was sitting, a lot of tears had been shed. Maura then glanced over the side of the couch, and could see the files that Jane had taken out and obviously read spread out across the dinner table, some post-it notes sticking out, other loose scribbled down notes of Jane's strewn throughout the pile.

“God Maura, I made myself read...” Jane’s voice, which was scratchy from all the crying she had done, faltered. Jane blew out through her lips and started again. “I read all that Ellie did to Sue... it … Christ!”

Maura moved and without a word, gathered Jane up in her arms. Jane didn’t protest, allowing herself to be pulled into the warmth and security of Maura’s body. “Do you want to talk about it?” Maura finally asked.

“No.” Jane’s reply was firm, and she pulled out of the hug slightly. Seeing the questioning look on Maura’s face, she took a breath. “Seriously, not right now, no I don’t want to talk about it, because I don’t know if I can. What I do want to do is catch whoever is doing this, and if Ellie is behind the deaths I want to nail her ass to the wall.” Jane got up and moved back over to the table, pulling out a couple of sheets with notes already attached. “Look at this, for the most part she had one arresting officer, I didn’t see it first time around. He made the reports out, and they were never as heavily influenced on the facts as they should have been. It meant when it all went to the prosecutor's office, they most likely didn’t look too closely at the pictures and other supporting evidence, but read his report first, and seeing his reports downplayed a lot of what actually happened, probably thought it wasn’t worth trying to achieve a conviction of any kind. Throwing it out because it’s not severe enough.” Jane tossed the papers back on the table.

“Do you know who this officer is?” Maura had also stood up and was now standing alongside Jane, a hand on her arm.

“Nope. Different state.” Jane rubbed her temples with her finger tips. “And they aren’t going to take too kindly to a big brash Boston Cop coming in asking about one of their officers without good reason, other than that, his reports are as thorough as they should have been.”

“Can Barry go looking electronically without alerting them?”

“I have absolutely no idea.” Jane began to move picking up the papers she’d just released, stopped, then turned around, pulled Maura along by her elbow. “Come on. Where was Frost when you left him?”

“At the precinct.” Maura replied, a frown crossing her face. “What are you doing Jane?” The question was carefully phrased, and Jane could tell Maura wasn’t overly happy with what she was about to do.

“You said it yourself, can Barry go looking electronically? Let’s go find out.” Jane said, as innocent a smile as she muster plastered on her face.

“I didn’t mean right away.” Maura said, flustered. “This isn’t what Simon was talking about when he said you can come back to work.”

“Oh for god’s sake Maur...” Jane was now at Maura’s front door, tugging her jacket on. “It’s this, or I stay here, with it all running through my head, getting me more and more agitated and upset.” Jane cocked an eyebrow. “Which would you prefer?”

Frost looked up from his desk as he heard Maura’s heels on the floor. “Doc, I thought you had....” His words drifted off as he saw Jane was walking ahead of Maura, before she grabbed a chair and in one fluid motion was sitting on it, facing him.

“Frost. Just the person I want to see.” Jane said without preamble, as Maura shoot him a look of apology finding her own chair to sit down.

“You do know I can’t give you any information right?” Frost pointed down to the file that he had open and was now carefully closing.

“I know.” Jane said, a smile creeping on her face, making Frost shift nervously in his seat.

“You do, good, that’s...” Frost frowned. “So what do you want?”

“I need your help.” Jane carefully handed over the paperwork she had quickly gathered at Maura’s, which she had shoved into a manila folder of its own. “I want to do a background check, very much on the down low. Think you can do it for me using that fancy computer of yours?”

“It’s nothing illegal is it?” Frost asked as he took the file, which he put on on top of the one already on his desk, not opening it.

“Barry, have we ever asked you to do anything illegal before?” Jane’s voice was light, and teasing.

Frost took a deep sigh. “Damn it Jane, I don’t know why I do this sort of sh.. “ He stopped and gave an apologetic shrug to Maura, “stuff for you. What is it you want?” Frost paused. “By the way, while it’s pertaining to the case, thought you might be interested, the dead body in the SUV... It’s the politician.” Frost suddenly changed tact, earning him a look of surprise at the non sequitur from Maura and Jane.

Jane’s eyes then shot up at the name, and Maura simply looked confused and asked. “The politician?”

“He’s one of these people who is suspected of a lot of stuff.” Jane quickly began to explain. “You need something from less than squeaky clean sources, he was the one to go to. Could supply pretty much anything. Old school in many ways, by all accounts he wouldn’t deal with gangs. Kids want to blow themselves up, fine, but he wasn’t going to be part of it... But individuals or the mob were his mainstay.” Jane watched as Maura flinched at the mention of the mob, and placed a comforting hand out on to her knee, knowing it was reminding her of Paddy Doyle. “He was a crook, someone who had fingers in a lot of pies, but was very careful and we just couldn’t pin anything on him. His nickname came about when someone said he was as slick as a politician. Nothing would stick. The name stuck though.”

Frost snorted a laugh at Jane’s feeble attempt at a joke, and she flashed him a warning look to show it wasn’t that funny. He quickly cleared his throat. “Yeah, anyway... As I was saying, he’s our DB. I can only think that whoever is behind all this bought something from him, and for whatever reason decided he was a threat.”

“Do we know where he was operating from?” Jane leaned forward in her chair as she asked the question.

“Not telling you.” Frost said, a slight warning in his tone. “I’ve given you more than I should have already, but since I know it’ll be all round the station tomorrow, I thought it was only fair. His death is causing a lot of ripples. There was talk that I would be taken off this and it handed over to Major Crimes.”

“What?” Jane yelled before remembering where she was, and lowered her voice. “He’s dead, murdered - we’re homicide. It’s linked to one of our cases. What the hell? Tell me it’s not gonna happen!”

“I don’t think so. Cavanaugh put up a pretty good argument earlier. They were saying if they could track some of the politician’s movements that they might be able to make some arrests. I think they agreed that if we find where he was operating from, and we find any information that gives up his client list, they can have what isn’t relevant to our case. I don’t know for sure, but that’s what I’m hearing. At least what Korsak is hearing, cos he knows the Lieutenant longer, got the contacts. I know Cavanaugh would fight some more if they are going to try any underhanded tricks to get it taken from us.”

“Good for Cavanaugh, he’s not gone too far over to the dark side.” Jane muttered, as she unconsciously rubbed the scars on her hands using the pads of her thumbs, which Maura noticed, a sure sign Jane was either deep in thought or worried about something. Maura carefully moved a hand across to grab the nearest one of Jane's, who looked at her with a slight expression of surprise. Maura merely tilted her head towards Jane’s hands to show what she had seen, and understanding blossomed on Jane’s face, who dropped the free hand in her lap.

“Have you got any possible locations?” Jane then asked, as Maura slowly removed her hand from her grip, not wanting to draw attention to the fact they had just been holding hands.

“Some, Frankie is on patrol with some others doing some knocking on doors.” Frost fiddled with the file Jane gave him. “So, what is it you wanted from me?” He stopped and suddenly looked back at Jane sharply. “Oh you are good. I’ve given you information about what we know on where he operates from. Good Jane, but that’s all you’re getting from me.”

Jane couldn’t help the shit eating grin that crossed her face as she blew across her knuckles, before swiping them across the top of her chest, a smug expression firmly in place. “Learn from the best Frost, learn from the best.”

“Yeah, whatever. Korsak tells me the same shit, both of you can’t be the best.” Frost said back, before picking the file up and waving it front of him. “So, what do you need?”

“I need you to look up someone.” Jane shifted position slightly so she was nearer to Frost, less likely to be overheard. “I’ve got a possible connection to Ellie. Trouble is, he works in another state - and is a police officer.”

Frost couldn’t hide the look of surprise on his face. “Korsak and I plied through these files.” Frost sat up a little straighter. “Hey, how did you get hold of copies...” He slumped back in his chair again. “You know what, never mind.”

“That’s what I like to hear. If it makes you feel any better, no, Korsak didn’t give them to me either.” Jane said, as she pointed back to the file, her impatience beginning to show. “So, can you find out about him?” 

“What did you find?” Frost opened the file and pulled the paperwork out, and began reading, as Jane explained she wanted him to look at the reports carefully, and see if he saw what she did first, explaining that if he did pick it up, it wasn’t just wishful thinking on her part.

“I thought you were confident you were right?” Maura said, looking perplexed.

Jane looked back at Maura. “I am.” she assured her quickly. “It’s just I want to see if Frost picks it up as well, because it really does show I’m thinking the right way. I won’t have to convince him then either, which is always better.”

Frost finished reading and looked back up at Jane and Maura, who were both looking at him expectantly. “I think you’re right Jane. These reports don’t tally with the rest of the evidence at all. If an ADA or DA looked at the file, and just skimmed the initial police report, they would throw it out as being a lost cause, insufficient evidence. Whoever wrote these reports knows the system. That the DA’s office is overworked and understaffed and would glance at the first papers, to gauge the likelihood of conviction. Unless one of the detectives or officers involved in a case began to ask questions as to why they weren’t prosecuting, this would go no further.”

Jane sat back in her chair. “So there’s a dirty cop helping Ellie. I want to know why? What’s their connection. You don’t do this kind of shit just for someone you might know. There has to be a deeper connection, or she’s got something on him she has used as blackmail. If you can, I want to know if there are similar cases he’s worked on, and if he has done the same thing, or if it’s just Ellie. I want to know what the hell he ate for breakfast if you can find out that much! Dammit Frost, I want to know if he sneezes!”

“If he uses a card to pay for breakfast, I can at least give you an answer to that.” Frost said, standing up. “C’mon, we need to go to the computer room and use the mainframe system for this.”

Maura and Jane followed Frost down the now quiet corridor as the night shift had well and truly begun, with only a bare minimum of staff now on duty. They nodded acknowledgements to people they knew, all with a feeling that they were finally on to something.

Frost quickly sat down at a particular computer, which he booted up, and began to hit various keystrokes, as Jane perched on the edge of one desk, legs splayed out, arms folded. Maura sat down on a chair, between the two of them. They watched as Frost pulled up various information about the officer they were looking at.

“Average career to date.” Frost began, “Nothing out of the ordinary. Oh and he had coffee and donuts for breakfast.” 

“Ever the stereotype.” Jane said, with a laugh, as Maura looked over to her.

“But Jane, you have coffee and donuts.”

Jane’s posture slumped a little. “Your sense of humor still needs some tweaking there genius.” eliciting an ‘Oh’ from Maura who looked back at the screen. “So, we know he likes Dunkin’ Donuts. What else you got in that magic box of tricks Frost.”

“Wait.” Frost hit some more keys. “Here’s something.”

Jane straightened up as she began to read what Frost was bringing up. “Well I’ll be damned! Looks like there is a connection.”

* * *

He looked up as his cell rang, and seeing the number, he frowned as he answered. “What do you want?” he asked gruffly.

“Hey, nice to speak to you to asshole.” Ellie said, with a snarl. “I’m saving your ass, that’s what. I’ve just got a ping someone is looking at your information electronically. Now what you got to say about that?”

He went from almost horizontal to vertical in seconds in the armchair where he had been slouching, with a beer in hand. “What do you mean, someone is looking at me electronically?”

“Just what I said. Coming from Boston Police Department. Looking real carefully at the files and our connection as well. Thought you might like the heads up, cos I suspect you’re going to be getting a visit from your IA anytime if they see what I think they are gonna and decide to put a report in to your department.”

“What the hell have you done this time to make someone from Boston PD come sniffing at my background?” His voice was suddenly filled with anger as it began to dawn on him he could be in some serious trouble.

“What makes you think it’s something I’ve done?”

“Cut the crap Ellie. You said it yourself, they are looking at our connection, and since you’re in Boston and I’m not....” He crushed the now empty can of beer one handed, wishing it was Ellie’s throat his hand was wrapped around, before throwing it angrily against the wall of his apartment. “So what have you done?”

“Nothing that concerns you.” Ellie replied, “Now, I’ve got to go. I just thought I would give you the courtesy of knowing some shit might be about to rain down on you.”

Ellie cut the connection, before looking at her computer. “Fucking idiot. Now, what do we have here?” her attention was immediately back on what she had found out as she had powered her computer up in the early hours after she got in having been out for some fun on the town. “It seems Detective Rizzoli,  I may have underestimated you. Now, what do I do about you?”

* * *

 Jane pulled Maura against the wall the second the elevator doors had closed, and Maura gasped as Jane lent in, giving her a kiss.

“Jane, not here.” Maura admonished her halfheartedly, earning a deep chuckle from Jane as she rested her head on Maura’s shoulder.

“Who’s gonna see us Maur... no-one is ever in this early... “Jane began to nibble across the exposed skin of Maura’s neck, drawing a slight gasp from Maura. “Just a few dead people, who are all nicely tucked away in their drawers. I’m going to miss you today.” With last night’s connection made, Jane had slept better than she had in ages and her libido was responding in kind.

“I thought we were taking this slowly.” Maura replied, before finding the strength to push Jane away from her enough to keep Jane’s hands on her hips, but nothing more. “This is hardly taking it slowly.” Maura then stifled a giggle as Jane began to playfully pout.

“Fine, I’ll leave you to your dead people.” Jane said, with a wink, before kissing Maura on the cheek, and instead of the elevator, she headed to the stairs. “I’ll see you later.”

“Text me.” Maura yelled after the brunette just as she disappeared through the doors that lead to the stairwell, a quick wave showing she had heard what Maura had said.

Maura took a deep breath before turning around, and began to head towards the locker room, deciding to change into some scrubs and begin the first autopsy while it was quiet. She was suddenly drawn to a noise from by the doors leading into the morgue.

“Hello?” Maura called out cautiously, feeling a little unsettled. Suddenly a woman appeared, seemingly out of nowhere, causing Maura to jump, startled by the intrusion.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to make you jump.” The dark haired woman looked apologetic, and her head dipped slightly. “I was told I could come here to identify my uncle. He was brought in yesterday.”

Maura frowned. “I’m sorry, I wasn’t told that any relatives would be making identifications this morning. Normally it wouldn’t be here, but in a special room designed for such things. Whoever sent you down here should never have done so, but given you a special contact number or given you the contact of the detectives handling the case. If you follow me, I can arrange it from my office.” Maura began to head towards her office, but was stopped in her tracks as the woman moved position, effectively cutting her off.

“I just want to see him. We weren’t all that close, but he’s the only family I’ve got left. I just need to see him, to know...” Tears began to appear, and Maura’s stance softened. “I know he was a criminal, but he was the only link I have to my mother.”

Maura slowly nodded, and moved towards the drawers housing the bodies. “Can you tell me more?”

“He was found in an SUV, apparently murdered. I don’t know any more than that.” the woman replied, her voice faltering.

Maura swung around at that snippet of information, the sudden unease she had felt earlier returning, and in the corner of her eye, she was suddenly aware that the baseball bat that she kept in the morgue was about to make contact with her head. She managed to duck to avoid the vast majority of the blow, but it was enough for her to be knocked sideways, and lose her bearings.

“Sue was mine, no-one else deserved her.” Maura heard the words being shouted, as her arms came up automatically to try and protect her head, and she heard the bone in her one arm crack, and for a second the sound alone made her feel sick.

“She was mine, and now Jane Rizzoli is going to pay.”

Another blow, this time to Maura’s midsection winded her completely, and her arms dropped automatically as they wrapped around her torso. Just as quickly another blow came in, this time connecting to the head fully, and the last memory Maura had was seeing the woman's face, contorted in rage, and the bat coming in again, as she fell to the floor, darkness staking its claim.

“Frost, I’m gonna head down to the morgue. I’ve sent Maura a text wanting to know if she wants some coffee, and she’s not answering.”

Frost nodded as Jane put her phone back on its holder, before disappearing downstairs. She knew it hadn’t been long since she had left Maura, but she was missing her already. She got to the doors, and swinging one open, she stepped inside the morgue, suddenly very aware something was wrong. It was too quiet for a start. Jane knew that even if Maura was simply on her computer in the office, a computer would be running in the background, doing some tests on something for her, and that Maura’s office door was closed, which never happened when Maura was working. She pulled her gun out of its holster, before carefully walking in.

“Maura?” Jane called out, scanning the room as she went. She suddenly saw some blood splatter, and her heart went cold. She stepped in closer to where the blood was, and as she rounded one of the metal autopsy tables, her heart stopped.

“MAURA!” Jane shouted out, putting her gun back in the holster quickly before falling down onto her knees, initially just looking on in shock at the battered woman who was now on the floor, blood pooling out around her. Jane moved her hands, but hesitated and they hovered above Maura’s prone body, suddenly unsure whether to touch Maura or not. She pulled her phone out, and quickly dialed dispatch, ordering an ambulance and telling them that Maura had been attacked, and to lock the place down. She then quickly dialled Frost and as he answered, she simply yelled “Get down here now!”

Jane dropped her phone, which clattered to the floor, before looking back at Maura. Her hair was soaked in her own blood, more red than dark blonde, face swollen and barely recognizable. Jane could see one arm had at least one compound fracture, and for one split second, Jane was transported back to the accident, and her last remaining memory of Sue.

Swallowing hard, Jane tried to recall all that Simon had taught her during their sessions, knowing she was close to a flashback episode if she didn’t. Blinking rapidly, Jane finally managed to get her hands to move, and reaching out, she felt around Maura’s neck, and let out a sigh of relief when she found a thready, weak pulse. She then saw the baseball bat discarded on the floor just a few feet away, covered in Maura’s blood and hair, and it took all of her strength not to throw up, as she felt the bile rise.

“I will not be sick.” Jane muttered, as she tried to assess Maura’s injuries, but it was practically impossible to see through the blood, swelling or bruising that seemed to be showing up on every exposed piece of skin on her body. It was then Jane saw a piece of paper, with blood partly soaked though. She got up and quickly grabbed some gloves from a nearby box, hearing the ding of the elevator doors and Frost’s shout.

“In here.” Jane shouted back. “Maura’s been assaulted.” The words felt thick in Jane’s mouth, and it took all her concentration to pluck the note out of the blood pool. She read the words, and almost dropped it back where it had come from in shock, before the anger poured through her.

_Sue was mine and you obviously didn’t love her, why else would you be kissing this harlot. This is a warning. Stay away from the investigation._

 


	25. Chapter twenty five

**Chapter twenty five**

Ellie stormed into her small apartment, anger coming off her in waves.

 _I can’t believe I lost control, I was only going to see Doctor Maura... argh... I can’t even think of her name, that hussy... I just wanted to gather information about that bitch Jane Rizzoli, because I could see they were friends, but as I stood there in the shadows, watching as lips met, and hands roamed... how dare they! How dare they defile the beauty of Sue’s soul. In a morgue no less? Have they no conscience or shame? I know I shouldn’t have reacted, it was stupid of me. Sue, I hope you can forgive me, but they were.... it was disgusting and I had to show her the error of her ways. That she couldn't behave in such a manner without punishment._

If words could be spat out in someone's mind, that was exactly what was happening to Ellie right at this moment. Her mind was spinning with the events that had just happened.

_She kissed another woman, having professed she loved you Sue? How could you love someone but then be kissing like that, declaring love like that so soon afterwards? I understand? Sue, Sue, Sue... I told you no-one else could love you like I could. They both need to be punished. It isn’t enough that I discipline just one of them. I promise you Sue, I will exact revenge for you. Neither deserve happiness for betraying your memory like this._

Ellie then began to move more into her apartments living room and she began to pick up random items, before throwing them at whichever wall she was facing at the time. Some  things broke, others merely rebounded, fueling her anger further, and she picked them up again, only to have them repeatedly thrown until either the item gave way and finally broke, or the wall did. She didn’t care, destruction was what she needed right now. She could hear shouts from some neighbors to keep the noise down. She yelled back for them to “Mind their own fucking business.” adding to the chaos of her apartment.

Her fists clenched and unclenched rhythmically. While her nails were short enough for them not to break the skin on the palms of her hands, the sheer strength and repetitive nature of the action was now causing bruising to appear where the fingers kept coming in to contact with the softer tissue of the palm, but Ellie was completely oblivious to the damage being caused. The only pain she felt was the constant burn of anger and the need for revenge. To avenge, and show Sue the respect she so rightly deserved. Her jaw muscles continually worked, tightening and then loosening, teeth ground together but none of it mattered. Finally the fists came out, and she began to pull things off the walls, as a mirror tumbled, shards of glass, fracturing like her current life. The few generic pictures that came with the apartment also hit the floor, their glass fronted and wooden frames splintering and cracking in to pieces. Mugs, plates, even her beloved computer got swept up in the storm of emotion, before she finally collapsed on to her knees, energy spent, unable to carry on, but her mind was still plotting, still bent on retribution. She didn’t even register the sharp pain where the broken glass which now adorned the entire apartment dug in to her knees. 

* * *

 

Jane watched as the EMT’s began to work on Maura, before suddenly lurching towards the sink, the same one where Frost did what Jane was about to, and that was empty her guts. At least, what little was in there, and it came out in a violent, acidic eruption, the likes of which Jane had never experienced before. Frost watched on, sympathy etched on his face, as he also fought down the emotion of seeing Maura on the floor so helpless and injured. Jane’s retching became nothing more than harsh dry coughing, and she finally reached out and turning on the faucet, she stuck her head underneath the cold water that flowed, partly to rinse off her face, but also to try and shake her body from the shock she was feeling. Finally, she rinsed the water around her mouth as she pulled away from the cascading water, spitting it out as she did. She pulled her hair back, hardly aware that some was damp where the water had caught it, as she tied it up in to a ponytail.

The EMT’s were just finishing getting Maura stabilized as she walked back to the scene, as other officers and detectives began to pile into the morgue. Some because they had heard the news, and were so shocked they found themselves drawn there, others, on the orders of Cavanaugh, to begin the investigation. The EMT’s looked up as Jane marched over, determination on her face.

“I’m coming with you.”

“You can’t....” The one EMT didn’t even get a chance to finish as Jane stepped up in to his personal space.

“I... Am...Coming... With...You!”

He swallowed and nodded, partly out of sheer fear, but also not wanting to waste valuable time trying to argue, when they needed to get to the ER as quickly as possible. “You sit where I tell you and do exactly as I say.” the words sounded stronger than he felt, as he inwardly cringed at the anger shining back at him, a resoluteness and steely grit coming from darkening eyes.

Jane didn’t reply, but simply watched as the gurney was hoisted in the ambulance and locked into position. She then hopped in afterwards, hearing Frost shout after her that he would let Korsak, Angela and Frankie know and meet up at the hospital, and sat down on the narrow bench seat indicated to her. “Can I hold her hand?” Jane suddenly asked, the fight leaving her for a second.

The EMT then saw the fear, love and vulnerability that crossed Jane’s face, and he carefully brought one of Maura’s hands out from under the blanket. “Just be careful of the damage there.”

Jane swallowed hard as she clasped Maura’s hand as hard as she dare without causing any problems. She watched as the EMT continued to work, his movements practiced and assured. For some reason she kept thinking how lucky it was that Maura had fallen sideways onto the floor, so she hadn’t choked on her tongue or from the blood that had pooled from the various cuts adorning her face, lips and mouth. _Lucky, fucking hell, I can’t believe I’m thinking Maura was lucky!_ Jane shook her head, and refocused her efforts on Maura. The EMT finally sat back a little, obviously unable to do much more until they got to the hospital. Jane wasn’t even fully aware of the lurching, noisy progress they were making, she was so fixated on Maura.

“She should be okay.”

His voice sounded strange to Jane’s ears, and she suddenly felt the anger returning at his false platitudes. “She was hit with a fucking baseball bat. How the hell can you say she’s going to be okay! You can’t know what the damage is...” Jane bit down her anger, as she glared across the narrow space. “No one can know. Not yet.”

“I’m sorry, but she should really be okay. We don’t think there is any real damage to the brain...” He stopped speaking as Jane’s glare intensified. “But you’re right, until they can do complete scans and x-rays, it won’t be known for sure.”

Jane turned her attention back to Maura, and with her free hand, she gently pushed some of the matted hair away from her ear. Leaning in, Jane whispered. “I love you, don’t you dare give up, you hear me Maura. I don’t know if I could recover if I lost you as well.” Jane wasn’t even aware she was crying until a tear rolled down, and fell, splashing against the skin on her hand. “Besides, who’ll protect me from Ma. I love you Maura Isles, so very much.”

Jane sat back as she felt the ambulance pull to stop, and heard the drivers door swinging open. Within seconds, she watched as they unfastened the gurney from its clamps, and were wheeling Maura into the ER, heading to a trauma room, as she tried to keep up. She followed, but was suddenly held back by a small, but strong arm that shot out in front of her waist.

“I’m sorry, but you can’t go in there.”

The voice was soft and understanding, and Jane looked, her eyes blinking rapidly as she tried to take it all in. The nurse who had stopped Jane frowned, concern showing.

“Come on, I’ll take you through to where you can wait.” Jane was then calmly, but very strongly pulled along another corridor that intersected where they had been standing, and within a minute, she was being shown into the large main ER waiting room. “You need to book your friend in.”

Jane looked up towards the reception area. “Yes, of course.” She then stumbled towards the counter, and was stopped once again by the nurse who had accompanied her.

“Sit down, before you fall down. I’ll get the relevant paperwork. I’m Judy by the way.” A hand came out, and Jane shook it.

“Jane.” Was all she could say, her eyes beginning to glaze over slightly and her body began to shake uncontrollably as she sank down into a chair, watching Judy walk away.

Coming back, Judy dropped the papers she had on the floor next to her, as she reached out to touch Jane’s arm. Not getting any response, she turned around to reception and asked they get a gurney or wheelchair. She could tell Jane was in acute stress, a reaction undoubtedly caused by the sight of Maura and her injuries. It wasn’t long before they had Jane in a cubicle of her own, a doctor making sure she wasn’t in any immediate danger, despite not responding to stimuli and showing some signs of disorientation.

Frost came in to the ER with Korsak mere steps behind him. They didn’t see Jane, and immediately headed to the reception desk, showing their badges. They both then sat down, expressions of shock on both faces as they heard that Maura was being treated, but that Jane had also effectively collapsed. They also looked down at the paperwork that still needed to be filled in, both a little unsure of what use they could be.

“Someone has to tell Angela because we didn’t get chance before we left.” Korsak suddenly said, “I’ll do it.”

Frost sighed and shot a look of thanks. “Listen I’ve got an idea. Didn’t Maura say Jane had seen the department shrink?”

Korsak looked at him carefully. “Yeah, why, what you thinking?”

“You think it might help Jane if we give him a call, see if there is anything he can do to help?” Frost fiddled with his phone, just to keep his hands busy. “Might not come to anything, but they said what’s happened to Jane is psychological.”

“Nah, they said she should be okay in a bit, and they had someone looking after her.” Korsak replied, “Don’t want to make it worse for her, you know. Might need Cavanaugh for some of the information from either of their files though to fill this damned paperwork in. Dammit, Jane or Maura would be filling these in without a problem, and now they are both...”  Korsak stopped, and took a deep breath. “Times like this, you realize just how much their lives are tied to each other. I don’t think either of them could cope without the other now.”

Before Frost could say anymore, Angela, Frankie and Tommy all barrelled into the waiting room. Angela spotted them sitting down and ran across to where they were.

“Maura, they said she was badly beaten. How is she?” Angela then looked around. “Where’s Janie?”

“Jane’s had to be taken in for a little bit. She’s suffering with some form of shock.” Korsak said, and on seeing Angela about to launch herself towards the reception, knowing she would be demanding to see Jane, he stood up and quickly put a hand out on to Angela’s shoulder, stopping her. “She’s going to be okay, but she needs to be treated before we can see her.” He said softly.

Frankie and Tommy both began to pace, each looking worried and stressed. “I heard over the radio what happened. Got hold of Ma and Tommy and we came right over.” Frankie began to say, needing to break the silence that had fallen over them. “They said Maura was beaten up real good. It’s all anyone is talking about.”

Frost swallowed hard, as he tried not to think about what he had witnessed. “Yeah, it wasn’t good to see. They roughed her up...” he stopped, fighting back his own tears.

“I’ll fucking kill them.” Tommy’s threat came out as a low growl, as he twisted his hands together. “Whoever did this, I will fucking kill them, with my bare hands.”  

“Thomas Antonio Rizzoli you will do no such thing!” Angela said, her voice raised, “Maura wouldn’t want you to do something like that.”

Tommy shot a look at his mother, before he sat down a little way from everyone else, his face dark with anger. Frankie looked at him, and then his Mother, and decided to move towards Tommy, sitting alongside him.

“Ma’s right you know, Maura wouldn’t want us to do anything.” Frankie said quietly chancing a sideways glance at his brother, who merely grunted.

Suddenly a doctor appeared, and talking to the reception, made his way over to the group. “Family of Jane Rizzoli?” He asked, his voice low.

“That’s us.” Angela shot up out of her seat. “How is she? Can I see her? What’s wrong?”

The questions were rapidly asked, and he quickly put a hand up, with a slight reassuring smile. “She’s fine. She’s come around again and I’m satisfied she’s going to be okay. She had a shock, and in effect her body itself shut down mentally for a little while. I understand Jane lost someone close to her recently, Sue?”

“Yeah,” Korsak was the one to answer. “Shook her up pretty hard.”

“I didn’t know Sue, but I believe she was a nurse in this very ER. I only came here last week, but I’ve heard of Sue, and the story behind what happened. To have this occur so soon afterwards was just a shock to Jane’s system. I’ve said she can discharged as soon as the paperwork can be completed and I’ll make sure she is sent back out to you. I just advise you, don’t try and bombard her with too many questions and as much as possible to keep her calm.”

“What about the Doc?” Korsak suddenly asked, “Doctor Maura Isles.” he amended quickly when he saw the look of confusion.

“I’m sorry, I’ve not been privy to her treatment. I’ll see if I can find someone who might be better able to give you an update.” He looked at his watch. “If you’ll excuse me.”

“Thank you.” Angela clasped his arm with her hand, a look of pure relief on her face knowing Jane was okay, followed by anguish at the thought that Maura was still being attended to.

Jane walked out into the waiting room, still feeling the effects of what she could only describe as yet another mini-breakdown. Her memory of the events were patchy at best, but she had been reassured that some amnesia wasn’t uncommon, and she wasn’t missing any vital pieces of memory, only parts of what had happened once she had arrived at the hospital once Maura had been brought in. Seeing her family, Frost, Korsak and an ever increasing presence of various police officials, she took a deep breath and began to walk over. 

Angela sprung up out of her chair, and was flinging herself in to Jane’s arms as quickly as she could, Jane catching her, so they didn’t topple over, a faint blush rising as some people began to look. “Geez Ma, any chance you can bring it down a notch?” Jane asked quickly, earning her a glare.

“I was worried about you!” Angela replied sternly, although she did back out of Jane’s arms, but not without brushing some imaginary lint off Jane’s sleeve first. “If a mother can’t be worried about a daughter, I don’t know who can.”

Jane sighed, allowing her mother to rant on a little, as her eyes swept around, taking in the serious faces of everyone there. She then realized her mother was no longer talking, but pulling Jane towards the seats. “That doctor that saw you, he said he’d try and send someone out with a report on Maura.” the words from her mother finally filtered into Jane’s brain as she sat down, a look of understanding and sympathy from Frost and Korsak respectively. She tried not to look at them too much, finding it too emotional.

“Anyone called Constance?” Jane suddenly asked, looking around.

“I called her.” Angela said, “As soon as I heard. She’s in New Mexico at some art gallery, but was going to fly back as soon as she could.”

Jane rapidly blinked, her surprise obvious. “What?” Angela queried, recognizing the surprise from Jane. “We talk. On the phone. We’ve become good friends.” Angela supplied, as if everyone was aware of that.

Jane looked across at Frankie and Tommy, with a slight movement of her hands and tilt of the head, trying to silently convey ‘Really? Did you know?’, who both shrugged, both equally surprised by the news that their mother and Constance Isles had become friends.

* * *

 Jane watched as everyone else left the room, including Angela, who had arranged with Korsak to meet Constance once she flew in. Small murmurs of support and messages to be given were heard, as well as the occasional light hand on her arm. Jane took a deep breath as the last person filed out, closing the door behind them quietly.

“God Maura, I thought Ma was never going to leave.” Jane tried not to look at the swollen bruised face that somehow belonged to Maura as she settled down on the chair next to the bed. The colors of the bruising where the eyes were swollen was the most livid purple Jane thought she had ever seen, but she was determined to look, to let Maura know she was there, even if Maura couldn’t see.

Jane carefully put her hand out, resting it on Maura’s mindful of the battered hand, where it had been used in defense, to shield from the blows. Jane had been told that they were amazed that no bones had been broken in the one hand at least. They could only surmise her left hand had been covering it, thereby taking the brunt of the damage, and it was also the left arm that had a compound fracture that they had stabilized in theater.

Because of the damage to Maura’s hands, the I.V’s had been moved higher up in the crook of the arm, so at least Jane didn’t have to worry about disturbing those as her hand then moved, so it would fit underneath Maura’s, palm to palm, before she gently laced their fingers together.

“You didn’t tell me Ma and your mother had become so tight,” Jane said, shock still registering in her voice at the news. “I’m here because when the nurses threatened to kick me out, Ma was on the phone to your mother, and next thing I know, there’s some jackass from the board, coming down with profuse apologies and that I was to be allowed to stay, as long as I didn’t interfere with any treatments. Like I’d do that.” Jane chuckled a little, trying to distract herself so she wouldn’t cry. “Ma went off on at him, saying how dare he imply I would interfere. Korsak had to step in to get her to quiet down. I’m still not sure if I’m horrified by the fact that our mothers worked in cahoots, scared by what they could come up with next, or actually a little proud of them. Perhaps it's a little of everything. Oh and your mother is flying in, and they will bring her here as soon as she lands.”

Jane did finally wipe her eyes as tears threatened. “They say there is some swelling on the brain, but nothing too much, and they are pleased it isn’t worse. Said it was low to moderate, on the scale they use, whatever the hell that is but didn’t expect it to cause any problems. They say they are keeping you under for at least a day anyway, to let your body heal. You’ve got some broken ribs, but amazingly no internal bleeding or damage. They seem to think you’ve got some bruising on your kidneys and liver, but they assured us it was all going to repair just fine. It’s gonna hurt like a bitch, but you’ll be okay.”

Jane let out a long breath. “Fucking hell Maura, I’m so sorry. I know you’d be telling me it isn’t my fault, but I can’t help but feel responsible, ya know. The good news is, they lifted prints, and we know without a doubt now this is Ellie, and a BOLO has been issued. Cavanaugh has also been talking to the San Diego Police and Trevor Rollins is being interviewed. Apparently they kicked up shit to begin with, but when Cavanaugh showed them the stuff we’d got, and that Ellie had attacked you, they began to change their tune. Things are finally moving in the right direction. We’re going to get the bitch.” Jane faltered, as she listened to the hiss of the oxygen supply that was being delivered via a face mask, intermingled with the steady beep of the machines monitoring Maura. 

“I know they don’t plan to wake you up ‘til tomorrow at the earliest, but I’m still not going anywhere. I can’t do anything on the case, and I need to be sure Ellie isn’t going to try and come after you again. We’ve got an officer on the door, but I need to be here Maur... I need to feel like I’m helping. I wasn’t there for you last time, I’m not going to make the same mistake. I will keep saying it, I love you.”

Jane finally began to feel tiredness creeping up on her, but still she held Maura’s hand, occasionally wiping errant tears from her cheeks, watching over the one person she knew she couldn’t ever survive losing.


	26. Chapter twenty six

**Chapter twenty six**

Korsak and Frost got off the plane, and quickly gathered their bags. They had taken the earliest flight, determined to get this done as quickly as possible, and knowing that while Maura was still critical, she was no-longer considered in danger, and showing signs of recovery even though she hadn’t fully woken up yet. Jane had also insisted they do this. They made their way to the car rental hire, and picking it up, drove to the hotel they had been booked in to. They had a few hours to sleep, before heading to San Diego PD in the morning. 

Putting a large coffee down on the desk in front of him, Frost sat down alongside Korsak, both with hardened expressions. “So, Trevor,” Korsak began, opening his file. “I know you’ve had a little chat with your IA department and others here, but we also need some answers.” Korsak then slowly looked up, and could see a slight nervous tic appear on the one eye of the disgraced police officer sitting opposite them. Korsak wasn’t even trying to hide the contempt he was feeling. “Where is Ellie Johnson?”

“I don’t know, I swear.” the answer tumbled out, Frost and Korsak both noticing the light sheen of sweat that was also now breaking out across his forehead. “I’ve already told them this. All I know is she’s in Boston. She doesn’t always give me that sort of information. Hell I’ve not seen her in ages.”

“Okay, so let’s assume we believe you, what can you tell us about Ellie?” Frost asked. “Like, we know you both went to the same children’s home, but why? Why do what you’ve done to help protect her?”

“I don’t know.” Trevor’s head slumped for a minute, before he looked back up. “She just had a way, you know. Made me feel guilty if I didn’t help her cos, you know, you only had each other in that place. It wasn’t much to begin with, just altered a report, and I can’t even remember what it was for now. Then she just kept asking for more, and saying she would say something if I didn’t continue to help her. It spiralled out of control for me, and I didn’t think anyone was really getting hurt.”

Frost and Korsak both had to fight down their mounting anger.

“So you didn’t think this was hurting Sue?” Korsak said, disbelief in his voice as he opened a file and threw across one of the pictures taken of Sue in the hospital after a particularly brutal attack. He then threw across another picture. “Or how about the attack on our Chief Medical examiner, who is the sweetest woman you’d ever want to meet!” 

Trevor’s eyes wouldn’t meet the pictures, and Frost reached over, so he could thrust the picture of Maura in the hospital right in front of the eyes of the man sitting across from him. “I had to watch her being picked up off the floor in her own morgue, wondering if she was going to be back there, not working, but on one of the slabs! Being cut open by another medical examiner!” Frost threw the photo down angrily. “She’s one of us! She is more than that, she is also our friend, not that you would know the meaning of the word. Now, you are going to tell us everything you know about Ellie, and I mean everything. What are her favorite foods, what she likes to drink. Hell, even what her favorite color is. Whether when she farts, a tune comes out! Everything!”

* * *

 

Jane shifted position in the hard plastic chair that was alongside Maura’s bedside, trying unsuccessfully once again to try and get comfortable. Constance Isles meanwhile was on the one chair that actually was reasonably comfortable to sit on, Jane giving it up the moment she had walked in the room earlier that day.

“Thank you.” Constance looked across at Jane, whose eyes shot open wide in surprise.

“For what?”

“For being there for Maura. For making me realize what I was doing wrong as a mother. For giving me the chance to reconnect with Maura in a way, frankly, we’ve never had before.”

“It was nothing.” Jane shrugged her shoulders. “It’s what any good friend would do.”

“No, it isn’t.” Constance lent forward slightly, looking at Jane intently. “I know you don’t like to hear praise, that you feel uncomfortable when someone gives even the slightest hint of it towards you or your actions, but believe me when I say, most friends, even best friends, wouldn’t have stood up like you did.”

Jane shifted uncomfortably in her seat, not from the same discomfort as before; suddenly not liking where the conversation was going. She certainly didn’t want to be having the ‘I’m in love with your daughter’ routine while Maura was still in hospital. Hell, if Jane were being honest, she didn’t want to have that conversation at all, even though she knew it would have to happen at some point.

“I did what I had to do for Maura.”

“You love her.”

Jane’s face looked even more shocked, and she tried to fight down the panic those three words had elicited. Constance smiled at her and gave a slight tip of her head, reminding Jane of Maura and the action she’d obviously picked from Constance.

“I don’t expect you to say anything, but I can tell you love Maura, and she loves you. To be honest, I was shocked when I found out there was nothing more to your relationship other than platonic friendship when I first met you. I don’t want you to deny or confirm your love for her, since I sense a shift since then, but to just listen.” Constance watched as Jane merely swallowed hard then nodded slowly.

“I know over here relationships that don’t conform to the norm aren’t as accepted as some parts of Europe, but don’t let that fool you. In many places in Europe, a lot of very traditional values are still upheld. Despite that, I’ve lived and watched people in all kinds of diverse relationships grow and prosper. While I would be lying if I didn’t say I hadn’t dreamt of Maura getting married, having children and settling down, I also now realize she can do that with whomever she wishes. You are loyal, fiercely protective, loving and family oriented. In short, everything I would wish for if Maura were to settle down with another person. I might well be completely wrong here, and I am sorry if this is the case, and I’m making you distressed in any way because of it, but if there is more to your friendship, I want you to know, I couldn’t be prouder of Maura’s choice in partner.”

“Gah...” Jane stumbled for words, as she looked across at Maura, unsure quite how to respond to the last few minutes. “‘kay.” was all she could finally mumble, knowing her lack of reaction was confirmation enough as to how she felt. She was brought out her misery of Constance by the stirring of Maura next to them, prompting Jane to push the button to alert the nurses as she and Constance both stood up, each grasping a hand lightly, as still swollen eyelids began to flutter open.

* * *

Frost stood in the corridor, and Korsak watched as his face suddenly slackened, relief obvious. It was enough for Korsak to finally relax, knowing Jane would only be calling for one reason only at this stage - Maura.

“She’s awake.”

Korsak blew out a breath, and sagged slightly at two words that until now he’d only associated with Jane being in hospital. It felt strange for them to be affiliated with Maura under such circumstances, but their impact was no less important. He watched as Frost pushed his phone back on the holder attached to his belt, and they began to head out.

“Say’s she’s disoriented, can’t remember much from the day, only really waking up that morning. But already she’s improving.” Frost spoke up as they walked back towards their hire car. “Can’t say that’s such a bad thing, her not remembering. Hell, we’ve got all the forensic evidence we need and that bitch on CCTV from the internal security. So it means she won’t have to relive it, or testify. Hope it stays like that.”

Korsak settled down in the passenger seat, and nodded. “Yeah, something to be said for not remembering something like that. Jane say anything else?”

“Not much, just Maura’s gonna be in for some time yet or back at home to recover. Lot of healing still to do. The Lieutenant has given Jane pretty much free reign to stay with her as long as needed. She’s ordered to stay off the investigation.”

Frost smirked as Korsak snorted at the last part, but they didn’t say more as they headed to their hotel, relieved to be flying back via the next available flight to begin tracking Ellie down. Even though they both knew there was still a lot of work to do, they both began to feel they were finally headed in the right direction, and not just spinning around in the wind like pieces of paper being tossed around in the breeze.

* * *

 She walked, not taking much heed as to where she was going. She was more intent on just releasing some of the pent up energy that was still surging through her body. Trevor, as she had suspected would happen, was already under arrest and no doubt singing like a canary. The hospital had also been a no-go once she saw the sheer number of police swarming around the corridors, so walking it was - for now. Walking and thinking. She spotted a stone on the sidewalk, and with deliberate thought she kicked out, knowing from years of experience that she had to strike it just right, since it was large enough to hurt if she got it wrong. She watched, with no real satisfaction, as it tumbled across the surface in uneven bounces, coming to rest only a short distance away. Sighing, she continued, as ideas began to form in her mind.

Her first call was to someone who she knew could arrange for a computer that was to her specification. At school, teachers and pupils alike had often called her stupid, but once she left, she had discovered that she could do one thing with ease. Computers were like an extension of her, and even when she was tackling something new and unknown to her to do with computing, it never took more than a few hours to grasp the concept and figure it out. Hardware, software, both were easy for her.

She was pissed at her loss of control, which had resulted in her damaging not only her laptop, but also the more powerful tower unit and separate server she had. The server she was able to repair, the rest was too badly damaged. She also now wished she hadn’t taken the politician out of the picture. Whilst she knew she would be able to get the items she needed from other sources, it would take longer, and present more risk of being traced. Ellie stopped as she came up alongside an entrance to Louisburg Square. She paused, before moving on, her destination not far - It never ceased to amaze her, despite the wealth, how diverse Beacon Hill was as a neighborhood, but that also helped her move around and be noticed less. Doctor Maura Isles couldn’t live in a better area as far as Ellie was concerned.

* * *

 “Janie, Vince is here.” Came the high pitched, but at the same time low nasally shout from Angela as she disappeared towards her domain, the kitchen.

Although in Maura’s guesthouse, having been sent to her home by Maura herself on the pretense of getting some items for her to help her through the hospital stay, Jane was under no illusions. It was as much a ploy to get her out of the hospital, and while she would never have admitted it, she’d enjoyed taking the time to shower and change in the main house, before coming across to the guesthouse. The days camped out in Maura’s room had left her feeling pretty rank and in need of freshening up, and deep down, Jane knew Maura was right to effectively kick her out. Knowing Constance was with Maura allowed her to go without feeling guilt at abandoning Maura to the boredom Jane knew a hospital room brought.

It was therefore a surprise, that the way Angela had called out to her, she suddenly felt like she was ten years old again; as Korsak’s body filled the front door, blocking out the sunlight as he stood in the open doorway. Jane was instantly reminded of the times where the same words would be shouted, with the exception of the name - and for a while during one summer it was the tall, gangly frame of William, Sue too young to be around her older brother, filling the frame of the doorway of her childhood home. The irony wasn’t lost on Jane as she moved towards the door, grabbing the already packed duffel bag she’d tossed down in the small hallway only minutes earlier. 

As Jane adjusted the handle in the grip of her hand, she heard the distinctive footfall of her mother approaching from behind, again reminding her of the many times she had done it while Jane was growing up. Then, it had been accompanied by the insistence that Jane had sunscreen and insect repellent on in the summer; gloves, hat and her thick coat on in the depths of winter. Then, as now, Jane would often try and shrug her mother off, insisting she was fine with what she had, and squirming out her hold, would make a bolt out of the house before she could be embarassed further. In this instance, her exit was blocked by the unmoving Korsak, so Jane stiffened, ready to meet whatever fate Angela had decided upon.

Jane tensed even more as she heard the clucking of Angela’s tongue as she approached them knowing Angela was in fully fledged Ma mode, and afterwards as she thought back to the following minutes, she was aware she had hidden her surprise remarkably well as her mother’s arm had shot out past her, pushing a container of some kind into the one hand of Vince, who didn’t have chance to hide his shock at her actions. This was Angela in full on, no-holds barred, you are not going to argue with me attitude, and Jane knew when her Ma was in such a mood, it rarely ended well for her. It was while thinking back, that Jane also suddenly realized that for once, she had come away from the encounter relatively unscathed. That in itself was a rarity to be savored.

“For Maura. That hospital food is no good. Cos I know she ain’t gonna be eating anything much more for now, it’s soup - asked at the nurses station and they’ll heat it. I would get it warmed up in the microwave in their room for Janie when she...” Angela’s voice trailed off unable to verbalize about the shooting, and she cleared her throat. “Well, you know. I checked, they are happy to do the same thing while Maura’s in there.”

Vince could only nod mutely, as another, much larger container was pushed into his free hand. “And this is some pasta and sauce for you all. Should be enough for you, Janie and Constance. Ask for cutlery while you're there. They gave us some last time for me and that no-good husband of mine.”

Jane knew her reprieve was over as she felt, rather than saw her mother beginning to move so she was actually in Jane’s line of vision.

“Tell Maura I’ll be by later today when I finish work. I’ve got to go in for a few hours this afternoon.” The disapproval in Angela’s voice at being made to work was obvious. “You make sure you look after her, you hear me!”

“Ma, really?” Jane huffed, shaking her head.

“Yeah, really.” Angela put a hand out and without warning patted at the corner of Jane’s collar on her button down shirt. Jane knew for a fact it didn’t need patting down, and that it was a natural reaction on her mother’s part to fuss. She also knew when to let it drop so didn’t react, allowing her the mothering moment. “You look after yourself as well. Already bad enough with Maura in that hospital bed, I don’t want to hear you’ve collapsed from exhaustion.”

“Sure Ma.” Jane replied quickly with a roll of her eyes, hefting the bag in her hands again, before nodding quickly to Vince, who took the hint and turned around, disappearing back out to the small courtyard, before looking back over his shoulder.

“Thanks for these Angela, I’ll make sure they get delivered.”

“Make sure you do!”

Without another word, the door was shut on them firmly, and they made their way towards Vince’s cruiser with slightly shocked expressions. Once again, Jane was brought back to her childhood. She couldn’t stop the chuckle as she thought of something, causing Korsak to raise his eyebrows in her direction as he began to drive back towards the hospital.

“Wanna tell me about it?” He finally asked as Jane sat with a grin on her face.

“Just thinking that people say I can throw myself around like a tornado, but you know what, I’ve got nothing on Ma!”

Korsak bit back a laugh and could only nod his agreement as Jane turned slightly in her seat, her eyes drawn to the outside world as it went by at varying rates of speed, depending on traffic. Ellie was still out there, but despite that, Jane finally felt herself beginning to relax for the first time since she had discovered Maura in the morgue. Vince inwardly smiled, pleased to see Jane relaxing, finally.

* * *

 She pushed past a pile of comics on the floor. She knew she was a nerd in many people's eyes, but she didn't care and at the moment, She-Hulk was her heroine. Hell, she could stand up for herself amongst the best of them, often getting into fights that didn't concern her because of it. The bed springs emitted a squeak, making her wince slightly at the annoying sound as she moved.

 School had ended, so kids were all over the place. In the park, on the sidewalks. She couldn't help the smile erupting as she remembered her own look back at the graffiti covered wall buildings that housed her school as the holiday finally arrived. How she felt liberated, finally able to let go even if then she still hadn't realized just how much a leash she and others were on. It still felt as if they were free and teenagers playing in an adult world. Everything she wanted, everything the adults around them tried to protect them from, even in the holidays. was finally there for her to reach out and take. Vacation time was spent doing her own thing, not visiting family or going on road trips.

The world was there, shadowy and waiting to be investigated. Excitement built in her stomach as she fell back in the corner of a building, becoming a shadow of her own. Ready to pounce, ready to take on the world.

She watched as two boys walked past. Both as different as could be. One had a head full of flame red hair, and freckles that seemed to adorn just about every part of his exposed skin. He was stocky, but not overweight. Just muscle and she sensed he played a lot of sport in his spare time. His companion on the other hand was thin, with a floppy mop of blonde hair, unruly as his friends, but where the red hair looked deliberately styled to look casual, the blonde mane of hair simply looked tangled and unkempt in comparison.

Where the freckles also gave way to some color in the form of a tan, the blonde's skin was almost a sickly stark white. Yet, it was obvious these two were the best of friends, despite it all. Showing that even with all the differences, there was an unflagging bond between them. Something others would wonder about, privately question, but ultimately, not be able to understand, nor break.

She smirked as she fell in step behind them, her actions deliberate and careful. It was already a warm day, and she knew today was heading towards a hot one, with temperatures forecast to be well into the nineties. Yet she didn't mind. Heat was something she enjoyed - it was the cold weather that she hated with a vengeance. She stopped those thoughts as she began to fall back a little, not wanting to alarm anyone. The last thing she needed was someone to think she was following them. After all, children alone still raised alarm bells if there was anyone around them looking suspicious, even if they themselves were a child. Gangs meant people didn't trust others, whatsoever.

She rounded a corner and came up towards an area that had more tree cover. The boys still ahead of her, as they continued completely unaware of her presence. She shook her head slightly, as she spotted a slight dip in the earth by her feet. It reminded her of when she had dug down as a young girl, having found a spade on the ground nearby. She had simply wanted to know what was beneath the turf, and had been disappointed that it was nothing more than dirt. Dark to begin with, before turning stickier and more gray in color as she began to find the layers of natural clay beneath.

She had been told off for coming back so dirty that day! She quickened her pace, suddenly not enjoying that memory as much. She also then realized her feet were on softer ground. This was obviously an area that despite the long hot summer, still remained damp underfoot. She watched as the boys slowed, and then, before she could do anything, one tripped and fell awkwardly.

She rushed forward, taking the chance. As she approached, she saw tears running down grimy cheeks, leaving track marks in their wake. She knelt down slowly, aware of moisture that was settling in to the denim of her jeans from the still soft ground.

“I think I've broken it.” The blonde boy wailed, and as she looked down, she could see his right leg was indeed at an awkward angle. It was definitely broken.

“I'll go get you help.”

 “No. Please....” The boy's companion pleaded. Taking a second, she nodded before kneeling back down again.

It was then that she saw the boy looked odd. Not just pale and slightly unruly as she had guessed, but there was something else, nagging away at the back of her brain, trying to get her attention. It was like a hornet had been let loose in her head, and it was buzzing around, demanding she listen to it, but she wasn't able to do anything more. Shaking her head, she looked down again, only this time to see the boy was indeed different.

His ankle was visible between the worn black and white chucks he was wearing and his own jeans. There was no skin, the bone beneath standing out like a chalky outcrop. Yet there was no bleeding. No signs of trauma, and it was if he wasn't at all bothered. She moved her eyes, once again bringing them level to his own, and she shivered.

His hands, they were suddenly the hands of an adult, and the buzzing increased. Sweat began to pour down her face, her neck, arms, chest, back. Just about everywhere felt as if there were rivers of sweat pouring from her. She fell back, landing on her backside, as she began to scramble backwards. The eyes followed her every move, as the second boy just vanished from her view.

 “Hello Jane, did you miss me?” 

The scalpel appeared out of nowhere, swishing so close to her face, she felt the shift in air pressure.


	27. Chapter twenty seven

**Chapter twenty seven**

Maura watched, helpless as Jane jerked around in the hard plastic chair close to her bed, obviously trapped in some kind of dream. She let out a breath as Jane suddenly woke up, her limbs flailing as she did so.

“Jane.” Maura hated that her voice sounded so weak, but she was pleased to see Jane wasn’t so disoriented that she didn’t hear her.

“Maur..” Jane’s voice was raspy and thick with emotion. Maura immediately knew that the nightmare had been a bad one.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

Jane stood up and dragged the chair closer, so she could sit down but be close enough to gently clasp Maura’s hand.

“Not really. It...” Jane looked down at her hand covering Maura’s, the scar visible and involuntarily shivered. “Hoyt. Just Hoyt.” Without thinking, Jane reached across and carefully held the glass of water and straw up so Maura could take a drink, which she did gratefully, her throat still sore and dry from the intubation tube.

At that moment, Korsak knocked lightly on the door, before slowly walking in. His smile was wide as he saw Maura sitting up in bed, albeit still obviously very battered and bruised, failing to see Jane having to compose herself.

“Hi Doc. How ya doing?” he then asked as he got closer, his face showing his relief to see Maura not only awake, but obviously alert and improved beyond recognition from when he’d last seen her, albeit still obviously very battered and bruised.

“I’ll be fine. It’s going to take a little time to recover, but nothing that won’t repair itself.”

“Good. That’s good.”

Jane’s eyes narrowed as she watched his actions and could sense there was something there. “Korsak, what’s up?”

He shuffled his feet. “Look, it’s nothing.”

Jane stood up and grabbed his shoulder, pulling him away from the bed. “Don’t give me that crap. What’s up?” She hissed.

“I’ve just come from the Doc’s. Angela went in the main house for something, found it was ransacked. A real mess. Stuff broken, cushions slit open. Reminded me of...” Korsak faltered, and Jane realized he was referring to the time Hoyt and his apprentice had got into her apartment. “You know.”

Jane spun around, looking at Maura quickly, who was watching them intently, before turning back to face Korsak. “What the hell Korsak? Is this Ellie?”

“Looks like. Fingerprints were lifted and a partial matched. Like I’ve said, place is a mess. She must have been in there just after we left. It’s been processed, so Angela and Constance were cleaning it up and I headed here.”

“Any leads on getting this bitch? Anything at all?” Jane ran a hand through her hair in frustration.

“Not right now. Listen, you get back to the Doc. I’ll leave you to tell her if that’s okay?” Korsak rocked on the balls of his feet, before peering over Jane’s shoulder and sending a reassuring smile in Maura’s direction.

“Yeah. Listen thanks for coming and telling me. You call me the minute you’ve got something!”

“Sure thing.” Korsak walked back to the bed, and leaning in, laid a light kiss on Maura’s cheek. “You take care Doc, and Jane will bring you up to speed.”

“Thank you Vince.” Maura smiled as best she could, her face still not quite healed enough to allow her facial muscles to fully comply with the request.

Jane moved in once Korsak left the room, getting settled back on the chair and holding Maura’s hand again. Without preamble, she spoke up. “Your place has been ransacked. Korsak said a partial was linked to Ellie. I don’t know the full damage, but... it sounds like you’re on her radar for now, so I’m not letting you out of my sight.”  

Jane glanced down as she felt Maura’s fingers tightening on her own, before looking back at her, seeing the seriousness reflecting in her eyes.

“Jane, you and I both know that it is positively impractical to keep me in your sight all the time.” Maura brought her other hand up slowly, just enough to make her point before allowing it to fall back down on the bed again. “Please listen. You can’t promise me something that you know is impossible.”

“Then I’ll get Korsak, Frost and Frankie to help!” Jane’s voice beginning to show the anger that was slowly building.

“Jane.” Maura’s voice hardened slightly, knowing it was the only way she was going to get Jane to listen to her. “You and I both know that it doesn’t work like that. I’m not saying I’ll refuse someone keeping an eye on me, but I’ll be in places that won’t allow that sort of presence. What happens when I need outpatient physical therapy? Or I need to go to the Doctors? These are all locations that I simply can’t allow personal guards in with me, no matter who it is. And this is just off the top of my head. You know there’ll be considerably more like that.”

“So, we get you home visits” Jane replied firmly.

“Now you’re being ridiculous.” Maura finally allowed her own frustration to show. “Besides I just want to go home and relax once I’m discharged and I can’t do that with someone hovering over me the whole time.”

“What?” Jane almost tipped her chair over as she stood up, letting go of Maura, and began pacing the length of the bed, throwing occasional glances in Maura’s direction, chewing on her lower lip. “No, no way. You’re staying at my apartment until Ellie is out of the picture.”

“I refuse to be run out of my own home Jane.” Maura replied, her own voice still holding firm. “Besides...” Jane stopped as Maura’s voice drifted.

“Besides what?” Jane sat back down. “Maura, c’mon, I’m not a mind reader.”

“It’s not important.” Maura suddenly deflected. The last thing she needed was to tell Jane the primary reason for not wanting to stay at her apartment was it still obviously held very strong memories for Jane of Sue, and she just couldn’t be around that at the moment.

Jane’s eyes shot up. “If you’ve thought of something else, it’s obviously important here!” Jane countered. “Jesus, sometimes trying to get something out of you is like pulling teeth. Just tell me Maura!”

“I’ve told you, it isn’t important.” Maura hated that she wasn’t able to give as pointed a look as she might otherwise have done. She sighed and thought about her next words carefully. “Jane, I... as much as I love being with you at your apartment, there is nothing better than being around your own things while recuperating.”

“Maura, your place has been trashed or have you forgotten this! That’s hardly conducive for a restful recovery at home.”

“I’m hardly going there today - or even tomorrow. I’m sure by the time I’m ready to be allowed home, our Mothers will have ensured that it’s clean and won’t show any signs of the mess.” Maura replied with another sigh.

“Yeah and there will still be some reminders Ellie was there. Hell, you know when Hoyt and his asswipe sidekick got into my place that there was stuff damaged beyond repair that I couldn’t replace. I can’t believe for one second you won’t face something similar.” Jane sagged back down on the chair, glaring slightly at Maura as she settled.

“I refuse to be run out of my own home Jane. I accept there are likely to be some reminders of the intrusion, but at the same time, it will still be the best place to aid my recovery.”

“So what? You're really saying my apartment isn’t relaxing!”

“Jane, now you’re being stupid. I’m saying nothing of the sort.”

Jane’s eyebrows rose and she stood up again. “Really?”

“Jane, please can we at least accept that we don’t agree, and leave this for the moment. I’m too tired and upset to get into any kind of argument about it with you.” Maura suddenly realized she was genuinely exhausted as she began to gently lower the head section of the bed, needing to try and rest.

“I’m not letting this drop Maura.” Jane’s voice and posture softened, also seeing just how tired Maura was. “But for now, we’ll just agree to disagree.”

“That’s better than nothing.” Maura’s voice was weakening as her body succumbed to the tiredness and sleep claimed her.

* * *

Korsak looked up with surprise as Jane strode into the bullpen, where she headed straight to his desk, sitting down alongside him.

“Frankie’s with Maura.” Jane said, seeing the question forming on his lips. “So, got any information for me?”

Korsak shook his head slightly. “Jane you were ordered off this case, you know I can’t give you anything.”

“Come of Vince, don’t give me that bullshit.” Jane leaned in closer. “You and I both know you’re gonna spill eventually, so cut the crap and just give it to me already!”

“Got something...” Frost stopped short as he realized Jane was swiveling around to look at him. She slowly turned back to Korsak her head tipping slightly sideways.

“See I told you; you have something. Good timing I’d say.” She twisted back to look at Frost who was still standing there. “Well, you gonna tell us what you’ve found, or have you just realized your balls have finally dropped.”

“And she’s back.” Frost muttered as he saw Korsak’s nod, so he approached and handed over the file he had to him.

“You gonna tell me where you were and what you were doing, or am I gonna have to twist those newly dropped puppies to get the information.”

Frost visibly winced at the visual Jane’s words had elicited, as did Vince. “I was in the brick.”

“So you found something?” Korsak asked before beginning to flip open the file and read.

“Yeah, might have a trace on Ellie.”

“What!” Jane shot out of her seat. “Well let’s go!”

“Jane sit down.” Korsak said, reaching out with a hand to her forearm, stopping her. “It’s not a done deal.”

“But Frost said he’d got a trace on Ellie.” Jane sat back down.

“An electronic trace.” Frost clarified. “But I’ve haven’t narrowed it down to a physical location yet.”

“When we interviewed Trevor, he gave us information that Ellie was a whiz on computers.” Korsak added quickly, seeing the confusion still etched on Jane’s features. “Says Ellie called him the other night, said something about having a trace on our system and realized we’d done a search on him.”

“When I was here the other night.” Jane murmured. “So what, she’s hacked our system?”

“Yeah. Gotta say, she’s good...” Frost paused with a smirk, “But I’m better. She got in, and like I’ve said, I’ve got a trace, and I’ve left a program running to keep tracking it back. I’m sure we’ll get a physical address soon.”

“That good news. How long do you reckon it’s going to take?” Jane asked the question before Korsak had time to even blink.

“Dunno.” Frost admitted, pulling up his own chair to sit down. “I’m reckoning on a few hours. I’ve got my phone set to ping when something happens.”

“So, apart from that, what else you got?” Jane directed the question back at Korsak, who in turn settled back in his chair, straightening his tie automatically.

“Not a lot. The partial from Maura’s is a definite match to Ellie. Had them double check it old school with the magnifier and a person actually doing the check. Came up with the same result. When we get her, I wanted to make sure this was airtight. Gotta give her this, she’s kept off the radar. No known associates, or known locations that we can find. Least not here.”

“Dammit.” Jane began to chew the edge of her thumb. “But she’s making mistakes. Her emotions are tipping the balance right now, she’s become careless.”

“Jane what are you thinking?” Korsak sat back upright, suddenly looking worried recognizing the look in Jane’s face and knowing he didn’t like what he was seeing. This was reckless Jane emerging.

“I’ll be back later.”

Ignoring Korsak’s question Jane jumped up and was running out of the bullpen.

* * *

 “I would strongly recommend you don’t do this.” Simon looked serious as Jane stood up and began to pace.

“But you agree, this could bring Ellie out of hiding? And that by rattling her cage, she’s going to make mistakes that she wouldn’t otherwise. If we do it this way, we’re controlling the situation.”

Simon sighed. “Jane, please sit down.” He watched and waited as Jane frowned, before slowly lowering herself into the seat on the other side of his desk. “While I agree that something like this would be enough to unsettle someone like Ellie, you also have to remember that she is unpredictable. You cannot fully control the situation, no matter how well you plan it. It’s risky and since Maura is already in Ellie’s crosshairs, you are going to be placing an even greater burden on her. That’s even if she would agree to something like this.”

“She’ll agree.” Jane huffed. “I just can’t stand the thought of us reacting all the time to Ellie. I need to take some control back.”

Simon eyebrows raised. “You really believe Maura would agree to this?”

“Not right away, no.” Jane finally admitted as she wilted a little under Simon’s gaze. “But I’m sure she will once she gets all the facts.”

“Like the warehouse and shooting of Doyle? That was supposed to be a straightforward operation.”

Jane immediately shot up from her chair, fists balled. “That is nothing like this. There was someone who we didn’t allow for, and that was fucking Agent Dean. If he hadn’t turned up, none of that would have happened.”

“And that is precisely my point Jane. It was because of someone you couldn’t have possibly allowed for. Nothing about these sort of events is as clear or as tidy as they are planned out to be. There is nearly always some kind of issue you can’t legislate for.”

“You know what, fuck this.” Jane threw a hand up in frustration. “You and I both agree we can get Ellie to react. Thereby giving us the chance we need to capture this bitch. So you know what, I’m going to do this, with or without your help.”   
  
Simon could only watch as Jane then stormed out of his room, the door rattling in its frame as she slammed it closed. He slowly closed his eyes, sighed. If there was one thing he was learning, Jane Rizzoli was a force to be reckoned with, and it wasn’t always a good sign.

* * *

“No.”

Maura’s reply was swift and unambiguous.

“But Mau....”

“No. Absolutely not.” Maura didn’t hesitate to interrupt, earning her a swift glare from Jane, but she held the glare with one of her own, her eyes unwavering. “It is dangerous and you can’t completely plan without knowing all the variables.”

Jane’s eyes widened, “Without knowing all the variables? Really? Come on! This is about getting Ellie to make a mistake. So you don’t get attacked again, or your house doesn’t get broken into and trashed. This is about taking back the control. Ellie is good Maura. Good enough to always just be one step ahead of us. What if she decides she can’t get to you or just randomly decides to change focus? What if she goes after Ma? Or Constance? Or me?”

“There is nothing to suggest that she’ll go after either of our Mothers.” Maura argued back.

Jane’s finger came out and she pointed it straight at Maura’s chest. “No, that’s where you're wrong. She’s already killed Sue’s brother. She’s not averse to going after close family.”

Jane could see the hesitation appear in Maura’s eyes as she realized what Jane had said about Sue’s brother was true, and she hadn’t considered it.

“C’mon Maura, you know she’s a loose cannon and could go off at anyone close to us at any moment. We do this, and we know she’s going to react, and so we can be ready for her. I promise we won’t do it until your out of hospital and better.” Jane pleaded, but didn’t mind that she was at this point. She just desperately wanted Maura to agree, however it came about.

“I’ll consider it.” Maura finally conceded. “But if I say no, I don’t want to hear anymore about this. Do I make myself clear?”

“Crystal.” Jane nodded. “Maura, this could be the only way, and one thing we know is that Ellie isn’t just going to give up. So at some point we’ve got to face her, only I want to make sure it’s on our terms, not hers. I can’t lose you or anyone else close to me. You do understand that don’t you?”

Maura could see the tears forming in Jane’s eyes, and she had to swallow down her own emotion. “Yes, I do understand Jane.”

The quiet admission was enough for Jane, who wiped her sleeve very quickly across her eyes. “Okay then.”

* * *

 “Jane, I’m not an invalid.” Maura said quickly as Jane fussed around her for what felt like the hundredth time in the last hour.

Jane stood back, hands up to show she was backing off. “Fine. I’ll just go and get your bag from the car.”

Maura watched with relief as Jane disappeared, sinking back gratefully into her couch.

Jane hesitated at the car door, having hauled Maura’s bag out. She looked back at the house and took a deep breath.

 _You can do this Rizzoli!_ Was her thought as the emotion began to rise a second time. The first happened the minute they had pulled up to Maura’s front door. The last thing she needed was to have to admit to Maura about her own insecurities of being here. Jane hated that she was being reminded so starkly about how she had been after Sue’s death, and how scared she was about Maura now being out of the hospital, with Ellie still on the loose.

_Dammit, come on!_

Jane swallowed quickly, before striding back into the house. _Game face time._

“Maura darling, we weren’t expecting you for another couple of hours.”

Constance walked through from the guesthouse, having seen Jane’s car pull up, a smile on her face as she walked over to the couch and gently sat down.

“I was fortunate that the discharge paperwork took less time than we’d expected.” Maura returned the smile, and happily leant in when Constance opened her arms up to give her a gentle hug.

“Angela’s going to be disappointed she missed your return. She’s had to go into work.”

Maura chuckled. “She’ll make up for it, I’m sure.” She then turned as they heard Jane entering the house again.

“Constance.”

Jane’s voice was light and Maura frowned slightly sensing that Jane was a little forced in her greeting. It confused her, since she knew that Jane and her Mother had finally got to accept each other, without real rancor like it had been at the beginning. If anything, they seemed to have developed a grudging respect for each other, making this even more disconcerting for Maura. As soon as the thoughts went through her head, Jane approached and the moment had disappeared.

“Jane, I was just saying to Maura that I wasn’t expecting you so soon.”

Jane shrugged her shoulders, nonchalance plastered on her features. “Yeah, we got lucky. If you’ll excuse me, I’ve just gotta throw this bag in the bedroom and then go back to work once Frankie gets here.”

“Any news?” Constance hesitated with the question, but Maura gave a slight smile to show she was okay about hearing the answer, knowing she was asking about Ellie.

“Not yet.” Jane admitted, her face hardening. “The electronic trace led us to another dead end. Looked like Ellie had been in the location, but had moved before we even got close. No real forensic evidence was there beyond what we’ve got already. Frost is still running a trace so that if she tries to get into the system again, he’ll be able to track it straight away.”

“Perhaps she’s moved on to someone or something else?” Constance sounded hopeful.

“Unfortunately, history shows that is very unlikely.” Maura added, glancing at Jane, trying to show she didn’t blame her for the lack of progress.

“Yeah, well.” Jane shifted uncomfortably on the balls of her feet. “I’ll just put this away.” and they watched as she then quickly vanished.

“Jane seems to be taking this all rather personally.” Constance said.

“I’m afraid she does tend to do that, and because of her history with Sue, and then Ellie’s attack on me, she’s taking it more personally that she would normally.” Maura acknowledged.

“Do they have any plans on how they might capture this woman?”

Maura sighed, as she thought carefully about her next words. “There has been an idea that Jane broached with me a while ago, but nothing more has been said. So I don’t think much is going to happen.”

Constance nodded and settled back. “A shame. You both deserve closure over all that has occurred.”

Jane sat in her car for a minute or two, suddenly aware that she couldn’t run from her feelings that being at Maura’s elicited. She slowly got back out of the car, before taking a deep breath.

_Suck it up Rizzoli._

Neither Constance or Maura held back the look of surprise as Jane returned to the house, and both could see a nervousness around her.

“I’ll go back to the guesthouse.” Constance said, standing up and without giving either Jane or Maura a chance to say anything disappeared through the back door.

Maura watched carefully as Jane slowly walked over, hands shoved deep down in her pants pockets.

“I thought you had work?” Maura finally decided to break the silence that had settled. 

“Sent a text to Korsak telling him I needed to stay here.”

Maura lightly patted the cushion next to her. “Sit down, please.”

Nodding and swallowing hard, Jane sank down on the couch before turning to face Maura, who was trying to maintain as neutral expression as possible. 

“I just...” Jane hesitated, before grabbing Maura’s hands in her own. “I don’t want to let things fester, and I need to say this. I also need to ask you something. Okay?”

“Yes.”

 


	28. Chapter twenty eight

**Chapter twenty eight**

“Ma, for the love of Pete, will you please....” Jane threw her arms up, not trying to hold back her irritation.

“What?” Angela exclaimed, looking as innocent as possible, earning an eye roll from her daughter. “My baby girl is getting engaged. To a Doctor no less! Of course I’m gonna make sure we celebrate this event.”

“Maura?” Jane looked across at Maura who was standing at her kitchen island with a smirk on her face. “A little help here - Please?”

“I don’t quite know what you want me to do Jane.” Maura replied, keeping her amusement in check.

“What I want is for Ma to bring it down a notch. C’mon this is embarrassing.”

“Jane, since we’ve got engaged, a party is to be expected.” Maura replied as she watched the kettle boil, and bringing it off the heat, she poured the water into the waiting teapot.

“See, she gets it.” Angela said, sounding smug.

“Oh god, kill me now. And she has a name Ma. Remember; Maura.” Jane moaned, her arms on the edge of the counter where she was sitting, before she dropped her head down to rest on them.

“I’d rather you stayed alive. Especially now we’re engaged.” Maura said, biting back a chuckle at Jane’s predictable behavior. “Here, have some of this camomile tea. It’ll help you relax.”

Jane lifted her head enough to watch as Maura pushed a cup of steaming tea in front of her and couldn’t stop the grin as she once again saw the engagement ring on Maura’s hand. It was a simple row of three diamonds, mounted on a plain band. It was apparently Victorian in date and Jane couldn’t believe her luck when she had seen it, knowing it was ideal for Maura. For a start, there was no way a large stone could have been practical, whereas these were nicely set. She'd been ever more pleased when she had discovered it was affordable for her. 

“And before you ask, yes, I’ve put rather more honey than I approve of in this.” Maura added as she saw the wistful look on Jane’s face, knowing she was looking at the ring.

Maura couldn’t help also looking at Jane’s own ring, the stones set in white gold, and much like her own, was simple but with a set of three emeralds, instead of diamonds, level with the gold band, so nothing could snag or catch on something. An important consideration because of Jane's work in Maura's mind when she had first found the ring.

“Camomile tea, what’s wrong with coffee.” Jane grumbled. “Or a beer?”

“This late in the evening, with the stress you’re exhibiting, coffee or beer would actually act more as a depressant. Whereas Camomile tea has proven qualities to aid relaxation.”

“I can think of other ways to relax.” Jane muttered. “If only my Mother would just butt out.”

Jane then glared at Angela who simply smirked back as she continued to fuss with some bridal magazines she had miraculously appeared with, seemingly seconds after they had told Angela they were engaged. Jane was convinced her mother had the latest editions stashed away for just this occasion.

Maura couldn’t stop the flush that hit. “Jane.” Her words softly admonishing

“What? You know it’s true.” Jane said taking a sip of her tea, holding back a grimace. “Jesus Christ, this stuff is awful.”

“Drink it. If Maura says its good for you, then you do what she says.” Angela said, as she moved towards the door leading out toward the guest house, and with the subtlety of a sledgehammer, leaving the magazines prominently displayed on the kitchen island. “And I’ll be in touch Maura about that party.”

Angela paused for a split second as she opened the door. “Whipped.”

Jane’s head shot around, eyes wide as she heard Angela’s parting comment as the door shut quickly, so Jane couldn’t even get a glimpse of her mother leaving. “Did she really just say that? Really?”

Maura watched making sure the door was indeed fully closed and Angela wasn’t about to make a reappearance, before sitting down next to Jane, ignoring the piled magazines for now. “You know, you should just be happy that your Mother’s okay with this. Many parents wouldn't be, and yet, both our mothers have given their blessing.” 

Jane sat back up straighter and ran a hand through her hair, flicking an errant strand away from her face, huffing when it fell back across her face. “I know, but it doesn’t stop Ma from being annoying. She’s taken the annoying to a whole new level with this. You do know she’s gonna be going on about us having kids before we’ve even got married!” 

“Of course it doesn’t stop her.” Maura laughed lightly. “She’s always going to be like this and we both know that underneath it all, we wouldn’t have it any other way, and she is right; it isn’t every day her daughter gets engaged. We have to let her celebrate it, even if we’re happy to keep it low key.”

“Doesn’t stop me wanting to arrest her.” Jane stood up, having finished her drink, and noticing that Maura had finished hers, she grabbed Maura’s hand and pulled her up off the stool. “Enough talk, more bed.”

“Smooth talker.” Maura whispered as she pulled Jane in and kissed her quickly.

“You know it.” Jane replied, still keeping Maura’s hand firmly in her grasp. “Bed. Now.”

* * *

“... Isles, Professor of Antiquity, and Mrs Constance Isles, the world renowned artist, are pleased to announce the engagement of their daughter, Doctor Maura Isles to Detective Jane Rizzoli. Both work at the Boston Police Department...”

Jane groaned as she saw Crowe with the newspaper announcement being read out loud to the other detectives. He then spotted Jane walking in.

“Hey Rizzoli, how you do it? Snagging a doctor, and one with a great set of tits at that. You charging for the likes of us to watch when you bang her yet?”

“Shut the fuck up Crowe.” Jane walked past him, ignoring his taunting words and waving of the paper in her direction.

“She’s too good for your ass. Tell her when she’s had enough, she can come check out my equipment. I’ll show her a real good time.” As he spoke, with his free hand, Crowe grabbed his crotch and thrust his hips back and forth.

That was the last straw for Jane, who swung around with remarkable speed, and was barreling into Crowe before anyone could stop her.

“You fucker.” Crowe yelped as Jane managed to land a punch right in his eye. He, in return, managed to hit Jane squarely in the nose, and it began bleeding immediately.

Before either of them could carry on, they were both being held and pulled apart. Frost and Korsak manhandling Jane, while Frankie and Officer Duncan were hauling Crowe away.

“Shit Rizzoli, pull it together will ya.” Korsak said as they finally got her pinned back against her own desk. “You’ve just got engaged, Maura isn’t gonna like that you’ve been fighting as if you were in a street brawl. Let alone Cavanaugh. We’ll report Crowe, he’s gone to far, no need for this.”

“He was insulting Maura.” Jane said, grabbing the cloth that Frost was handing her, seeing it was one of her old BPD t-shirts and almost threw it back at him. “Great, one of my favorite work out shirts.”

“Hey, it was the best I could do.” Frost replied, a scowl on his face. “Next time get your own damn cloth.”

“Yeah, sorry.” Jane mumbled, before tipping her head back again. “Dammit this hurts like a motherfu...” Jane stopped talking as she heard the telltale clip of heels on the floor. She turned slowly, trying to place as much of a soulful look as possible on her features. 

“It’s not as bad as it looks...” Jane began, but she didn’t get further as Maura simply sent a piercing look her way and it felt like daggers were hitting her full on.

_Oh boy, she’s pissed as hell._

“You just couldn’t allow the one day that means so much to go past without making it memorable for all the wrong reasons could you!”

As Maura spoke, she folded her arms across her chest, her gaze growing icier by the second.

Jane removed the shirt so she could speak more clearly, pleased that the bleeding at least was easing off. “I was defending your honor!”

“Uh oh.”

Jane swung around at Korsak’s quiet words, sending out a glare of her own in his direction. “Uh Oh? What in the hell is that supposed to mean?”

“It means that I don’t need you to defend my honor Jane.” Maura allowed the anger to show in her words, and Jane noticed Korsak and Frost both wince.

Jane turned back, trying not to get too dizzy with the overall motion and now throbbing headache that was just beginning to develop. “I know that.” Jane sighed, before moving, pulling Maura lightly on the arm. “Please, let’s go down to your office to talk. I’d rather not be around the other animals in the zoo for this.”

Maura looked exasperated, but she didn’t fight the movement, and wordlessly they made their way down to the morgue, and subsequently her office. Once there, Maura closed the doors, having stopped at the morgue freezer to pick up one of the ice packs she kept there, before picking up the cover she kept, remembering when she had iced Korsak’s hand, all because of Crowe. Pondering what she could do about Detective Crowe, Maura sighed before heading back to Jane. Locking the office doors, and dropping the blinds, she finally turned around to face Jane, who was standing in the middle of the room, looking suitably abashed.

“Here.” Maura handed the ice pack over, and Jane took it gratefully.

“I’m sorry.” Jane then mumbled through the pack as Maura got her to sit down so she could look a little closer at her nose.

“Nothing seems broken in this instance.” Maura replied, her posture softening, before sitting back alongside Jane on her sofa. “So, are you going to explain to me why you went all caveman, or rather cavewoman, on Crowe up there?”

“It’s nothing.” Jane said, adjusting the ice to another part of her nose, wincing slightly as she did so.

“No, you don’t get to say it’s nothing. Jane, you’ve been wound up for weeks. I know you’ve been talking to Simon extensively about the loss of Sue, and you have subsequently moved on well from that. So, I’m at a loss to explain this attitude you’ve been displaying. Since you sat down after I was released from the hospital, to ask me to be your girlfriend and subsequently your fiancée, it has actually got worse. To announce our engagement, which should be one of the happiest moments hasn't helped you. You're angry all the time, snapping and snippy with everyone, even Korsak and Frost. The only person who so far hasn't been on the end of this has been me, but I'm not sure how long that's going to last. Please, tell me.”

Jane sighed, knowing Maura was right, and she needed to be truthful. “It’s Ellie. We were so close when we found that physical address after the computer trace, but it led nowhere. I honestly thought we would have her in custody by now. We don’t even know if she’s still in Boston. It’s been weeks since she has done anything, so much so, you’re back at work, healthy again, and I’m still wondering where the bitch is. And..." Jane looked soulful, her brown eyes showing her remorse. "I hate that we’ve not solved the case. That I've not solved the case."

“Jane, that isn’t true. You’ve solved the case, you just haven’t been able to arrest the person responsible, and there’s a difference as you well know.”

“I know.” Jane closed her eyes briefly, before looking back at Maura. “It’s just - she killed Sue. She hurt you. She killed William and the Politician. She didn’t just assault someone and break a few bones. These are just the people we know about. There is no way she hasn’t hurt or killed others somewhere else. She’s too practiced at what she did, even if we haven’t picked up any previous incidents elsewhere that match her MO. She’s dangerous and needs to be stopped, and right now I don’t know if we’ll ever be able to get her.”

“You’re worrying about my protection again aren’t you?”

“I’ve never stopped worrying.”

The quiet admission made Maura’s breath hitch in her chest. She twisted around, and held Jane's free hand. "You have to try and let some of this go." Maura's voice was low and emotional.

Jane tightened her grip on Maura's hand, a sorrowful smile appearing, "You know I can't do that. This is who I am, and while I promised you I will try to just think before getting involved into potential trouble on a case, to try and avoid getting hurt on the job more than I did, I can't stop worrying about you. Ever."

The quiet admission brought tears to Maura's eyes, and she quickly wiped them with her free hand. "Then try and at least allow yourself to be reminded you're not doing this alone. That we have the support of a lot of people within the precinct, not just homicide. The likes of Crowe are thankfully few and far between. You have a lot of respect from a lot of people Jane. Don't push them out when they offer genuine help."

"I won't. Promise." Jane leaned in, and kissed Maura quickly, putting the ice pack down before she did. "And I'm not the one who people respect around here. You get a lot more of that. People no longer see queen of the dead, but a great medical examiner, who is also a wonderful person. A little weird at times, but still a great person. Frost, Korsak, Frankie, Ma, even someone like Stanley respect and like or love you... for being you. You know I head that queue."

Maura rested her head into Jane's shoulder, finally relaxing. Jane snaked a hand around Maura's waist to pull them closer together.

"I know we were doing this whole engagement thing to draw Ellie out... that everyone else thinks this...." Jane drew their rings hands together, so both engagement rings rested against each other, twisting fingers slightly to look at the rings more carefully, a smile breaking out across her face, “That this is real...”

Maura looked up, sensing the seriousness in Jane's tone.

"But the thing is, if the death of Sue and the attack on you has taught me anything, it's to seize the day."

"Carpe diem quam minimum credula postero."

Jane looked at Maura, with a slight frown. "See, this is how I know you're totally better. I understood Carpe diem. Sieze the day. Right? But the rest, it’s all Greek to me."

"It's actually Latin."

Jane initially groaned, with a shake of her head. "This time it's Latin, great. Never gonna get them the right way round am I?" Jane joked, giving Maura a slight nudge on the shoulder to signal she could carry on.

“You are right, Carpe diem is popularly translated as seize the day. It's a phrase from a Latin poem by Horace, and the full piece it's taken from is: 'Seize the Day, putting as little trust as possible in the future', and the ode says that the future is unforeseen, and that instead one should scale back one's hopes to a brief future, and drink one's wine."

Jane laughed lightly. "I'll stick to beer thanks. And as I was saying, I don't want to wait. Simon has allowed me to move on, and I spoke to him about it, because he’s the only other person aware of the real situation, and he said I was ready to take the next steps. I want to seize the moment, so I guess, what I'm trying to ask you Maura is, when all this is finally over, will you marry me? Become my fiancée for real?" Jane glanced down at their hands to the rings, "I don't know about you, but I kinda like these rings and the way they look and feel on our fingers. I don't want to give this up."

Maura wiped fresh tears from her eyes, as her hands came up to cup either side of Jane's face.

"Yes, I will marry you, even when this is all over. From this point on, this is as official as it gets."

The virtually whispered words were barely out of Maura's mouth as she continued to hold Jane, as their lips met in a searing kiss. Jane finally pulled away, one hand still holding onto some of Maura's hair. Their foreheads came together, eyes heavy lidded.

"Let's go home." Maura suggested and was answered with a movement against her forehead, indicating Jane was trying to nod.

They finally stood up, a smile adorning each of their faces as Maura moved to her desk. She picked up her purse, and turned to Jane.

"Do you need to go back to your desk for anything?"

"Nope, I'm good. Got my gun, badge and jacket. Everything else can stay up there."

Maura reached across to her desk phone, and lifting it off the cradle, she punched a series of numbers to go through the switchboard and waited. "Vincent, Jane and I are about to leave for home. We plan to go via the parking garage, and our normal route with my car."

Jane watched as Maura obviously listened to Korsak's reply, before saying goodbye and dropping the phone back in place.

"Vince said he will pop to the cafe to let Angela know we're heading home."

Jane smiled, as she took out the proffered hand of Maura. "So, not like you to play hooky."

"I consider this a necessary time for ourselves Jane, not playing...hooky." Maura shivered slightly to show her displeasure at using such an expression. It elicited a belly laugh from Jane, who moved her hand to once again sling it around Maura's waist and pull them together, hips bumping.

"In that case, who am I to argue with a doctor." Jane smirked, as she watched Maura pull her keys out of her purse, a look of surprised crossing her features as Maura handed them over to her.

"I just don't feel like driving." Maura looked and sounded serious suddenly, "besides you're the one with tactical driver training should..."

Jane simply nodded as Maura's voice drifted off, "Should Ellie make her move like she has by ramming the vehicle." Jane finished slowly, knowing it was something they had to seriously consider, even though they all thought she would want to do this face to face. That this was now too personal for her to do it by such a remote method. It was still a possibility though and Jane recognized Maura's worry of being attacked again.

"C'mon, let's get out of here."

Jane swiftly unlocked the doors, and within minutes, she was pulling out of the parking garage, heading towards Beacon Hill. What she didn’t say was her own unease about the thought of Ellie using a car to attack again. She had been driving with Sue last time, and it hadn’t saved her.... and even though they had more warning now, Jane also doubted she could have changed the outcome even with prior warning of that day. However, Maura didn’t need to know that, so she drove quietly pondering just what their future held.

 


	29. Chapter twenty nine

**Chapter twenty nine**

Korsak sat upright as he listened to someone from the DA’s office on the other end of the phone. He signaled with his hand for Frost to get his butt over to his desk. He swiftly put the phone down, before taking a deep breath, turning to a now expectant Frost.

“Not that this is going to help our case any...” Korsak began, “But I’ve just heard from the DA's office, who were called in to investigate someone coming in claiming they helped Ellie initially. That they wanted and I quote ‘For Susan to recognize her evil and end the deviant lifestyle she was engaged in.’ They then arranged to meet up with Sue here in Boston, then gave the information to Ellie, about where Ellie could find her. Betrayed Sue's whereabouts in the worse possible way. Also told Ellie about Jane's relationship with her, and by all accounts, Jane was as much of a target first time around as Sue. They were trusted completely by Sue. She never would have seen their betrayal coming." Korsak ran a hand across his short hair.

“What? Who is it” Frost looked confused.

“Sue’s Uncle, her father's own brother. He wanted to teach Sue a lesson, and asked Ellie to help achieve that. He claims he had no idea Ellie would go as far as she did, and the guilt finally ate away at him, so he turned himself into his nearest police station. They called our DA’s office once they realized it was out of their jurisdiction, not sure which homicide unit would have the case, and the DA’s office have just called me. They plan to bring him here, to us, for questioning, to then decide exactly what to charge him with. Paperwork for the transfer is being handled now. Apparently, he is adamant he has no idea where Ellie is right at this moment, and all attempts, bar ones he made to contact her after Williams death were ignored. Uncle dear says that William began to suspect Ellie had been involved, and was getting too close - so she killed him as well. William was only initially in Boston because he wanted to keep in touch with Sue - he hadn't disowned her like the parents. Like I say, doesn’t help our case much, other than tie up some loose ends.”

“You telling Jane any of this?” Frost asked, turning the latest information over in his head.

Korsak shrugged. “One part of me says no.... but she deserves to know how this all started with Ellie hunting Sue down. Even if the Uncle didn’t want it to be taken to such extremes, Jane deserves to know the truth. Since it’s not really impacting on our investigation, I can’t see what harm it would do to tell her either. If this was a family we didn’t know, a person not involved so closely with the investigation, they would get told without a second thought. Least we can do is given Jane the same courtesy.”

Frost sighed heavily. “Still doesn’t mean Jane isn’t going to go nuts when she hears this. That it all comes down to some bigoted belief in someone’s religion. Ain’t no religion I believe in. Let alone how she's gonna react with the news you’ve got to give from Cavanaugh.”

“I know kid,” Korsak stood up. “I don’t know about you, but I wanna do this one face to face. I’ll go over to Maura’s now, cos I know Jane’s been camped out there since Ellie’s attack on the Doc, more so since the engagement.”

Without waiting for a reply, Korsak walked out of the bullpen, hitching his pants up by the belt with a slight wiggle of his hips, before straightening his tie. Today was just not going to be his day. 

* * *

 The atmosphere had gone from warm to icy cold in seconds as Korsak told Jane and Maura the information about Sue’s uncle being involved in her death. Maura had reached out and plucked the coffee mug that Jane was holding, carefully putting it on the coffee table, obviously not trusting Jane to react and spill the still very hot contents.

“Fucking hell. Her bastard uncle?” Jane sat back, her face still emotionless, even if her posture was tense, and her tone clipped. Jane then ran a hand through her hair, allowing her shock to finally show on her features.

“I thought you should know...” Korsak hesitated slightly. “I’ve also got something else I need to discuss.”

Jane sat up straight at the way Korsak had spoken, sensing he was about to impart something she sure as hell wasn’t going to like. All look of shock gone.

“I had to go to a meeting with Cavanaugh this morning. You’re already off the case Jane, and he’s pulling Frost and I...”

Jane didn’t let him finish as she shot off the sofa like a jack in the box, rounding on Korsak in a second, jabbing a finger in his direction.

“Tell me you’re not about to say you’re no longer working the case at all?”

“Jane...” Korsak watched as Maura stood up, clasping her hands on Jane’s arms, pulling her back down to sit, before moving in, keeping hold of one of Jane’s hands.

“I don’t want to fucking hear it Vince.” Jane spat, her anger rising. “You do not get to sit there and tell me something like this.”

“Janie, for gods sake just listen.” Korsak allowed his own exasperation to show, as Maura’s grip obviously tightened on Jane’s fingers. “He isn’t pulling us off the case totally, just, ya know, more than we were. It’s... we have other cases, you know how it goes. Hell, we have been doing others, and getting this one alternated between them of late, but you know it can't go on like this indefinitely, and the death of the politician helped us keep on it more. We’re allowed to work it if we’ve not got any open cases, but we can’t ignore others to such an extent we get a backlog of cases, or other teams are pulling in extra work because we’re not available. That was starting to happen. You know Cavanaugh already had us working some stuff away from this Jane.... You musta known this was gonna happen soon.”

Jane shook her head. “Yeah, and we both know, waiting for a time you’ve not got an open case means hardly ever. C’mon, when was the last time we had that kind of a lull in the homicide unit. Fuckers are always out there killing themselves. If we’re not tracking down killers, we’re doing the paperwork, seeing DA’s and ADA’s, out talking to families or witnesses, testifying in court or in the lab. It just doesn’t happen, you might as well put the boxes up on the cold case shelves in evidence now.”

Korsak stood up with a slight shake of his head, knowing there was little he was going to achieve when Jane was like this. He had given the information he needed to, now it was down to Jane to process it.

“I’m not giving up on this Jane, and neither is Frost. Somehow we will always find some time to keep looking for Ellie. When we were told to stand down last time, we kept it open on the down low. We’ll do that again.”

Jane just shook her head, before standing up and stalking out to a different part of the house, ignoring Korsak except for sending him a growl and glare as she left. Maura got up slowly, a look of apology on her face as she followed Korsak to the front door.

“I’m really sorry Doc. I’m surprised Cavanaugh gave us as long as he did on this one. Lot of other folks wouldn't have done, but it was for you and Jane, ya know? He stuck his neck out, ready to argue the case with those higher up the food chain, but there has to come a time where we've gotta let it go. I hate it, Frost hates it, hell I know Cavanaugh hates it. We wanna still be working it full time... But we can't and even though we got pulled off some before The Politician death, it can't go on like this. I promise you though, we ain't letting the files sit there gathering dust. Even if we have to do this all in our own time, Frost and I will keep working this as much as we can, so is Frankie. I just hope some new evidence arrives on our desks so we can justify opening it all again."

Maura reached a hand out to lightly touch Korsak’s forearm. “I know, and deep down so does Jane. I just hope it isn't at the cost of anyone else being hurt. As for Jane, she'll calm down once she has chance to get used to it. She did before, she will again."

Korsak nodded, heading out of the front door. Just before he walked out completely, he turned a slight smile on his face.

“I don’t know what you do Maura, but you and Jane, you look great together. You're good for Jane, and she's good for you. I know Jane was devastated about losing Sue, and it took a lot out of her. Couldn’t have been easy for either of you - moving on to this new relationship, with that kinda history. But ya know, at least something has come out of this tragedy and you both deserve this happiness. Frost and I, we’ve always got ya backs."

He stepped away, not waiting to hear Maura reply, who stood at the open door, a small smile of her own breaking out, aware of unexpected warming emotions Korsak’s word had elicited.  The smile though disappeared as she closed the door, turning on her heels, knowing where Jane was most likely heading.

Maura leaned against the doorjamb, as Jane threw another punch at the dummy she had hauled out of her apartment. Then another punch hit home.

“You can come in you know.”

Jane didn’t even stop what she was doing as she spoke up, her hits still crashing hard and fast into the plastic covered, vaguely human shape that Jane and Maura had argued about bringing over. Maura finally relented and allowed it in her house, as long as Jane kept it in the basement, in a room Maura had specially decked out with various items for Jane and her to use to keep fit. It had been a void space, but was now their yoga and workout room.

Maura still remembered the way Jane had argued the only reason Maura hated it so much was because it was nowhere near anatomically correct, and Maura had internally winced, knowing Jane was right in her assessment. It was all the wrong shape, and ratios for the head to torso were completely out, but... she had learned to accept it.

“I wasn’t sure if you wanted the company.” Maura admitted as she moved further in, before settling down on the edge of the one weight machine she had installed so she could face Jane, but not impede her in anyway.

"Yeah, didn't to begin with, but this ain't your fault Maura..." Jane threw an elbow into the torso of the dummy, followed by a combination flurry that Maura found difficult to follow.

"Nor is it Vince's fault Jane. Or, for that matter, is it Cavanaugh's."

"Do not mention his name" Jane growled as she threw a hard punch, causing the dummy frame to vibrate, and Maura stood up, placing an arm around the frame, hoping to steady it. She been contemplating bolting it to the floor, worried that Jane would send it flying one day. That punch made up her mind, and she made a mental note to call Tommy to get him to secure it as soon as possible.

"This is not Cavanaugh’s fault. You know he has already given far..."

"Save the speech!"

Jane ripped the practice gloves off, throwing them to the ground before she grabbed a towel she had on the floor near her. She wiped her face and neck down, before slinging the towel around her neck. "I should have caught her.." Janet's voice broke, and she turned so Maura couldn't see her. "This is not how it's supposed to be; Sue deserves better. You.." Finally Jane turned back around, surprised to find Maura had moved and was inches away from her. "You. Deserve. Better."

"This isn't just your fight Jane. Remember when I told you in my office to let others help you. They will do this Jane, but you cannot feel guilty for something that isn't your fault." Maura grabbed Jane, and pulled her in as closely as she could.

"This is not your fault." Maura repeated the words, whispering them into Jane's left ear as she felt the first of Jane's tears wetting her blouse.

"Damn it..." Jane finally pulled away, looking around desperately for something to wipe her nose with, and was about to resort to using her sleeve, when Maura suddenly pulled a tissue out from god knows where. "Thanks." Janet's voice sounded hoarse and scratchy from the crying.

"You're welcome. Jane, please don't take this on your shoulders alone... Remember the people you have around you helping. Sue's death will not go unpunished, because Ellie is going to make a mistake at some point. Whether it be in Boston, or somewhere else, she is volatile, and she will attack someone again, and when she does, we will know. We have her information out in all areas of the country. Yes, we still have to rely on other police or sheriff departments doing the right things and monitoring the bulletins or inputting correctly to the databases. However, I truly believe she will not get away."

“I wish I had your optimism on this Maur... I dunno what it is, but I just don’t see us getting her. I know we have a damn good closure rate in our unit. That between us, Frost and Korsak we get near enough 90% arrested, and close to that in conviction rates. This time though...” Jane shook her head, before taking in a deep breath. “I have to admit, I’ve never once felt we were gonna catch someone like I do now. Even when Hoyt was out and about doing his worst first time around, and we had nothing on the bastard. Ellie, she...”

Jane faltered.

“She scares you.” Maura said softly.

Nodding, swallowing hard, Jane began to stand up. “But I also don’t take this kind of shit lying down. So somehow I’m going to keep working this, Cavanaugh and the Brass upstairs be damned.”

 Maura also stood up, “And there’s the Detective Jane Rizzoli I know and love.” Maura muttered as she leaned in, drawing Jane in for a kiss.

* * *

 "God Jane, if I had known how much crap you had in this place..."

Frankie didn't get any further, as Jane gave a look that could have melted stone.

"But, you know, you're my sis, so the least I could do is help you move."

"Good save." Frost leaned in to whisper, suppressing the grunt as he heaved a box up into his arms.

"Yeah, I thought so." Frankie replied, staggering slightly as he tried to readjust the weight of his box, not wanting to face the stairs otherwise, because he knew it was an accident waiting to happen.

Jane watched as the two men disappeared, before turned back to Maura, who was finishing off the packing of the few essential items they had left to last. Some things were being left behind, since Frankie was due to take the apartment on from Jane, his own place considerably smaller than even this small place.

"Regretting any of this?" Jane asked quietly.

Maura shook her head, as the last of the tape was put on the box she had in front of her, and she used a sharpie to write on it what was inside, and where it was to go once at their home.

Their home. Maura paused, a smile on her face as she thought of it. She doubted she would ever tire of saying or thinking of Jane and her having a home together.

"Care to share?"

Jane smiled, as she moved around the small counter separating her sitting room from the kitchen area, pulling Maura into a hug.

"I was just thinking how right this all feels and that I don’t regret a single moment of it, even the bad - because it got us to here and now." Maura admitted, as Jane placed a light kiss on her cheek.

“Yeah, I kinda know what you mean.” Jane smiled, as she looked around what had been her home. “I know I was going to marry Sue. I know I have said before I would have been more than happy with her, but this is my second chance. I am so damned lucky to have had not just one, but two people in my life I have loved in different, yet equally strong ways. I know I’ve said before, but without you helping me when I first lost Sue....” Jane faltered slightly, taking a deep breath, “If you hadn’t been there, I honestly don’t know if I would have recovered in the same way. I’m not saying I wouldn’t have survived, but I know, without a shadow of a doubt, it would have damaged me in far more ways. You saved me from that Maura.”

Maura leaned in, merely savoring the moment to hold Jane, knowing she didn’t need to reply, it was just something Jane needed to say.Since seeing Simon, Jane had become considerably better at opening up to Maura at least, and always one to see the positives in everything, that was one Maura held dear.

“Whaddaya say, we blow this joint.”

Maura stood upright as she placed a kiss on Jane's temple, a smile on her face, “I say, let’s go.”

As Jane and Maura got out of Maura’s car once they had arrived back at the house, Jane immediately stiffened, and Maura looked across the roof of the car, suddenly worried.

“Jane?”

Maura began to move around to the other side of the car when Jane didn’t answer her. She reached a hand out, and Jane spun around, fury etched across her face.

“He’s... the fucker....”

Without another word, Jane stormed off, leaving a very bewildered looking Maura behind, trying to figure out what on earth had just happened, before she rushed into the house after Jane, barely remembering to lock the car as she went.


	30. Chapter thirty

**Chapter thirty**

 Jane was already shrugging a jacket on as Maura came through the front door, and she watched as Jane then also grabbed her gun and badge.

“Jane, will you please tell me what on earth is going on?”

Maura stood in the doorway, trying to stop a now very agitated brunette, who looked like all she wanted to do was kill someone.

“Maur... I need to get to the precinct.” Jane ground the words out, jaw tense, eye’s hard.

“What?” Maura looked shocked. “We took the week off because of the move, why do you need to go into work? We specifically made sure to say we weren't even to be called in, which has happened before when we haven't gone away somewhere with previous vacations. Why do you need to go?"

“I need to go and tear Cavanaugh a new one.”

Jane’s words were full of venom, as she then reached in, and yanked the door open forcefully, in turn causing Maura to move. Not giving Maura time to even react, Jane was running out of the door, and within seconds was peeling off in her unmarked police cruiser.

Frost and Frankie were beginning to unload the van that had pulled in minutes after Maura and Jane had arrived, and watched on, surprise also showing as Jane disappeared on them. Both grabbed small, light items as they walked towards where Maura was still standing, in shock, in the front doorway.

“What on earth is all that about?” Frost asked, with a tilt of his head towards where Jane had been only seconds earlier.

“I have absolutely no idea.” Maura admitted. “Jane is angry about something Cavanaugh has done though, and was going to the precinct.”

Frost suddenly put his box down, and eyes scouting the immediate vicinity, “Ah crap!”

He quickly pulled out his phone, and dialed Korsak, and looked at Maura, putting a finger up to stop her obvious need to question what was going on, mouthing ‘I’ll tell you in a second.’ Maura nodded, although it was obvious that even Maura’s patience was beginning to wear thin.

“Korsak, Jane has just seen the LT has pulled the guard off Maura’s place, and you can expect her any time soon to pummel the crap outta whoever gave the order.”

Both Frankie and Maura could hear a muffled, but distinct curse of “Fuck” come down the phone. Listening some more to Korsak, Frost simply then said goodbye, before turning back to the other two people.

“Let’s get inside, and I’ll be able to explain.”

Maura quickly sat down on her sofa, followed by Frost and Frankie, who both just put their boxes inside the front door the moment they walked in. Frost was on the sofa, while Frankie opted for a chair. 

“I didn’t notice when we first drove up, but it looks like as well as us being pulled off the case of Ellie full time, your protection detail has also been pulled.”

“My what?” Maura looked aghast. “Protection...deta...” her words trailed off.

“You mean you didn’t know?” Frankie spoke up this time, throwing his hands out in a typical gesture of exasperation, so often used by all the Rizzoli family.

“I had no idea.” Maura stammered slightly, “I didn’t even see anyone.”

Frost sighed. “That was part of the idea. Plain clothes, unmarked car. After your attack, we didn’t know if Ellie would take another shot, and Jane pushed to get at least one person watching you when you weren’t at work on a daily basis. The brass agreed because your parents were on the phone as well, causing merry hell with the Mayor and the top brass. Jane got hold of your mother or something, and she agreed with the idea.”

“Oh god. They didn’t...” Maura’s fingers came up and rubbed across her forehead, before she lightly massaged her temples. “Of all the things - they should never have interfered...”

Frankie leaned across, and gently placed a hand on the nearest knee of Maura’s to him. “I know you’re not going to like what Jane and your parents did. But Maur... Jane was already in a bad place, and she just did it because she didn’t know how else to help protect you.”

“She should have told me. Or Cavanaugh should have told me. Anyone...”

“I agree. I thought she had.” Frankie pulled away, settling back in his chair with a sigh, “I know that Cavanaugh agreed straight away because you are respected and liked Maura, and we all felt so bad after you were hurt. In our own backyard. That hurts. Ya know? It was an attack on all of us.”

“Even so...” Maura shook her head, standing up, before moving towards her kitchen, needing to do something. “You or Jane should have told me.”

It didn't take a genius to realize Maura was angry with the news.

* * *

“You...”

Jane had pushed past the waiting Korsak, who had then followed her into Cavanaugh’s office, just avoiding getting the door slammed in his face.

“You fucking well...”

Cavanaugh stood up immediately and with remarkable composure, moved around to face Jane, before nodding at Korsak to show he was okay and had a handle on this. Korsak nodded back and slipped out through the door.

“Enough Rizzoli.”

The tone was enough to stop Jane mid-tirade, even though her whole posture was one of pure anger and she was literally shaking with adrenaline.

“Unless you cool ya jets, I will not give you any kind of explanation and kick your ass every which way from Sunday.”

Jane turned, not wanting to punch out, either verbally or physically knowing she would be handed her ass, plus a suspension, and took a deep breath, before turning around again. “Why the fuck didn’t you at least give us, give me, some warning you were going to do this shit.” Jane fought hard not to stab a finger into Cavanaugh’s chest as he leant back to rest on the edge of his desk.

“For a start you still would have gone on the offensive, and secondly, I was in a meeting earlier, fighting for this not to happen. Unfortunately, the brass refused my arguments, and said they couldn’t sanction even one officer, like we had been using to stay on Doctor Isles. That the threat was no longer viable.” Cavanaugh watched as the words sunk in. How Jane had cringed at the words no longer viable. He truly did sympathize over the whole situation, even if he had to maintain a harsh stance on this.

“So what, we just give up altogether?” Jane’s question was full of venom.

“No. It means we work smart Rizzoli. Get your head outta your ass and start thinking like the detective I know you are. This is why when someone is close to a case, we don’t let them work it. You are too close, too emotional.”

Jane’s eyes snapped up, more anger burning. “I. Am. Not. Too. Emotional.”

The words were ground out through a tightly clenched jaw.

“Yeah, you are, and you know, that’s okay.” Cavanaugh moved back behind his desk. “Shows you love her, and I gotta respect that, even if it makes you a total pain in my ass. As for the guard, we’ll work that out between us here in homicide. I know Frankie, Cooper, Frost and Korsak will help on their off hours. I bet that list can be added to once I do some asking around and don’t worry, Crowe is going nowhere near this. He’s still on a six week suspension for his actions towards you and Doctor Isles anyway at the moment. In the meantime, you go back home, finish whatever the hell you were doing, and stay there, take the week off as arranged. Do I make myself clear.”

“Perfectly.”

The glass in the door rattled as Jane stormed out, ignoring Korsak as she went.

* * *

Maura walked over to Jane, who was pulling her jacket off forcefully and in a fit of temper, threw it across the small table by the front door. With a sigh, Maura picked it up, brushed it down and hung it up where it was supposed to be, before following Jane into the house proper.

“Frost told me about the guard, and that they appear to have been pulled.”

Jane huffed as she fell back into the sofa. “Figured he might tell you, and yeah, they were pulled off duty this morning. They should have been just watching the house while we loaded up from my old apartment. Usually, they wouldn't have been here while you were away, but if we knew you weren't going to be long, we felt it might be a window of opportunity for Ellie. Cavanaugh confirmed they were pulled off while we were out." Jane sighed, as her frown stayed. "He says he's looking to mount something between the homicide department that is unofficial. So you will have some sort of protection at least."

Maura sat down alongside Jane, and pulled a hand into her own. “So, do you want to explain to me why I wasn’t told I had someone looking out for me in the first place?”

“I just didn’t think you needed to know.”

The excuse was weak, and Jane knew it the second she spoke. Gripping Maura’s hand slightly tighter, she swivelled around to look Maura in the eye. “No, that’s not just it. You were hurt. Recovering. Ellie had already gained access to this house once, and we didn’t know if she would try and attack you again. It was one person, parked outside, only here when either Frankie or I weren’t around. There was no one when you were working either - I swear, it was only while you were here alone. I didn’t say anything because initially, I was just too focused on helping you get better. On us, getting involved further in our relationship....”

Jane’s words drifted off as the memories hit.

“...I also need to ask you something. Okay?”

“Yes.”

Jane looked back at Maura’s face, the healing still going on. She couldn’t stop a finger that came out, and lightly traced across Maura’s slightly swollen jaw, where a particularly nasty bruise still stood out.

“Talk to me Jane.”

Maura’s one hand came out to cover Jane’s where it rested against the jawline as it met her chin, before they moved, and was cupping Maura’s cheek.  Instinctively, Maura leaned into the touch. “Talk to me.”

The words were barely whispered, and it was enough to push Jane on. Rather than say anything more, she brought her lips in, and without a second thought, began to kiss Maura.

“Do you believe in fairytales?”

The question was whispered as Jane drew back from the kiss ever so slightly. If Maura was surprised by the question, she didn't show it.

“I don’t believe in fairytales, no. I do though believe in love. In justice. In finding someone with whom you can share your life with in some capacity or another. I didn’t believe even in that though, until I met you. Jane Rizzoli was a force of nature, who barreled into my life, and made an impression, even when I didn’t know who she was...." Maura paused ever so slightly for effect, her voice dropping a notch. "Sista.”

Jane laughed, the first genuine one she could remember in a while. Hearing it also brought a wide smile to Maura’s face.

“I was told by Simon I needed to move on, that I couldn’t live my life in isolation, no matter how much it appeared I was letting family and friends back in. For a while, after losing Sue, I didn’t feel positive, life affirming things. Hell, I never felt those after the first time I was caught by Hoyt and while I was getting better, I was never fully there. But then my friendship with you grew, and I began to realize I didn’t have to feel like that. Then Sue came along, and finally I believed I deserved to live. To fully love.”

Jane held back a sob as Maura moved in and held her as closely as her healing body would allow.

“I do though question, did Sue really see me like that, or did she just feel pity for me, for...”

Jane was cut off by a finger firmly placed on her lips. “You need to give yourself permission to feel again. To allow yourself to believe in yourself and your relationships and close friendships. To stop questioning why Sue was with you. To stop questioning why I am with you. To stop questioning if you are good enough as a person. But more importantly, to stop with the guilt.”

Jane’s eyes looked shocked at the last word, and she shook her head almost imperceptibly, as if trying to deny the truth of the words.  

“Yes, the guilt I know you’re still carrying around, despite all the progress you’ve made. Sue died whilst she was with you, and I know that is enough for you to pile the guilt on. I know the grief was so overwhelming for a while, it meant grief and guilt was all you could feel. You need to give yourself permission to feel again. And I don't mean feel professional pride or righteous indignation on behalf of the murder victims and their families in the crimes you help solve. Or to walk around feeling the responsibility of what happened to you, or even to me. I don’t blame you Jane Rizzoli. Is that what you need to hear? Because I will tell you again and again until you believe it. I do not blame you one bit, not one little bit. Ellie is the person to blame. The person who prevented the reports going in to get Sue full justice earlier is to blame. You - you are not that person. You were never to blame.”

Jane didn’t try and hold back the sob this time, as she clung on to Maura, needing to feel her, and Maura was all too happy to let herself be the person who was giving Jane what she needed - to be grounded. To be reminded. To be loved.

“Jane, where did you go?” Maura’s question wasn’t what brought Jane out of her train of thought, but rather a finger to her chin, lifting it, bringing her and Maura’s faces close.

“I was just thinking back to when you came back from hospital. When we talked after I came back inside, and your Mom left us and went back to the guesthouse.” Jane admitted. “I was still so caught up with Sue and what had happened to you, I just didn’t even think about telling you of the protection detail. Then it just seemed to drift into the background. I honestly wasn’t deliberately withholding the information Maur... you have to believe me.”

Jane looked so small, so unsure and worried, Maura could only pull Jane into another kiss. ‘I believe you.”

Maura knew without a doubt Jane was being truthful, because she remembered just how much was going on when she had been released from the hospital made it difficult for either of them to focus on other things.

“ _Let’s go to bed.” Maura suggested once Jane had composed herself._

_“You’re still healing,” Jane’s voice had dropped an octave, and her face implied she was only partially joking with her unspoken suggestion._

_“I can improvise.”_

_Maura decided two could play at this game, and was rewarded when a look of shock briefly, but very distinctly flitted across Jane’s face. She had kept her voice deliberately low, and the seduction would have been obvious to a statue. Jane was now blinking, rapidly._

_“You... can... improvise. Okay...” Jane finally muttered, as she moved in and captured Maura’s lips in a bruising kiss._

_Maura raked her short, but still functional nails through the soft dampness of the brunette hair, partially matted against Jane’s cheeks and neck. They were lying in a tumble of covers, a sheen of perspiration on their skin from their recent activities. Maura ached, but it was in such a good place in her mind and overall body, she found she didn’t care at all. She knew she would be paying for this in a far more uncomfortable way later, but she also knew it was worth it._

_Jane’s fingers moved across Maura’s stomach, watching in fascination as the muscles underneath twitched, tiny contractions that brought a smile to her face. She could feel the slight tremor of her lover’s body still happening, as her own also hummed with a fantastic mix of desire and satisfaction. Maura began to shift restlessly on the bed as the arousal began to build between the two of them again. Just as Jane was leaning in to kiss the gentle slope between Maura’s breasts, there was a sharp knock at the door._

_Jane froze, as she tried to ignore it. The rapping of a sharp knock reverberated again._

_“Who is it?” Maura finally called out, her voice still husky from the recent activities she had just enjoyed with Jane, struggling for a second to sit upright, Jane joining her, a look of horror crossing her face._

_“It’s me.”_

_“MA!!” Jane yelled, "No, no, NO....Not a good time.”_

_Jane and Maura then watched in trepidation, then sheer disbelief as the bedroom door swung open . Jane reacted first, as Maura was still too sore to react quickly, as she hastily grabbed the sheet off the bed and pulled it up to cover themselves. The attempt at modesty failed somewhat because their activity had dislodged the sheet from where it been neatly tucked it under the bottom corner of the mattress, so the whole thing came up, leaving their legs exposed. They had no time to make adjustments before they were shocked into disbelief as Angela, followed by Constance came marching into the room._

_“Angela, Mother.” Maura spluttered, looking wide eyed at Jane, her face mirroring the look of panic they were both feeling._

_Jane was praying Angela didn’t come in and try to give either of them a hug, but especially a kiss right now. She and Maura both had remnants of the recent... sex... still on their skin, on their faces. There is no way she wanted that to have to be explained. Walking in like this was bad enough, Jane didn’t think she would survive the embarrassment should Angela realize just what had been taking place only minutes earlier. Sure, there was no doubt Angela knew something had gone on, even she wasn't that dense, but hell, she didn't need the image or thought in her head of Jane going down on Maura, and vice versa._

_Without thinking, Jane’s free hand came up and began rubbing her face, as if to try and dislodge some of the evidence from the sexual activity she'd just enjoyed. She cringed from the smell on her hand, and stilled it’s movements, wondering quickly if she was just making it worse._

_“Hello Maura, Jane.” Constance at least looked uncomfortable at having interrupted. Angela meanwhile appeared oblivious as she moved in, perching on the end of the bed._

_Jane meanwhile was suddenly aware she had been so shocked by what was happening, the sheet she thought she had a tight hold of, was anything but close to her chest, and had in fact dropped down slightly. She quickly began to grab it back in position, trying to work out if either woman now in their room had seen something they really didn't need to._

_"Ma, what the hell?" Jane finally found her voice._

_“We felt we should talk to you both.” Angela began, and Constance, merely shrugged her shoulders with a slightly apologetic look, obviously being effectively shanghaied into whatever was going on in Angela’s brain._

_“You did.” Maura finally spoke up, as Jane continued to look on, slack jawed and stunned by what was going on around her._

_“Yes, we did.” Angela said firmly. “We know you two....” A finger came out and gestured towards the bed. “Are.... well....” For once Angela looked slightly uncomfortable, “For lack of a better term, are dating.”_

_"Ya think.” Jane growled, as she tightened her grip on the sheet, pulling Maura in closer. “Hello! Didn’t the lack of clothes here give you a clue? Jesus."_

_Angela finally seemed to realize that perhaps this wasn’t the best time to have this conversation, so stood back up. “We just wanted to know, we both support and love you, and we wanted to say that Jane, I know losing Sue was hard, but I can’t think of anyone I’d rather you were with now that Maura is better.” Angela then turned her gaze at Maura. “And Maura, you are the most wonderful person. I love you like another daughter. I just thought you should know that.”_

_Constance cleared her throat. “Yes, well, now that we’ve got this out of the way, I suggest we leave you both....” Constance hesitated. “Leave you to it.”_

_“I am going to kill her. In ways that I can’t even begin to imagine right now.” Jane spat out as she stood up once the two mothers had left the room and the door was firmly closed. “With my bare hands.”_

_“Jane.” Maura carefully got up, mindful that she was still struggling a little. “Come back to bed.”_

_Jane spun around and one look at Maura’s face was enough for Jane to forget what had just happened. Hell, she forgot everything, and just needed to be there for the one woman she knew she couldn’t live without. Surreal didn't even begin to cover the last ten minutes, but Jane really didn't care right about now. They would worry about it later._

_Much later! Actually as it turned out, it was much, **much** later. _

Jane’s eye’s shimmed with tears as she thought back to all that had gone on when Maura had left the hospital. She could tell Maura knew and understood, it had been a whirlwind of emotions at that time. That Jane hadn’t deliberately not told her of the protection that was being put in place. She finally let out a breath, feeling as if she had been holding it forever.

It had been an incredible time in more ways than one. How their mothers had just known they were a couple, and hadn't even questioned it. How Frankie, and even Tommy had been happy for them. That Frost was grinning like a fool when he realized with the news, he had won the pool going around about her and Maura becoming a couple, while Frankie and Korsak had both been pissed at having lost.

“When you came back from the hospital Maura, it changed my life in so many ways. The biggest was you and I finally became the lovers we were destined to become. I allowed myself to feel again, and while I regret not telling you, I don’t regret a moment of that day.”

Jane then smiled. “Well, perhaps I do regret the moment Ma and your mother walked in on us. I still have no fucking idea what was going through Ma's head that day.”

Maura laughed, the sound bright and loud. “That was certainly.... different.” Maura admitted, as she and Jane began to relax and snuggle down against each other on the sofa. “But the upside was, it did mean I installed a lock on the bedroom door.”


	31. Chapter thirty one

**Chapter thirty one**

Jane and Maura finally helped Frankie and Frost offload and unpack the items from Jane’s old apartment. Jane admitted in a quiet moment to Maura, that it was useful to have something else to occupy her instead of thinking about all the crap from the precinct and Ellie’s case. They had collapsed on Maura’s sofa later that night, having shared take out with Frost and Frankie who had left soon afterwards. Then they were able to finally crawl into bed, only to be greeted the following morning by a very animated Angela and a slightly more subdued Constance.

With her second coffee for the morning in hand, Jane watched in rapt, albeit slightly horrified fascination, as her mother and Constance began to once again trawl through a mountainous pile of wedding magazines. She turned to look at Maura, who seemed to have resigned herself to the fate that was about to befall them. Neither of them realized there were that many publications for weddings. It appeared that Angela had every conceivable one available. God only knew where she had found them, and neither woman dare ask.

"Jane what do you think of this?"

Angela held up a magazine, with a picture of a particularly garish wedding dress in pink, with pink roses around the middle, sloping down one side. This was accompanied by diamanté stones placed like a wide belt on the waist, which made the other three women all internally shiver in revulsion.

"No." Jane looked pointedly at her mother, "absolutely no way in hell."

"Jane." Maura's voice was low, but the chastisement was clear, indicating Jane could have handled the situation better.

Jane spun around to face Maura, throwing her hands out in irritation. "What? I know you hate it as well, so don’t try and say anything to me." She turned back to Angela. "This is like my pink canopy bed all over again. I will tell you one more time. Watch my lips - I. Am. Not. Wearing. A. Dress. Let alone one like that monstrosity, I don't care that it's my one and only wedding. It is not happening. No dress. No pink!"

Without another word, Jane stalked out, grabbing Jo's leash as she went, and the little dog realizing she was about to be taken for a walk, scampered behind the tall woman, catching her up at the front door. Jane bent down and clicked the leash on Jo's collar, before looking back into the room.

"When I come back, please, have this sorted, one way or another. But... I say again - I am not wearing a dress, and I am sure as hell not wearing a pink dress."

Maura sighed heavily as Jane disappeared through the door, before she went to sit at the dining table where Constance and Angela were sitting.

"I know we agreed to allow you some input Angela, but it doesn't appear to be working, and to be honest, I want you to be involved, but you and Jane just...."

"Set each other off." Angela admitted quietly.

Maura nodded. "Which is why, having talked to both Jane and mother, I am suggesting the following: You allow Jane and I to sort out our outfits and the church, the wedding as a whole. In return, you and my parents do the reception in its entirety. I also thought, and mother has agreed to allow this, that you do the planning away from Jane. This is why I’m also proposing that you go and spend some time on vacation with my parents at our house in Marthas Vineyard. I have talked to Stanley and arranged for you to have some time off, should you agree. I hope you don't think I'm being too presumptuous either."

Angela looked slightly shocked so Constance reached across to grab a hand. "We really would love you to come to our house there. This isn't false platitudes from us, but a genuine invitation Angela. We can plan away from the constant arguments and bickering that seem to always erupt between you and Jane over what you would like to see happening at the wedding, and truthfully, we would love you take some vacation time there anyway. We can then just concentrate on the reception without interruption."

"Okay." Was all a still stunned Angela could manage in reply.

Maura smiled, "We'll look at dates then for you to go, and I’ll let Stanley know once you’ve decided what works the best for everyone. Jane and I will also try and take a few days off around the same time, so we can organize the wedding from here." Maura stood back up and walked towards the kitchen. "Angela, I know you will do a lovely job with the reception."

Angela looked closely, and saw that Maura wasn't hyperventilating or breaking out in hives, so she  accepted that Maura was genuine in her last comment. It bolstered her slightly battered self-esteem, as she gathered up some of the magazines.

"Would you care to join me in the guest house then Constance, so we can look through some more magazines for possible ideas?"

"I think that's an excellent idea."

Maura sagged in relief as she watched the two mothers walking out to her guesthouse. She then smiled as a short time later she heard the key in the lock, and a scrabbling of claws on the wooden flooring when Jo came hurtling back into the house, rushing to get a drink from her bowl, before finding her bed and collapsing on it.

"They gone?" Jane asked as she hung Jo's leash up, before pulling a lightweight jacket off and hanging in its designated space in the small closet by the front door.

"Back to the guesthouse," Maura confirmed. "Angela agreed to go with mother to Martha’s Vineyard for a while, and to concentrate on the reception. They are allowing us to concentrate on the wedding venue, and outfits."

"Thank god for that, but to be clear, that's for us and the others you’re talking about? Frankie is going to be there with me with the rings, like a best man, and Korsak is giving me away. You've got some bridesmaids. There is no way I want Ma to be putting them either in pink fucking tuxedos and pink fluffy dresses."

"Don't worry, we have full control from now on that aspect of the wedding, and I know my parents will be able to curb your mother's more.... exuberant aspects of planning."

Jane snorted with laughter. “I wouldn't bet on that one Maura... Your parents might be comfortable with the upper echelons of society, but Ma is a force to be reckoned with when she gets going. She'll get something in there that is going to be cringe worthy, that's for sure. But honestly, I don't care, as long as we keep control of the important part. We can skip out of the reception if needed."

Maura gasped and hand flew to her chest. "Jane, we can't just skip out of our own reception."

Jane stalked across to Maura, a smirk on her face. She grabbed the hand that was still on Maura's chest, using the momentum to pull them together. "Oh I think we can."

Jane's voice was low, and it caused Maura to shiver involuntarily, as she pressed her body more into Jane's, desperate for the contact.

"Always so sure of yourself detective."

"I don't hear you complaining."

No further words were spoken as lips came together, tongues exploring, hands pulling at various items of clothing.

* * *

 Jane looked up at the Church of St. John the Evangelist, on Bowdoin Street in Boston. Maura had insisted on walking, since it wasn't far from home, and Jane had been pleased to walk off some nervous energy.

"Are you okay?" Maura's question was low, as Jane unconsciously rubbed the scars in the palms of her hands.

"Yeah, it's just... A big thing ya know. I haven't been inside a church properly since... Hoyt. Sure I've done family weddings, christenings, funerals, but that has been it. Let alone being in a church for Catholics and their allies, whatever in the hell that means."

"It simply means they are sympathetic to our needs in such matters. That we can go inside without worrying about ridicule or prejudice. That we," Maura wrapped fingers around Jane's, palms fitting together, "do this in church, which I know your mother wanted the most. It also means we can get married, and soon."

Jane gave a small smile, winching slightly at the mention of Angela. "On the bright side, Ma is nowhere near here. Never have I been so grateful for your parents having vacation homes dotted all over the place. I honestly couldn't have done this with Ma breathing over our shoulders."

"I know, it’s why I suggested it." Maura tugged at Jane's hand. "Now come on, we have a priest to meet."

* * *

 Jane squirmed on the seat in front of the priest, having been shown to the office he had at the back of the church. He smiled, sensing Jane's discomfort immediately.

"I would like to introduce myself, I’m Father Paul Maletta. I like to try and keep it as informal as possible here, so please, call me Paul. We also like to get a feel for the couples who are coming here to get married. So I hope you don't mind the following questions, and if at any time they make you uncomfortable, or there is one you would rather not answer, please just tell me."

"Thank you Paul. We will do our best." Maura answered, as Jane continued to survey the room and surroundings.

"So, the first question is probably the most obvious. How did you two meet?"

Jane laughed lightly. "At work, the cafe there."

Paul looked interested, and leaned forward in his seat slightly. "Many of our couples tend to meet at their workplace."

"Not quite like this." Jane said with a smirk. "I was a hooker, and Maura was trying to buy me a coffee and day old donut, having put a purple latex glove on before pushing the money my way. We had a disagreement and I refused her money."

"Jane," Maura said quickly, meeting the shock registered on the Paul’s face with wide eyes of her own. “At the time Jane wasn’t a hooker.”

Paul sat up even straighter, “So, she was a hooker at some point?”

Jane couldn’t help the bubble of laughter that escaped, but she quickly put a hand over her mouth at Maura’s glare.

“Yes... No....Yes... No...” Maura paused again for the merest of seconds. “Yes.”

Paul began to look confused and even more annoyed at the way the whole conversation slowly going.

Jane could see the telltale signs that Maura was becoming flustered, so put a hand out to grab Maura’s. “Maura, breathe.”

 Taking a deep breath, Maura nodded, as she turned to face a still stunned looking priest. "I’m sorry, I should clarify, Jane is a detective and was working undercover at the time for the drug unit as a hooker, and I'm the Chief medical examiner for the Commonwealth of Massachusetts. Because she was undercover, she didn’t have any cash on her, and the owner of the cafe, even though he was aware who Jane really was, refused to let her take the items without paying. It was causing rather a scene, and I felt sorry for her at the time, because I was new there and so I didn’t know who Detective Jane Rizzoli was. Since then Jane has been promoted and we now work together, because Jane is a homicide detective.”

“Jane Rizzoli...” His tone questioning, Paul looked thoughtful.

“Yeah, _the_ Jane Rizzoli, been in the news a few times.” Jane said quickly, recognizing the way he had spoken her name, and was quick to stop the inevitable comments or questions that arose when people placed her name in the context of the events at work, “If you don’t mind, could we get back to our wedding?”

“Oh, of course, I’m sorry.” Paul looked suitably abashed as he handed over some information in folders to each of them. “So you both work together. How did you get engaged?”

Jane’s chin dropped and she shook her head. “Oh brother.”

“It is a rather long story.” Maura said quickly, hoping it would be enough to avoid what was, after all, a perfectly reasonably question for most people.

“I have time.”

“Oh boy this is _not_ going to end well.” Jane muttered before she looked up. “To sum up, I was with someone else, called Sue. As - I was in a relationship with Sue, she was then killed by her ex, a woman called Ellie, who we’ve linked to several murders since. After I lost Sue, Maura helped me heal, physically and mentally because I was injured in the event that killed Sue, purely as my best friend. To begin with, we stayed friends, but then we both realized our attraction to each other ran deeper, and we tentatively began dating. Initially, our engagement....”

_“I spoke to Simon at length, and he’s accepted my idea to try and draw out Ellie, but Maura, as much as I hate to ask, I really need your help on this.”_

_Jane watched nervously, as Maura sat up a little straighter and waited wordlessly for Jane to continue._

_“I suggested we become an engaged couple. That we put the news in the papers, on the local radio if we can, push it out as far and wide as possible. We are what Simon describes as a power couple, and the media would lap it up. He agrees with me, Ellie would be rattled by the news and most likely react in some way. We went through all the variable parameters and possible outcomes we could think of between us. I used his expertise and I promise you, I will not let her get to you this time.”_

_“No.” Maura’s reply was swift and unambiguous._

_“But Mau....”_

_“No. Absolutely not.” Maura didn’t hesitate to interrupt, earning her a swift glare from Jane, but she held the glare with one of her own, her eyes unwavering. “It is dangerous and you can’t completely plan without knowing all the variables.”_

“So you are telling me, your engagement is a sham?” Paul suddenly looked stern, his shoulders tightened as he sat up straighter.

“God, no!” Jane said quickly. “I admit, it started out that way, and to begin with Maura didn’t really want to do it, so I left it there and we just settled into being a couple, did the things normal couples do. But then...”

_“Maura, we’re at a complete dead end. I just don’t know what else we can do. Please.”_

_Jane’s voice was ragged from lack of sleep and sheer stress. Maura reached across the kitchen counter where they were sitting in Jane’s apartment, both needing some time to themselves away from Angela and Constance._

_“I don’t know. I just can’t... Jane - God - I don’t know what to do?”_

_Maura had already admitted she was scared. Scared that Ellie would attack her again, although she was getting counselling for the events that had happened, away from the department. Whilst her own counselor hadn’t been outright in their condemnation of the plan when Maura had initial explained it to them, they also had expressed real and valid reservations. It had, at the time, strengthened her resolve to remain against the idea._

_“Please,” Jane reached into her jeans pocket and pulled something out. She carefully put it on the counter, watching as Maura’s face recognized it as a ring box. She then painstakingly opened it, before turning it in Maura’s direction, watching the emotions play across Maura’s face. Jane gently pushed the box towards Maura using a finger, before sitting back a little, giving Maura some time to process what was happening._

_After a few minutes of silence, Jane moved again, only this time, she slowly and deliberately took the ring out of the box._

_“I know this is damned unusual, but let’s face it, when have we ever done anything that was normal. Maura, I know you’re scared. Hell, I admit, I’m petrified. I know we haven’t been together long as a couple, that I’m still coming to terms with losing Sue... but please, I am begging you, marry me, at least for show, if only for now. One day, I hope to make this a real event, and I will use this ring to do it - so, perhaps you can, I dunno, look at this as a dress rehearsal?”_

_Maura actually allowed herself to giggle at Jane’s last words, as she looked back at Jane. Both women had tears in their eyes._

_“You’ll do this for real one day?”_

_Jane slowly lifted Maura’s left hand, “I will. I promise.”_

_Maura watched as Jane then pushed the ring on her finger delicately, before Jane leaned across, and captured her in a kiss._

“Later, Jane asked me if we could do this for real. That we got married, and it was no longer just part of a plan to entrap a murderer. She wanted to make this engagement as real as it should have been in the beginning.” Maura added, as Jane finished her side of the story. “This, what we have now, make no mistake, it is very real.”

Paul took a deep breath as he settled back slightly in his chair, his posture less rigid. “I hope you understand if I’m a little skeptical at the moment.”

“Oh believe me, Maura here can’t lie. She either faints, or breaks out in hives. This is the real deal.” 

“Very well then,” Paul stood up. “I hope you can look through the information I’ve given you. The date you have asked for is free, so I’ve provisionally marked it in for you. We can talk soon, once you have looked at everything and have more of an idea what you want to do. We can then work out the finer details”

“Thank you.”

Maura was the first to bring her hand up and shake hands with the man, while Jane hung back a little. She wasn’t sure why, but she was getting anxious, and automatically, she was scanning the immediate area of the main church as they walked through.

The peace was suddenly shattered as a gunshot rang out, and Paul fell backwards, with Maura immediately dropping to her knees, her hands moving to check him for injury, trying to see where he had been shot, as Jane crouched besides her, trying desperately to find out where the shot had come from.

“Maur?” Jane’s voice was urgent.

“He’s.... He’s dead.” Maura’s voice was shaky as Jane grabbed her forearm, pulling her in as close to her body as possible.

“We need to get out of here.”

“Jane…”

As Jane felt Maura being wrenched out of her grasp her hand flew to her gun, only to hit an empty holster. She cursed, realizing she had removed the gun before they had left the house, not wanting to go into a church fully armed. She looked up, and saw a gun barrel pressing into Maura’s one temple.

“Let her go, it’s me you want.” Jane’s words were steadier than she felt inside, but she kept her eyes on the person with the gun, not showing any fear at all. She then sent a quick look to Maura, trying in any way possible to show she would be fine. That they would get out of there.

“I don’t think so Jane. Doctor Isles needs to be taught a very valuable lesson, as do you.”

“Ellie, don’t do this.”

“But I am already doing this and right now, this place is closed. It’s amazing how easy it is to lock a church from the inside, so you see, there is only us here. No one to rescue you, no one to stop me this time,” Ellie sneered, as Maura winced as the gun barrel was pushed with greater pressure. “All because you couldn’t keep it in your pants detective.”

Jane shifted her position slightly. Cursing under her breath as she saw Ellie had the advantage in all aspects. That she was positioned with pews between them, and had pulled Maura through and so she was now partially covered by the harsh wooden benches. Jane would never get a clean hold of Maura, even if she tried to wrestle her out of Ellie’s grasp. Maura meant too much to her for any kind of half-assed attempt to rescue her, and Jane knew, it was that Ellie was counting on. She had Jane over the proverbial barrel.

“Why? It’s been months? What are you gaining by doing this now?” Jane knew her only chance was that someone had heard the shot being fired, and the police had been called. She knew that most people wouldn’t even think twice on hearing gun fire, but this wasn’t a neighborhood where it was common. Violent crime, whilst it did happen, wasn’t as prevalent. She hoped that was working in their favor right now, and that the software designed to pick up and triangulate gunshots had sent an alert to the bric. 

“I gain revenge for Sue. As the one person who truly loved her, I have to also defend her against monsters like you and the good doctor here.”

“You killed Sue, how is that defending her?”

“I protected her soul from the evil of this world. She is now free to be who she was meant to be, my soul mate, the true love of my life.”

Jane watched on as the scene then seemed to play out in front of her in slow motion. In a blinding second, she and Maura were both reminded of the day at the precinct shooting. The gun stayed firmly in place against Maura’s head, but another appeared in Jane’s line of vision. The noise it made as it went off seemed far too loud, and Jane watched as the muzzle flashed, before she stumbled backwards, hearing Maura’s screams as she tumbled into the body of the dead priest.

 _‘This isn’t how today was supposed to end,’_ _J_ ane thought as she blinked, before she lost consciousness.

 


	32. Chapter thirty two

**Chapter thirty two**

“Jane.”

Maura was on her knees, putting pressure on the wound, as Ellie stood just behind her, the one gun still trained on the back of Maura’s head.

“Oh god, please....Jane, can you hear me?”

Maura words were barely a whisper. She felt the warm salty tears run down her cheeks, but did nothing to stop them. She was more concerned with helping the woman who she had moved off Paul’s body, before laying her out flat on the tiled floor surface, and began first aid on. Her one hand came out and fumbled for Jane’s pulse on her neck, with thick feeling fingers, coated in blood, a mosaic look to them as the blood found the tiny crevices and wrinkles on the skin’s surface, showing them up in stark contrast to the smoother areas of the skin.

For a split second, all Maura could see was the sidewalk outside the precinct all that time ago. The same view, of blood on Jane, whilst collapsed on top of another person, and it took all her self control to remind herself this was not the same. Her breath hitched in her throat as she felt the pulse beneath her fingertips, before trying to desperately hold back the sobs that were threatening to break out of her. Tears were one thing, a complete breakdown was something she couldn't do. At least not yet. The blood seeped in and around her nail beds and cuticles, highlighting the differences, as the clear nail polish Maura favored for work did nothing to hide the color. For once Maura had to fight back the nausea.

“Well?”

Maura’s head spun around, her disgust and anger at Ellie not being held back, complete ferocity in her voice and body posture as she spoke. “Well what?”

Ellie merely nodded down towards Jane with a smirk on her lips, “She gonna live?”

“Yes, but no thanks to you.” Maura replied, the fury still evident in her tone, before deliberately turning back to Jane, not wanting to face Ellie any further.

Maura held back the wince as the gun muzzle dug deeper through her hair to her scalp. The lack of skin there, making the hardness of the metal even more painful than it would have otherwise been. Instead, Maura focused all her attention back to Jane, and Maura was relieved to see that Jane appeared to be coming around, albeit still only because of the signs of her eyelids fluttering slightly, as she appeared to be fighting off the loss of consciousness.

“No thanks to me huh? Now, don't you believe it,” Ellie squatted down now facing Maura, the gun moving position as she did, so it now rested on Maura’s one temple. “I deliberately used a small caliber handgun, and made sure I hit that area of the body. At that distance, I'm a fucking crack shot. It’ll hurt like a bitch, and could cause her to lose use of the arm if I hit the nerves there, which I’m hoping I did. After all, it isn’t going to matter once she’s dead now, is it? But I wanted to make sure this bitch couldn’t fight back, because, ya know, I’ve read up about this woman. A feisty fucker if ever I’ve seen one. Got out of the clutches of a serial killer more than once, as well as the apprentices he sent out after her. Shot herself to get a dirty cop and end a hostage situation. That's some kinda fucking hard core shit right there. So I ain’t gonna trust the usual methods to keep her quiet.”

Ellie stood up, and resumed her position behind Maura, gun firmly back in place against her head. “Besides, it’s fun to see her suffer like this. I think I could have some fun before you both get what you deserve.”

_God dammit, I’m bone chillingly cold. I never fully understood the reason for that saying, but right now, it feels as if my skin and muscles are blocks of ice, and its going right down to the bone. I can almost feel my whole skeleton beneath the mass of skin, tissue and muscle. Damn I am beginning to sound like Maura. I know that thought is bringing up a bubble of laughter up through my chest, which I can't seem able to hold back, yet I’m not even sure if it was released except in my mind. What the hell?_

_Shit, this surface is unforgiving. I can feel bone where it meets whatever the hell I’m lying on. It’s worse than the time we went camping and Frankie forgot to pack the bed rolls, so we were forced to sleep on the damn groundsheet only. No warm pallet of extra bedding or even the small millimeters thick of the dense foam to give us something between our bodies and the ground beneath us. Hip bones that jut out like mine do not do well on a hard surface, but this - this just fucking hurts._

_And God dammit, the world is not as it usually is. It’s as if I’ve been tipped up on my axis and shaken, before being dropped into a deep dark hole, so I have no idea which way is up. It reminds me of when we were kids, out on summer vacation, swimming in a lake. The water past the first couple of feet was inky black, because of sheer depth, and I remember diving down, only to become disorientated, and suddenly not knowing which way was up. If it wasn’t for the fact I allowed a few air bubbles to release from my mouth, and quickly followed their path - I knew then, and I know now - I might well have drowned. I never told anyone of that moment, nor about the all consuming terror I felt, but at this moment it feels a little like that day, only when I blow out, nothing happens. No bubbles, no change in the color around me. This is when the first tentacles of panic began to grip me, tightening their hold. I don’t like this feeling at all. Not one bit. Shit!_

“Jane.”

Jane moaned as she finally heard Maura’s voice penetrating her waking thoughts. All Jane knew as she tried to make sense of it all was she was hurting, and didn’t know what the hell was going on. Her left hand swung out, her fist aimlessly catching thin air as it flayed around useless in it’s attempt to grab something as fingers kept opening then clenching shut, and on each closed fist, another moan was emitted from Jane.

“Tell her to shut the fuck up.”

Maura turned, displacing the gun ever so slightly as she did, pure venom in her tone and facial expression.

“Jane cannot just shut the fuck up. Her body is in shock, mainly due to blood loss, which you caused by shooting her. She’s coming around, but until she is fully conscious, I suggest you back off.”

“And I suggest you watch your tone, Doctor Isles.” Ellie spat back, beginning to get agitated. “Just make sure she doesn’t die. I haven’t finished with her yet. Or you for that matter.”

Maura tried to ignore the icy feeling that was in the pit of her stomach, as she maneuvered back to try and help Jane’s disorientation by holding both hands in her own, able to free them both now the bleeding in the shoulder wound was beginning to slow.

"Jane, sweetie, it's okay. Just try and relax."

"Mau..." Jane finally forced her eyes open, her words slurred, unable to form a fully coherent word, let alone a sentence, but Maura didn't care. She was just overjoyed to see Jane really beginning to respond.

"W...wh... What."

"Shush, I'll tell you more in a minute, just try to relax first. You need to relax Jane."

"Yeah, ok...ay." Jane's eyes fluttered closed, and then suddenly flew open again, irises wide. "Ellie." The word was croaky but Jane began to shift, as if trying to get up.

"Jane, for goodness sake, you need to stay there. Please, do as I ask."

Maura's voice was gentle, as were her hands, which kept the pressure on Jane's shoulders, preventing her from moving.

"Looking for me?" Ellie moved into Jane's line of vision with an evil grin on her face, and suddenly it was if someone had pushed a jolt of electricity through Jane's body as she jerked forward trying desperately to get to the woman standing over them.

The moment was broken by the ringing of first Jane's cell on her belt, which Ellie reached for and ripped out of its holder; and when that wasn't answered, Maura's cell phone began to ring.

"One of us needs to answer." Maura said her voice rough with emotion as she continued to try and get a still struggling Jane to relax by carrying on keeping pressure on her shoulders, even though Maura knew it must be causing unbelievable pain around the wound.

"No they don't. You're in a fucking church, so your phones ringtone is obviously turned off, you’ve got the things on vibrate only and you don’t realize someone’s trying to get hold of you. It's only right to be respectful in a place of worship after all. They can be ignored." Ellie then quickly pulled Maura's phone out of her purse, before setting them both on silent. "There you go. By the time someone realizes you should be answering - it’s going to be too late." Ellie smiled as she tucked both phones into her jacket pockets.

"You.." Jane began to snarl, moving again, desperately trying to find the strength to stand, as she suddenly stopped, her eyes drifting to her right arm, before panicking eyes met Maura's.

* * *

"Korsak, get your stuff."

Frost ran into the bullpen, skidding to a halt at his desk, grabbing his own jacket, before turning on his heels, and began to leave, stopping only long enough to allow Korsak to catch up.

"What's up?" Korsak could see the worry in Frost's face. "Weren't you meant to be in the bric?"

"Yeah, and thank god I was. There was registered gun fire." Frost not even stopping as they entered the parking garage, heading to the unmarked cruiser. "It came from the church I know Jane and the Doc were going to check out for their wedding. Just tried both on their cells, and no-one is answering."

"Shit, you sure? It ain't somewhere nearby?" Korsak watched as Frost started the car, and hit the lights and siren to try and force their way through the heavy traffic.

"Double checked the coordinates myself. It's definitely the church she mentioned and I’m telling you, they are not answering their phones. If it was Angela trying to call, I get it, and I know they said they were not to be disturbed while on this vacation time as they sort the wedding stuff out, but I know they would still answer if one of us called. They answered us the last time they were off, with the same instructions, when Jane was moving. I even asked Frankie to try on his phone, and still nothing and I had to stop him from running out with us, because he’s got something else on today at work. I don’t like this Korsak, it doesn’t feel right." Frost then began to holler at some poor idiot that had obviously not realized the car was coming up behind them, and was driving on, oblivious.

“Sure they haven’t got their phones off. Hell I know I do if I go in a church?”

Frost shook his head, “They might have, but I’m telling you, something is off here.”

"Plan once we get there?" Korsak asked, as he automatically began to check his firearm, and grabbing the mobile radio from the compartment in the car where it was kept on charge. He had been around Frost long enough now to accept and trust his judgement. If he was saying something was off, then he was most likely right.

"Already called in SWAT for assistance."

Korsak nodded, as the streets blurred, keeping his breathing in check, trying not to think of what they might find. He was brought out of his thoughts as Frost shut the sirens off, before flicking the lights off as well, ready to approach the location silently, not wanting to possibly tip anyone off they were on location.

The car came to a rolling stop at the curb, and both men were quickly out, scouting the immediate area. They had just heard from dispatch to say someone had called in reporting hearing gunfire and they confirmed they were on scene. The adrenaline was just beginning to hit. Frost walked past a tree between the sidewalk and buildings set back from the road.

"The church is just there." Frost pointed, and Korsak nodded, seeing the building appear in his line of sight, the gray blocks used to build it standing out in stark contrast to the majority of red brick surrounding it.

They stopped in front of the main door, steps leading up via each side. Korsak took the left, while Frost headed to the right side, hoping the two side doors flanking the main access were primarily for show. Too many entrances or exits always compounded things if there was something going on here.

Slowly, both men began the walk up, meeting in the central point, before taking the final few steps up that led to the porch, the large door set deeply back in there. Arriving at the door, Frost put a hand out, and as gently and quietly as he could, turned the heavy brass handle. Once he felt it move, he began to put pressure on the door, without success. He turned and shook his head to Korsak, who was looking around to try and work out if there was another way for them to access the building.

"Yo."

The shout made both men turn around, seeing a young man at the base of the steps looking up at them.

"Door should be open man. Paulie never closes them doors. Never.”

Frost quickly hopped down the stone steps to the metal railing in front of where the man was standing, looking worried. “You know the church and priest here?”  
  
“Yeah man. Paul, he’s cool ya know. Never turns anyone away and during the day like dis - that door ain’t never closed. Heard there was some gun going off, why I came down, ya know. Place ain’t never locked up this time of day. Never. Night, yeah, but not in day.”

By now Korsak was alongside Frost, both holstering their firearms.

“What about the side doors?” Korsak asked, a hand coming out to gesture to one of the heavy black doors to the side.

“No man. They only open with a big event. Like huge wedding or sommit. Never opened otherwise. Locked up solid man.”

Frost glimpse back at the heavy oak, with a sigh. Whatever was going on in there, right now, they had no access. He grabbed the radio, and got an ETA on the SWAT team, before also requesting hostage negotiation help on site. He had no idea if anyone was inside, or if they were, they were alive. Right now, he just hoped that whatever was going on, they weren’t about to walk into a bloodbath.

“Shit.” Frost ran a hand across the top of his head, looking at Korsak whose worried expression mirrored his own.

“I’m calling Frankie. He should be here. I’ll clear it with whoever is in charge of his shift at the moment. Use Cavanaugh to clear it if needed.” Korsak walked a step or two down, before pulling his cell phone out, and taking a deep breath, he found the number he needed.

* * *

 “Jane, I need you to stay calm.” Maura’s voice betrayed the worry she felt, as Jane began to try and move her right arm with her left hand.

“Maura, I can’t... feel...” Jane gasped, as the movement started the blood flow again.

Maura quickly began to push back down on the cloth she had torn from a wad of swatches of different material and possible colors for her wedding dress and the bridesmaid dresses, that were still in her purse after she had picked them up late yesterday evening - upon realizing she had the material to use as an emergency dressing, Maura had sent up her own silent prayer as she had got it out from where her purse had fallen to the ground.

“Maur... worse... can’t feel. Numb.” Jane spluttered as she fell back against the hard wooden pew where she had managed to lean up against. She didn't even try and hold back the whimpers that followed her faltering words.

“I know, I know.” Maura said quickly. “The bullet is still lodged, and from the entry wound, it looks like it’s stuck in under your clavicle. There is a cluster of nerves there, and I suspect it’s hit them, which is why you’re experiencing the numbness in the arm and hand. I know you don’t believe me, but this is the best place it could have hit your shoulder. Jane, I need you to listen to me, okay.”

Maura watched as Jane barely managed to nod, her face ashen, sweat forming on her brow. “I know you’re scared right now, but this kind of wound, its not likely to be permanent, all right. You’ll be fine over time, but right now, I need you to stay still and as calm as possible. It's one thing for me to just put downward pressure on the wound. However, any other movement from you, or me, pushing around the wound with our hands or fingers, could dislodge the bullet, and tear an artery, and that is something we don’t want.” 

“Ok...ay.” Jane gasped, her left hand automatically coming across and landing on top of Maura’s, “Trust you.”

“I know you do sweetheart. I know you do.” Maura was still crying as she spoke, desperately trying to convey the reality that whilst painful, at the moment, Jane truly was going to be as okay as could be expected.

“For fucks sake, enough of the sappy shit.” Ellie moved, and grabbing Maura’s hand, pulled her off Jane, and quickly pulled both of Maura’s hands behind her back. She then used zip tie cuffs, and pushed Maura down on the ground alongside Jane, hands now firmly stuck behind her back.

“Why?” Jane wheezed, looking up at the agitated woman hovering above them, forcing her eyes to focus.

“Because you needed to pay for betraying Sue’s memory like you did.” Ellie began to pace, her actions obviously beginning to become more and more volatile.

“I told you....” Jane fought for breath, each movement, however slight, sending another stab of pain through her shoulder. “You’re the one who betrayed her.”

Ellie spun around, and without thinking sent another bullet into the lifeless body of Paul. The action and noise made both Maura and Jane jump, but internally, Jane was cheering, knowing that while the previous shots might not have been heard, it would have been picked up in the bric. If they had followed procedure, there was bound to be someone outside now investigating, even if it was just some uni pulled in to check it out. The last shot fired was as good as any signal Jane could have sent out that someone was in trouble.

* * *

 “Sir, get back.” Frost barked out the order, as he, Korsak and the young man they had been speaking to all looked back at the church in shock as the noise of the gunshot was clearly heard. All had instinctively ducked down slightly.

Korsak was already on the radio, getting the report in to dispatch, as Frost began to ensure that people were not getting too close to the front of the church. They waited only a few minutes, as a van marked SWAT finally roared into the street, stopping a few car lengths down from their position. Korsak nodded to Frost, and walked towards it, leaving Frost to stand guard where he was.

SWAT quickly began to deploy, as other police cars began to arrive on scene, and before long, the street was cordoned off and it wasn’t long before Cavanaugh arrived with Frankie in tow. Frankie immediately made his way towards Frost and Korsak, trying not to let his worry show too much. Cavanaugh meanwhile headed in a different direction.

“Report?” Cavanaugh didn’t hesitate as he strode up the short number of steps leading to the incident control unit that had been pulled into place within minutes of SWAT arriving.

“Confirmed gunshot came from the church approximately ten minutes ago.” The SWAT commander turned to face Cavanaugh, a stern expression on his face. “As of yet, one of your detectives and the Chief Medical Examiner whereabouts are unknown, and we believe they were visiting this premises at some point either today, or the coming days. We are working on the assumption, until proven otherwise they are inside the building. Status of those inside or numbers involved, at this moment in time, is unknown. No one has exited the building since the gunshot and we have men on all access points, as well as snipers deploying to various rooftops in the immediate vicinity.”

Cavanaugh took a deep breath. It was every bit as bad as he had feared.

“If my people are in there, then you need to look up Ellie Trench as a possible suspect. She’s someone who has targeted both woman previously.” Seeing the nod of acknowledgement, Cavanaugh looked on at the monitors being set up. “The plan?”

“We’re also setting up surveillance, and hope to have some sort of camera in there soon. We’ve got someone coming in from this diocese who can give us a rough layout of the inside of this place, until we can secure the formal blueprints from City Hall. Until then, I need you and your men to stay out of our way. I will keep you fully informed, but we also need to be able to do our job.”

“Hey, I’m not some green rookie straight out the academy,” Cavanaugh said sternly, bristling at the way he’d just been spoken to. “I know the procedure.”

The SWAT commander didn’t appear at all fazed, as he looked back at Cavanaugh. “I know that, but these are your people potentially involved, so I’m setting out the ground rules here and now, so there are no misunderstandings. Do you understand?”

Cavanaugh straighten up and walked up so he was almost nose to nose with the man in front of him. “You’re obviously new here, because I don’t recognize you. And if you aren’t new, you’re even more stupid than I thought, because I know exactly what it’s like to have _my_ people inside with a hostage situation going on. I was there at the precinct when Detective Jane Rizzoli, Officer Frankie Rizzoli and Doctor Maura Isles were being held by a dirty cop. I had to stand and watch as _my_ Detective put a _bullet_ through her gut to end the standoff and kill the bad guy. So don’t you tell me about procedure. I don’t want to have to watch that happening again, to the same damn people who we believe are inside there. So you do not mess this up! Do I make myself clear. Asshole.”

“Perfectly.”

The words were ground out, as both men stood at a slight impasse. Cavanaugh finally backed away, before turning to head out of the door.

“I’ll be with my men.” was all he said as he disappeared through the door, slamming it closed as he went.  



	33. Chapter thirty three

**Chapter thirty three**

Maura took a deep breath as she carefully watched Jane, seeing she was in shock, but so far, it wasn’t dangerous. Ellie meanwhile had taken a swift walk through the church, seemingly looking at possible points of entry or exit she might not have been aware of, but Maura just couldn’t be sure. Jane then shifted position, so their shoulders were now touching, and Maura was pleased in small mercies when it was Jane’s good shoulder that she was able to lean against.

“I don’t know, but the gunshot, should have registered in the bric.”

Maura’s eyes went wide at the words Jane managed to whisper, “Oh god, you’re right.” She looked up and couldn’t see Ellie still. “I also think Ellie shot your right shoulder assuming, as most people would, that’s your dominant hand. She did this to keep you under control, and I’m sure she would have shot you in the left had she known otherwise. It might not sound much, but it is something to our advantage if you can recover enough from this while we’re here.” 

Jane nodded, turning Maura’s words over in her head. What she was saying made sense - after all, although Ellie obviously knew of Jane, unless she was watching extremely closely, which Jane somehow doubted, she might well have missed Jane being left handed. It brought a small crumb of comfort to her, knowing that Ellie wasn’t as in control as she might have suspected, and Jane could only hope it made Ellie a little more casual or thoughtless than she might have otherwise been.

“Are you okay?”

Maura smiled softly, “Under the circumstances, I’m fine Jane. I’ve not been harmed physically at least. The ties are a little uncomfortable, but they don’t seem to be chaffing, so please, don’t worry about me.” 

Jane finally relaxed into Maura’s shoulder properly, “Good. That’s good.” 

She then closed her eyes, before opening them again, a wry smile on her face. “Ma’s going to completely flip her shit when she hears about this.” 

“Jane!” The tone was quiet, and despite the circumstances, light, and Maura tried not to laugh.

“What? It’s true, and I think we might have to look elsewhere for our wedding.” Jane frowned, looking serious for a second. “I don’t know if we’re gonna be welcomed back here again soon. Catholic and their allies or not.”

Maura looked across, and could see how serious Jane was. "So, we find another church that will welcome us if we can't use this one. Either way, I am marrying you Jane Rizzoli, come hell or high water."

Jane smiled, as she tried to take in a deeper breath. "I kinda like this one though..."

* * *

Frankie began to pace the short distance between markers that SWAT had placed to keep even the uni’s and others not immediately involved in the hostage situation back from the church. Frost and Korsak were standing up against the barrier, both with phones and guns at the ready. They all heard the door on the SWAT control unit being slammed, and as one, turned to see Cavanaugh with a grim expression on his face walking their way.

“This doesn’t look good.” Frost murmured, as they all instinctively straightened up, desperate to hear of any news.

Putting a hand up slightly as he approached, Cavanaugh motioned with his head for them to follow him, so they could talk a little further away from the other people that were all currently milling around.

“As yet, we still have no confirmation where Rizzoli and Doctor Isles are, and we still don’t know who is inside. At this point, it’s believed that is where they are because so far, they cannot be accounted for. I sent uni’s to their house, as well as checking out other known place they go, and there is no-one either at the house or other locations.” Cavanaugh watched with a sympathetic expression as Frankie’s shoulders dropped on hearing the news.

“What’s SWAT doing?” Korsak then asked.

“About to send in some cameras to have a look. They told us to stay outta the way, and we know we’ve gotta let them do their job. I know how difficult this is, but until we know what we’re dealing with, and even once we do, we make sure we stay put.”

“Yeah, we know.” Frost shook his head as he turned to look back at the church.

Cavanaugh placed a sympathetic hand on Frankie’s shoulder. “Have you called Angela?”

Frankie swallowed hard, “Yeah, and Maura’s parents. They are on their way, and they should manage to get the 2.30 ferry, which means they should be here within a few hours.”

“Okay. There isn’t a hellva lot we can do right now but sit tight and wait to see what SWAT come up with.”

* * *

Ellie looked down at the two women with a snort. “Don’t get too comfortable there.” She then kicked Maura in the ribs, causing Jane to react as Maura automatically curled up.  Maura’s hand then tried to cover where she had been struck, failing as she came up against the white tie cuffs holding her hands and arms securely in place.

“Simmer down.” Ellie then leaned in, and quickly pushed Jane back against the hard backed pew she and Maura had been resting again.

“Jane, I’m okay.” Maura said as quickly as she could, even though she was still slightly winded.

“You aren’t going to walk out of here Ellie. You must know that.” Jane said, trying not to let the pain she was in show.

Ellie just shook her head with a smirk. “Yeah well, this life I’m living right now? Without Sue - it ain’t worth it, so I might as well do what I need to before I can join Sue so we can be together forever.”

Ellie then straightened up quickly, as the door of the church was being pounded on by someone.

“Yo Paulie, you in there man? Come on, open up.” A man shouted, as some more hammering of a fist against the wood occured. “We gotta go feed the people, c’mon man.”

“Looks like someone is trying to get in, what you gonna do now?” Jane asked, as she glanced at Maura, both recognizing Frost’s voice. For the first time since it began, Jane finally dared believe that something was working in their favor, knowing if Frost was there, so was backup.

Smiling, Ellie listened on looking totally unfazed.

“C’mon man.” They heard another knock, before someone else called out.

“Stevie, let it go, we ain’t got time.”

Maura and Jane recognized Frankie’s voice as the other man, and both swallowed hard, trying not to show their emotions. Jane was still trying to analyze the whole situation, and she watched in mounting horror at the way Ellie seemed so detached from it all. There appeared to be no fear, and Jane knew from bitter experience that Ellie wouldn’t react with the same emotions that most people did, and it was going to limit their chances further. If her experiences with Hoyt and Dominic in particular had taught her anything, it was Ellie was definitely psychotic and therefore completely unpredictable.

Ellie walked back to the two women, before carefully sitting down on a pew opposite them, the main gun still firmly held in their direction. She looked thoughtful for a minute or two.

“I’ve gotta say, for a while I didn’t think this engagement was real. Took you coming here for me to see perhaps it isn’t just something you did, to, oh I dunno... Get me to come atcha. Saw you all looking at wedding stuff before here as well, and Jesus, Mommy Rizzoli doesn’t half get a load of wedding magazines each day. I didn’t know Boston had that many to choose from. She musta been around god knows how many places buying ‘em. You must be making her real proud detective, although fuck knows why.”

Maura stopped herself from looking in shock at Jane. How could she have known what the initial plan for the engagement were? Maura also fought down the bile, thinking about Ellie having obviously followed Angela, and most likely Constance, even though Jane had warned her of the possibility. She did finally glance towards Jane, who wasn’t holding back and was looking straight at Maura, and gave her a quick smile, before Ellie began talking again, drawing their attention back to her. 

“I didn’t think you really loved each other, because Detective Jane Rizzoli, how could you love someone else that deeply, when you were supposed to love Sue?”

Jane waited a beat, unsure if she was meant to answer or not. She was pleased though it looked as if Ellie had finally fallen for the engagement. She didn’t like to think how someone as obviously unhinged as Ellie would react if she thought it really was a sham.

Ellie sneered, and waved the gun ever so slightly in front of her. “You can answer ya know.”

Moving to try and prop herself up a little more, Jane looked Ellie in the eye, “I love them both. Sue and Maura are two different women, but I was lucky to have found love with each of them. They are both incredible.”

“No, you see, how the hell can you claim you love someone, when you’re with a fucking whore like this?” Ellie gestured towards Maura, her anger beginning to show again, as she stood up and began to pace in front of them.  

* * *

Cavanaugh watched the video feed, having been asked back to the control center. He took a deep breath as he saw Jane and Maura, both at least still alive, even though someone else could be seen on the ground nearby who appeared deceased. Cavanaugh was told they had identified the person as the priest. Ellie Trench had also been quickly identified.

“When do you hope to get sound?” Cavanaugh asked, as people around him continued to work on trying to get as much intel into the command post as possible.

“Soon. The window panes themselves are small, so aren’t as easy to use the external microphones we would like because they end up distorting the sound, so we’re having to look at planting small microphones in locations close to the doors, where we can feed them under the gap between door and floor.” The SWAT commander turned to look Cavanaugh. “It means we’ve got to make sure that our suspect is not close enough to either hear or see anything.”

Cavanaugh signed, “So we know who is inside yet?”

“As far as we can see, they are the only three alive in the church. We are looking at setting up some kind of communication with the kidnapper.”

“That woman is more than a kidnapper.” Cavanaugh said, steel in his voice. “She’s a cold blooded murderer. How about someone tries to get in? After all, this is a church, so someone might well try and enter so she must expect that at least. We can then approach her, perhaps make her believe we’ve not been on scene as long as we have. Pretend we don’t know who we’re talking to, or who else is in the building. It won’t last for long, but it would give a very slight advantage - allow you to look at ways of getting in while we keep her occupied in talks, or just knowing we’re there.”

“That could work at least to get the microphones in position under the two side doors. Can you send at least two men up to the door without raising suspicion if she tries to look out? We can have a few people milling around outside - make it look normal if she has got limited views out somewhere. Our positions here won’t be seen that’s for sure.”

“I’ll send Frost up and talk to a few of the men here in plain clothes.”

“Do it.” 

* * *

 “They are going to question why the door is locked Ellie. Your advantage is being lost.”

“Shut the fuck up.” Ellie spun around, and without warning hit Maura squarely in the face, causing her to fall sideways, away from Jane. She bent down, and with surprising strength, pulled Maura up, first onto her knees, and then finally onto unsure legs. “You’re coming with me.”

“NO!” Jane shouted, trying desperately to get up, struggling to even pull her upper body upright. She watched in mounting horror as Ellie pulled Maura far enough away so they were well and truly separated, but not so far that Ellie lost sight of Jane. Pushing Maura roughly down in another pew, Ellie then looked back at Jane.

“I think it’s time I began all this, don’t you.”

Jane could only then watch as a flurry of strikes hit Maura in and around her face to begin with. Because her hands were secured behind her back, it made it impossible for Maura to get away from the assault, as she tried to lean away from the fists that were relentlessly pounding against her.

“You fucking bitch.” Jane yelled, as she finally managed to get onto her knees, her breathing ragged. She bent over, her left arm braced against the floor tiles, trying to catch her breath, not seeing Ellie then walking over. The first she knew she was there was as a foot came into her field of vision, kicking her squarely on the chin. Jane’s body flew back, and her head cracked on the tile beneath her with a sickening sound.

Maura would have been screaming at that point, but for the fact she had fallen unconscious mere minutes earlier. Ellie frowned as she shook out her hands, which were now stinging from all the punches that had landed.

* * *

“Jesus.” The word was barely audible as they continued to watch what was happening on the video feed.

“You need to get in there.” Cavanaugh looked up, his eyes narrowing, facial expression hard.

“We are trying to work out how to best approach it.” The SWAT commander said quickly, “I know this is difficult and at the moment this would be an optimum time to get in there, because Detective Rizzoli and Doctor Isles are not being attacked or even properly watched at this time. She also so far hasn’t realized we are present. However, until we can be sure how that main door is secured, we can’t just try and break it. According to our sources it uses a wooden beam across the back, as well as a lock and bolts to secure the door. If they have all been employed, it will make trying to use any kind of ram to enter pretty much redundant because we'd never get in there quickly enough.”

“What about the windows?” Cavanaugh dragged a hand across his face, allowing his frustration to show.

“Good to use to throw in concussion grenades, but not to gain entry. We can get in through them by breaking the glass, but with the lead framework and height, again, it would make the actual entry too slow. Our only real chance is using one of the other smaller front doors."

They were interrupted as someone came running up the steps and into the command trailer.

“Got something,” They said rather breathlessly, holding up a rolled blueprint. Walking over, he quickly began to unfurl in, putting it down on a table for everyone to see. “There is apparently a bread kitchen that they open over weekends. It’s not a main part of the church, and the doorway between the church and kitchen is well hidden, but there is access in and out. Even if the door is locked, it’s a standard interior door.”

“Cavanaugh, I need you to leave, so I can concentrate on getting this planned.”

Cavanaugh nodded, knowing he would simply hinder proceedings if he stayed, so he walked outside again, heading over to a specific group of people. He took in a deep breath as he approached, seeing that Angela and Constance were now on site.

“Angela, Mrs Isles,” Cavanaugh held out a hand, and Constance grabbed it, not releasing it when they had shaken, simply tightening her hold.

“Constance please. Mrs Isles under such circumstance is far too formal. What can you tell us?”

While her voice had remained calm, everyone could see the worry etched on her and Angela’s faces.

“They are looking at a rescue plan right now. It’s why I’ve left the command post to come here.” Cavanaugh said carefully. "We weren't expecting you this soon."

"I chartered a helicopter service." Constance replied, looking pale.

“How are Jane and Maura?” Angela spoke up this time, her voice not as composed as Constance, as she kept glancing back to the church, before gripping Frankie’s and Tommy’s hands, each standing either side of their mother.

“I don’t know for sure.” Cavanaugh said carefully, knowing from experience that telling either family at this stage about what he had just witnessed wouldn’t help anyone.

“But, I was told Janie had been bleeding, like she had been shot.”

Cavanaugh inwardly cursed the loose tongues of the people around them, but knew he had to carefully answer. “It did look as if she had been shot in the right shoulder, but the picture wasn’t good enough for a clear picture. However, I can assure you, it hadn’t rendered her unconscious, and she seemed as well as could be expected under the circumstances.”

“That’s good, right?” Angela looked up at Korsak and Frost, who could only nod, knowing their commander enough to realize that while he wasn’t lying outright, there was something he wasn’t adding.

“Listen, I need to have a word with Frost and Korsak. If you’ll excuse us.”

With a nod of his head, Frost and Korsak quickly followed him, leaving Angela, Tommy, Frankie and Constance all looking anxiously back at the church.

“This is all my fault.” Angela began to wring her hands together, as tears began to break free, “I should never have insisted on a church wedding. Should never have gone on vacation for god’s sake.”

“Ma, this is not your fault.” Frankie quickly moved to stand in front of the now distraught woman, pulling her into his chest. “Ellie Trench is a someone who would have attacked Jane and Maura at some point, and she just chose this moment. You could have been at home, or at work. Jane and Maura could have been out jogging, or in a diner somewhere. Ellie attacked them, you couldn’t have known any more than Jane or Maura she was going to do this.”

“Oh god.”

Angela began crying in earnest, and Tommy also moved in to comfort her as Frankie moved positions to embrace Constance, who was now also fighting her own tears.

“Jane knows how to get out of these situations. If anyone will get out of it with Maura, it’s Janie.” Frankie finally said softly, trying to believe the words as much as trying to bolster the people around him. His eyes though tracked Cavanaugh, Frost and Korsak, knowing there was something they weren’t being told, and he could only hope it wasn’t as bad as he feared.

* * *

 Maura looked up as she began to regain her senses. She realized she had been dragged across to be close to Jane again, but she wasn't close enough to touch the still unconscious woman. Maura stifled the cry that she wanted to release when she saw the small pool of blood that had formed underneath Jane's head on the white tile beneath.

"I need you to make sure she's okay."

Ellie suddenly reappeared in Maura's line of sight, looking agitated.

"If you need me to render any first aid, you first need to remove these cuffs."

Maura attempted to keep her voice level, and she was mentally going through her owns injuries, and noticed her cheekbone, which Ellie had broken in her earlier attack all those months ago in the morgue, felt as if it was broken again. Other than that, Maura knew it was pretty much just bad bruising and swelling so far. She could only hope it wasn't serious for Jane either. Maura took some solace knowing that head wounds nearly always bled more.

Ellie ground her teeth and she pushed the smaller gun back into her jacket pocket, pulling a flick knife out of her jeans pocket. Flicking it open, she moved behind Maura, who felt a rough pull through the plastic ties, and suddenly her hands were free. She rubbed her wrists, ignoring the slight cut caused by the knife blade. Her wrists, whilst sore, were slightly numb but fortunately, not damaged badly, before Maura then rolled her shoulders as she shuffled across to Jane. She then carefully began to assess Jane's injuries.

Just as Maura was about to bring her hands around to feel Jane's neck, her eyesight was completely overwhelmed at the same time noise overtook her senses. She felt herself losing some balance, and although thoroughly disoriented, she had enough wits about her to be thankful she wasn't standing at that point knowing she would have fallen to the floor hard otherwise. She was also lucid enough to know at least one stun grenade, possibly more had been deployed, but beyond that, all she could do was fall across the torso of Jane, partly because she was so disorientated, she just didn't know what else to do.

  
  
  



	34. Chapter thirty four

**Chapter thirty four**

Frankie, Frost and Korsak all had weapons drawn and vests on, as the SWAT team began to move into positions. Cavanaugh meanwhile was standing back with Angela, Constance and Tommy, who were all looking on with worried expressions.

"Please god, don't let any of my babies get hurt."

Angela's pleading words were barely heard, but Constance moved in closer, grasping Angela's forearm.

"Angela, they will be fine, these officers know what they are doing."

Angela couldn't help the small smile as she looked up at Constance. "It's not them I'm worried about. If I've learnt anything, it's Jane can be an unknown force of her own...." Fear clouded Angela's face for a split second. "For goodness sake, she shot herself to save Frankie, I don't know what she might do to save Maura, and I dread to even contemplate it."

Constance fought back the tears as Angela's words registered. "In that case, whilst I know this is so difficult for you, I can't think of anyone I would rather was with Maura right now." She squeezed her fingers, that were still holding onto Angela, "and I suspect that Maura will also be protecting Jane in any way she can. After all, although she refuses to accept it, her actions at the precinct are known to have saved Jane and Frankie. Those two protect each other in their own way."

Angela wiped the tears from her eyes. "I hope you're right. God, I hope you're right."

Tommy shuffled his feet, barely able to watch what was going on around them, desperately trying to hold back his own emotion, fighting his own instinct to go running after Frankie. It was at times like this he felt wholly inadequate, and wished he could show the support his mother needed if nothing else. Taking a deep breath, he moved in towards Constance and his mother. Constance sensed his presence, and with a small smile, she moved away, allowing him to gather Angela in his arms. All three then turned and watched the whole thing, trying desperately to maintain their composure.

* * *

"Frankie, you stay back." Korsak's words were deliberate, and Frankie glared at him, but it failed to change Korsak's stance. "You're lucky that you’re being allowed anywhere near this, because it's your sister in there, as well as your future sister in law. So, you will stay back, behind Frost and me. If you can't I'll personally be busting you back down to traffic before Cavanaugh can even begin to kick your ass. Do I make myself clear!"

Swallowing a lump back down in his throat, Frankie finally nodded, as he settled in behind the others, knowing he did have to play this totally by the rules, even though his instinct was to rush in with the first wave of SWAT officers.

They watched as concussion grenades were launched through the smaller front windows that were immediately above the two side doors. They then heard the muffled commands coming from the side, as entry was gained via the interior side door from the kitchen area that had been discovered. Gun fire was clearly heard. After what had seemed like an eternity, but in reality had been little more than minutes, the main front door was thrown open and more SWAT piled in from the front steps, followed by yelled commands from inside the church. Shortly after, Frost, Korsak and Frankie were then being waved forward, as well some paramedics who had been on standby.

As they entered, the first thing Frankie saw was Ellie on the floor, and he could see she was dead. Taking in a deep breath, he continued to follow Frost, while Korsak stayed back to help co-ordinate the first of the crime scene technicians who were already being let in. He suddenly saw Maura and Jane, and seeing Maura struggling to move, he was quickly by her side, gently touching her shoulder to show he was there. He could tell she was disorientated, and as he spoke, she was struggling to stand. Frankie immediately began to help her regain her balance. Seconds later, Frost appeared also helping to steady Maura.

He then watched as Jane was tended to, finally wheeled out on a gurney, Maura insisting that she walk by her side. He was about to follow, but then realized he would be needed inside to help with the scene. Maura assured him both she and Jane were going to be fine, and that was enough for him to make up his mind. Taking a deep breath, knowing Jane and Maura were now on their way to hospital, and the best way he could help was to do his job, he isolated his thoughts to the job at hand. He turned on his heels, looking down at the body of the woman that he wished in a strange way was still alive, so he could get answers, even though he felt relief she was dead, to do no more physical harm at least.

* * *

Maura was sitting up, watching as the doctor was pushing x-rays up onto the light box in the cubicle she was currently in.

"As you can see, the zygomatic where it articulates with the maxilla is broken, immediately alongside the old callus repair, that is just visible. I don't believe it needs any intervention, and like before, is probably best left to repair itself."

"I can see and agree with your diagnosis. Now, please..." Maura tried to keep her voice from pleading, but was failing dramatically, "can you release me, so I can go and find out how my fiancée is doing."

"Of course." The young doctor smiled sympathetically, "but as I said earlier, she was doing well, and the bullet removal wasn't as difficult as they first feared and she's now in recovery."

"Frankly, I don't care." Maura found her patience was now wearing thin, "no disrespect to you or your fellow doctors, until I can see Jane and judge for myself, I simply cannot take your word for it." Maura eased herself down off the bed she had been occupying, taking a second to steady herself as the bruising and swelling she had experienced made itself known. She then began to walk out of the cubicle, albeit with a pronounced limp due to a slightly swollen knee, ignoring the now flustered doctor, heading towards the waiting room for the surgical unit, where she knew the others were waiting.

Constance was the first to see Maura approaching them, and was quickly by her side, her hand coming out to hold one of Maura's.

"Are you okay?" Constance's question came out in a rush, since Maura had effectively pushed her mother out of the treatment cubicle, insisting she stay with Angela and bring any news of Jane should they get any the second she could.

"The break is in the zygomatic bone, mirroring the same fracture as before." Maura answered, looking anxiously at the Rizzoli's, and seeing they all looked fairly relaxed, allowed herself to relax a little more. “But it doesn’t need treatment, other than icing frequently and normal painkillers. The rest is deep bruising in various places, also best treated with icing and painkillers, so I will be fine."

"Thank goodness. The doctor is due to give us an update on Jane any minute, but the last we heard, it all sounded very positive."

Constance continued to hold Maura’s hand as they moved towards the others, and Angela, seeing Maura approaching, almost ran towards her, hugging carefully her but still showing her desperaion.

"I'm so pleased you're here..." Angela stepped back, appraising Maura carefully. "Are you okay?"

Maura nodded, and gave the same report that she'd just given Constance, before Angela pulled her back into another light hug.

"They say Jane is going to be fine." Angles finally released Maura, and grasping her and one of Constance's hand, pulled them towards everyone else.

"So I heard."

Maura's reply was stilted as she fought back the emotion. She ran a hand gently across her forehead as she also gave Angela a small smile. It was enough for Angela to just give a small nod of acknowledgement, and a tight smile of her own.

“Jane Rizzoli’s family.”

Every ones eye’s swivelled around, as Angela pulled Maura with her, Frankie, who had rejoined them from the church, and Tommy immediately behind them.

He looked down at a clip board that had details on it, before smiling and looking back towards everyone. “Detective Rizzoli is just being moved to a room. Despite the gun shot, we’re confident she will just need normal care, so she isn’t being taken to ICU or the high dependency unit. We want to restrict visitors though to begin with, until we’re happy with the recovery, so for now, we’re allowing three people at a time.”

Tommy and Frankie both reached out and gently pushed the backs of Angela and Maura.

“Just take Ma and Maura.” Frankie spoke up, looking across at Tommy who gave him a nod of agreement, “We’ll wait to see her.”

Maura twisted around, tears misting her eyes. “Thank you.”

“Go, just make sure she’s okay.” Tommy replied, fighting back his own tears, “we’ll go to the cafe, grab a coffee, wait for you there.”

* * *

Maura hooked a leg around the chair, using her ankle to pull it in close to Jane’s bed, watching her chest rise and fall, having already checked the monitors as well as glancing at her chart which was hooked at the end of the bed. Angela pulled the only other chair that was in the room to be alongside Maura.

Maura reached out, holding Jane’s hand that didn’t have the finger pulse oximeter that was monitoring her pulse and oxygen levels. She and Angela sat there, not saying much, as they watched Jane beginning to wake from the anaesthetic, having been told she had already woken up at least once in the recovery room, so there was no need to call the nurse in when she woke again, unless they felt it was needed.

It was a relief to see Jane wasn't even on any form of oxygen, all indicating the injury was not severe as it might have been.

“Mau...”

Watching and hearing Jane struggling to wake and talk, Maura stood up, and leaned over, kissing Jane gently on the forehead. “Shush, I’m here.”

She watched as Jane blinked a few times, before finally her eyes stayed open long enough to focus, and Jane then realized Angela was still sitting in her chair.

“Ma.”

It was enough to get Angela to stand, as she brought a thumb out, and rubbed Jane’s cheek gently.

“They say you’re going to be fine.”

Angela’s voice was low and comforting, and Maura smiled down as she watched Jane relaxing at the news.

Jane suddenly shot up a little in the bed, before collapsing back in a heap, a pained moan erupting. Maura immediately put her hand out on to Jane’s good shoulder, trying to offer what little solace she could.

“Easy, you need to be careful.” Maura’s voice was soft, trying to convey the message without upsetting Jane further.

“Ellie?” Jane finally managed to croak.

Understanding what Jane was asking, Maura swallowed, as she went to answer, her words steady and sure.

Maura was still on top of Jane, as she heard what she thought were people yelling, but her hearing was completely decimated beyond the awful white noise in her head. She tried to work out where all the commotion was coming from, but then flinched as she somehow felt the air pressure change, rather than heard gun shots that rang out. She was then able to turn her head, and watched as the SWAT team came closer, stopping at the now still body of Ellie, who they had apparently killed.

Someone crouched down, pulling the two guns out from Ellie's body, clips and bullets being removed in a smooth, practiced motion. He also seemed to take her pulse, before looking up at his companions, shaking his head. Maura then knew, Ellie was dead, so turned back to try and check on Jane.

Within seconds, a SWAT member came over, kneeling down to the side of them both. He was talking, but Maura was still having difficulty hearing as a result of the concussion grenade.

“I CAN’T HEAR!” The words were unintentionally shouted, although Maura could only hear them as muffled noise in her head.

The man nodded, and put a hand out, gesturing for Maura to try and move. He then pointed behind him, and Maura could see the paramedic’s beginning to make their way towards them. Stifling a sob, Maura shifted position, so they could attend to Jane, while she remained seated on the floor, holding her head in her hands, before she tried unsuccessfully to move.

She felt someone touch her shoulder gently, and looked up to see Frankie.

“Mau.... ar..... ok....”

The words were broken, but it was already an improvement to earlier. Maura nodded, and began to stand up, finding her balance was still off.

“Whoa there.” Frost appeared on the other side of her, and with Frankie, they moved in to grab an elbow each, watching carefully as Maura finally shook her head, thankful that her hearing now seemed to have returned to normal, while her balance was improving.

More paramedics appeared, taking over from Frost and Frankie, and Maura insisted on walking out under her own steam, staying to the side of the gurney that they had strapped Jane to. As they headed towards the ambulances, Maura saw her mother and Angela, both at the end of the large wooden barriers, each trying to be allowed through. Waiting to see that Jane was safely loaded, Maura then turned, and ignoring the protests from the two paramedics assigned to help her, walked towards them.

"Please let them through."

Despite her own disorientation and injuries, Maura pulled herself upright, maintaining her posture. The uniformed officer looked around, unsure what to do.

"I'm assuming you know who I am?"

It wasn't so much a question, but a statement.

"Yes ma'am." The rookie sounded as flustered as he looked.

"In that case, let these two women through. Now."

Constance and Angela hurried past the gap that was opened for them, each desperately needing to see and hear how their daughters were. Constance was the first to pull Maura into a hug, followed by Angela, who also insisted they all go with Maura in the ambulance to the hospital. After sending the paramedic the infamous Rizzoli glare, it was quickly agreed that Constance at least could join her. Tommy then also came across, so Angela went with him, ready to use the transport Cavanaugh had already offered them should they need it to get to the hospital.

"Ellie is dead. SWAT came into the church and she was killed as they entered. I don't know all the details yet."

"Grenade...concussion..." Jane was able to say, as her eyes began to track around the room.

"Yes, it was disorientating for me, so until I either read the report, or someone can confirm it for us, I would only be guessing as to how it all played out." Maura could tell Jane was looking for something, and she frowned. "What is it that you need?"

"Drink." Jane went to motion with her good hand, but even that movement made her groan slightly.

Maura immediately understood, and saw the glass with a straw, and a pitcher full of water on the rolling table to the other side of the bed. She quickly moved, poured some water into the glass, before leaning in, hooking an arm through the back of Jane's neck to help her lift her head. Jane took a good drink, before settling back in the pillows.

"It's over?" Jane then asked, her voice stronger and steadier.

"It's definitely over. That son of a bitch is not getting near anyone again. She can rot in hell as far as I'm concerned." Angela was the one to speak to Jane this time, as she saw Maura fighting back some fresh tears.

Maura smiled at the protective nature of Angela, and finally she allowed a tear to escape. It truly was over.

* * *

Jane looked up as Maura walked in, her posture immediately relaxing.

“For the love of god, please tell this nurse...” Jane gestured with her good arm, “That I can pee by myself!”

Fighting back the laugh, Maura tried to keep as neutral as an expression as she possibly could. She gave the nurse a sympathetic look, and a hand came out to gently rest on the forearm of a very exasperated looking woman.

“I’ll deal with this.”

“Thank you.” the harried woman moved and was quickly out of the room.

Maura waited until the door closed. “You really shouldn’t antagonise the nurses Jane.”

“What else am I gonna do? Play Clue with them? Christ she looks like she’s not out of high school yet.” Jane grouched as she shifted in the bed, pulling the covers back as she did.

“Perhaps accept their help like any normal person. Besides, it is what they do Jane. They are hardly doing this sort of thing for fun, which means it for your benefit, no one else. It’s a simple choice -  accept the help, or still have the catheter in place."

Jane grimaced at the mention of the catheter, before shifting position, readying herself for the pain she knew was about to erupt by her movements.

“I don’t care.” Jane stuck her tongue out as she swung her legs away from the bed, planting her feet firmly on the ground. “I’m going to pee!”

Maura watched as Jane walked carefully towards the bathroom, knowing that she would never manage to use the toilet properly whilst her arm was in the type of sling that was now supporting her shoulder. It was a complex figure of eight configuration, and certainly restricted movement in the whole torso, which in turn restricted even the good arm.

1...

2...

"Maura."

Maura smiled, surprised it only took two seconds for the low call, as she slowly pushed the bathroom door open.

"Dammit, I can't." Jane looked up, pulling desperately at the waist band of her pajama pants. "I can't pull them down properly."

Jane then watched the grin that broke out across Maura's face, and pointed a defiant finger in her direction, "And I don't need a smart assed remark or a 'I told you so' from you. I just need to pee..."

The last words sounded pitiful, so Maura bit back her words as she moved in, and carefully tugged down the pajama pants and underwear. As Jane sat down on the toilet, Maura also quickly pulled off some toilet paper from the holder, and wordlessly handed it over, so Jane had to do as little as possible.

"Call me when you're done."

Without waiting for an answer, Maura moved back into the main room, idly tidying up some of the magazines and books that Jane had strewn across the bed and trolley table. She smiled as she saw the sports section of the paper in a very tangled heap. It looked like Bosoton's sports teams were not doing very well at the moment if the way it had been left was any indication. Maura knew from experience, the better the teams performed, the less damage was done to the printed pages. The pages were almost always pristine when a team actually won a major trophy or event, like the Soxs winning the world series. She cleared the paper away, putting most of it in the trash can, wishing once again there was a recycling option in the hospital. It was something she was going to bring up at the next board meeting.

Hearing Jane calling her, Maura helped her back into the room, and Jane finally settled on a high backed chair that had been brought in for her to use, while Maura sat down on the usual hard plastic visitor chairs.

"So, are you going to be this difficult once we get you home?"

Jane's eyes pinned Maura with a steady gaze. "When I get home? Please tell me I can go soon?"

"I was talking to your doctor and he has agreed to let you come home this afternoon, if you can follow the instructions he will be giving us to maintain your care, since I am a doctor." Maura held Jane's gaze, showing how serious she was. "Whilst there isn't any reason not to believe you will maintain full use of the arm again, it takes approximately one month for one millimetre of nerve regeneration in scenarios such as this. That means, you are looking at months before you will begin to lose the numbness in some areas. That can only happen if you follow what the doctors, physiotherapists and occupational therapists tell you to do. It also means you are going to have to do something which is completely alien to you - be patient!"

"I can be patient!" Jane insisted.

"The word patient hardly applies to you Jane, and you know it. Talk about an oxymoron in this instance. You cannot be patient, even though you are a patient."

"I did as I was told after..." Jane faltered slightly, as she gestured to the area she was shot.

"After you shot yourself Jane. You can say it you know, I'm not going to get upset." Maura's voice softened.

"Yeah, you might not, but Ma sure as hell does." Jane straightened up a little in the chair, "but as I was saying, after I shot myself I did as I was told."

"Most of the time." Maura reminded her, "towards the end you rushed things. You have to understand this is a very different injury. In many ways, you are going to find it all more frustrating, and that always makes you touchy."

"Okay, geez, lecture over please! I just wanna go home today." Jane moaned as she began to chew the end of her thumb, a slight frown on her face.

"Then I will go and start the paperwork. Your mother is due in an hour with clothes for you to change into."

Jane watched as Maura began to leave the room, as the words began to filtered in her brain.

"Hey, if Ma is coming with clothes for me to change into, you knew I was going home today, no questions asked. I hate you!"

Jane's words were yelled, but there's was no malice in them, and Maura smiled, enjoying being able to tease Jane for once.

  
  



	35. Chapter thirty five

Chapter thirty five.

"Christ, I didn't realize how much you use your shoulders." Jane muttered, as she tried once again to move in the mountain of pillows she currently needed to help her sleep. "This is a fucking nightmare."

Maura slowly moved into the bedroom, and helped Jane into the position she was trying to achieve. "Which is why I was trying to explain this injury is very different to previous ones. Whilst all abdomen muscle use is extensive, it's generally accepted its easier to compensate with other muscle groups when moving. Unfortunately, the same cannot be said in this instance. Even minor shoulder injuries, depending on the site, can be very painful for that reason alone."

"Which I can sum up in just four words, I feel like crap."

Maura's eyes softened even more, as fingers came out and gently brushed errant stray brown locks away from Jane's face, "I know you do."

"And I hate the painkillers. They make me feel a different kinda crap."

"I know they do."

Jane couldn't stop the glare, "You know something does.... That's the best that big brain can come up with?"

Ignoring the tone, Maura settled herself on the bed, shoulder to shoulder with Jane, "You just need to focus on getting better. This nerve damage is not going to stop you going back to work, but.."

"It's gonna take time, yeah so everyone keeps telling me." Jane interrupted with a slight shake of her head.

"Jane you have at least twelve months to recover so you're not going to get kicked out on disability, even though it will take many months for the nerves to regenerate or rework new neural pathways. Whilst not all nerves in the body can repair or recover, in this instance they can." Maura leaned over to hand Jane the painkillers and glass of water she had originally brought in.

Jane grabbed the pills, and threw them in her mouth, swallowing them with some water, still glowering at Maura.

"I just wanna feel better." Jane finally grumbled, as the pills began to take effect, and her head fell back gently into the stack of pillows.

"It will happen, and I will be here every step of the way," Maura soothed Jane's brow with her fingers, as Jane murmured something unintelligible and a smile formed at the feeling of Maura's fingertips, "We will get through this together."

* * *

Jane woke up to find Maura still sitting in the same place she had been when she'd fallen asleep, book in hand. Glancing at the clock, Jane shuffled herself upright a little, trying not to jostle her shoulder.

"Please don't tell me you've been sitting here all the time I've been asleep?"

Maura smiled, as their fingers linked, squeezing gently. "No, Tommy came around before heading out to work. Frost and Korsak also popped in and stayed for coffee. They said they will visit another time when you're up and about. Frankie is at work on the night shift and your mother is currently cooking us dinner."

Jane realized she could just make out the smell of the herbs and spices that so often accompanied her mothers cooking. She grinned, actually feeling hungry for the first time since she had left hospital.

"How's the pain level?"

"About a four. It's a lot better." Jane could see the uncertainty on Maura's face, so squeezed her fingers a little more, "earlier it was pretty much a ten. But this sleep, the rest and last lot of pills have really helped." Still seeing the skeptical expression, Jane plowed on, "I promised I would be honest with you Maur, so I am being truthful... and it really is only about a four. Maybe a five when I move."

"Okay then." Maura stood up, wandering towards the large walk in closet. "I am going to change into something comfortable."

Jane couldn't stop the snort of laughter, and grinned as Maura's head reappeared around the closet doors, a questioning look on her face.

"You are the only person I know who is in sweatpants already, but still wants to find something else that's comfortable. Admittedly you are in damned expensive Givenchy sweatpants, but still..."

Maura grinned back, disappearing from view again, even though her voice could clearly be heard, "I have been wearing these most of the day Jane, and I want something a little lighter in weight for the rest of the evening..."

Jane could hear some rustling, and moments later, Maura reappeared, depositing the previously worn items in the clothes hamper, before coming across to hold out a hand, gesturing for Jane to sit up, so they could move through to the kitchen for dinner, before heading to the sitting room.

"These yoga pants and top are much more comfortable."

Jane could only nod, as she tried not to look too much at the lightweight tank top that was bursting at the seams. Boy, was she pleased Tommy and Frankie weren't around. Suddenly, the thought of Maura changing didn’t seem so stupid after all.

"So. Dinner?"

"Hmm?" Jane's eyes snapped up to an amused look from Maura.

Maura simply shook her head slightly, golden locks bouncing around her face, as she grasped Jane's hand on her good arm, tugging slightly. "Let's get you out of here for a change. Dinner and then sitting on the couch for some mind numbing television is what you need."

Jane simply rolled her eyes, but couldn’t keep the smile off her face.

* * *

Jane knew she, of all people, should have used her experience and never entered the Church without at least her back up firearm she carried in an ankle holster. It tended to only get used when Jane wasn't working, but there were times when she would use it if she felt they might be going out either to a place she knew was rough, or she had the gut instinct to use it. This time, she had ignored that gut feeling, had argued with herself that this was a place of worship - that it deserved respect, which meant no firearm or weapon of any kind. She made a mental note, that should they ever get out of here, to never ignore her gut instinct again. Ever.

She watched as Ellie brought the gun up and it fired. Blood splattered, and for a split second all she could think was it was making a reddish brown stain all over the white and blue tiled floor. She knew exactly how the crime unit would investigate. How the way the blood fell would allow them to reconstruct part of the events that were taking place here. For once, it gave her no comfort in the way science would help solve this crime. Instead, all she could do was force herself to breath as Maura's lifeless body fell to the floor.

Then, without warning, Sue's inert body was alongside Maura's, like two discarded marionette's. Jane almost laughed out loud as she remembered Maura telling her that a marionette's puppeteer was called a manipulator. And here there were because of Ellie; one of the biggest manipulators of all. The irony would have been amusing at another time.

She struggled against the restraints, anger rushing through her body, adrenaline really surging. She managed to stand up, and without a second thought, put her head down and charged into the torso of Ellie, ignoring the searing pain as she registered more gun fire.

As she toppled to the floor, landing partially across the unmoving bodies of Maura and Sue, Jane then watched as the gun changed,and somewhere along the line, morphed into a scalpel. Ellie's face also began to change, and before long, Hoyt was the one standing over her, the scalpel being twisted in his hand, an evil crooked grin across his features. Jane stared back, waiting, as the pain in her shoulder suddenly registered. It blossomed outward, beginning in a small spot in the middle of her clavicle, before it engulfed the whole area.

Jane shot up, and immediately regretted the move, even though she had no way to control it, and moaned, snatching at the shoulder sling, blinking back the tears that were mostly from the pain, but also from the dream. She couldn't stop the sob that came out, as the pain began to overtake her senses. It took several minutes before she realized Maura had a hand on her good forearm, and was talking to her in a low soothing voice.

Dream, it was just a dream. Internally, Jane repeated the words, finally beginning to feel muscles relaxing, and hearing Maura's words properly.

"I'm okay." Jane finally stammered, wiping the beads of sweat off her brow with her good hand, before grabbing Maura, not sure what she had grasped, just needing the assurance and to be grounded by the solid feeling of Maura's body underneath her fingers.

"It was just a dream."

"I know." Jane swallowed thickly, taking the glass of water Maura was now offering her, with a slightly shaky hand. Sipping it slowly, she tried to organize her thoughts. "I know you want to hear about it, but I can't quite yet. I will... Just..."

Jane put the glass down, before grabbing hold of Maura a second time, needing to feel the warmth under her hand. To be reminded they were both still alive and that Hoyt and Ellie were dead.

"It's fine, I understand."

And Jane knew Maura really did understand. The words weren't hollow platitudes, but said with conviction and knowledge, having helped Jane so many times with poor sleeping due to bad dreams. Admittedly, it had been a while and the last dreams had mostly been about Sue, but over the last few months in particular, Jane had truly begun to trust Maura, who in turn, also trusted Jane to talk to her once she was able.

“It’ll be okay once I get my head around all that happened to us.” Jane admitted, “And I’ve agreed to speak to Simon at his office once I’m more mobile again.”

Maura blew out a small breath, as she watched Jane’s fingers slowly releasing their iron grip they had on her forearm.

* * *

“Janie, you do as you’re told!”

Angela glared at her daughter, arms firmly crossed against her chest.

“I am perfectly capable of looking after myse...”

Jane didn’t get any further as Angela moved in, face set like stone. “Lift your arm.”

Jane smirked as she lifted her arm high above her head, wiggling her fingers as she went.

“Your other arm. Who in the hell made you such a smart ass. You’re gonna put me in an early grave! Stretch marks - I’ve got stretch marks because of you!” A hand shot out and slapped Jane upside the head, accompanied with a surprised yelp from her daughter.

Jane grimaced as she tried to move her right arm, failing to even get it out of the lighter sling she was now able to use.

“And that is why you, young lady, are having a home nurse helping you while I work, and while Maura is also working.” A finger came out and stabbed at Jane’s chest none to gently.

“Fine.” Jane snapped, before standing up and storming out of the room. “See if I care.”

Just as Angela was about to follow, her phone rang. Pulling it out of her pants pocket, she answered, knowing it was Maura.

“How is she?”

“The physiotherapy went well, but she’s still got an attitude. I’ve just had to slap some sense into her about the nurse.”

“Why am I not surprised.” Maura replied, as she adjusted a file she had under her arm, before walking across to her desk, sitting down with it, sighing. “I’ll call her later. I know she’s been terrible these last couple of days, but we all knew it was going to happen at some point. We’ve been lucky it’s taken this long.”

Angela huffed down the phone. “Doesn’t mean we have to put up with it. You are too good to her.”

Maura smiled slightly. “I doubt that.” Maura looked up as Susie Chang knocked on the office door, reports in hand. “As much as I’d love to stay and talk some more, I have to go Angela.”

“Work, I know sweetie.” Angela words softened, as she began walking towards the bedroom where she knew Jane had moved to. “Do you have a message for Janie?”

“You can tell her to stop being such an insufferable fool.”

Angela laughed out loud. “I’ll do just that. Bye.”

She didn’t even bother knocking, as she strode into the bedroom.

“Ma, don’t you ever knock!” Jane’s irritation was clear.

“Not when you’re being a rude idiot, no! And even though I don’t think you deserve to know, I’ve just had Maura on the phone.”

Angela watched as Jane’s face mellowed at the mere mention of her fiancée. While Angela would never admit it, when Jane showed that side of her at the mere mention of Maura, she felt the warmth inside, knowing just how much the two women loved each other.

“She said to tell you to stop being such an pain in every-ones ass.”

Jane, despite herself couldn’t stop the laugh. “There is no way Maura said that.”

Angela shrugged, “Not in so many words, no. Insufferable was in there somewhere. As was fool. Ass, not so much.”

“That’s more like it.” Jane tried to not look too smug.

“I’ve gotta go, otherwise Stanley is gonna dock my pay. For god’s sake Janie, please do as you’re asked once the nurse is here and don’t undo all the good you’ve done with that shoulder. At the very least, let her in past the door and don’t just slam it back in her face!”

Standing up from the bed, Jane walked across to give her mother an awkward one armed hug. “I’ll answer the door and try. Is that good enough?”

Angela sighed. “It’s all I’m gonna get isn’t it?” Seeing Jane nod, Angela rolled her eyes. “In that case, I guess it’ll have to do.”

* * *

Jane slowly pulled herself up from the sofa as Maura made her way into the house, and she could immediately tell Maura was upset.

“Maur?” Jane moved as quickly as she could, still finding her shoulder cumbersome.

Maura immediately turned, trying to hide her slightly red rimmed eyes, her signs of crying still obvious, even though she had tried to fix her makeup in the car before coming into the house.

“I’m fine.”

Jane grabbed at Maura’s waist with her good arm, pulling her in as tightly as she dare, finally able to be close to her. Jane’s twisted slightly, avoiding the sling. “You are anything but fine.”

Jane’s voice was low and full of concern. It had been a long time since Jane had seen Maura so upset, and she was racking her brains trying to work out what might have caused it all.

Maura slowly turned, her chin dropping into Jane’s chest, as she took in a deep breath.

“I read the report from...” the words faltered, as Jane’s good hand snaked around the back of Maura, before rubbing gentle circles there, urging her silently to carry on. “Ellie and the church.”

“Oh.” Jane’s voice revealed her surprise. “I didn’t know they were releasing the report yet.”

Maura sniffed slightly. “They haven’t, but Frost and Korsak managed to get hold of a copy somehow. They handed it to me, and I just thought it was for another case. It wasn’t until I sat at my desk to open it did I realize what it was about.”

“God, I’ll kick both their asses.” Jane muttered, as Maura pulled her towards the sofa, grabbing some tissues from a box on the coffee table, before they sat down. Maura still cuddling as much as she could into Jane, needing the contact.

“You’ll do no such thing. They did it so I, actually by default, we both had chance to process it before it becomes public knowledge. It is actually very sweet of them.”

Jane snorted derisively. “No, they should have at least given you some warning. If not what the file was about, to just say you might find it upsetting.” Jane stopped to make sure Maura was looking at her, so she could really get the point she was trying to make across. “They should have known it was going to upset you, and told you so you didn’t run the risk of being upset in front of someone else. It’s what I would have done.”

A finger came out and traced Jane’s jawline, “I know.” Maura’s face held a reverence that took Jane’s breath away. She doubted she would ever get used to the feelings she and Maura held for each other, let alone when they were so openly on display.

“Did... did you learn what you needed to?”

Swallowing back some more emotion, Maura nodded as she wiped some tears from her eyes. “They had a large portion of it on surveillance tape that SWAT recorded. I saw as Ellie kicked you Jane, after she knocked me unconscious.” Without thinking, Maura’s hand came out to the area that Jane’s head had the gash they had known about, even though it hadn’t caused any lasting problems. “You could have had intracranial hemorrhage, any number of focal neurological deficits, subdural hematoma...”

“Shush, okay, that’s enough.” Jane spoke carefully as she also moved Maura’s hand back to her chest, pressing it against the left breast. “I’m okay. We are both okay. We survived, and yes, we didn’t come out unscathed, and we both know it could have been worse, but it wasn’t.”

Maura sniffled, as she used the tissues, taking the time to calm herself.

“I know that Jane. I do. It was just so hard, reading the report and seeing the DVD and the screen captures taken at various points of the whole ordeal. I knew you had a laceration on your scalp, but I had no idea how it had truly happened. It was assumed at the hospital that it wasn’t such a forceful reason to cause it. Had they known about the full impact, I’m sure they would have monitored you a lot more closely than they did.”

“Would you feel better if I get checked out again tomorrow?”

“It’s okay now Jane. You know as well as I do, far too much time has elapsed, but I appreciate the offer.” Maura knew Jane was fully aware of that, and was just trying to assuage her own sensitivity by making the offer she had. Maura smiled, finally feeling her emotional balance returning, in no small part because she was with Jane again. It still wasn’t something they were both over, but much like Jane’s injury, they were getting there slowly but surely.

* * *

Maura watched as Jane did her stretching exercises for the day. She was pleased with the progress Jane had been making, and overall, it had been a remarkably smooth ride. Jane had in fact surprised them all by keeping her moaning and complaining to the bare minimum, and she had used the home nurse when needed, and now she was able to do enough to not need someone with her during the day. Recovery in all sense of the word had been steady. She was due back for desk duty the following week, and the sheer joy of getting back to the precinct currently shone through.

“Penny for them?” Jane dropped down on the sofa alongside Maura, a grin firmly in place.

“I was just thinking how well your recovery is going.”

“And?”

How does she always seem to know there is more? Maura wondered as she watched Jane’s eyes narrowing slightly, brow creasing, obviously trying to work out whatever Maura had been thinking. Maura sighed.

“I was thinking perhaps we should consider looking at the wedding again now things have settled. I want to get married as soon as we can possibly arrange it all. It won’t take as long this time around, because certain things had already been achieved.”

Jane did sit upright at those words, surprise on her face.

“Are you sure you’re ready?”

“I am. To repeat what you said because of Sue, we should seize the day, and now your injuries are improving so much, we should settle on a new date at the least.”

Jane’s smiled widened. “I’d love to do that.” The frown returned almost as quickly. “What about the church?”

“Honestly, I have absolutely no idea.” Maura admitted. “I know we’ve been told we’re more than welcome back to St. John’s, but I think it would be too much. As lovely as the church and the people within the church are, I think we’ll have to accept looking elsewhere.”

Jane nodded, resignation showing. “I agree, but you still want a church wedding?”

Maura leaned in, allowing Jane to envelop her in a hug. “I do, and I know your mother still wants that. If you’re okay with it?”

Jane dropped a kiss on the top of Maura’s hair, eyes heavy lidded, “Yeah, I do. I think we owe that much to Paul.” Maura felt rather than saw the slight shrug, “I know there were a few options on the original list we had, so it’s not like we’re stuck for choice. But then, you know me, I’ll take the vows being said over home plate at Fenway.”

Maura chuckled, as fingers began to gently run through her hair. “We could always see if that’s available? Fenway that is.”

Jane paused, as if she were giving it serious consideration.

“Nah.” Jane also chuckled as she felt Maura physically relax, obvious not entirely sure if Jane would have taken her up on the offer. “We’ll find somewhere that’ll please all of us. Even Ma. As long as you’re there, that’s all that matters to me.”

  


	36. Chapter thirty six

**Chapter thirty six**

"Jane..."

Although trying to chastise Jane, Maura was failing - badly.

"I have just been through torture." Jane said, her voice deliberately low, seeing Maura's eyes narrow, as she began biting her bottom lip, trying not to let a moan escape.

"It was your physical therapy Jane. It is meant to be difficult. To test your body to the limits of the point of recovery you are at." The lip biting began more frantic as eyelids blinked rapidly, hands clasped primly on her lap. Trying to not react, knowing it was exactly what Jane was looking for.

"Not difficult Maur... Torturous; and I have other ways I can test my shoulder out on that are far more enjoyable for everyone involved."

A long finger continued to trail across skin wherever it was exposed.

"You are..." Maura's words hitched in her throat, and she had to swallow hard to try and get the saliva going again as it seemed as if all moisture was heading in one very specific direction. "Getting awfully full of yourself."

"I guess it's a good thing I’ve got you here to keep me in check then, isn't it? Not nice being tortured is it?" The chuckle that followed was deep, as if Jane had just encased the air with a velvet glove, fingertips ghosting out, completely enveloping. Soft and rich as if it was a tangible texture.

The teasing continued, verbally and physically and Maura was unable to stop the shiver that raced through her. The tingle was electrifying. She couldn't get over how just a touch from Jane could affect her so much. How, at times, Jane's voice or a look alone was enough for her body to react. It was visceral. Primordial. It was glorious!

"For gods sake." Jane's head sunk down, her chin hitting the top of her chest as suddenly the front door was being hit with repeated knocks.

"Jane... Maura?" The voice whilst muffled by the door, was loud. “JANE! C’mon I know you’re in there, cos you’re cars are here. Answer the damn door.”

"Can I kill Tommy? Today! Ya know, do the world a favor.... A big, big favor. Huge in fact."

Maura sucked in a deep breath, trying to regain composure. She could only nod, beginning to wonder why she had opened her home so readily to the Rizzoli family. Right now, it seemed like the worst idea she had ever had.

"Torture." Jane stood up, not holding back her displeasure at all, "See I told you, today has been nothing but friggin torture!"

Maura could only sigh as she stood up, trying desperately to brush the wrinkles out of her shirt and pants. She then pulled fingers through her hair, realizing just how tousled it had become.

* * *

"Hey, welcome back." Frost looked up from his computer, and broke into a wide smile.

Jane scowled as she took in the mountain of files on her desk. She picked a load up, and without hesitation, virtually threw them onto Frost's desk.

"What the hell?" Frost shot back in his chair as files toppled, and he tried fruitlessly to stabilize the pile.

Jane sat down, a self satisfied smile of her face. "That's more like it. It’s good to be back. I know I'm on desk duty only for now, but that doesn't mean I'm your file bitch."

"Nah, you're just a bitch." Frost grumbled as he finally managed to stop any more files or loose paperwork hitting the floor.

"Suck it up."

"Classy Rizzoli, real classy." Frost shot back.

Korsak stepped into the bullpen, and smiled as he watched the two detectives interact. He then walked over, dropping a copy of a new file on Jane's desk. Curious brown eyes slowly looked up, as she fingered the edge of the light brown manila folder. Eyebrows rose, the silent question to Korsak obvious. What is this and why are you giving it to me?

"You might be on desk duty, but it doesn't mean you can't help us try and figure out some cases, and not just file paperwork. Cavanaugh has cleared it for you to help us from here. This is what we have on our latest body that the Doc is doing the autopsy on now. Welcome back."

Jane's smile widened, and she quickly began reading, ignoring the continuing grumbling coming from Frost, as he knelt down to pick paper up from the floor.

Jane finished reading, and was about to ask Frost about the victim, only to get a phone call from Maura.

"Jane, Vincent told me you're able to help with this case."

Jane smiled, as she rested back in her chair. "Yep." Try as she might, Jane couldn't help but sound slightly smug. "Just reading the file now."

"Good, I have some news from the autopsy...."

Jane didn't give Maura chance to finish as the familiar excitement surged through her. "Great, Frost and I are on our way down."

Maura watched as Jane took in what she has just been told.

"Really? So, he fell, catching the ear on the side of his desk and it ripped his ear off? Ripped clean off, not just tearing a small piece?" Jane was for once completely surprised by the report Maura was delivering.

"Yes."

"And you are also telling us, he actually died because of cockroaches. Not just because of cockroaches, but because of eating..." Jane paused looking incredulous, and even she felt a little nauseous; Frost already having rushed to the sink, losing whatever contents he had in his stomach. "...eating cockroaches..." Jane's voice finally trailed off. It was times like this she wished she hadn't come back to work just yet.

"That is exactly what I am saying."

"So, what? Accidental death? Is there some kinda weird shit of who can eat the most cockroaches competition that caused this?" Jane asked, trying not to look in the container Maura had picked up, and was inspecting carefully, before she made to hand it across to Jane, who immediately recoiled, seeing the remains of one thing she detested; with their shiny appearance, long antennae and spiny legs. This was almost as bad as the snakes in her cruiser.

Jane shivered internally and swallowed hard.

"Nope, thanks but I'm good."

Maura simply shrugged her shoulders as she put the container back down on the stainless steel table by the autopsy table. "Some competitions have been held for people to eat cockroaches, but that isn't relative in this instance, since he died at home. According to his friends and family, they didn't think he had gone out today or yesterday. However, they did mention he was considering entering such a competition that is being held next week. He could well have been practicing."

Jane rubbed her hands across her face, trying not to listen to the sounds of dry heaving coming from behind her. "What can you tell us? Are we needed for a homicide, or did you just want us down here to excitedly share this riveting information. Or was it because you wanted to watch and listen to Frost losing his lunch?"

Jane's sarcasm was in full flow, and Maura simply ignored her.

"I'm ruling this a suspicious death. He had a known allergy to shellfish, and cockroaches are a relative, and can, in some people, cause the same allergic reaction. There are several recorded incidents of this happening, even though it is the first time I have seen it. It is possible he ate them not knowing that; making this accidental. However, it is also feasible someone knew of his allergy and the similarities, and used the eating of the cockroaches to cover the crime. You can easily find the information about the allergic similarities on the Internet. Was the eating his idea, or did someone else suggest it, and if they did, were they aware of the allergy link or was it innocently proposed? It isn't going to be easy to determine which is the correct scenario, unless you can find out the full circumstances behind his reason for eating the periplaneta americana."

"The peri what now?"

Maura sighed slightly, "The American cockroach Jane."

Jane ran a slightly shaky hand through her hair. "Jesus, I finally get back to work, and I find out it only takes around seven pounds of pressure to rip some poor schmucks ear off as he hit his head, and now you're telling me he died because of..." Jane pointed towards the body trying not to look at the partly digested cockroaches, "this!"

* * *

"Frost, please tell me you've found something?"

Jane looked up as Frost walked in, before settling down at his computer. "Found something." Frost looked over the monitor, white teeth showing as he smiled. "Someone on his computer did a search on cockroaches and allergies and either didn't know how to erase their search history, or they are cocky enough to believe they aren't going to get caught. With what the Doc said, we can now rule this a homicide."

Jane sat up straighter in her chair. "Great, so who had access to his computer?"

"That isn't as easy." Frost admitted. "The girlfriend and brother both apparently used his computer. Could be either of them, or someone who was just visiting and used it and we don't know about it."

Jane groaned. "A nice simple case for you Jane, Korsak said. Will be a good way to get back into the swing of things - Won't take too much of your time since you’re only just back, he said... Yeah right! I should have realized the second I sat down this was never going to be easy."

“You checked where you can buy cockroaches to eat?” Jane suddenly asked, a slight frown on her features as she tried to piece it all together.

“Waiting for some places to get back to me. If we find out who bought them, it might help tie any other evidence up.”

“Yeah, well, even if someone other than the victim buys the damn things, it doesn’t prove they had any hand in his eating them. Unless of course they said something to someone when buying, but it’s better than nothing at this stage. Guess we just need to keep working the evidence.”

Finally, Jane stood up, and pulled on her jacket carefully, still mindful of her shoulder.

“Let me know if you get the girlfriend and brother in, I’m going for coffee, before heading down to see Maura. Give me a call once they’re here and we’ll start asking them some questions.” Jane stopped, as another thought struck her. “I know he had a sister as well. I’d like to talk to her. See if she’s got anything to say about all this. Ask around the friends, see what they might have.”

“I’ll sort it out now.” Frost reached across, as he pulled information up off the computer and began dialling.

Jane left, and wandered into the cafe, where Angela greeted her with a wide smile.

“It’s so good to see my girl back here.” Angela made to to pinch and tweak Jane’s cheek over the counter, and she immediately stepped back.

“Ma!” Jane hissed, leaning back in so she could be heard, watching Angela’s hands carefully. “I’m. At. Work!”

“So, I can’t show some affection towards my own daughter?”

Jane whole demeanor slumped slightly as she watched her mother winding herself up in predictable fashion. “This is about workplace boundaries Ma and respecting them.”

“I don’t see you and those boundaries with Maura.”

Eyebrows shot up. “Really? You want to go there? What the hell? For god’s sake we don’t do anything.”

“I don’t mean you’re having sex on her office desk or anything, although you might, how would I know?” Angela replied with a shrug, totally oblivious to Jane’s look of pure horror at the direction the conversation had taken. “I just meant that you are always touching or feeling each other.”

“And that _s_ _ounds_ soooo _much_ better! Forget the coffee Ma. I’ve gotta get back to work.”

Maura watched as Jane stomped into the morgue, eyes widening as Jane threw a hand up, stalling the words that were about to spill out.

“Ma. Just...” Jane stopped, pulling Maura in by her waist, dropping her chin on top of Maura’s head, taking a deep breath. “Sometimes I just wish she had an off switch.”

Maura chuckled. “Dare I ask?”

“She just mentioned you and me having sex on your desk.”

Maura pulled back a little, and Jane suddenly felt uncomfortable at the all too familiar glint in her eyes.

“Oh, no, no, no. Don’t go getting any ideas.”

“The doors have locks Jane. And I have blinds on all the windows.”

“Nope, not going there.”

“It would be... interesting.” Maura deliberately leaned in, her voice low and husky.

Jane stuck fingers in her ears. “And I can’t hear you.”

Maura eased into the slight gap that had developed between them, and smoothly pulled both fingers away. She then brought each fingertip up, kissing them as she went. She heard Jane’s breath catch.

“Go on, admit it. How wet did you become just thinking about taking me, bending me right over my own desk.” The words were whispered, before a tongue flicked out, gently following the curve of the ear, finally nipping the lobe.

Frost barreled into the morgue oblivious, and two people sprung apart as if someone had hit them with a thousand volts of electricity.

“I thought I told you to phone me.”

Frost looked shocked at the tone of Jane’s words and bristled. “Hey, I needed a report from the Doc here on another case for Korsak. Thought I’d tell you at the same time if you were here, brother, sister and girlfriend are all upstairs in separate rooms.”

Shakily, Jane ran a hand through her hair. “Yeah, sorry about that.” She glared back at Maura on hearing her whispered words of ‘not half as sorry as I am.’

“God I want it to be one of them so bad...” Jane watched and the second she saw Maura's mouth twitch, added."-ly. I want it to be one of them so badly."

The smirk was immediate, earning a withering look from Maura.

"Did you enjoy that?"

"Why yes, yes I did. Mr Adverb is also very pleased with himself."

Jane sauntered off, a bemused Frost following.

* * *

“This is all your fault. Getting me wound up at the precinct with your talk about sex on the desk.” Jane muttered, as she pushed Maura against the wall the second they entered the bedroom.

“Actually, it would be your mothers fault, since she was the one who first mentioned it.”

Jane looked genuinely horrified. “And how to make me want to throw up in seconds. You do not get to talk about my mother and our sex lives in the same sentence ever again. Especially when I’m about to do this...”

Jane then turned, pushing them towards the bed, where they fell in a tangled heap.

Maura drove forward capturing Jane in a kiss that was so sinful, Jane was sure it would have made Saturn burn. It was even hotter than the fiery furnace of hell. Her toes curled, her hands making a fist, capturing whatever was available. Sheet and hair taut in gripping fingers.

Hips surged upwards, slamming into hips that were on a desperate downward thrust.

"Oh, god... please." Jane pleaded as Maura moved her lips to trail a devastating trail across already scorched skin.

Maura ignored the stinging of her hair follicles, as it was almost twisted out of her scalp by hands that were driven by pure need. She moved her own hands, digits fingering the hem of Jane's top, before slowly dragging it up, revealing glorious olive colored flesh as it inched further towards the underside of Jane's breasts.

"Don't... oh god..." Jane floundered as Maura suddenly changed pace, and went from slow and tortuous to urgently rip the top over Jane's head, barely giving her time to lift her arms and free herself from the garment. A pair of bras quickly hit the growing pile of discarded clothes, as heated skin met, eliciting a groan from both women.

"Janie. Maura."

The high pitched nasally voice of Angela suddenly broke through the fog, and hands stilled immediately.

"Tell me we locked the bedroom door?"

"I don't know," Maura admitted as she drew back a little, panic showing on her face, before she paled.

Jane immediately realized that Maura hadn't locked the door by her reaction. "Shit." Came her muffled curse. Maura could only wince and look apologetic.

Suddenly as brains caught up with the situation, both women were scrambling for clothes, hurriedly putting them back on, as Jane called out. "We'll be there in a minute Ma. Do not - I repeat do not come in here!"

Jane listened carefully, satisfied that her mother wasn't on her way into the room- yet.   
Both knew they only had a small window of opportunity to avoid her crashing in on them.

“Jesus, if I was a man, I’d have blue balls by now!” Jane exclaimed, as she looked at Maura, who was straightening out her blouse.

“Blue balls?” Maura queried as she finally slipped her heels back on her feet. “Why are you talking of the condition of temporary fluid congestion, also known as vasocongestion, in the testicles and prostate region, accompanied by acute testicular pain, or a prolonged dull aching pain emanating from the prostate...”

Maura didn’t get any further as Jane slammed a hand none to gently across Maura’s mouth.

“Please tell me you’re joking?” Jane paused, gauging Maura’s reaction. “Shit, you’re not joking.”

Jane let go of Maura with one hand, as she pushed the other through her hair. “Okay...” Jane looked decidedly uncomfortable, “It also means that you’re kept in a heightened state of... you know..."

Jane's voice dropped and her shoulders slouched down slightly, "arousal that’s maintained for an extended length of time without..” Jane’s hands shot out in front of her gesturing wildly, “You know...  what we’ve been stopped from doing because of Ma!“

“Sexual orgasm?” Maura supplied with smile, watching as Jane turned a lovely shade of red.

“Yes." Jane jabbed a finger at Maur. "This!” Jane said quickly, “So, that’s enough for now on that particular subject.”

“But Jane, I still don’t understand how it can be related to...”

Jane swung around, eye’s glaring at Maura, and her frown deepened. “You are dead Doctor Isles. Dead!” Jane ground the words out as soon as she saw Maura's face, as Maura then sashayed past her, a wide grin on her face.

“No, I’m very much alive. You on the other hand, are just too easy a target with some things, particularly when it comes to sex.”

Jane groaned, as a hand ran across her face, “Oh my god, you just can’t help yourself sometimes can you. Just kill me now.”

 

* * *

“Oh shoot.”

Jane stifled the laugh at Maura’s reaction, knowing it would get her a scowl at best, possibly other forms of retaliation that were less pleasant at a later date. Usually when she had forgotten all about it, and was least expecting the revenge. Maura might look innocent, but Jane had learned the hard way, as their friendship deepened, she was a far from innocent in her reprisals over something. Her brain often came up with ideas most other people wouldn’t even consider.

The last time she had been upset with Jane, it had resulted in the diet from hell. Greens on the plate at every turn, and no burgers or fries, hell no donuts even, for a solid two weeks. Even worse, Maura had taken no notice of any arguments that Jane might try. Outright pleading had garnered even less sympathy. She had even tried to sneak out to Cutty's or The Robber, citing needing to do something case related with Frost or Korsak - it never worked. Maura seemed to have some sick sixth sense over such things, and foiled her at every turn. Jane shuddered at the memories.

Then again, Jane had learned Maura was full of contradictions. She could tell Angela to butt out, but only say ‘Oh shoot.” when something upset or annoyed her. She could also, Jane discovered early on in their changing relationship, swear like a sailor in the bedroom, even making Jane blush. In fact, Jane had been so surprised the first time, it had stopped her dead in her tracks, much to the displeasure of Maura; who had not been amused and had not held back in letting Jane know of her umbrage. Yes indeed, Maura Dorothea Isles was a woman of many contradictions. It was just one of the things Jane also loved about her.

“Something the matter?” Jane asked as she rocked slowly back and forth, heel to toe, toe to heel, and repeat - hands clasped behind her back.

Maura looked up from her autopsy table, large clear plastic face mask in place, putting down the small circular saw she had just used to open the skull up.

“I forgot to call Pierre.”

Jane frowned “Pierre? Why on earth would you be calling Pierre?”

Maura actually fidgeted, sending Jane's senses immediately into overdrive.

"Maura?" Jane locked eyes on her fiancée. "Why are you thinking of calling Pierre?" Jane's voice was low, sounding cautious.

"I needed to call him for Angela."

Eyes narrowed immediately, muscles tensed, the rocking ceasing instantly. "For Ma?"

"Yes." The word was barely a squeak.

"What the hell? Why would Ma want anything to do with Pierre?" Jane paused. "Oh god, it's to do with the wedding...  Isn't it."

Maura nodded, trying to avoid Jane's penetrating glare.

"What is she up to?"

"She just wanted him to talk abou...."

A hand shot up, stopping Maura dead.

"No, you don't get to deflect, deviate or generally dodge this. Pierre is a fucking raging camp gay man, who uses...." Jane visibly shivered, "pink, fluffy and feathers in everything he touches as if they are in danger of becoming extinct and he won't ever get to use them again. It’s like a Barbie explosion on a monumental scale with anything he does. He is an interior designer on the extreme end in everything for fucks sake! Jesus, if he gets involved in anything, it’ll make the pink canopy bed seem like a minor blip in the existence of the universe. Shit - don't tell me she plans to use him for the reception."

"Okay, I won't tell you."

Jane slumped forward, grabbing the edge of the clear autopsy table that she had been standing in front of, knuckles visibly white.

"That's it, we are not going to the reception. The minute we exchange our vows, we outta there! Either that, or you curtail Ma somehow. I warned you that she couldn't be contained, but nope you didn’t listen. Oh god, this is like Armageddon. We're doomed."


	37. Chapter thirty seven

**Chapter thirty seven**

"You told me Pierre had nothing to do with this." Jane shot an accusing look at Maura, who in turn looked affronted.

"He hasn't had anything to do with this Jane. We are only here to review the place, to see if we like it. Your mother was eager to gain our input. It was my mother who suggested this venue, and I’ve already told you all this."

"So why is there Barbie at the front desk?" Jane nodded in the direction of the reception area.

"She works here. Honestly Jane, you need to relax."

Jane huffed, pushing her sunglasses up onto her head, before shaking her shoulders slightly and striding up to the reception trying not to gag at the plastic doll that was facing her.

"Can I help you?" Barbie asked, the fake smile of receptionists the world over plastered on her face.

"Yeah, you can. Where’s Ken?"

Confusion registered on Barbie's face."I'm sorry? Ken? You’ll have to be a little more specific. Do you have a surname, room number or an extension I could call?" 

"Never mind. Jane Rizzoli and Doctor Maura Isles, we have an appointment with your events manager. Mr Pendleton."

Jane internally shivered and wondered how on earth someone could do her makeup and hair in such a way they looked more like a doll than a human. Perhaps Maura might know? 

"Of course." Another fake smile and teeth so white, Jane decided that they could been seen by the astronauts in the international space station. Barbie picked up a phone, talking in hushed tones as Jane's eyes began to roam the whole lobby area.

White teeth flashed again and Jane fought the urge to put her sunglasses back on. "He will be right down."

"Thank you." Maura answered, before gently pulling Jane a few steps back from the counter. “Please Jane.”

Jane looked down at pleading eyes, and sighed. She pulled a finger through some hair, flicking it behind her ear.  “I know... I know.” Jane huffed some more. “I just - we’ve gotta remember my family are gonna be at our wedding and even more are gonna be at the reception, and you know what they are like. Blue collar, working class Maura. Some are more like Giovanni than I’d like to admit - We bring ‘em to somewhere like this, and your Mother might never be able to visit the place again. Actually, she will be able to visit again, but it’ll only be to pay for the damages and apologize!”

Maura tentatively smiled, trying not to chuckle at Jane’s words, understanding her concerns. “I have thought about it as well. I know you’re worried about this, so if you’re not comfortable with this location, we’ll just continue to look around.”

Slipping her sunglasses back down onto her nose, Jane smiled. “I think we need to continue to look around.”

Maura spun on her heel, and walked over to the reception, politely informing Barbie that they wouldn’t require Mr Pendleton’s services after all and to send their apologies. She then walked back to Jane, hooking her arm under Jane’s elbow as they then walked out, Barbie’s confused smile following their progress out of the lobby.

“Barbie just got taken down the Maura Isles way - bam! I do like it when you take control of a situation like that.” Jane said, her smile wide.

“You like me in control?” Maura winked, “Perhaps if you’re lucky you might see me taking control of another situation once we get back home.”

“That would make me very lucky, and very happy.” Jane smiled even more, and they quickened their pace.

She stopped dead as the phone went off on her belt just as they got back to the car.

“I told them not to call me. Dammit!” Jane muttered as she saw it was Frost trying to get hold of her. She looked across at Maura, who tipped her head slightly, showing she understood.

“They would only call you if it was important.” Maura reminded Jane, as she leaned in to give her a quick kiss.

Jane sighed. “I know, but you’re important Maura. This wedding is important.”

“I know, but so is your job. Answer it, and we’ll just have to see what he wants before we fear the worse.”

* * *

"How long you think before those two get back here?" Angela asked, as she began to fill in some paperwork to confirm some of the orders for the reception.

"I don't think they will stay long." Constance admitted. "We both know Jane will find the location far too uncomfortable and pretentious, so will be pretty quick in dismissing it. I would be surprised if they even meet with Mr Pendleton, the events manager. “

"Well, so long as they give us another half hour." Angela couldn't help the smile that broke out. "It couldn't have worked out better really. Thank you for doing this for our babies."

Constance reached out a hand, lightly touching Angela's forearm. "As you say, this is for our babies. It is the least I could offer to do. It is an ideal combination of Maura and Jane's needs. When I spoke to Maura about her wishes for the wedding, she really did want to do this for Jane, but just didn’t know how, and then Jane said she wanted a church wedding and proper reception so she decided it couldn’t happen. She so wants Jane to be happy, but she still struggles to actually ask for things."

"Janie did that to appease me... and while I’m happy she is okay with a church...” Angela took a deep breath, “Still at least we can do this. Just wish we could have brought Maura into the plan." Angela sighed, the pen being dropped onto the sheets of paper, all now filled in. "But of course, she'll never be able to keep something like this from Jane, and would be in a constant outbreak of hives or fainting at every turn."

"It is rather unfortunate Maura has that affliction. Although I disagree, because personally, I think this will be a lovely surprise for them both. At least, by giving us control of the reception we can plan it now."

Angela nodded as she contemplated what Constance had said. "Yeah, hadn't thought of it like that. And with Maura not knowing, this way, they both have the same moment. Gonna take a bit of planning on our part though to keep it that way."

Suddenly a door banged open, and then was kicked shut.

“Tommy can you at least try and do one thing right.” Angela stood up as Tommy moved into the house, the boxes he was carrying threatening to topple over, when finally something did fall from one of them. Angela picked it up with a wry smile as she thought back to the memories it held.

“Yeah, thanks Ma for helping... You didn’t say there were this many boxes. Just one or two you said.” Tommy replied, the usual Rizzoli sarcasm showing, as he managed to finally get the boxes safely onto the dining table without any further losses.

“Less of your smarts. I have enough with Janie, without you starting.”

Tommy simply rolled his eyes as he stood back, as Angela began to attack the first of the boxes, pulling stuff out quickly.

“I don’t know how you’re gonna stop Janie from finding out about all this.” Tommy said as he sat down. “She’s gonna know something is up pretty quick.”

Constance winced and stopped herself from correcting Tommy’s grammar. Instead she took the items Angela was pulling out to keep and placing them in a new box they had ready. “It isn’t going to be easy, but we’ll just all have to refuse to answer her questions should they arise.”

Tommy almost laughed, “You do know she’s a detective right? She does interrogations for a living. If she wants to find out, she will.”

“Then I will just tell her to stop.” Angela said with a frown. “She’ll have to learn to live with not knowing on this occasion. If that doesn’t work, we just keep her busy with the actual wedding planning.”

“Oh that’s going to go down so well.” Tommy muttered.

* * *

Jane stood up and paced the interrogation room, the woman sitting at the table looking bored.

"See, this is what we have as hard evidence. Evidence that can be introduced in court to nail your ass." Jane sat down opposite the woman, to be alongside Korsak who was staying in his seat, keeping quiet, allowing Jane to lead the interview.

"You can't have evidence for something I haven't done." The woman said, chewing gum with a sneer on her face. "Besides, Brad told me what killed him. Cockroaches... I mean, what the fuck? How's that murder?"

"It might not have been murder, you're right." Jane leaned forward, resting on her elbows. "But you see, we have a great medical examiner. One of the best in the whole country, and she said that the cockroaches caused an allergic reaction. One that is pretty much identical as shellfish allergies. But you knew all this, because you did the search on the computer." Jane finally opened the manila file on the table, putting paperwork out in front of her. "We tracked the history, saw that a search for cockroach, allergies and shellfish was done."

"So, a few people used the computer, doesn't mean shit."

"You're right, it doesn't mean shit." Korsak came into the interrogation. "That's where the supplier of the cockroaches comes in. You can't just trap a few cockroaches at home and hope. There are got through specialist suppliers, and they also keep records." Korsak pointed to pile of paper Jane had pulled. "You bought the cockroaches."

"What if I did?" The sneer on her face intensified.

"Nothing, in itself. But see, we've been doing this job a long time now, and we don't just ask who bought stuff, but was there anything said? Any thing else that might be important, and guess what; this time there was something else." Korsak leaned in, deliberately pushing the personal space. "We were told you said you had told your boyfriend all about this competition, and wanted to buy some cockroaches so he could practice. That they were a surprise." Korsak finally leaned back.

Jane took up the rest, "So, that leads us to ask the question why did you kill Tony? You see, juries like to know not just the how, but they also love it if we can give the why. And the why is your affair with his brother - Brad. Brad and Tony’s sister Brenda, was the first one to tell us about the affair, and Brad, well, he's already admitted to his part in all this, and has told us it was all your idea..."

Jane swept a hand through her hair as she watched a uniformed officer lead the two people who had just been arrested on the case.

"Nearly always the family or significant other. I will never understand how someone can kill just so they can be with the sibling or whomever it is they are having an affair with. For fucks sake, just break up with whoever you're with." Frost said as he stood alongside Jane and Korsak.

"Guess it wasn't such a difficult case after all old man." Jane said, her tone teasing.

"Told ya." Korsak sounded smug. "And less of the old. So, down to The Robber to celebrate?"

“Whatever you’re old, and nope, I’m outta here. Maura and I have plans and they sure as hell don’t include you two.”

Jane walked off, ignoring the whistles and hollers from Frost and Korsak, a smile on her face.

* * *

“Ma!” Jane walked through the door into the house and stopped dead in her tracks.

Maura, not realizing Jane had stopped barreled into her back, grabbing her hips, almost sending them both to the floor but for Jane being able to replant her feet quickly.

“Jane?” Maura peered around Jane’s body and gasped.

“This is not happening.” Jane straightened right up to her full height, anger already starting to mount. A hand came out and was placed firmly in her lower back, before Maura pressed her whole front into Jane’s back tightly, another arm snaking around her waist.

“Jane.” This time Maura’s voice was soft, trying to calm the irate woman in front of her. “Jane, you need to stay calm.”

Jane turned enough to look at Maura, her disbelief showing. “You’re telling me you’re okay with this?”

“No, but you have to try and stay calm.” Maura reiterated as she then moved to be alongside Jane, still with one arm around her waist, holding them together, not wanting to risk letting Jane go.

“It’s the fucking Mutant Ninja Turtles Maur... It makes my little pony look... normal...” Jane was still stunned as her eyes drifted to the house and what was now inside it. “Seriously, this can’t be happening.” Jane blinked rapidly, hoping it would change the view, even though she knew it wouldn’t.

 Angela walked towards the two women. “What, don’t you like it? You can even get pizza this way cos it would be in with the theme. Pierre suggested it when we were looking at ideas and possible motifs we could use.”

Jane’s eyebrows virtually hit her hairline. “Like it? Pierre suggested it? That’s it, he’s dead and Ma, what in god’s name are you thinking? Seriously - are you high? Or have you got early dementia? And Maura, please, no spouting facts about early dementia.”

Maura mouth snapped shut quicker than well.... a snapping turtle. There was a time and a place, and she knew this was not the time nor place.

Angela spun around, picking something up from the table. “But look Janie, I found your old costume, Raphael wasn’t it? Because you always wanted to be the bad one of the turtles.”

“Ma I was what, seven, eight years old when I wore that?!” Jane almost shouted, taking a step forward, her fists bunched at her sides.

“Raphael, Raph for short, is the most impatient, aggressive and hot headed of the turtles. He has an extremely short temper and displays considerable joy in combat, genuinely enjoying life threatening situations where he can prove his skill. Even today as an adult, the choice does seem rather apt Jane.”

Jane spun around, eyes wide. “Really! Really?! Of all the times, now is when you display your knowledge on pop culture?”

“But it’ll tie in with Maura having a turtle.” Angela spoke up, ignoring Jane’s reaction to Maura. Jane spun back around to face her mother.

“Bass is a tortoise Ma! An. African. Spurred. Tortoise. to be precise. For fucks sake.”

“Aww Jane, you really do know he isn’t a turtle, that’s so cute.”

Jane turned - again - trying not to get dizzy, her glare fixed back on Maura, who had a hand up on her chest, a dreamy expression on her face. “Maur, not the time.”

Maura’s face fell, as did her hand. Jane meanwhile failed to see it happen, as she had turned back towards her mother.

“Ma, you better get rid of this stuff now, or so help me I will be lighting a fire in the back yard using all of this, my old costume included, open burning laws be damned!”

“You do not get to talk to me like that.” Angela straightened up, and walked towards Jane, the costume dangling from her fingertips, and she then threw it at Jane, who wasn’t quick enough, and it caught her right in the face, before falling to the floor in a crumpled heap. “Take the costume then and I’ll be in the guesthouse with Constance going through various menus when you decide you will use this theme for the reception. Pizza will happen one way or another.”

Jane could only stand there in stunned disbelief.

* * *

Jane sat down, having not uttered a word since Angela had left. She stuffed the costume down on the table where she was sitting, and then pulled the box that was also on the table towards her.

“Jane?” Maura sat alongside Jane, worry on her face and in her tone.

“Just... It won’t happen, don’t worry but man, I didn’t think she’d managed to keep all this stuff after the house was sold.” Jane looked up from the picture she’d pulled from the top of the box, unable to stop the wry smile. “This is me as Raph.”

Maura took the offered photograph, slightly yellow with age, and smiled. “You look...”

A warning finger came up. “Don’t you dare say cute.”

“I was going to say you look strong, dashing, even as a child.”

Jane shook her head with a smile and a look of thanks at Maura for saying the right thing. “Ma couldn't be serious about all this could she?” Her forehead creased in a frown as she looked at the decorations scattered around them. 

“I think she might have been thinking for much later in the evening, once the formalities have finished.” Maura shrugged, “I cannot believe she would consider this as being acceptable for the reception as a whole. Besides, Mother would never allow it.”

“You still believe Constance actually has a say in all this don’t you.”

“I have to hope she does.”

Jane began rummaging through the box more, slowly pulling out various bits from her childhood. She shook her head and chuckled as she found another picture, which she gave to Maura. “Frankie, just after I got him with the hose in the back yard one summer.”

Maura laughed at the wet looking Frankie, who looked very bedraggled, his hair flopping down across his eyes, water obviously dripping off his clothes. She carefully put it back on the table, before taking hold of Jane’s one hand.

“I love that you had the childhood you did.” Maura admitted softly.

“Yeah, fat lot of good it’s doing us now. Pop has disowned us all and effectively called us all bastards, Ma - well less said about her at the moment the better - and Tommy has a kid, that could just as easily been my half brother. We’re kinda fucked up Maura; sure you still want in?”

Maura leaned in, kissing Jane soundly. “More than ever.” Maura said quietly as she pulled away, only far enough to rest her forehead against Jane’s. She stood up, pulling Jane as she went. “Now, I believe we had an arrangement for when we got back.” 

“Oh yeah, you still want to do that?” Jane’s grin widened. “After all, both our mother’s are in the guesthouse and who knows where Tommy and Frankie are.”

Maura moved swiftly, not only ensuring the doors were locked, but bolts and chains thrown into position as well.

“You were saying?”

Jane followed as Maura strode towards the bedroom, unconsciously licking her lips. “As I said earlier, I like it when you take control of a situation.”

Maura spun around as they reached the bedroom door. “Good, then you won’t mind me taking control now.”

Jane didn’t even have chance to squeak as Maura grabbed her by her shirt, pulling her into her body with a force that momentarily took their breath away, before lips crashed together.

* * *

“You’re mad, doing this with our Mother’s just outside in the guesthouse.” Jane said breathlessly as Maura stole another kiss.

“Am I now? What makes you say that?” Maura asked, as she made absolutely sure the bedroom door was locked, before pushing Jane up against it.

Jane bit back the squeal as the door handle hit her lower back, as Maura pulled back slightly, before grabbing one of Jane’s hands and tugged her towards the bed. “This, this makes me say it. You’re reckless when you’re horny as hell.” Jane finally answered as her senses hit, albeit briefly.

The flirtatious smile was back that drove Jane insane. “I don’t hear you complaining, and since I don’t hear any complaints, I suggest you fuck me.”

Jane’s eyebrows lifted, as a smile broke out on her face and she pulled Maura the remaining distance to the bed, but not before she literally ripped the zip open on the dress Maura was wearing, before grabbing at it, pulling it off quickly.

“You do this to me. Or maybe it’s that stunt you pulled in the morgue earlier once you got called back to work,” Maura said breathlessly, and at Jane’s expression of feigned innocence, Maura tugged at Jane's shirt and then pants and all other remaining clothes, the urgency showing in both women, so finally they were both naked, “the one where your hand wandered up my thigh when we were kissing.”

“Stunt? I don’t pull stunts.” Jane tried to look appalled and failed. “You were trembling so I decided to hug you, and when that failed I patted you on the leg to reassure you… my fingers just fell in that position...” Before she could finish the sentence her self-control slipped and Jane giggled and then automatically looked around to make sure no-one else had heard her. It was enough to bring another self satisfied smile to Maura’s face.

“A hand... that... Oh god, don't stop....slipped up and under my dress. Physically impossible Jane.” 

Maura closed her eyes, taking the opportunity to simply listen to Jane’s ragged breathing. It was a sound she could never get enough of. Maura had never realized just what she had needed in her life until Jane had come into it. Admittedly, they took a long time to become more than mere acquaintances at work. Initially, just seeing each other at fleeting moments at the precinct, before Jane was promoted to Homicide. Even then, it had taken far longer for the friendship to develop. It had been Hoyt’s attempt at Jane in the damp basement the first time that began to build their friendship, for it only to deepen the second time he tried to kill Jane on his escape. Maura often wondered if she would have ever escaped the man made prison she had been confined in, but for Jane and the Rizzoli family.

“Maura.” A soft caress of fingertips on the cheek brought Maura out of her musing. She smiled as her eyes opened slowly.

“I’m okay.” Maura was quick to reassure, seeing the question in Jane’s worried eyes. She moved to twist her own fingertips with Jane's, keeping them against the skin of her cheek, leaning in ever so slightly to the sensation. “I’m more than okay.”


	38. Chapter thirty eight

**Chapter thirty eight**

Maura shifted in the bed as her sense gradually caught up with her waking. The first thing she became aware of, as always, was the smell of Jane. Mainly of her hair, but there was also another scent that was simply Jane that intermingled with that. She knew she could never describe it if anyone has asked, but she always recognized the scent. Then, Maura was very much aware of the soft tickling sensation as some of Jane’s hair touched her skin, where Maura’s chest leaned up against the warm haven of Jane’s back.

This was all she ever wanted, and it had taken the tragic death of Sue for her to achieve this sense of being so loved, and she never forgot that. Some might consider it strange, but on a small side table in the main sitting room, Maura had placed the picture she had discovered of Jane and Sue in Sue’s apartment bedroom in amongst other pictures of the Rizzoli and Isles families and close friends. When Jane had questioned her, she had simply replied it was only right Sue’s memory was never forgotten. That she was an important person in Jane’s life, whose death had also brought them together. She deserved the honor of that memory, to be at the forefront and not in a drawer, forgotten. 

Maura had watched as Jane had allowed the tears to slip down her cheeks at the words, before moving across to pick the picture up where Maura had just placed it, a finger coming out to softly rest against Sue’s image. Jane had then placed the frame back down, turning, still not attempting to stop the tears.

A simple ‘thank you’ had been enough for Maura’s tears to also fall as they stood in a hug, no more words needed.

As Jane shifted position in the bed ever so slightly, Maura’s heart quickened its pace, and she moved languidly, deliberately allowing her nipples to skim against Jane’s bare back. Maura smiled to herself, at her bodies reactions and she wondered if her physical reaction to Jane would ever diminish? She hoped not, and somehow doubted it ever would. This was certainly more than pure lust.

As was so often of late, as her thoughts turned to her relationship with Jane, and how Maura hardly recognized the woman she had been - that it had taken her love of Jane and how it was Jane’s help that had allowed her to live her life as she wanted, and not just for the approval of others. She was reminded of Jane’s question, not long after Sue had died - how did she do it? How did she overcome the adversities in her own life. In truth, she had honestly believed she was okay with life as it was even then, but now - now she was finally who she was meant to be. Fighting back the emotion, Maura buried her face in Jane’s hair and instinctively pulled her closer.

“Maura?”

Maura jumped slightly, before she tightened her hold. “Sorry I didn’t mean to wake you.”

Jane wriggled so that she was lying on her back, before turning onto her side, making sure they were facing each other, “I’ve been awake a while. I was just enjoying being held by you, but then you tensed. Are you okay?” Automatically, a couple of fingers came out to touch Maura’s face and she slowly closed her eyes.

“I’m fine. There’s nothing I need when I’m in your arms.” Maura opened her eyes again, and frowned slightly at Jane’s imperceptible solemn expression. “Hey, I’m okay. I was just thinking how much you have changed my life. How I finally feel complete with you.” 

Jane’s stomach flipped, and she felt the all too familiar sting of tears that always seemed to erupt when Maura said something that tugged at her heart. It was purely out of love, and she had stopped trying to fight the reaction when it was just the two of them, alone as they were now. Maura leaned in, kissing the last of the tears away that had fallen slowly down cheeks.

Jane in turn gently tucked some stray strands of Maura’s hair behind her ear, a habit so familiar that neither noticed. They were too engaged in just being together as one. Unable to find the words, and not needing to, Jane then changed position so that she and Maura kissed on the lips. It was tender and conveyed all that was needed without words.

“Do you know that I love you?” Maura asked, in hushed tones as she and Jane stayed cheek to cheek. Fingers coming together to loosely entwine.

Jane smiled, “Of course. I love you as well.”

A hand trailed Jane’s hip and caressed the side of her breast, causing Jane’s breath to falter. “Such simple words in their own right, but they are so powerful.” Maura muttered as she continued to move her hand, brushing the underside of the other breast.

“As much as I love when you regale me with words, I fail to see what this has to do with the here and now.” Jane managed to say, as Maura’s movements became more deliberate.

“Sometimes I just need to tell you. It might seem inadequate, but I can only say I love you, or show you.”

“Right now, I’d rather you showed me.” Jane said, having listened, Maura’s voice making her shiver, and as she saw Maura begin to stop, she smiled and gave a slight nod of encouragement. It earned her the dazzling smile of Maura’s that she could never get enough of. God, was she ever in love.

“I never knew how to ask for things, but with you, I’m learning to be that person. It’s still far from perfect, but I’m getting better at it. I’m no longer just the woman people request simply because I have the Isles family name, so I can help at a charity event, or because I might be able to help as a medical examiner. With you, I’m Maura Isles, all facets of her.”

Jane moved, pulling Maura in even closer, making sure they were both comfortable. “You always show me how much you love me, and it goes both ways ya know.” Jane smiled as her eyes traveled from Maura’s full lips to the hazel eyes that expressed feeling as much as words ever did.

“I’m so lucky to have you, that sometimes it also terrifies me.” Maura admitted, as she watched Jane’s eyes darken and travel a path that was so often mapped out with fingers and tongue. 

“I know, and I often feel the same way. When Ellie...” Jane’s words faltered and she fought down the emotion. “When she had us in the church, I just wondered if this was how it was going to be. That it was so unfair we might never get the chance to be together before we’d really started. But then, I also knew that when we got out of there,” Jane smiled as Maura looked at her noticing what she was saying, how sure Jane was they would escape, “When we got out, that us being together was always going to be something we could both depend upon, regardless of anything else. We might be opposites in many ways, but as you say, it’s always what completes us.”

Maura smiled, and without warning, she turned her mouth, kissing down the side of Jane’s neck. She then licked the heated skin, as Jane moaned. Jane moved to free her hands, and cupped Maura’s ass, pulling them closer together.

Their hips tipped together, and Jane pushed her leg more firmly into the juncture between Maura’s thighs. Maura was convinced just that alone was going to make her come and she desperately pulled back, trying to stop that from happening. It was too fast. Too soon. She saw the disappointment in Jane’s face, and immediately regretted the action.

“Just too much...” Maura admitted, her voice raspy. “Need it to last.”

Jane’s grin was feral as she dropped down to capture an already taut nipple in her mouth, causing another moan to rip from Maura’s mouth. A long slender finger dipped past a hip bone, and Maura emitted another moan, louder than the last, before she whimpered as the finger slowly stroked across wet folds, then over her clit. Maura knew if she wasn’t lying down, her knees would have given away, she felt so weak. Dazed eyes met brown, so dark they were almost black, as Jane responded to Maura’s silent pleas, and pushed two fingers inside, her thumb beginning it’s rhythmic dance, and it was too much for Maura’s overloaded senses. She sobbed as the orgasm claimed her.

“Fuck!” Maura could hardly breathe, and Jane couldn’t help the chuckle.

“I think you’re a little late with that command, and you’ve just been thoroughly fucked.”

A weak hand came out to swat Jane’s bicep. Jane grinned, as she brought her fingers up, licking them clean, with a deliberate satisfying pop as the last one was pulled from her mouth.

Maura shuddered at the act, and immediately brought their lips together, desperate to taste.

“What?” Jane asked as Maura pulled back, her face a mask of desire.

“You know exactly what.” Maura replied, as she grabbed Jane’s fingers, pulling the still damp ones into her own mouth, sucking even though she knew that there was nothing left to taste. It was the act in itself she needed. Jane’s eyes slammed shut, and then flew open again as teeth captured a nipple, none too gently, before a tongue soothed the same path.

There was little either could perceive beyond the sensations of Maura, the way her tongue glided across skin. How teeth nipped, always with enough pressure to give the barest hint of pain, always enough to be enjoyed. The intensity of the room became thicker the closer Maura came to consuming Jane. 

When Jane came, she couldn’t stop the yell that erupted, the need to say Maura’s name, and her body slammed back into the mattress, as the power that ripped through her seemed to go on forever.

“Fuck!”

Maura gave a self satisfied smile as Jane called out.

* * *

 “Maura, someone called Nikki phoned.”

Jane followed Maura out into the kitchen, and internally groaned at the sight and voice of her mother who was at the kitchen stove.

“Ma, don’t you ever stay in a perfectly good guesthouse! I knew you shoulda had the apartment, not Frankie.”

Angela rolled her eyes, deliberately ignoring Jane, and smiled as Maura squealed in obvious delight at the news of Nikki. Maura spun around, eyes sparkling. “Oh Jane, I hope Nikki can make the wedding, she was my best friend in school, and I know you and she will get on.”

Constance, who was sitting at the kitchen island, coffee in hand smiled. “I haven’t heard of Nicola in years Maura, I didn’t know you were still in touch.”

Maura’s face fell slightly. “We did lose touch for a while.” She admitted, as Angela gestured to them to sit down, as she began to serve breakfast. “But I saw an article she did in a science magazine for the pharmaceutical company she now works for in England. I used that information to contact her at work and we’ve been back in touch a little while now. It's mostly via email, only occasionally via phone, Skype or Facetime because of time differences and work.”

Maura smiled towards Jane, not wanting to add it was once again because of this incredible woman, that Maura had felt confident enough to re-establish contact. Jane meanwhile saw the look on Maura’s face, and immediately knew just what she was thinking and smiled back. As was now their daily habit when they weren’t rushing into work, they entwined the fingers of one hand briefly before they even began to tackle breakfast.

“So this Nikki is English then? She sounded American to me." Angela asked as she put her own plate on the counter and sat down, as they all began to eat.

“No, she’s American, but like me, she went to school in France. Her father is a diplomat, and she has only recently begun working in England. Apparently she was able to gain a grant for her research at Pfizer. Whilst she has worked for them over here, I believe in New York, they gained the funding from Parkinsons UK to try and find out the importance of the blood-brain barrier and the bypassing approaches being investigated in order to treat diseases of the central nervous system - including brain tumors, Alzheimer's, Parkinson's and stroke. So many diseases are interlinked...” Maura trailed off as she realized Angela was sitting there with a slightly glazed expression. 

“I’m sorry, as you know I tend to get over excited about...”

Jane shook her head. “Never apologize for who you are Maura. Never!”

“So, Nikki called.” Constance picked the conversation up. “Did she leave any details?” She asked Angela.

“Oh yeah.” Angela nodded, “I’ve written it down on your notepad by the main house phone Maura. She is flying in for the wedding.”

Maura beamed. Jane just felt proud at the woman next to her. Angela broke the moment.

“Oh, and Janie, whilst it’s lovely to know you two are happy, it sounded like you were playing whack-a-mole, or you’re both suddenly super clumsy and dropping things or stubbing your toes, if the noises you were making is anything to go by. If, though you’re practicing to be Raph the Mutant Ninja Turtle again and needing to use his superpowers, then by all mean, go right on ahead. Just thought I’d mention it, ya know.”

All that was then heard was the clatter as Jane’s fork hit the plate, followed a split second later by Maura’s fork.

* * *

"You know you said I couldn't kill Ma..."

Maura looked quizzically at Jane, who was putting the breakfast dishes into the dishwasher, her back to Maura, who didn't say anything, knowing it had been rhetorical from Jane, and she was going to continue in whatever direction the conversation was heading.

"Well, that is going to happen if she keeps interfering or commenting on our life. Especially our love life." Jane straightened up, closing the door and setting the control, before turning the dishwasher on. She then spun around to face Maura, who had finished wiping down the countertops and cooker. "I will kill her. With my bare hands" Jane put her arms out in front of her chest, then closed her hands slowly, rocking them ever so slightly, mimicking strangling someone.

Maura smiled, before moving in, gently pulling Jane in closer by her waist. Janet's hands moved down and rested lightly on her hips. Maura then gave her a peck on the cheek. "I know you would never do that. However, I do think we need to look at redefining the way Angela uses this house. Especially once we are married. Unfortunately, we cannot take the keys off her, nor change the locks, because she can only access the guest house via this one." Maura sighed, as she rested her head into Jane's one shoulder, "but she does need to consider giving us more privacy, but I don't know how we do that."

"Simple. We get her an apartment." Jane watched as Maura looked up at her quickly, surprise etched on her face. "If we really want to stop Ma, then we're going to have to either restrict the access into here, and as you point out that can't happen because of the way it's designed to get to the guest house, or we get her to move. Lets face it, it is a 'guest house'." Jane used air quotes at the last two words, and a grimace crossed her features. "Guest being the important word in there. Not - I'm going to settle down, become a permanent feature and torture my daughter and future daughter in law to death. Lord help us if we ever decide to have any kids, she'd never leave here to even go the few feet back to her place."

Ignoring the mention of children, which Maura filed away to explore another day, she looked carefully at Jane, seeing the seriousness on her face. "But Jane, she can't really afford to move elsewhere. You know how little Stanley pays her overall. She could do it, but it would be a hovel of a place, and she would, without a doubt, struggle to pay her bills each month."

Maura heard the growl from Jane at the mention of Stanley, knowing how the whole situation of Angela at the cafe exasperated her. Maura plowed on with her explanation, "It's one reason I offered her the guest house in the first place, and your mothers circumstances, whilst improved because of the job at the cafe, are still very precarious." Maura paused for a split second as an idea formed, "I will look into an alternative. I can ask the family architect to come and see if there's is any way we can place another entrance way into the house. Perhaps by giving Angela a closed off corridor from the main front door so it will take her straight to the guest house door, and we can get separate keys for another doorway into the main house. Tommy and Frankie would also be separate to the main house when they visit Angela as well, and the family could only access the main home on our invitation. I bet a vestibule would be an ideal option if it's possible to build into the current structure."

Jane chuckled. "Family, architect, of course, everyone has one. And a vestibule? What it's gods name is that?"

Maura pulled away slightly, tapping Jane on the arm, knowing she was joking over the architect. Initially, Jane had been extremely uncomfortable about the money Maura had, but had slowly begun to accept it. Even if she still took every available chance to tease. "A vestibule or vestibulum has more than one meaning, each primarily based upon a common origin, from early 17th century French, derived from Latin vestibulum, which means 'entrance court. So in this instance, it means a lobby, entrance hall, or passage between the outer door and the interior of a building."

"Yeah. That sounds great because I'm getting to the point where it really is coming down to; she moves someplace else or I will kill her. Hey, I guess I could always lock her up at the precinct and throw away the key. That way I won't have Korsak and Frost investigating me for her murder." Jane, then looked down at Maura, a thoughtful expression on her face. She could tell Maura was desperate to impart more information about something; she was almost bouncing on her toes. It was one side of Maura that so many found hard to comprehend, but Jane adored even if she would never admit it. Jane thought back on the conversation, and a small smile appeared, "So, what else does a vestibule mean? You said it had more than one use." 

Maura smiled brightly, as she moved away, her hands becoming animated as she eagerly began to talk. "The term vestibule is also used in anatomy. In general, a vestibule is a small space or cavity at the beginning of a canal. So, for example, the vulval vestibule is the posterior two thirds of the labia minora, the location of the urethral meatus and the paraurethral glands of Skene and the introitus of the vagina..."

Jane stepped forward, and immediately put a hand across Maura's startled face. She slowly allowed her hand to drop, "Enough, please, just..." Jane's voice lowered to an almost conspiratorial whisper, "I had enough of Ma talking about our sex life already this morning, without..." Jane looked at Maura, her eyebrows wiggling, "you know. More talk about female body parts."

"But Jane, it's about anatomy and simply another meaning of a vestibule." Maura said, trying not to show her amusement at Jane's discomfort, "it's a perfectly natural conversation to be having."

"Nope, not happening. For you, as a doctor, maybe.... But... No." Jane said quickly, and she then dramatically shivered, "and dammit, you've just ruined the idea of getting an architect in. I don't think I could look at a vesti.... You know... Without now thinking of..." Jane gestured towards her crotch, and whispered, "female parts. Just no - ewww."

Jane could only glower as Maura erupted into laughter, trying to obviously look serious again, but every time she looked at Jane, the laughter started afresh.

"Great, just laugh at me, I don't care." Jane pouted, as Maura then sobered, pulling Jane back into a hug.

"Aww Jane, I know you find this sort of thing difficult, but it really is natural and nothing to be embarrassed about."

"Yeah, except you weren't brought up in an Italian American catholic family with two brothers, but a swanky all female boarding school, where I bet communal showers were common place."

"Communal showers actually didn't happen. It was a shower room, but all the showers were individual cubicles. But I accept you raise a valid point. I'll try to refrain talking about vagi.."

Maura didn't get further as Jane captured her mouth in a kiss. After a minute or so, Jane pulled back, a smirk fixed on her face. "You were saying?"

"Nothing." Maura replied rather breathlessly, before moving in for another kiss.

 

* * *

 


	39. Chapter thirty nine

**Chapter thirty nine**

Jane looked up as Frost rose from his desk. "So, Frankie just said to me you're not having a stag do."

Jane's eyebrows rose, as she put a thumb to her chest. "Female, remember, so no stag do. Maura's having a hen night, but I am more than okay just turning up at the church on time, in nice clothes and no hangover. I say my vows, give Maura her ring, and vice versa, before heading to the reception. We stay as long as needed before heading off on our honeymoon. That's all my job entails. Nothing more."

"Aww c'mon Jane, you gotta do something. It's your wedding for Christ's sake!" Frost argued as he put his jacket on. "Besides, Korsak's gonna be really upset you're not having a party of any kind. We won't call it a stag do if that helps. Just I dunno, a pre-wedding party?"

"It doesn't help."

Frost looked as Jane then carried on reading the report she had open on her desk, making the point she wasn't planning on taking this conversation any further.

"Shame, cos I heard Frankie was going to try and sort something out at Fenway."

Jane's head did snap up at that. "What?"

"Yeah, you know you can hire rooms out, and they have a bar there." Frost shrugged, "but, it's a moot point since you..."

Jane stood up, "No - Not so fast. I might be interested."

Frost smiled, "I better call Frankie then, make sure he's got it sorted."

Jane then groaned as she saw Angela appearing out the elevators and she slumped back down into her chair. "This cannot be happening."

Frost glanced across at Jane, phone in hand, "What?"

Jane merely pointed as the doors swung open, and Angela strode in, a look of determination on her face. She was quickly at Jane's desk, as a finger came out to point accusingly at her daughter, who in turn held her mother's glare.

"Frankie's just told me you aren't having a party. Janie, you've gotta have a party. We've got your Uncles John and Vinnie coming in specially for this wedding, let alone the cousins. They will be expecting a party. You better sort it out now..."

"Or you'll do what Ma? Throw me under a bus?"

Angela glowered, as the finger stabbed Jane forcefully in the chest, making her sit back with a wince, as she then rubbed the now sore spot. "Ow, Ma, what the hell?"

"I will drag you there kicking and screaming if I have to. You're lucky I don't ask Tommy to put his size ten steel capped boots up your ass right about now. And if that doesn't work, I'll just get Maura onto it."

"Hey, keep Maura outta this." Jane straightened up, "and if you wanna know, Frost was just calling Frankie back, because I agreed to a party. But it's just a few of us Ma, not half the damn family, extended family at that, who only ever turn up at family weddings, christening or funerals, and are only coming for the free booze!"

"Too late." Angela spun around and headed back out of the bullpen, "I've already invited them."

"Your Mom is scarier than most perps." Frost spoke up once the shock of the encounter began to wear off.

Jane just gave Angela's departing back a withering glare, anger and frustration clearly showing. She slammed a hand down on her desk. "She has no right to play the Maura card on me. Dammit!"

"Whose played the Maura card Jane?"

Hearing Maura's voice, Jane's eyes shot back up, she had been so engrossed in her own stewing thoughts she hadn't seen Maura getting off the elevator as Angela had got on it, exchanging a quick kiss on Maura's cheek as she had gone.

"Genghis fucking Khan!" Jane said, her eyes still blazing with anger.

Maura looked at Frost, confusion evident. 'Angela' was all he mouthed and Maura gave a quick nod to show she now understood.

"Nice historical reference Jane, if slightly inaccurate. Many people believe he was merely a tyrant, but he created a unified empire from the nomadic tribes of northeast Asia."

"I know some history and he went to war Maura, to war! I will go to war on Ma as well if she doesn’t butt out." Jane muttered, "besides that isn't the damn point. My mother seems to have decided to invite the entire male side of our family to a supposed stag party. A party I don't want I might add."

"But Jane, it's traditional."

"Really? You are kidding me right? What in the hell is traditional about our wedding Maur? Two women remember. How in the hell does a woman have a stag party?"

Maura's head tilted to the side ever so slightly as she listened to Jane. "Whilst it's true it's not going to be a traditional wedding in many ways, you do tend to hang out with male company far more than female friends. So therefore, it makes sense you have the more masculine party role. Remember our conversation about who would be the man in the relationship?"

Frost's eyebrows shot up at that, "What are y...."

"Not another word Frost, or so help me god, I will find the most rust covered knife on the planet, with the dullest blade possible so it would even struggle cutting into soft butter, and ensure I saw your balls off, having clamped them in a vice first."

Frost, despite his skin color, actually paled and turned so he was no longer facing the wrath of his partner. "I'll just go and talk to Frankie." He finally squeaked, leaving with a definite hitch to his step.

Jane was about to scream, when a hand rested lightly on her shoulder. She looked up to concerned hazel eyes.

"I really came up to say that the wedding rehearsal is confirmed for two weeks time."

"That the date we wanted?" Jane asked as she slowly stood up, her long limbs unfolding as she stretched out tired, tense muscles, before pulling Maura into a light hug.

"It is." Maura sighed, the scent of Jane filling her senses as she took her customary position of her head resting in the crook of Jane's front shoulder. "I have also confirmed with HR and Cavanaugh we have the three and a half weeks off we asked for starting a week from Wednesday."

"Can we just elope?"

* * *

Jane looked at Frankie as if he was some shit she was about to wipe off the soles of her boots.

"I am not wearing a fucking blindfold. How old do you think we are Frankie? We're not kids."

"Then at least let me put my hands over your eyes Jane." Frankie pleaded, soulful eyes looking at his sister.

Seeing the expression on her brother’s face, Jane sighed. "You promise me there are no video cameras capturing me being led into this party like a six year old."

"Maura always said you were like a squirmy six year old." Frankie muttered, earning an incredulous look from his sister.

"She did not tell you that?!"

"She was telling Ma, I just walked in..."

"God the sooner that damn corridor off the front door is built to stop you lot all piling into the main house, the better." Jane grumbled, before putting her hands up in resignation. "Fine, cover my eyes with your hands, but if there is even a sniff of a video, I will make your life a living hell."

"Gotta do better than that Jane, you already make it a living hell."

Frankie moved and placed his hands across Jane's eyes, ignoring her mumbled complaints about not being a child, and that if he thought his life so far was a living hell, he hadn't seen anything yet. Once he was happy Jane couldn’t see, he moved them forward, nudging her hips to get Jane walking, grateful the door at least was simply opened by pushing against it.

Jane blinked as Frankie's hands slowly dropped away from her face. "Oh god." Was the only thing that spilled from her lips. She scanned the room, and saw the view looking down on Fenway, and soon forgot about the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle decorations that were scattered around the tables and hanging from the ceiling.

Jane walked across to the large window looking at the view, before realizing there was a door leading out to a large balcony of seating. She quickly opened it, and headed outside, taking in a lungful of air, closing her eyes and just savoring the atmosphere around her. This was her hallowed turf, not some stuffy church. For a brief moment, tacky decorations and the costumes that she had only glimpsed at when arriving, forgotten. This was her time and she wasn't going to let anyone ruin it.

"Quite something isn't it Sis."

Jane looked surprised on hearing Tommy's voice, the minutes peace snatched away from her, as her jaw dropped. "You're..." Jane faltered as Tommy grinned.

"You like?" He gestured to the turtle costume he was wearing. "Maura and Pierre know a wicked costume maker. Everyone has them tailored. Frankie's is bitching."

"Maura knew?" Janet's voice rose a notch.

"Um, yeah. She didn’t tell you?"

"No." Jane tried to fathom out how the hell Maura had kept all this from her without major hives, stomach aches or fainting. "Who else was involved? There is no way Maura could do this on her own, she must have help."

Tommy shuffled nervously on his feet, suddenly very aware that he had just said things he perhaps shouldn't have done. "Ma and Connie."

"Constance not Connie, Jesus, have a little respect." Jane slapped Tommy upside the head. "Please tell me I don't have to wear a damn costume."

Tommy merely shrugged, looking apologetic, his expression confirming her worst fear.

"I knew I should never have agreed to all this." Jane ran a hand through her hair, before looking back out across the grass of Fenway park, "but I guess being here makes it worthwhile."

 

* * *

Tommy was propped up against the bar, possibly the only sober person, except the employees, left in the room. He was talking animatedly to some woman Jane knew had been serving some of the food. She was proud that despite the free flowing alcohol, he had kept on the wagon. He was slowly proving his worth in some areas of his life, even if he was still messed up in other parts, not least because of TJ as the baby had become known.

Jane really hated that the poor kid had been saddled with his fathers name, Tommy junior - hence TJ. Much like Frankie had been given their fathers name, Jane swore she and Maura would never allow that to happen to their kids. Before that thought could fully register in her booze addled brain, Jane's attention was brought back suddenly to the conversation going on around her.

Frankie's eyes were glazed as the alcohol began to take hold. "So, you're telling us that your first wife asked you to marry her, not the..." He hiccuped, "other way round?"

Jane looked back at Korsak, and even she had to admit, having him as Splinter was a stroke of genius by someone. He looked really good in the rat costume, and in some ways, like Splinter, the Turtle's sensei; Korsak was her sensei and had become like an adoptive father. Thankfully no-one was cast as Casey Jones.... Jane knew that would have been just too assed weird to get her head around!

Korsak meanwhile nodded, trying to focus in on the younger man before replying, "Yeah the first, she gave me this whole damn speech." Korsak looked misty eyed as he thought back to the time, "She could sure give good speeches. Hell, got me to marry her."

"Okay, that’s all well an’ good, but more importantly, did it mean you had good sex?" Frost asked, his words slightly slurred.

"Totally mind blowing, more than one round type sex."

Jane looked around her, a silly smile plastered on her face, as she waved the nearly empty bottle of beer in front of her chest. "Yeah, well you all know how good Maura is at speeches. Bet she beats the first wife hands down old man."

"Nah, I bet..." Korsak didn't get to finish, as Jane carried on regardless.

"Yeah, I mean, there wasss one time when it was totally hot..t. Like bodice ripping hot.." By now, three sets of alcohol bloodshot eyes all focused... Or rather semi-focused... on the rambling brunette.

"Oh this is gonna be good." Frankie whispered, as he still had enough of his faculties to pull his cellphone off his belt and hit the video record function.

Jane grabbed a newly placed bottle of beer off the table that had recently been put there by Frost when he'd got the previous round of drinks in, taking a long pull, finishing with a self satisfying smack of her lips.

"Where was I? Oh, yeah.. So Maura's standing there, in a leather corset, boobs literally in my face, I mean right up, like here," Jane brought her free hand right up to her nose to illustrate how close, "along with stockings and fuck me heels. She looked at me and said in that sexy bedroom growl 'woman, I'm here practically naked, so strip and just fuck me already'. She's like totally hot in the bedroom. Mouth like a sewer-" Jane giggled, "Sewer... Mutant turtle's... Get it?" Not bothering for any kind of response from anyone, Jane carried on, "I mean, it would make a sailor blush. And... And domineering..g.. as f...fuck... You should see what else that closet of hers holds. Leather..." Jane's voice trailed off as a dreamy, totally contented look crossed her face.

Everyone just sat there with stunned expressions, intermingled with a look of horror on Frankie's face, as he learned something he'd rather not have done about his sister, ranging to embarrassment on Korsak's face. Mouths literally hung agape, as Jane looked around.

"What?" She asked, as she folded her arms on the tabletop, resting her head down. "Man, I'm gonna puke if this room doesn't stop spinning."

Jane suddenly declared she was no longer to be known as Raph, but Bass, in honor of Maura's turtle. She didn't even raise her head as she spoke, so she didn't see, let alone feel, Frost with a black sharpie writing BASS across the back of her costume in the largest letters possible, earning a high five from the two other men at the table. Frankie kept the video rolling the entire time.

 

* * *

Jane swung a hand out and it flailed around a few times before it finally found the annoying alarm and she was able to slap it off. Cursing her lack of forethought of resetting the alarm to a later time.... much, much later, or better yet, just turning it off altogether, Jane rolled onto her back, moaning as the feeling of nausea rose, as did the pounding in her head. She managed to finally open a eye and turning very slowly, saw she had managed to bring a large glass of water in with her when she had finally collapsed in bed, still in her clothes. She wrinkled her nose as the stench of stale beer and cigarette smoke wafted around at every movement she made, let alone the feeling that something had crawled into her mouth and died in there. God she was never drinking like that again.

Jane finally managed to lean on a forearm to gulp down water, fumbling for the painkillers she knew were also on the nightstand. After a few more minutes, Jane knew her bladder was not going to allow her to lie there any more, no matter how much she wanted to curl up and die, and so she gingerly stood up, and braced herself as sock clad feet hit the floor. She suddenly became very aware that she was in the god awful Raph costume that somehow she had been persuaded to change into at some point in the night.

The memories of when she had caved, and she had finally lost her own clothes to land up as a turtle were hazy; but she could take what little pride she had left in knowing it had taken some time into the evening before that occurred. She had held out for a lot longer than anyone had bet on, so apparently nobody won a dime. She didn't even know what had happened to the betting pool on that occasion, except it had been put into another pool, the bet of which she had no idea about, other than a loud cheer from some distant cousin when he won it later in the evening. Sighing out loud, a hand came up, and as she pulled fingers through her hair, they were stopped by something. Tugging it out of the mass of tangles, Jane groaned when she realized it was the cloth band with eye holes cut out. She tossed it down with a growl.

As she stood in the shower, Jane allowed her hair to fall all around her, water cascading down from the crown of her head, but she felt safe in the curtain her brunette locks afforded her. Even though she was in a locked bathroom, further hidden behind a glass shower door, Jane just wanted to hide even more from the world as snatches of the previous night began to creep into her mind. She could not believe she had talked about Maura and their sex life. She just hoped they had all been so drunk, no-one else could remember it. Hell, Jane didn't remember all of it, just snippets, but they were enough. She would never live this down. It was a clusterfuck of epic proportions. If Maura found out, her life was going to hell in a hand basket, stopping off at grand fucked up central station first.

For a split second Jane wondered if she was going to be divorced before she had even walked down the isle?

 

* * *

Jane finally wandered into her old apartment kitchen, and looked across to see Frankie, Frost and Tommy all sprawled out across the sitting room floor, couch cushions dragged down with them, but seemingly not any use to man nor beast, except Jo, who was perched on top of one with a self satisfied look on her face. More empty beer bottles were scattered on just about every surface possible. Seeing Jane walk in, Jo jumped down off her cushion, and scurried over.

“Hey, need a w. a. l. k?” Jane murmured, spelling it out, as per dog owners across the world, knowing if the word itself was spoken, Jo would go mad. Her hand automatically came out to fuss the dog as she looked back at the heaped pile of bodies. “Pah, leave them to it. C’mon trouble.”

Jane walked back into the apartment, fresh coffee from a local coffee shop in hand, feeling considerably better than she had a couple of hours ago. She had decided to give Jo a long walk to the local dog park. Usually, she would drive them there from home, but she needed the fresh air, and it was walking distance from the old place. She unclasped Jo’s leash, before kicking Tommy, who just happened to be the closest unfortunate body she could reach.

“Hey, you shower of idiots. Get up!” Jane said in a loud voice. All she got in return was a number of moans and groans, as Tommy rubbed where her foot had connected.

"Jesus." Frost finally spoke up, as he rubbed his eyes, peeking up from his place on the floor to look at Jane, who had moved into the kitchen to put her old coffee machine that she'd left for Frankie on.

"Coffee! Get your lazy butts up off my floor." Jane couldn't help chuckling at the sorry state everyone was in, even Tommy despite being hangover free.

"How did we get here?" Frankie asked as he also sat up, looking bleary eyed. "And its my floor now, so shut the hell up."

"We all got taxi's back." Tommy piped up, "you lot carried on drinking and we finally fell asleep at about 4 this morning."

Frost glanced at his watch. "For gods sake, it's only just past ten now."

Jane rested her hip against the kitchen island counter top. "So that gives you what, six hours? For a homicide cop, that's sleeping in"

"How in the hell are you so cheerful this morning?" Tommy asked as he stood up, turtle costume and all, "you drank as much as anyone."

Jane shrugged, "A shower, walking Jo and coffee on the way home all helped."

"I'm dead." Frankie groaned as he put his head back down.

"Well, don't expect Maura to help you if you are." Jane teased, "Your fault, you deal. But once you finally shift that ass of yours off my floor, coffee is made?" Jane tellingly emphasized it was still her floor, knowing it would piss Frankie off no end. Sometimes it was just too easy with him. Like taking candy from a baby.

"Thank fuck the wedding isn't for a few days yet." Frost admitted, as he shuffled towards Jane, "Coffee?"

Jane pulled some mugs down, and left them on the counter by the coffee machine, "Help yourself.... Donatello."

Frost looked down at his attire, "Hey, this is a wicked costume. I thought it was so cool that you and Maura's Mom wanted me, Frankie, Tommy and you to all be the turtles. And for Maura to have thought about it so she made sure I was Donatello is just awesome! Cos he was the one...."

"Who sprouted technobabble. Yeah, I know. TMNT geek as a kid here, remember." Jane cut in, with a slight shake of her head.

Jane suddenly looked at the exclamation of "No fucking way. Oh shit, I'm dead!" That came from Frankie, as he peered at something on his phone. He looked up at Jane, horror obvious, as was pure fear.

"Something you need to show me Frankie?" Jane asked, as she marched towards him, snatching the phone off him before he even had chance to try and hide it from her.

She looked at the screen, going pale as her eyes darted around, looking at the three men around her. "Tell me I didn't." She whispered. She knew she had said some things about her and Maura's sex life, but this was far worse than she had realized.

Tommy smirked, having already seen the rather wobbly, occasionally blurry video clip at some point last night once they had got back, and being sober, knew exactly what Jane was looking at. He was only slightly pissed he had missed the real thing, having been chatting up a waitress unsuccessfully and so hadn't been anywhere near the table.

"Jane, you are screwed." Tommy spoke up, a self satisfied smile firmly planted on his face. "So screwed." It wasn't often he got one over on his sister, and he was going to enjoy every single second of it.


	40. Chapter forty

**Chapter forty**

"Jane?" Maura looked at her very nervous fiancée with a questioning expression. "It's just the rehearsal. It's nothing to be so worried about. We’ve got through the worst now."

"I know," Jane plastered a smile on her face.

There was no way in hell Jane was going to admit the fear she had of being outed over that video footage from her party two nights ago. She kept expecting Frankie to produce it at any time. This wasn't how it usually worked. Frankie had never before had such good blackmail material, and he just smirked every time he saw Jane, the threat hanging over her like a death sentence. He was milking it for all it's worth, and dammit, enjoying every single second of it. She was going to have to formulate some kind of battle plan to defeat his sorry ass. Hell, Jane knew she had to hand Frankie his ass, before he handed Jane her own, and then some.

Jane looked down and smoothed out the dark gray pinstripe Armani pants suit jacket Maura had insisted she wear for the rehearsal, before she reached out, pulling Maura’s fingers against her own, and took a deep breath. “Let’s go do this.”

Maura smiled back, as they strode into the room where the priest, family and friends were all waiting for them.

“Janie.” Angela couldn’t help the squealed calling out of Jane’s name, whose shoulders slumped.

“Remind me why she has to be here again?” She whispered in Maura’s ear, who simply smiled and gave Jane’s hand a squeeze.

"It's your Mother Jane, be nice."

Jane merely grunted, before putting on a fake smile as Anglea flew towards them both, arms outstretched.

"My baby is getting married!" Jane this time wasn't quick enough to avert the pinched and shaken cheek, as Angela then turned and enveloped Maura into a bone crushing hug. "Janie's getting married to a doctor no less. And someone who I already thought of as another daughter. I'm so happy."

Maura smiled, feeling slightly overwhelmed by Angela, as Jane pulled her away. "Ma." Jane then hissed, "C'mon just bring it down a bit.... I know you're excited, but this is not the time or place."

Sobering slightly, Angela nodded. "I know, it's just a day I never thought I'd see."

"Neither did I cos I've wanted to kill you so often." Jane muttered under her breath, all the while maintaining a smile, as she nodded to various family and friends who were all in their places before seeing a slightly apologetic and understanding smile grace the priests face. Christ even he was sympathetic over having Angela as a mother. God only knew what Angela had said or done in his presence when there was no-one else around to curb Angela's more enthusiastic nature.

"Shall we?" Maura asked, pulling Jane gently towards the priest and out of her thoughts, Angela following in their wake, occasionally blowing her nose lightly into a handkerchief as the tears began to fall.

* * *

"That wasn't so hard was it?" Maura asked as Jane settled down on her chair at the long dining table.

There was a distinct harrumph from Jane, who looked at the place settings, and was pleased that there were actual knives and forks on the table, but it wasn't set out for a fancy dinner that she knew the Isles would often attend. If the settings were anything to go by, it was a mix between the two families, and if that was the case, for the meal at least they did seem to have found a good compromise. Jane though didn't dare relax. Not quite yet.

"Ma, don't." Jane suddenly whispered as she spotted Angela about to stand and look as if she was about to launch into some kind of speech.

Pointedly ignoring Jane, and now the worried look Maura couldn't stop, Angela cleared her throat loudly. When that didn't work... "Hey! You lot!” Rang out.

Jane by now had her head in her hands, as Maura placed one of her own hands on Jane’s back between the shoulder blades, looking decidedly nervous.

Seeing eyes swivelling around to look at her, Angela beamed. “I know this ain’t the most traditional way to be on the rehearsal dinner, but then, this ain’t the most traditional wedding.”

Angela ignored the rather loud ‘Oh god.’ that came from Jane’s direction. “See, I honestly thought that Janie would never get married. I know I tried, god did I try...” Angela’s smiled seemed to widen even more at the small round of laughter that elicited.

“I guess in some ways this would be Janie’s father standing up and doing the talking, but since the no good for nothing...”

“MA!” this time Jane didn’t hold back, and felt the blush rising as people all watched her trying desperately to stop her mother from saying something they would all regret.

Angela did look across at Jane, and taking a deep breath, she closed her eyes, before nodding ever so slightly in Jane and Maura’s direction.

“As I was saying, in many ways this should be Jane’s Pop standing up here. But he isn’t, so I am. Tomorrow, I gain not one, but two daughters. In many ways, I’ve had these two for a while now. Maura stepped in when I needed her help the most, and whilst I know her parents are here today, and I have no intention of taking their place - I also love that Maura and I are so close. As for Janie... well, she has always marched to the beat of her own drum, and this wedding is just another example of that.”

Angela paused as she wiped tears from her eyes. She swallowed hard before taking a deep breath and carrying on. “I want to thank each and every one of you for being here. I know a lot of you have given your own time and help to bring us all to this stage. Not least the close friends and family of these two. Now I guess, I’ll save the rest of this for tomorrow, when I will be doing this for real.”

Angela sat down to a thunderous round of applause, as Jane visibly relaxed.

“That wasn’t so bad.” Maura commented, as she held Jane’s one hand tightly.

“We’ve gotta get through tomorrow still.” Jane reminded her with a slight sigh of resignation, “But, Ma is gonna steamroller her way through regardless, so I guess we’ll just have to try and hope she keeps it more like today and it’s no worse.”

Maura leaned in, giving Jane a light kiss on her cheek. She barely moved away then, so as she spoke, Jane could clearly feel her breath caressing her skin. “Stay positive. One more day, and the we’re out of here on our two week honeymoon. No-one to come barging in disturbing our peace, and the work on the house should be complete by the time we get back.”

“God I hope it’s done. I really do.” Jane whispered as she turned, capturing Maura’s lips in a light kiss, even though she so desperately wanted to do more. Resting forehead to forehead, they both just took comfort in each other, as the noise around them faded away into the background.

* * *

“You have got to be shitting me!?” Jane looked across at Frost, who just smiled nervously, watching as she adjusted her suit jacket.

“I’ve just had a text.” Frost held his phone up, so the screen with the text was showing. Jane shook her head as she slumped down into her chair.

“Does Maura know?”

“Yeah, and she says she’ll meet you there, once you’ve stopped having a fit over it all. Oh and she sends her love.”

Jane looked down at her suit, and sighed. “I knew it was too good to be true.”

Frost stepped up closer. “What? Hey, no, no you don’t start that.” Jane glanced up as he came right up to her. “You, Jane Rizzoli do not get to go on any kinda pity party. You’ve never done it in all the time we’ve been partners, and I’m damned if you’re gonna start it now.”

“But Frost...”

“But nothing!” Frost cut her off, and pulled her up, mindful of not wanting to crease the rather nice pantsuit Jane was wearing. He didn’t even dare ask how much that had cost. It was certainly way out of his pay grade, Jane’s as well - It had Maura Isles written all over it. “We are going to this wedding, and you’re gonna come out of it Mrs Rizzoli-Isles, and it will be fine.”

“How the hell can you say that!” Jane threw her hands up in exasperation. “There’s a fucking plumbing leak, of all things, in the fucking church. A plumbing leak! Has Pop got in there overnight and just loosened a load of fucking nuts to ruin this for me? Or is it some kinda fucked up joke.”

“That’s enough!” Frost realized that Jane was starting to panic slightly. It was unnerving for him to say the least - he had seen Jane at times a little unsure of herself, but this was new territory for him, and he was determined to stop Jane from descending into whatever panic mode she was heading to.

Jane’s eyes whipped up, looking at Frost with worry etched all over her face. “What if I’m not good enough for her?”

And here comes the real issue. Frost thought as he also inwardly sighed, knowing this he could deal with.

“Does Doctor Isles do anything she isn’t 100% sure about? C’mon, we both know she doesn’t guess about anything. And that includes you Jane. So get that butt outta here, and we’ll go to the alternative location the priest says he has in case of something like happening. So, it’s not gonna be at the church? Everything else is gonna be the same, and who knows, it might even be a better place for you and you'll enjoy it more.”

Jane finally straightened herself up, and took a deep breath. “Let’s do this!”

Frost just grinned as he watched Jane stride out of her hotel room, determination coming off her in waves. He had to hand it to Constance and Angela, what they were pulling off was going to be a stroke of genius.

* * *

“Maura dear, please...” Constance put out a hand and rested it on top of Maura’s forearm. “Jane will be fine.”

“I cannot believe you did this! She’ll be worried and I don’t know...”

“Maura!” Constance’s tone was firm, but understanding. “Jane is fine. Barry Frost and Frankie are with her in the car. We couldn’t tell you of the change of plans because we know you cannot lie. Otherwise we would have told you long before today. By all accounts Barry says Jane, once she got over the initial news, is nervously excited, nothing more than I would expect to hear on her wedding day.”

Maura took a deep breath. “You’re right, of course.” She watched in the mirror as the hairdresser finished pinning up her hair. “I’m just feeling slightly...” Maura’s words drifted off as she looked up into the mirror to her Mother, who was watching her carefully.

“Nervous, and it’s okay for you to feel like this.” Constance assured her with a wide smile. They both then looked around as the door to the room Maura was in flew open, and a rather breathless Angela came barreling inside.

“Is everything all right?” Maura asked, her anxiety levels rocketing again.

“Oh... Yes.” Angela replied, taking in a breath, “I just wanted to let you know Barry called and they are five minutes out. It’s game time.”

Before either Maura or Constance could reply, Angela was practically running out of the door again.

“I have grown fond of Angela, but she is a nervous bundle of energy. It’s amazing Jane has turned out as well as she has.”

Maura smiled. “Angela is also remarkably resilient, as well as a loving woman, and much of that is also present in Jane.” Maura waited a beat before adding, “Just don’t tell her I said that of course.”

Constance chuckled, as Maura finally stood up, smoothing out the dress as she rose.

“Oh Maura, you look beautiful.” Constance snatched at a tissue from a box on the table that was by where she was standing, dabbing her eyes carefully. “I really do hope I can avoid the tears at least until we’re well into the ceremony. I’d rather not have ruined makeup.”

Maura smiled back, her own eyes moist, “I’m sure people will understand and make an exception, given the occasion.” She then leaned in, giving her mother a light hug, neither wanting to disturb the makeup, hair or clothes.

“You’re father will be here shortly.” Constance stepped back, taking in the vision of her daughter. Once again finding she was having to battle down the emotion. “You my dear look amazing.”

* * *

“What the fuck? No! No way Frost!”

“Jane for once in you’re stubborn miserable existence, you are going to do this.” Frost moved in, and without warning, slammed a blindfold across Jane’s face. She pulled back immediately, but before she could begin to move her hands to tear the offending item off her face, Frankie had grabbed them, and pulled Jane tightly against his own torso.

“Jane, please, you’ll understand once we get there.” Frankie kept his voice deliberately low, as he struggled to maintain his hold on his now mad sister.

“You release me now Frankie, or so help me...”

“You are doing this for Maura.” Frankie replied, his tone firm. “Not me, not Frost, not even Ma. This is for you and Maura, it’s your day, and god dammit if you don’t do what we’ve asked of you for once. Believe me, you will understand once you get there.”

The fight immediately left Jane, as she slumped against Frankie. “You promise?” Her voice was small, and both Frankie and Frost could hear the vulnerability in it.

“I promise sis.” Frankie moved to pull Jane more into a hug. “You’ll love it, I promise.” he then whispered into her ear. She tucked her head into the crook of his shoulder.

“You better not be shitting me little brother. If you are, you are dead.”

Frost snickered as he opened the car door as it moved to stop. “C’mon, we’re here.”

He and Frankie carefully guided Jane out of the car, to be met by Tommy, who had a wide smile. He just nodded slightly, and without a word, he opened the door he was at, and they all moved inside, Jane being slowly lead by Frankie into the waiting elevator.

“Damn.” Jane grumbled under her breath as the elevator began to move and her grip on Frankie’s arm tightened. “You do realize that moving elevators and blindfolds are not good!” she then said more loudly, and let out a breath of air in relief as it stopped.

“Nearly there.” Frankie replied, as he guided her out of the elevator. “Only a few more steps.”

Jane’s jaw dropped open as the blindfold was removed. She blinked rapidly, as she took in the view before her.

“How? What? REALLY!” The last word was virtually shouted, as her expression of shock turned to joy, before she sobered.

“Maura? Where’s Maura?” Jane’s eyes skimmed the people standing in front of her, and she could see her Angela and Constance standing up towards the end of the aisle, seats gracing either side, the priest waiting at the end as well.

“Relax, she’s in a side room, and we’re doing it just as planned, only not at the church.” Frost said, a wide smile on his face.

“So there is no plumbing emergency then.” It was a statement rather than a question. She watched Frankie nod, as she took in a deep breath. “Jesus, I’m getting married at Fenway, in the EMC club. Over home plate.”

“Well, technically, above and behind home plate. Three levels above.” Frankie said, as he took Jane’s hand, and waited for her to begin moving down towards the priest.

Jane smiled as she moved, and quickly hugged Angela, before settling in her spot. She looked down at her outfit, making sure nothing was displaced, and inwardly smiled when she realized she still looked good. It certainly wasn’t something she would have usually chosen, but she knew it looked great. Especially the cream blouse, cut to look almost like a tux shirt, with plain square, inlaid with mother of pearl, cufflinks. It offset the black suit perfectly, the highlighted satin trim down the legs giving it just the right amount of glamor. The cut was definitely suitable for a woman, and it hugged Jane’s body shape in all the right ways. Jane carefully tugged down the jacket sleeves, and closed her eyes, just as she heard the opening notes for what Jane now knew was the Prince of Denmark's March.

It was what Maura had wanted, so Jane was happy to agree. Hell she'd just agreed to anything Maura had wanted, because seeing Maura so happy was enough to make Jane happy. She really hadn't been kidding when she said as long as she didn't have to wear a dress and just turn up, get married and leave it would be enough. Although she couldn't stop the smirk as she looked around the same room she'd had the bachelor party in only a few nights earlier. At the time, she had a passing thought that she would have loved the wedding there, never once dreaming it was going to happen. It truly was a mix of both her and Maura's wishes.

Jane was brought out of her thoughts as she heard a small gasp and sob from her Mother. Turning her head, she stood up straighter as she watched Maura walking down the aisle, in a fine lace dress, a small bouquet of mixed wildflowers on her hand. Jane swallowed hard as Maura finally reached her, handing off her bouquet to her friend Nikki who had flown in three days earlier. Janet's smile widened as Maura gently grasped Jane's left hand, her eyes moist with un-shed tears. They both then turned towards the priest, both taking steadying breaths.

* * *

“When Jane first told me - note that I was told, not asked! - that I was making a speech, I thought it was her way of getting back at me for anything I had ever done to her while growing up. Hell, I thought it was to get me back for everything I’ve ever done for her as a grown up!

But ultimately, I know this is an honor. They’ve invited you because this day would not be the same without you. And you have made them a priority in your lives by celebrating with them. You have honoured them with your presence and made their day so special and unforgettable. On behalf of both families, I would like to thank you all for coming.

As brother of the bride, I have a unique view of Jane. She was the big sister I had always wanted. She was a happy, precocious child... whose middle name was mischief. I remember her ability to get into all sorts of trouble and then proclaim quite indignantly NOT ME! One of my favourite memories of her childhood was her grinning while dancing on top of our family’s picnic table in a pile of snow. Flash forward to a charming pre-teen in braces, who then went on to become an incredible woman.

I love Jane, and believe me, it is the hardest thing to do, but also the easiest. On the one hand I wanna hit her, then on the other I wanna just pull her into a hug - when she lets me.

Then Maura came along, and believe me when I say, we could see the almost instant connection. Well, if it hadn’t been Maura seeing Janie all dolled up as a prositute while on undercover duties for vice and drugs! Maura apparently felt sorry for Jane, and offered to pay for Jane’s coffee and doughnut. Jane, in her usual manner, blew Maura off, stormed outta the cafe and went to hit the nearest punch bag.

When Maura and Jane finally met under proper circumstances, everyone could tell they would get on. It seemed like an instant connection. Boy, did they have some problems getting to where they are today, it hasn’t been without it’s trials, losses or heartbreak, but they pulled through, stronger than ever.

So here we are...their wedding. They have made it.... So, I just wanted to say, Jane, Maura, I love you.”

Carefully wiping a tear from his eyes, Frankie sat down, as Jane gave him a smile and nod, mouthing the words ‘thank you.’

* * *

“Oh dear god.”

“Jane.” Maura looked across as Angela stood up. “It was fine yesterday, so I’m sure...”

Jane simply put a hand up, stopping Maura in her tracks. “We got away with it yesterday, I can’t see us being lucky enough to get away with it twice.”

“Hello everyone. For those of you that don’t know me, I’m Janie’s mom. Today, well it’s a day I was hoping for but also dreading. See, there are many times when I miss having little kids running around at home. I was there to help guide them, tell them off when they did something wrong - and believe me - there was a lot of that going on! I was just there to also reassure them, if they needed a friend, a hot fudge sundae, or just a hug. But now, now my babies are all grown up and it’s a different story.

See, now I get to see them still as my babies, but in grown up mode. They might try and react as an adult, but it’s often with the younger selves are still showing. It’s funny - most of the time. I can almost predict what each child, or should I say, each adult child will do when they get presented with something they don’t have an answer for. Janie, well she’ll try and work it out. It’s what also makes her such a great detective.

But it still took her awhile to see what was in front of her in terms of love. Truth be told, I didn’t see it beyond they were best friends. Maura though, she made Janie’s life complete, and in a way I now take a backseat in all this.

Still, I’m grateful that they’re all relatively happy, and still trying to live their lives to the fullest. What more can a mom ask for? Except grandchildren!”

Angela grinned as Jane buried her head in her hands. “What in the hell is TJ then? French toast?”

Maura giggled, as a hand rubbed Jane’s back. “We’re over the worst now.... we just need to get through the actual meal, have a couple of dances, before we head off on our honeymoon.”


	41. Chapter forty one

**Chapter forty one**

Maura looked at Jane, almost with a pitying expression. However, Jane was so engrossed in the outfit that Maura had on, she hadn’t even processed the look on her wife’s face. _Wife! Holy crap, she was married_.

With a grin, Jane did finally gain enough motor control to shift her eyes upwards, where they met very amused hazel ones, twinkling in delight.

“I see you like my outfit.”

“Hmm mm.” Was as much as Jane could respond with.

“Yes, I believe the last time I wore this, it was, and I quote, ‘bodice ripping hot.’ and looking at yo...”

Maura didn’t get any further as Jane’s head snapped right up, and suddenly she was very alert. “You knew?”

Maura tried to hold back the grin, but was failing as her head tilted ever so slightly to the side, “About the video? Yes.”

“What? How?” Jane was floundering.

“Frost was so impressed that I had apparently reduced you to a ‘pile of quivering jello’ - his words, not mine - that he insisted on forwarding the video to me at some point of the early hours on the night of your party once you were all back at your old apartment. I have to admit, I had no idea your reaction was quite so... extreme.” Maura raised an eyebrow, a look of pure adoration on her face.

“Did Frankie know you had seen the video?”

A questioning look crossed Maura’s face, “Yes, I congratulated him on the foresight to record it, albeit it not the best quality due to his inebriated state.”

“He is dead!” Jane growled.

"I'm a little unsure if I should be worried about your predisposition for wanting every family member of yours killed. First Tommy, then your Mother, and now Frankie..."

Jane didn't give Maura any time to say anything else, as she launched forward, pulling their torsos together brusquely. "Don't care, because I still think this is bodice ripping hot." The feral look in Jane's eyes, combined with the low husky growl of her voice sent a shock wave through Maura that made her shiver in delight.

 

* * *

Maura looked down at her wife, and sighed softly, as she then repositioned herself cuddling in close. Her thoughts drifted back to just a few hours earlier.

"I guess this might seem strange for me to say... Especially since most people regard me as being such a badass, who doesn't allow emotions to control me. In this case, I'm admitting I'm scared."

Jane paused as she took in a deep breath, centering herself by looking unto Maura's wonderful hazel eyes. Taking the strength she needed.

"I'm scared because Maura, when I wake up, the first thing I want is to see you. Then I want to just hear you. You're the first thing I think of, and the last when I go to sleep." Jane paused, a slight smirk gracing her lips.

"Unless of course we've caught a case. But then I'm totally absorbed with everything the case might be about, so even Ma gets the cold shoulder." This elicited a small round of laughter, and Maura giggled.

Jane looked serious again. "I want to spend the rest of my life with you. To be the first person you think of when you go to sleep and wake up - and preferably not because you want to kill me!"

Jane clasped Maura's hand a little tighter. "I will love you genuinely through sickness and in health. For as long as has been ordained we spend time on this earth, and when we are finally parted, then we'll be united again as spirits because our souls are simply meant to be together, forever. So I love how deep our love and connection is, but damn if it doesn’t scare the crap outta me."

Jane gently used a thumb, cupping Maura's cheeks in the palm of her hands wiping the tears that had rolled down her cheeks.

Leaning in, they briefly kissed before Jane looked back at the priest, clearing her throat and he gave a slight nod of understanding, waiting for her to compose herself.

“And now, at the request of Jane and Maura, I will end with the traditional dismissal.

God the Holy Trinity make you strong in faith and love,  
defend you on every side, and guide you in truth and peace;   
and the blessing of God almighty,   
the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit,   
be among you and remain with you always.   
Amen.”

The minister looked back up at the main congregation, as he continued to speak, “I now pronounce you wife and wife, you may kiss the brides.”

At that final declaration, a raucous cheer went up from the one side of the room where the Rizzoli family and most of the BPD were seated. Jane cringed slightly, as she had also heard the squeal her Mother had tried to contain when it was mentioned they were going with the traditional dismissal, which she and Maura had decided on without letting anyone else know. It seemed like a small price to pay considering they hadn’t had a traditional service, even if it had been initially planned in the church. Somehow, it seemed even more appropriate and fortuitous now they were at Fenway Park. She was brought out of her thoughts as Maura pulled her in close, and they kissed each other reverently. This Jane knew, was by far the best day of her life so far.

Jane stirred and she lifted her head enough to realize Maura was awake. Her eyes drifted to a clock on the one nightstand, and she groaned as she saw it was still before eight.

“It’s our honeymoon. What in gods name are you doing up so early.” Jane barely managed to mumble.

“It’s partly because I’m so used to getting up so early.” Maura began, as she reached across to push a lock of hair out of Jane’s face. “I also wanted to enjoy looking at my wife while you were relaxed.”

Jane locked eyes with Maura, as the hazel simmered in the early morning light, reflecting back in her own dark brown orbs.

“What do you mean, I was relaxed? I know how to relax.” Jane’s voice was soft, even if her question was urgent.

“The dead, the victims, and their families. They become your victims Jane, and it’s one reason you are so good at your job.”

The voice of understanding was so strong, that the love hit Jane like a mack truck in the chest. Here was someone who didn’t just know her, but understood her like no-one ever had. Not even Susan.

“You are the reason I can be at ease.” Jane replied, as her hands came out to encompass the nearest one of Maura’s. “Sometimes the killers and victims do get in my head, and they never fully leave.” She cupped Maura’s face, “And I know at times, they also get in yours.”

“Do you think I regret that?”

“One day you might. Hell, I wouldn’t blame you if you did.”

Maura leaned into Jane’s hands that still cupped her cheeks, before leaning in, their lips barely touching. “I never regret any of it Jane. Even when we’ve faced our worst foes, or our worst fears. We ultimately still have each other, and that is all that matters. As long as we can come home to each other, the rest can go to hell.”

Jane didn’t even have time to reply as Maura latched onto her lips with her own in a bruising kiss, quickly positioning herself on top of Jane’s body, enclosing the space around them so that all that remained was each other.

She knows, Jane thought. She knows when I need to simply be held, to have her arms around me, protecting me, as much as I try to protect her.

Jane shifted, as the hands were gentle to begin with, and tender kisses were exchanged, each offering solace and total love. Passion would soon be all that between them, but for now, it was simply love and understanding.

 

* * *

Jane looked up, and was immediately struck by how Maura made her feel safe. It wasn't just a fleeting feeling either, but something that was deeply rooted.

Maura meanwhile simply smiled as Jane pulled some items out of the fridge, turning to face Maura, before bending one leg and pushing the door closed with the sole of her sock clad foot.

“Are you ready to go back?”

Jane smiled as she watched Maura pulling salad out of a bag, before washing it.

“It say’s prewashed.”

Maura merely shrugged her shoulders ever so slightly. “Indeed, and as I’ve told you numerous times, it still doesn’t ensure that the produce is fully clean. I prefer to be sure.” Maura waited a beat, “You still haven’t answered if you’re ready to go back.”

“Yeah,” Jane hesitated so little, that most people wouldn’t have even realized.

“But?”

“As much as I want to get back....” Jane looked slightly embarrassed. “It’s been wonderful, just you and me, with no interruptions. No family drama.” Jane’s voice trailed off slightly.

Maura slowly smiled. “It has been wonderful hasn’t it. However, we both know we would both be driven to distraction if we didn’t go into work as planned. Besides, who else is going to keep Frost and Susie in line if we’re not there.” Maura then closed her eyes as another thought crossed her mind. She slowly opened them as a look of horror dawned, “And I am going to have to clean up after Dr. Pike.”

Jane couldn’t stop the snigger that escaped.

“Jane!”

“What?”

“Stop laughing. It’s a really important consideration. He’ll have completely disrupted my filing system, let alone...”

Maura didn’t get any further as Jane spun her around gently, before capturing her in a light kiss. Pulling back ever so slightly, Jane looked into Maura’s eyes, reflecting the love they felt for each other.

“Worry about work tomorrow. Today, let’s just enjoy what we have left before our peace is shattered.”

Maura didn’t bother with a reply, instead opting to kiss Jane back, this time showing how much she needed to be loved. Jane wasn’t about to disappoint.

 

* * *

Jane walked into the bullpen unable to hide her grin as she saw her desk was overflowing with various welcome back cards and gifts. In there, she knew there would be more gag items than serious, but still, she couldn’t help the feeling of warmth that spread through her. She then saw Frost look up across the monitors.

“Finally. We can’t all go off gallivanting around the world for weeks on end. Thought you’d got lost on the way back.”

“Yeah, well would you want to come back to this?” Jane gestured around her, before settled down at her chair. “And Christ, what the hell is all this crap?”

“Hey, some people did actually miss you.”

Jane spun around in her chair as Korsak walked in, a large case file under his arm.

“Gimme.” Jane pleaded, putting her hand out.

“You reckon you deserve in on this case?” Korsak asked, looking at Frost who grinned.

“Yeah, I mean, we’ve been sweating our balls off with this case Rizzoli.”

“Oh god, you had to mention sweating balls. And people wonder why I don’t want to be around you lot. Oh and Frost, I know you and Frankie told Maura about a certain video - just so you know, you’re on notice. Be afraid, be very afraid!”

Korsak smiled as he placed the file on top of the other welcome home items. Jane eagerly began reading, but didn’t get far. Frost meanwhile was urgently typing out a warning text to Frankie.

“You are shitting me?”

Korsak sat on the chair alongside her desk. “Nope, it’s a case of someone believing they are a vampire. We are waiting for the final DNA, because we have a suspect.”

Jane smiled as she heard the tell tale sound of heels clicking on the floor, and she swivelled around in her chair, seeing Maura arriving with a file of her own.

“Good morning everyone.” Maura allowed Korsak to stand, and give her a brief hug, before she handed him the file. “Your DNA results.”

Korsak opened the file and looked across at Frost and then Jane. “Matches the suspect. You wanna help Frost bring him in?”

“Do I ever.” Jane got up, and giving Maura a quick kiss on the cheek, she was out of the door, followed almost immediately by Frost.

“Good to see you both back Doc.” Korsak said as they watched the retreating backs.

Maura smiled widely, her eyes coming back to Korsak. “It’s good to be home Vince. It’s good to be home.”

 

* * *

“She knows?!” Complete horror was on Frankie’s face, and he put his sandwich back down, his appetite suddenly no longer. Hell, it might have been a Cutty’s sandwich, and usually it would be enough for him to eat, but not even that fact was enough for him to think about food.

Frost bit down on his own sandwich, chewing thoughtfully, before swallowing, “Yeah, she knows, and we’re in for a world of hurt somewhere along the line.”

“Crap.”

“You said it.” Frost’s own appetite began to wane, and he put his own sandwich down. “What the hell were you thinking not telling her Maura knew.”

“Hey! Don’t put the blame on me with this, you and Tommy all said it was a great idea. That we could string her along.”

Frost ran a hand across his closely cropped hair, “Yeah, I know. Christ we really messed up on this one. You do know Jane can wait, and she’s gonna get us back when we least expect it.”

Picking his sandwich back up, Frankie finally took a bite not wanting to waste his spunkie, even if his stomach was still feeling uneasy, talking around the food, “Yeah, but we know she’s gonna be after us, so we’ll just keep on the lookout.”

“Whatever you say, it’s not gonna be that easy.” Frost took a look at the remains of what he had eaten, and with a sad shake of his head, he screwed up the wrapper, remains inside, before throwing it in the trash bin by the desk. “Christ, we’re both already worried, and she hasn’t done anything yet!”

 

* * *

Jane pushed her chair back, and stretched out as much as she could without standing up, before slowing pulling herself back in position. It was early morning, and she, Frost, Korsak and Maura had been at work since 2 a.m. when the body was found by someone coming home after a night out. She looked up as Frankie walked in, coffee in hand.

“Hey, you do not get to walk in here without coffee for everyone else you ass.’ Jane said, with a shake of her head.

“Hey, it’s not my fault you’ve been here for hours.”

“Shut the hell up. Anyway, you’re going with Frost to do an interview of a possible witness where the body was found. Uni’s on the canvass turned them up, and it looks credible, so drink up and get going.”

Jane turned her head and watched as Frankie and Frost left the bullpen, before standing up, and pulled her jacket on. She looked across at Korsak who merely looked back with a questioning expression.

“I need you to drive me somewhere.” Jane said, “And we’ve gotta be quick.”

Korsak stood up, his questioning look deepening, “You wanna explain to me what’s going on?”

“Nope. Just drive old man.”

“Jane, what are you doing?” Korsak followed her as she moved to the parking garage, and waited for him to catch up.

“Teaching those two idiots not to mess with me.”

Korsak opened the cruiser, and looked even more confused. “You wanna run that one by me again?”

Jane slipped into the passenger seat, and waited for Korsak to start driving before explaining further.

“First, you need to go to the same place as Frost and Frankie are heading.”

Shaking his head to begin with, Korsak finally nodded, “Okay, but c’mon, what are you doing?”

“Okay, remember before I got married, they took some video of me, and they said they were holding on to it and would show it to Maura to use as blackmail if they ever needed it.”

“Jane that was what, three months ago?”

“Yeah, near enough. But this is the time for payback.” Jane just grinned as she pulled a key fob out of her jacket pocket. “I’ve got a key for the cruiser Frost is driving, and that’s as much as you’re gonna get outta me.”

Jane watched as Korsak pulled away, leaving her a few cars down from the unmarked cruiser. Without a second glance, Jane jogged up to it, before letting herself in. She quickly settled, and within a minute, was driving back to the precinct.

Jane finally sat back at her desk, but kept the handheld radio on, close to her. It wasn’t long before she heard what she wanted to.

 

* * *

“Well that was a bust!” Frankie grumbled as he headed down the steps of the stoop, having spent the best part of thirty minutes listening to some old woman talking about how the neighborhood had changed, and it was now a terrible place to be. And how it was awful that nice young man got killed only two places down from here.

“Yeah, but you know we have to check these things out.” Frost walked alongside him, before stopping dead in his tracks. “Urm, Frankie.... what the hell?” His eyes scanned the street, as the panic began to rise.

“Hey, where in the hell is the car?” Frankie suddenly asked, as Frost turned to look back from where they had come from. He then moved towards the curbside, where another car was now parked where he was expecting to find the cruiser.

“It was here. It was...” Frost’s voice drifted off, as he moved out toward the street more, looking up and down it. “No, no, this cannot be happening!”

“You sure you locked it?”

“Of course I locked it!” Frost was feeling slightly ill, as he dug out his phone. “Call in the nearest uni’s will ya, while I call this in to dispatch.”

It was a good hour later before one of the uni’s dropped both Frost and Frankie off at the precinct. Taking a deep breath, they walked in, and waited for the elevator.

“Guess we need to go to HR and get this all sorted.”

“Hey, I was just a passenger.” Frankie said, sounding slightly defensive.

“Yeah, but you were still there. Let’s get this over with. I will file the report of the theft on the way back to homicide.”

A few minutes later, Frankie and Frost were standing at one of the desks in the HR department, both incredulous.

“What do you mean, it’s in the parking garage!” Frost’s voice was only a pitch below a bellow.

“It is, as I’ve said, in the proper parking garage. Now if you’ll excuse me.” The woman quickly stood up, and effectively dismissed them.

“She’s gotta be thinking of another cruiser.” Frankie said as they moved back to the elevators, and Frost hit the button that would drop them down to parking.

Slowly they both walked out as the elevator pinged, and the doors opened. As the walked, they could see the cruiser was in the space usually given to the one they had taken earlier. Frost’s footsteps sped up as he got closer, and he quickly pulled out the folded piece of paper that was tucked under the wiper on the front windshield. He opened it, before slamming a fist down on the front of the car. He quickly shoved the note at Frankie, who read the four words out loud.

“Payback is a bitch! J.”

“She played us.” Frankie finally said, as Frost stood there, anger giving way to just disbelief.

“Shit, she’s gonna live off this one for weeks now.” Frost groaned, as he grabbed the paper back out of Frankie’s hands. “How the hell did you live with her growing up?”

“I didn’t!”

Jane sat at her desk, a wide grin plastered on her face, so grateful she had friends in HR, as she sent a text to Maura.

‘Operation Payback is a bitch complete! Frankie and Frost have just been taken down!’

 

The End - almost - there will be a short (very short) epilogue.


	42. Epilogue

**Epilogue**

"Everything is fine. It's going along as planned." Jane said, the pride in her voice obvious.

Maura beamed, so in turn did Jane, knowing what was likely to happen next. Sure enough, Maura didn't disappoint as she moved sideways on to Frost, whose eyes now held the slightest hint of fear in them, as he began to catch up with Jane's thought process.

"See, this is exactly what we expect to see at this stage."

Maura lifted her blouse, and Frost, even though he tried not to, dear God he tried, began to curl in on himself.

"Oh, Maura, I don't..." He couldn't help but look at Maura's now exposed belly, before he looked into the amused eyes of Jane, who was fighting to hold back the smirk.

"Some woman would show more at this stage, some less of course. Every woman is different."

Frost's eyes were dragged back by Maura's words. He smiled, hoping that would be enough, although he had to admit, there was a definite popping out of Maura’s belly.

" So, you're not pushing your stomach out?"

"No, absolutely not."

Jane winced internally, sensing a hormonal Maura had just been upset by that question. She glared at Frost, who swallowed hard.

"No, no, of course not, I just...." Frost's eyes spun back to Jane, pleadingly.

Maura beamed again, placated for now, "Feel!"

Frost wasn't quick enough to stuff his hands in his pants pockets, as Maura's moved as quickly as a snake striking.

"I don't wanna hurt it... The baby." Frost heard his voice go up a notch as Maura planted his hand across the expanse of skin, and inwardly cringed. "Or you." His voice finally squeaked out.

"Oh, the baby is perfectly safe, and so am I." Maura's smile widened, if that was at all possible. "In fact, if you poke, the baby at this stage in pregnancy is most likely to move, although of course, I might feel a fluttering sensation, but you're not likely to feel anything."

"How far long again?" Korsak was holding himself well back, using his desk as a shield. He knew he risked getting dragged in like Frost by talking, reminding Maura he was there, but also knew he should at least attempt some part of the conversation. The desk was his one hope! His last, best hope. Oh god he prayed it was enough protection! Who knew pregnant women were so dangerous.

"Twelve weeks." Jane replied, coughing into her fist to smother a snort of laughter that was bubbling beneath the surface. She couldn't remember the last time she'd seen Frost and Korsak looking so uncomfortable.

Frost swore he felt the palm of his hand dampen, as Maura held it firm. "So, everything really is okay?"

Frost couldn't stop the sigh of relief as Maura finally let go of his hand.

"It's perfect. Absolutely perfect." Maura then said, the pure joy in her voice obvious.

Frost smiled as he watched Maura face Jane, adoration mirrored in their faces.

* * *

Frost and Korsak watched as Maura waddled around the kitchen, before she brought out the last dish of food. It was a Sunday, and she'd insisted on the Rizzoli's, Frost and Korsak all join them for Sunday dinner, citing the fact, now she was at home all day, she missed them all. Desperately. Jane on the other hand had simply threatened to shot them both if they hadn't agreed and turned up.

Jane had already risked Maura's wrath by trying to get her to sit down, that she could do the serving up, only to be chewed out. Reminded in no uncertain terms that Maura was pregnant, not an invalid. It had been an interesting start to proceedings. They fully understood Jane's threat now. But finally though food became the main focus, and all conversation virtually ceased.

"You're looking radiant." Korsak said to Maura, as he ran a hand across his own distended belly, drunk the last of his beer, and settled back in his chair with a sigh as he finished his meal.

"Why, thank you Vincent." Maura replied as Angel began clearing the table.

Jane watched as one of Maura's hands absently rubbed the belly, as it so often did these days. A subconscious move on both her and Maura's part, when either of them would just find their hand drifted without a second thought. On occasion, they would find their hand entwining. Jane reached out, pulling Maura's free hand into her lap, fingers twisting into each other. Jane subtly moved her chair, so she was as close to Maura as the seating allowed. 

"Almost D Day!" Tommy grinned as he fussed with TJ, who was growing up rapidly, Lydia looking on.

"Actually, I am now at full term."

Jane looked up, sensing a spew of facts about to pour from Maura, and before she could stop them, out it came. The last thing she wanted the others to know. 

"We're having sex at every opportunity, because orgasms can promote labor. Orgasm causes the release of the oxytocin hormone, which can trigger contractions. It can also help the uterus contract, which in turn can help promote labor. Although in our case, the other aid, semen, isn’t available to us, for obvious reasons, which can soften the cerv..."

Maura didn't get any further as Jane's hand flew out, and covered her mouth. The blush started on Jane's neck, and she was rapidly going a deep red over her cheek bones.

"Yes, well." Korsak coughed, as an awkwardness descended on the table. Frankie was pulling on a paper napkin having spewed the beer he had just taken a mouthful of through his nose. He was also choking slightly, as Lydia began to pound a hand between his shoulder blades.

“Jesus Maur! Too much information!” Jane finally spluttered as her hand dropped away from Maura’s mouth.

Angela merely laughed as she sat down.

“But Jane, it’s a known fact of pregnancy and a perfectly natural...”

The hand moved back with lightning speed. 

* * *

Maura held Jane’s hand, as the sweat beaded on her brow. Jane meanwhile looked nervous.

“Jane it’ll be fine.”

“So you keep telling me.”

“Women go through this every single day of the we...”

Maura didn’t get any further as Jane glared at her. “Yeah, but they are not my wife! The one person I love more than anything or anyone else. So, excuse me if I’m freaking out a little here!”

“Jane, I am fine....” Maura stopped, and let out a low moan.

“See, now that is not you being fine...”

Jane was on the edge of complete panic. A hand shot out, grabbing her own, “Do not disturb them yet.”

Jane looked back at Maura, worry on her features, “But I hate seeing you like this.”

“I know you do, and I can only keep telling you, this is normal. Nothing is wrong.”

“Nothing, except you’re in pain Maura, for gods sake, let me call someone.”

“No!” This time, Maura’s voice was firm and unwavering, and her hold tightened on Jane, “For goodness sake Jane, sit!” 

Jane finally nodded, and taking a deep breath, she settled back down on the hard plastic chair that was alongside Maura, not breaking the hold. 

“So, how much longer?”

“Considering the contractions....” Maura broke off, as her body decided to intervene again, closing her eyes, before another moan escaped.

Jane checked her watch, “You’re down to three minutes apart.”

Maura nodded slightly, her brow damp with a slight sheen of sweat, “I think it’s time to call the nurse back in.”

Jane couldn’t move fast enough.

* * *

“Janie!”  
  
“Not now Ma, I gotta go get the nurse!”

Jane didn’t get any further as Angela planted herself right in front of her daughter, stopping her momentum dead. “You use the call button like a normal person does! What are you doing, leaving Maura in there alone?!” Angela’s voice began to rise, the level of screech beginning to jangle the ears. People were stopping in the corridor, as Angela's voice reverberated.

Jane was about to shout back, but stopped as Angela’s words penetrated the fog her brain was in. “Oh’”

“Yeah, oh.” Angela placed her hands firmly on Jane’s shoulders, turning her around and gently steering her back towards the door of Maura’s room. “Go back, use the call button. I’m guessing it’s getting closer?”

“Yeah, Maura said the nurse needed to be there.” Jane swiveled slightly, pulling Angela into a quick and slightly awkward hug. “I’ll be out as soon as I have more news.”

“Go - look after that wife of yours and my grandbaby!”

Angela watched Jane march back into the room, before she moved towards the waiting room they had all been shown into when she had got the call Maura was in labor. She pushed the door open, and everyone stood up.

“No news,” Angela said with a flourish of her hands, “Jane came flying outta there as I was coming back, and she said it’s getting closer. She’s calling the nurse again.”

Constance nodded, her hands clasped together tightly, while Tommy and Frankie all sat back down, alongside Korsak and Frost.

“Anyway, who wants something to eat?” Angela then dug into the large purse she had slung over one shoulder, food seemingly appearing out of it’s endless depths.

* * *

 Jane knew her face ached from smiling so much, but she just couldn’t stop herself. She looked back across at Maura, who was flat out in the bed, hair matted, slightly pale, sweat still adorning her skin, but a smile of her own. Jane hitched one hip up onto the bed, cradling her daughter carefully, before leaning in, placing a chaste kiss on Maura’s lips.

“She’s beautiful.”

“She is.” Maura smiled and maneuvered herself to a better sitting up position. “I want to tell you something.”

“This sounds serious.” Jane frowned.

“It is, and it isn’t. I know we discussed names, but lately, I’ve been unable to shake the thought of naming her Susan...” Maura put a hand out, clasping Jane’s free forearm, stopping her before she could protest. “I know you’re going to say we don’t have to - but Jane, Susan was instrumental in us getting together. You’ve admitted it yourself, had she not died, you’d be married to her now, and undoubtedly happy. A different relationship to ours, but a strong one nonetheless. I want her memory to be with us for all the right reasons, not for the wrong ones. She should be remembered with joy, not sadness. Susan here can do that for us, and be a living memory.” 

Jane choked back the tears, and gently moved the blanket so she could look down at their sleeping daughter, her hair peeking out from the knitted cap, dark, but definitely lighter than Jane’s, her eyes a deep blue, and Maura had already told her she had a genuinely 50/50 chance of hazel or brown eyes once they changed. Her eyes were tightly closed, and she still had the look of being a new born about her. 

“Jane?”

Jane let out a breath, before looking back at Maura. “Okay. Susan it is.” Jane turned back to to kiss her daughters nose, “Hi Susan, I’m Mama, and here on the bed is Mommy. You wanna say hello?”

Maura beamed as Susan was passed across, tears misting in her eyes, before she looked back at Jane, whose own eyes were damp with unshed tears.

 

 **The end! Yes - this is the end.**

  
  



End file.
